


I'm twisted up inside my mind

by FlowersOnMyMind



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Drama, F/M, Language, M/M, Sexual Content, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 104,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3640443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowersOnMyMind/pseuds/FlowersOnMyMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tyler wakes up in the hospital he wasn't expecting the colored haired man sitting next to his bed to be his husband, nor that he and his husband are in a band together. He just wishes he could remember it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The world around us is burning but we’re so cold

**Author's Note:**

> ~I have had this chapter written for months! I started writing it back in October when I saw Twenty One Pilots in concert. I'm going to see them again in October! But anyway, this story is going to be long and I have a lot of it written. It isn't finished yet, but I will finish it eventually. I update when I can. I guess I should have waited to post this, since I'm currently writing two other fics on here, but I just can't wait any longer.~

At first there was nothing. It was like being in oblivion or space. Okay, not space, at least you would see stars. There was nothing but blackness here. Like a whole lot of nothing swallowed everything. But then there was a rhythmic beep, beep, beep, and there was a horrible smell, a sterile but overwhelming smell. 

His head had a steady pulsing throb that irritated Tyler. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t even move his fingers. Almost as though every part of his body was tied down to the, mattress? Was he on a mattress? If he is then it’s a very uncomfortable one. 

But he was persistent person and kept trying until he finally managed to wiggle his fingers on his left hand. At that moment he became aware of his hand being weighted down and panicked a slight second. He finally managed to open his eyes briefly, but quickly shut them due to the bright lights. 

He struggled against the weight on his hand with what strength he could muster. Suddenly there was a voice, “Tyler? Tyler, babe, c’mon open your eyes for me. HEY! I need someone in here! He’s waking up!” 

Who is that? Tyler wondered. He didn’t recognize the voice. 

There was another voice now, another man. “Tyler?” Man number two asked. The weight was still on his hand and he just wanted to be free. 

Tyler really didn’t want to open his eyes again. The light hurt his eyes and made his headache worse. Letting out a small groan he forced himself to open his eyes. Squinting at the bright light he tried to focus on his vision. 

There were faces above him, faces he didn’t recognize. Where is he?

When his vision cleared he saw a young man with the sides of his head shaved, the rest of his hair was faded pink, and he had a nose ring, and some scruff. He was handsome.  
The other man was a doctor, wearing dark khaki pants, a light blue button up shirt, with a white lab coat over it, a red tie, and loafers. His hair was white and he wore glasses and had a stethoscope around his neck. 

“Tyler?” The younger man said breathily. He smiled in almost disbelieving, the corners of his eyes crinkling. His eyes glistened with tears. Something in Tyler stirred and for some reason he didn’t mind his hand being held by his. 

Tyler opened his mouth to speak, but his throat burned as if he had drank acid. He coughed. 

The doctor turned to the bedside table and poured a glass of water. He slipped a hand under Tyler’s neck and lifted him a little. He held the cup up to Tyler’s lips.

“Easy does it now. Don’t over do it. You’ll make yourself sick.” The doctor told him once Tyler began to drink greedily. He pulled the cup away from Tyler once he had emptied half of it.

“Hello Tyler. I’m Dr. Parker. You can call me Bruce if you’d like. You had a little accident. You’re in the hospital. I’m going to look over you and make sure everything is okay.” He walked around the to the other side of the bed. He wedged himself between Tyler and the other man as he adjusted the I.V. For the first time since waking up Tyler’s hand was not occupied by that man’s. He felt the coldness hit his hand. He didn’t like it. 

Dr. Parker looked back to the other man, “Mr. Dun, I’m going to have to ask you to leave until I’m finished.”

“Um, yeah. Okay. I’ll be back soon.” He rested a hand on Tyler’s lower leg and rubbed it gently before leaving the room. 

“Dr. Parker, uh, Bruce” Tyler croaked, “Um, what happened to me? Why am I here?”

“I’ll explain everything. Don’t worry. I need to ask you some questions as well. Is that okay?”   
Tyler nodded.

Picking up a clipboard and pen on the table he asked, “Can you tell me your full name?”  
“Tyler Robert Joseph.”

“When is your birthday?”

“December 1, 1988.”

Bruce wrote something down, “Good. How old are you?”

“21.”

Dr. Parker quickly looked up at him, and by the look on his face Tyler had said something wrong. 

“Tyler, what year is it?”

“2009.” 

Bruce looked at him for a bit longer before writing something. He sat down on the edge of the bed, setting the clipboard in his lap. 

“You seem to be suffering from amnesia. It’s 2015.”

“What?” Tyler’s heart skipped a beat. His heart monitor went crazy for a second. 

He couldn’t even process this. Its 2015! What had happened in the passed six years! How could he not remember six years of his life?

“I um, don’t know where to begin. Would you like me to bring Josh in here?”

“Josh?” Tyler looked up at him. He had wanted to ask who the heck Josh is, but he didn’t really care about this ‘Josh’ right now. He just found out he lost six years of his memories!

“Yes,” He said slowly, before realizing Tyler doesn’t know who Josh is. “Oh my.”

“When will I get my memories back?”

“It’s hard to say. It could be a few days, weeks, months.”

Tyler hid his face in his hands, for some reason he didn’t want his doctor to see him cry. He felt a hand on his back, “I will be right back. I’m going to get Josh. He will be better at explaining everything you need to know.” 

As soon as the doctor closed the door Tyler broke down, sobs wracked through his body painfully. 

Meanwhile as soon as the doctor appeared in the waiting room Josh was out of his seat.

“How is he? Can I see him?”

Dr. parker rested a hand on his shoulder, “Maybe you should sit down for this.”

Fear gripped Josh’s chest. What could be wrong? Tyler is awake. He seemed fine. Josh did as he was told and sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair he had been sitting in before. 

Bruce sat down beside him, “I spoke with Tyler. He told me his full name, his birthday, but when I asked him his age he said that he was 21. I then asked him what year it is and he told me it was 2009. I’m sorry to say this, but he is suffering from Amnesia.”

Josh fell back into his chair the news hitting him like a ton bricks.

“He just doesn’t remember the last six years of his life?” Technically it was five, it had just turned 2015 a couple of months ago. 

Bruce nodded with a grim face. 

“I’m so sorry. I told him I would come get you. But I suggest not telling him everything at once. It might overwhelm him and he could slip back into a coma.”

“Does he know who I am at least?”

Dr. Parker’s looked grim.

Josh let out a small sob. How could Tyler not remember him, him of all people?

“Other than his amnesia, he is just fine. He’ll be weak for a while since he was out for so long, and he’ll get the occasional headache. I’ll give you some time to compose yourself. I’m going to get his prescription filled out.” He patted Josh on the back before continuing, “After I run some tests I’ll know for sure when he will be able to go home. He should only be here for a couple of days, three at the most.”

He left, leaving Josh alone. Josh took in a few deep breaths, inhaling through his nose and exhaling out his mouth, he wiped his face of any stray tears. With that done he stood and walked down the hall to Tyler’s room. 

He stood outside the door for a good five minutes before finally getting the courage to grab hold of the doorknob and pushing the door open gently.   
Tyler was sitting up in bed, when he heard the door open he uncovered his face. He had been crying. And all Josh wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything was going to be just fine.   
“Um, hi.” Josh said lamely as he closed the door and leaned against it. 

“So, you’re Josh?”

Josh winced. “Yeah.” He said quietly.

“Dr. parker, said that you could explain everything to me. I don’t really know what he meant by that.”

“Well, I’ll start by introducing myself. I’m Joshua William Dun. But I like to be called Josh.” He pushed himself up off the door and made his way over to Tyler’s bed. He sat down in a chair.   
“He told me not to tell you everything, it might overwhelm you.”

“Please tell me everything,” Tyler begged, his voice thick and his eyes full of tears, “I don’t understand anything. I don’t know why I’m here and honestly, I’m scared to death.” Looking into his band mate's eyes just about killed Josh. He wanted to spill his heart out tell Tyler everything. But he just didn’t want to chance sending him back into a coma. 

“I can’t. You could go back into a coma.”

“Josh, please.” Tyler begged.

Tyler’s eyes were full of tears and when they slipped down his pale cheeks Josh lost. 

Nodding he said, “I will. Where to start?” He gave a nervous laugh.

“At the beginning?” Tyler suggested. “2009, I guess.”

“Well in 2009, you, Nick Thomas, and Chris Salih formed a band called Twenty One Pilots. You guys relapsed an album by the same name. It was 2011 when Nick and Chris left and I joined the band. You and me are the only ones in the band now. I play drums and you sing and play the piano and sometimes a Ukele.” Josh stopped, letting Tyler process the information. 

“Are we popular?”

Josh shrugged, “Yeah. I think so. We always play close to or full shows. In 2012 we relapsed an album called At Regional Best. Now, I think that’s enough for now. Everything else I need to say might shock you and I don’t want you going back into a coma.” 

“No, please Josh, tell me everything.” Begged Tyler.

Josh shook his head, “I can’t.”

“Please! I need to know! A big portion of my life is gone, Josh. You have no idea what’s that’s like. I feel like I’m losing my mind.” He whispered the last sentence. Sighing heavily Josh silently asked God what he should do. 

“Right before our third album – Vessel- was released, we um,” Josh took in a ragged breath and let it out, “We began dating. By then we’d been a band about a year. We dated for another year or so before I asked you to marry me. You said yes and we married shortly after that. We’ve been married since October 16, 2013.”

“That’s why Dr. Parker wanted you to tell me. Because we’re married.” He whispered the last part. It was more of a statement than a question. 

Josh tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it was like swallowing a bolder, it was impossible. Before Josh could say anything Tyler asked, “What happened to cause this?” He gestured to his head.  
Josh smiled, “You’re known for climbing things and sometimes jumping off things.” His smile fell. “We were doing a concert, our last concert of the tour, and you were going to climb on top of this….ledge, balcony thing that the crew set up. You climbed to the top and finished the song, but it was unstable and it fell apart. You hit your head and bruised some ribs when you fell. You’ve been in a coma for a little over three weeks.”

So, he was missing five years and three weeks of his life. Perfect. 

“God,” Josh said exasperatedly, “I was so scared. Every time I see you climb on something I freak out, even if you just climb on top of your piano. But when you climb on really high things it scares me to no end. When I saw you fall…” He trailed off, not being able to finish. 

Tyler didn’t know what to say to that, so he asked about something he was familiar with.   
“Where’s my family?”

“I called your mom when you woke up. She and everyone are coming to see you tonight.”  
Tyler sighed in relief. 

Finally, He thought, _Someone I’ll know._

“If you have any questions I’ll do everything I can to answer them.” Josh told him.

Tyler thought that was sweet. And of course he had thousands of questions, but he already felt overwhelmed. He didn’t think he could take anymore right now. And he really didn’t want to slip back into a coma and miss more of his life. 

“Thank you. I do, have a lot of questions. But I don’t think I can take anymore surprises right now.”

Josh nodded, rubbing his hands together, “Of course. I understand. But you can ask about small things.”

He could, but maybe later. 

“Okay.”

Dr. parker walked in a few minutes later, breaking their awkward silence. 

“How is everything going, boys?”

“Fine.” Tyler said.

“Good. I’m pretty sure you will be able to go home within the next couple of days. And you’ll need to take it easy for a while after that. I got your prescription for your migraines. You can start taking that as soon as you get home. For now, you’ll use the I.V. Are you in any pain right now?”

“Yes. My head hurts. It’s not very bad though.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“How long will this all last?” Josh asked him. 

“Well, like I told Tyler before, it could last a few days, weeks, or months. There really is no telling, boys. I’m sorry. And it could be anything that could set his memories off. It could be a smell, or sound, he could feel or see something.”

“What do you suggest we do?” 

“I think the best thing for Tyler is to put him back into his daily routine.”

Josh nodded. Tyler didn’t know how he felt about that. His daily routine meant going back to his and Josh’s home, right? He should not be so worked up about this. He loved Josh, didn’t he? He married him, so he had to love him. 

Josh's family had wanted to come down and see Tyler again since that he was awake. But Josh told them not to. He felt as though seeing them would overwhelm Tyler. They could visit them a in days or maybe even a week or two. 

A few hours later the door opened and in walked his parents, Chris and Kelly Joseph, along with his little sister, Madison. His two younger brothers, Zack and Jay followed.   
“My baby,” Kelly cried as she rushed forward wrapping her arms around her eldest son. 

Tyler held onto her tight, burying his face in her shoulder. He cried. He couldn’t help it. Waking up to strangers, finding out you have amnesia, and you’ve been married was all too much for him.  
“You scared us all to death.” Kelly said quietly to him. 

Chris stood, with Madison against his front, next to Josh. Bringing a hand up to rest on Josh’s shoulder he whispered, “How is he doing, really?”

Josh shrugged, “It’s all just been a shock to him, to all of us. It’s going to be hard. But I’ll be there with him every step of the way.”

Chris smiled sadly, “I know you will. We all will.”  
Finally Kelly pulled away from Tyler. Madison cautiously stepped over towards her brother’s bed. 

Tyler wiped the tears from his cheeks. Madison looked different, older, more mature and taller. She was beautiful. Well, she is five years older than in 2009, making her around 14 or 15. She was around 18 now. 

“Hey, brother Tyler.” That had always been a little joke between them. She called him ‘brother Tyler’ and he called her ‘sister Madison’.

“Hi sister Madison.”

Madison smiled and sat up on the bed and hugged her brother. Ever since she heard about her brother’s accident, she’s been terrified he wouldn’t make it. She prayed hard and her prayers were answered. And although he had amnesia her brother was alive and that’s all that really matters. He hugged back just as tight. 

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Her voice sounded muffled in her brother’s hospital gown. 

It was then Chris’ turn to hug his son. It wasn’t a typical father-son hug, or in other words a man hug. They held onto one another for dear life. Chris had his hand on the back of Tyler’s head, bringing him closer. 

Zack and Jay then took turns hugging their brother. 

A little while later Kelly sat on the edge of Tyler’s bed, Madison laid back tucked into Tyler’s side, Chris and Jay sat down in chairs, Zack stood at the foot of his brother’s bed, while Josh stood against the wall.

“What did the doctor say?” Chris asked.

“I should be able to go home soon. I should get back to my regular routine.” Tyler replied. 

Kelly nodded, “That’s good. You’ll remember everything soon.” She patted his knee. 

Tyler wanted to believe her words, but he just didn’t. He doesn’t remember being in a band, or dating and marrying Josh. Five ears of his life was gone. Did he even want to remember? Was he happy before? One thing was for thing and that is he was scared of his own mind.

Dr. Parker came in and asked if his headaches had gone away. 

“No,” Tyler sighed as he leaned back into his propped up bed, “My head hurts.”

“Sure its not a migraine?” Zack said in a teasing tone. 

“No?” Tyler asked confused. 

Before Tyler could question it further Josh said, “I’ll explain later.”

When the time came for his family to leave he panicked. They were leaving so soon? They had only been there three hours! That was not long enough.   
Kelly leaned down and ran her fingers through his hair. “You father, Madison, and I will be back tomorrow.” She kissed his head. He nodded.

Chris patted Josh’s back on the way out. Kelly kissed his cheek and hugged him. Madison hugged his waist.   
Everyone left, everyone except for Josh. 

Tyler had mixed emotions about Josh. He felt comfortable enough around him, but then at the same time he didn’t.   
Josh pushed himself up off the wall and sat down in the chair his father had been sitting in. 

Tyler opened his mouth to speak, but Josh told him, “You should get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right here.”

“Have you been here all this time?”

They made eye contact and all Josh wanted to do was grab the other man by the shoulders and yell, “Remember! How could you forget out us?” But Josh knew it wasn’t Tyler’s fault. It’s just something that happened. 

“Yes. Ever since you’ve been admitted. Mark, our friend, your mom, my mom, all begged me to go home and get some sleep and shower and eat, but I refused. They brought me clothes, and food, I showered here.”

“Why?”

“You’re my husband, Tyler. I couldn’t leave your side. I did not want you to be alone when you woke up. Or if something happened and I wasn’t here I…I would never forgive myself.” He seemed to think about his next words for a moment before saying, “I love you. And nothing will ever change that.”

“What happens if I never-”

“You will. Don’t,” He said don’t as if he were in pain, “Don’t say that. You will remember. You just have to stay positive.”

Tyler only nodded. He felt…Guilty? Yes, he felt guilty. Here is this handsome man, who just so happens to be his husband, telling him he loves him, and Tyler did not know what to say. He couldn’t say, “I love you,” back to him, because he didn’t love him. Well, he’s sure he does love him, or else he would not have married him, but he just doesn’t remember loving him.

Josh just smiled at him then. It was a tired, sad, smile. He reached over and hesitantly held Tyler’s hand in his, "Get some sleep.” He gave Tyler’s hand a small squeeze before releasing it.  
Wordlessly Tyler eased back down in his bed and turned over, away from Josh. Josh got up and turned the light off before sitting back down. 

An hour later, Tyler still was not able to fall asleep. He had really tried, but his mind just wouldn’t stop. He decided to ask Josh some questions. Turning over he was disappointed that the other man was fast asleep; slumped down in the chair with his head thrown back. 

In that moment Tyler began to feel the guilt. It consumed him as he really took in the uncomfortable position the man was sleeping. He would definitely be sore in the morning. Flashing back he remembered seeing the dark circles underneath his eyes from lack of sleep. He told Tyler that he had stayed here every night Tyler had. That was almost three weeks. Josh had not slept well in almost three weeks. 

Tyler prayed that Dr. Parker released him from this place soon. He did not want Josh to suffer any longer. But at the same time he did not want to go…Home? To his and Josh’s home. He didn’t even remember it. Everything was so new to him. 

The next morning Josh awoke before Tyler. He sat up, and stretched, cracking his neck and then wincing. He really missed their bed.   
Looking over at Tyler, he couldn’t help but to notice how young he looked while sleeping. Well, Tyler has never looked his age. He always looked younger than he truly is. His mouth was parted slightly, and Josh watched as his chest rose and fell. He loved watching this, because it meant that Tyler was alive. 

He had lost count how many times he awoke in the middle of the night, sweating, and gasping for air, having dreamt of losing him; losing his everything.   
The door opened and in walked Dr. Parker. He smiled at Josh, in which the other man returned. 

“Good morning Josh.”

“Morning.”

“I’m just going to check his vitals real quick.”

Pushing himself up out of his chair, his joints cracked and popped. “I’m going to shower. It’s um, been a few days.” He said, embarrassed.

Dr. Parker nodded, “Of course. That’s fine.”

Josh grabbed up his duffel bag from off the floor and went into the small bathroom on the far side of the hospital room. 

As Dr. Parker checked the I.V. needle in Tyler’s arm for any infection, the young man stirred. He took his hands away from the needle, not wanting to startle Tyler and him rip the needle out.   
“Good morning, Tyler. How are you feeling? Do you remember anything yet?”

Tyler rubbed his hands over his face, trying to fully wake up.

“I’m fine and no, nothing.” Glancing over at the empty chair he asked, “Where’s Josh?”

Chuckling the doctor replied, “He’s always here. Don’t worry, he’s just in the shower. He was a bit over ripe.”

Tyler just smiled sadly. Just another reason to feel guilty. 

“You should be able to go home tomorrow morning.”

Tyler quickly looked up a him, “Really?”

Dr. Parker nodded, “Yes. Excited?”

“More like…Nervous.” He mumbled, playing with his fingers on his lap.

“That’s understandable. Josh will help you get back into your regular routine. He will do his best to help you remember. He really cares about you.”  
Tyler didn’t say anything about that. Instead he just nodded. A thing he’s been doing a lot of lately. 

Dr. Parker continued to take his vitals and write them down. He asked the man question after question. 

Ten minutes later Josh emerged from the bathroom in a fresh pair of clothes, Tyler hoped they were fresh. It would just add to the guilt if they weren’t.  
He sat down in the chair again. Looking up at the doctor he asked, “Everything okay?”

“Tyler’s in ship shape. He can go home in the morning.”

Josh smiled, “That’s great.”

It maybe great for Josh, but not Tyler. He was terrified to go to their home. Why? He didn’t know. He just was. It was something new, kind of. 

“I can show you pictures and videos and you can listen to our music. Maybe it will help bring some memories back.” Josh looked so hopeful in that moment Tyler couldn’t help but to smile and nod.   
Tyler knew he could trust Josh. He was his husband after all. It was just scary to wake up to, ‘Hey! You’re married!’ 

“Hey, Josh?”

“Yes?” Josh asked eagerly. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his things.

Tyler didn’t know what he was going to ask. For some reason he just wanted to talk to Josh, wanted to hear his voice.   
“Um…Where do we live?”

“In the middle of town. 15 minutes away from my family and 15 minutes away from yours. It’s an apartment, nice and cozy. We picked it out together when we were still just friends about three years ago. A kitchen, living room, bathroom, and two bedrooms.” He rubbed his hands together nervously as he chuckled, “We, uh when we moved in we each got a bedroom. But even then we never stayed in just our rooms. I stayed in yours or you stayed in mine. We stayed up real late all the time, just talking or watching movies.”  
Tyler held onto every word. 

“We started dating not long after we moved in.”

“We dated a year? And have been married a year?”

Josh nodded with a microscopic grin on his face. 

Tyler fell back into his bed, covering his face. He groaned, “This is crazy!”  
When he removed his hands from his face and glanced over at the other man he saw the most horrible thing he had ever seen. Josh had the most saddest look on his face. Tyler would rather watch those stupid SPCA commercials with all the abused animals than Josh’s face then. 

Sitting up quickly he said, “I didn’t mean being married…to you. I mean it’s crazy me not remembering five years of my life. I want to remember,” His voice broke a little and tears stung his eyes, “but I can’t. It’s like there’s a wall or something blocking me from my memories.”

Josh took his hand in his, Tyler let him.

“I am going to do everything I can to help you remember. I will always be here for you, because I love you.”

Tyler just nodded, because if he said anything else he would have cried.


	2. No one else is dealing with your demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~This chapter is a little slow. I'm sorry! It's going to pick up soon, promise! Just let me know if you are liking this!~

The next morning Tyler asked Dr. Parker if he could get up and use the bathroom, which he has yet to do since waking up. Bed pans sucked. He threw the covers off his legs. Josh had gone to meet some guy named Mark down at the hospital entrance to get some the change of clothes for Tyler. Apparently Mark is a close friend of theirs. 

“Of course you can, but since you did not move any parts of your body for a long time they were will be weak. So, let me help.” He put his hands underneath Tyler’s legs and manuvered them off the bed.

When Tyler’s bare feet hit the cold tile floor it sent a chill up his spine. 

“Just lean on me once you stand.”

Once Tyler was off the bed he did lean on the doctor. The older man had been right. His legs were as weak as noodles. And for a brief moment Tyler didn’t think he would ever walk again, but his legs slowly began to strengthen. 

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“I think I’m good.”

“Baby steps now.”

Tyler baby-stepped all the way to the bathroom. 

“Are you alright to go by yourself?”

Tyler nodded. That had embarassed him. He was 21, uh 26, years old and he needed help walking. He knew the doctor meant no harm. 

Meanwhile on the ground floor Josh saw Mark sitting on one of the plastic chairs in the waiting room. 

“Hey.” He said getting the other man’s attention. 

Mark quickly looked up. When he saw Josh he got to his feet. “Hey, man.” He hugged him. “How’s he doing?”

Sighing Josh replied, “Alright, I guess. This is all just…frustrating. I wanted him to wake up and be okay and I wanted to take him home and I just want things to be like they were.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

Mark rested a hand on Josh’s shoulder, “It’s going to be okay, man.”

“I hope so.”

“I’m going to go. I’ll come by in a few days or whenever Ty is up for it.”

Josh just nodded and Mark handed him Tyler’s clothes. 

Once inside the bathroom Tyler leaned on the sink heavily. Glancing up he looked at his reflection for the first time since waking up. His legs buckled and his hands gripped the sink hard to keep up right.

He looked different, not much though. He definetly needed a shave. 

He heard voices outside the bathroom.

“Where is he?” Josh asked.

“He’s in the bathroom.”

“By himself?” He sounded alarmed.

“Yes-”

“Tyler?” Josh knocked on the door. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“I have your clothes.”

Tyler reached over and opened the door. Josh stood there holding the folded clothes. He stepped into the bathroom and put them on the closed toilet seat.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m okay.”

They stood in silence for a moment before Tyler said, “Um, can you like, um…” He gestured towards the door.

“Oh, yeah, of course. I just thought, nevermind. I’ll be right outside.”

Tyler sighed softly after the door closed behind Josh. He felt so stupid. He and Josh are married! They see each other naked all the time! That thought alone made Tyler stop his movements.  
Turning he picked up the clothes and set them on the counter. He used the restroom and ever so slowly put on a pair of black basketball shorts and white t-shirt. 

The act of doing so wore him out. He sat down on the closed toilet seat, trying to regain a small shred of strength to make it back to his bed. He didn’t want to ask Josh for help. Josh does everything for him. 

After a few minutes there was a knock at the door, followed by a, “Tyler, are you okay? Do you need me to help you?”

“Uh, yeah, please.” Tyler sighed. He had to face it, he needed Josh’s help no matter how guilty he’d feel afterwards. 

The door opened and in walked Josh. 

“What’s wrong?”

“My legs are…I can’t make it back to the bed by myself.”

Josh gave him a nod and stepped forward. He wrapped Tyler’s arm around his shoulders, once Josh’s arm was around Tyler’s waist he lifted him up. Tyler leaned heavily on him as they walked back into the room. Josh sat him down on the edge of the bed. 

“You okay?”

Tyler looked up at him, “Yeah, just worn out. Doc says I’ll get my strength back soon though.”

“Dr. Parker went to get you wheelchair. It’s mandatory you leave in one. I promise not to crash you into anything.” He joked and Tyler smiled at him.

“I’ll keep you to that promise.”

“When we get home you’ll have eat something, so you can take your medicine.” 

Tyler has not eaten a meal since before his accident. He had been put on an I.V. immediately and that’s how he got his nutrients. Since he woke up they had been bringing him small amounts of food, but he said felt sick to his stomach. Dr. Parker informed him it was because of the medicine. Tyler stuck to soft foods like apple sauce and mashed potatoes. He had lost quite a bit of weight. When Josh helped up him, the older boy almost said, “Screw it,” and picked him up. But he didn’t want to overdue do it. Tyler is just warming up to him. Josh could always pick him up before, but now it was all too easy. 

“You’ve lost a lot of weight.”

Tyler looked down at himself, but he couldn’t tell. He didn’t remember how much he weighed before all this happened. 

Dr. Parker walked in pushing a wheelchair.“Here you are, Tyler.” He stopped the chair in front of him. He took hold of Tyler forearm firmly, as Tyler slid off the bed slowly. With a hand on his back he helped the younger man sit down in the chair. 

Josh took over the handle and wheeled Tyler out of the room. As they made their way down the hall Dr. Parker explained what Tyler should do and don’t do.

“He should take it easy for next few days until he gets his strength back. Nothing too physical. But try to get him back to what he was doing for the accident. He needs to take his pills twice a day, a six hour window. His medicine will make him nauseous, but he must take it with food.”

Josh had already signed all the papers that needede to be signed to check Tyler out of the hospital early that morning before the other man awoke.  
Dr. Parker followed them outside.

“He will have to come back for checkups every two weeks until he remembers and even a little while after that. You be careful boys.”

Josh opened the passenger car door and helped Tyler stand. Tyler used some of the little strengthhe had to help himself in the car. Dr. Parker took the wheelchair from Josh and waved at them before going back into the hospital.

Josh closed the door and hurried around to the driver’s side. Once he was situated he started the car. 

“When we get home you can sleep for a while-”

“Josh, I’ve slept for almost month. I don’t want to sleep, can you show me around our apartment?”

Josh glanced over at him, “Yeah, of course. Maybe It will jog something.”

Tyler did not want Josh to get his hopes up every time Josh will show him something. Because it might not work. And Tyler did not want to get his hopes either, just for them to be crushed. He might remember for a long time. 

The rest of the ride was silent. Josh hated that. It wasn’t so much as the silence that bothered him, more of it being an uncomfortable silence. Josh and Tyler could always sit in silence before and it wouldn’t bother him at all. But now, he just wanted to scream. 

When they arrived at the apartment complex Josh parked and before Tyler could even undo his seatbelt Josh was out of the car and opening Tyler’s door for him. 

Rubbing the back of his neck nervously he said, “I can carry you…”

Tyler looked at him, “I can make it. I feel fine.”

“Are you sure? It’s no problem…”

“I’m fine.” Tyler gave him a small grin. 

When Tyler got out of the car he leaned on Josh and they walked up to the apartment together. Their place was on the third floor, thank God there was an elevator. 

As they rode up Tyler couldn’t help but to feel antsy. He was about see his and his husband’s home for the first time…Kind of. He was going to learn a lot more about not only himself, but Josh as well. He leaned on the wall as Josh unlocked the door. His heart pounded for a moment. Tyler considered asking Josh to take himback to the hospital so Dr. Parker can check it out. 

Josh smiled at him, “Ready?”

Tyler just nodded.

Josh opened the door and reached his arm inside, against the wall, feeling for the lightswitch. Flicking on the light he said, “Here, I’ll help you.”

Tyler pushed himself up off the wall.

“I think I’m okay, for now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Josh nodded and walked in first. Tyler followed. When you walked inside straight ahead was the living room. It consisted of a red couch, a coffee table in front of it, a flat screen TV mounted up on the wall. There was a couple of small shelves underneath it full of CD’s. On either side of the TV were two tall bookcases. The one on the left had dozens and doznes of DVDs, at the bottom were Vinyl. The other book shelf were full of books. 

Walking over to the books Tyler ran his hand over them. How many of these did he read in the last five years? If he picked one up he had already read would he remember what happened in the end?  
“Here.” Josh was suddenly besides him. He reached over grabbed up a very thin book. On the cover the book was gray at the bottom and at the top it was a dark turqoise. In the turqoise was a black silhouette of a plane. In big letters it said, ALL MY SONS by ARTHUR MILLER.

“This play,” Josh held the book up, “Is why we’re called Twenty One Pilots.”

“It’s about this guy who knowingly sold pilots faulty plane parts for the good of his buisness. It caused twenty one pilots to die.” He handed Tyler the book book. And he flipped through it. It was a play. He noted.

“Want to see the rest of the place?” 

Tyler slid the book back into it’s place. “Yeah."

They walked across the living room, to the right of it was the kitchen. It was small, but Tyler liked it. The bar had a couple of high stools behind it. 

Passed the living room was three doors. Josh walked over to the first one, the one on the left. Opening they stepped inside. 

“This was your room, before….You just stay in mine now.” 

“How come we never moved to a one bedroom apartment?”

“This place just has too many memories. And if we ever have a guest, like our friend Mark, over they sleep in here.”

The bed was made. The sheets were white, but the pillow cases and comforter was blue. There were notebooks and papers strung all over the room, a keyboard on a stand in the far corner, next to a Ukele.  
He walked over to the door, that didn’t lead out into the living room, and opened it. “And this is the bathroom. On the other side of the bathroom was another door. 

“And that’s your – our- room?” Tyler asked and Josh nodded. 

“Come on. I’ll show you.”

Tyler was suddenly nervous. A bedroom says a lot about a person. Was he going to find out more about Josh through his bedroom?

Going through the bathroom they walked into the other bedroom. 

Josh sighed happily, “It’s great to be back. Neither of us have been home since before the tour. It started in September…Wow.”

The bed was messy. The sheets were white, the pillow cases and comforter was red. An entire drum set sat in the corner. 

“I was going to move my set into your old room, to make more room in here.”

So, this is where they sleep every night, where they talk, where they kiss, and where they…. Tyler shook the thought from his head. He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. He was trying to remember anything, anything at all, but nothing was coming to him. 

He laid back, staring at the ceiling. He heard Josh chuckled, “What are you doing?”

“Thinking.”

“I know, it’s a lot to take in,” He walked over and laid down on his side. He rested the side of his face in his hand. “Don’t worry. You’ll remember.”

Tyler stayed silent.

“You didn’t eat much at the hospital. Come on, I’ll make you something.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“I don’t want you wasting away.”

“I’ll eat later. I ate enough so I could take my medicine. I’ll be fine until lunch.”

“Are you sure? Cause I don’t mind. Do you want to watch a movie? We could listen to music. Or we could talk….”

Tyler listened to Josh go on and on. Josh has catered to his every whim. Josh has been by his side for almost a month, not fully taking care of himself in the process. 

“Josh.” Tyler interupted him.

“I could show you pictures and…Yes?”

“Go shower.”

Josh gave him a confused look and opened his mouth to speak, but Tyler continued, “Go shower and get some sleep. You haven’t slept in a bed since before my accident, am I right?”  
Josh looked down at the bed, guiltily. 

“Go.” Tyler gently pushed at his shoulder.

Josh smiled at him, “If you need anything just yell.”

Tyler nodded with a grin. 

Josh pushed himself up and walked over to the drawers. Grabbing some clothes he looked back at Tyler before walking into the bathroom.  
Once Tyler heard the water start he got up himself and walked back out into the living room. Glancing around his eyes fell on the bookshelf. Walking over to it he plucked All My Sons off the shelf.  
He made his way over to the couch he sat down, and opened it and began reading. 

And that’s where Josh found him; curled up in the corner of the couch reading. He had planned to shower quickly, but once he got in it was hard for him to get out. He kept thinking about Tyler and their conversations they had in the passed few days. 

“Hey.” 

Tyler looked up at the man who was only wearing a pair of basketball short – or were they swim trunks? Tyler blushed and looked back down at his book.  
“Oh cool, you’re halfway done.”

“Oh, um, yeah. It’s interesting.” He began reading where he left off.

Josh walked over and was about to sit down but Tyler said, “Get some sleep.”

“But…”

Tyler looked up at him again, “Go on. I’ll be okay.”

“It’s just I haven’t gotten to be with you in almost a month. I mean, like, actually have a conversation with you.”

Tyler smiled at him, “I know, but you need your rest. I’ll be fine until you wake up. I’m going to finish this,” He held up the book, “And I’ll do some snooping around.”

Josh chuckled at him softly, “Okay.”

“I’ll set my alarm for two…”

“No, just sleep as long as you need to.”

“…Okay. Well, it’s almost 11, just don’t let me sleep passed 3, okay? I’ll never go to sleep tonight otherwise.”

Tyler nodded at him.

Josh was really hesitant to leave Tyler, even though it was going to be for a short time. Almost as if he left the other man alone then he would disappear. He was asleep not even a minute after his head hit the pillow. Man, he missed their bed. The only thing that would make it better is if Tyler was beside him.

Tyler finished the book in thirty minutes. Sighing he looked around, wondering what he could do next. Putting the book back on the shelf he sat down on the floor and went through all the vinyl. He didn’t really care for much of the music, some was cool though, so they must be Josh’s. He looked through the CD’s too. 

Standing he went through the movies. He couldn’t but to smile when he saw Donnie Darko. It was one of his favorite movies. Maybe he could watch it later. 

That all killed about an hour and a half. Okay, what next? His room. He quickly got up and went to his room. Looking through some notebooks he read a lot of poetry? Yeah poetry.

“Our brains are sick but that’s okay.”

“Some see a pen I see a harpoon.”

“My treehouse is on fire and for some reason I smell gas on my hands.”

“Peace will win and fear will lose.” 

“Cause it’s all that I have and all that I need.” 

“Because a kitchen sink to you, is not a kitchen sink to me, okay friend?”

The last had many questions marks after it. “The world around us is burning but we’re so cold. ?????

He wondered what that meant. Some lines deeper than other, but pretty much all of them were really deep. After reading a whole book and and lots and lots of poems his head began to ache. He crawled into bed, underneath the covers. He went to sleep quickly. 

Many hours later when Josh awoke he laid in bed for a moment thinking he was back in the hospital, but no, this bed was way more comfortable than that stupid chair he sat/slept in for over two weeks. As he stood he stretched, his joints popping. He had slept really hard. 

Turning his head he looked into the empty bathroom, no Tyler. Getting up he went out into the living room when he still saw no sign of his husband he panicked. But out of his peripheral vision he saw the other bedroom door open. Walking over he saw Tyler curled up in bed, fast asleep. 

Looking at the clock on the nightstand he saw it was close to 4. He gently shook the other man’s shoulder. “Tyler, babe,” He winced when his nickname for his husband slipped from his mouth. “Wake up.”

Tyler groaned. 

Josh chuckled, “I know. You should get up. It’s almost 4.”

Tyler finally opened his eyes. 

“How long have you been asleep?”

“Um, I don’t know. I fell asleep a couple hours after you did.”

“What did you do while I was asleep?”

“I finished All My Sons, great book, I went through your vinyl, hope that’s okay.” Josh nodded. “After that I came in here and looked through some of my notebooks.”

“Did it…” He chose his words carefully. “Jog anything?”

Tyler hated to tell Josh ‘no’. It hurt him to say ‘no’. 

“No.” He said quietly.

“Oh, well, that’s okay! You’ve only been awake a few days. I’m sure you’ll remember in no time.”

Tyler wondered how this man could be so optimistic. He wished he could be like that. 

“I’ll make us something to eat. I can show you some pictures or something if you want.”

Tyler nodded. He had gone to sleep because ever since he woke up from his coma he had been trying to process all of this information everyone was telling him and not to mention trying to remember five years of life. It all made his head hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twenty One Pilots' new song Tear in My Heart was so good! They never let us down!~


	3. I've been traveling, The desert of my mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Here's chapter 3! Ah! This is exciting!~

Josh made them sandwiches. Josh ate all of his plus some chips while Tyler ate a little about half. 

“I hope you get your appetite back soon. I don’t want you to walk outside and blow away.” Josh joked. It caused Tyler to smile. 

He sipped at his coke as Josh finished up and handed him his tablets. He took them. 

“So, what do you want to do?”

“You suggested looking at pictures earlier…”

“Yeah, let’s do that.” He grabbed his phone from the bar, and walked into the living room. He grabbed a box from the very top shelf from the bookcase and plopped down on the couch. Tyler joined him. Josh took the lid off the box. It was full to the brim with photos. 

“There’s really no order to them. They’re all jumbled.” Josh told him as he handed Tyler the first one. 

In this photo was a spacious backyard. The grass cut and so very green. In the middle of the yard was a hammock. Josh was lying on his back in the hammock, while Tyler lay on his side, Josh’s arm around Tyler. It looked like they had been laughing. 

“That’s my parent’s yard. We went over for a bar-b-que. That was a few months ago.”

Josh handed him another. This one was of them again. They were facing one another, their faces barely an inch apart. They were smiling so brightly, that the corners of their eyes were crinkled.  
“Your mom took that one. Our moms think we’re cuter than kittens.”

Tyler went on to look at photos. There was of them in nice black tuxes, shoving wedding cake in each other’s faces. He felt a little dizzy when he realized this was taken on their wedding day. There was some of them at the alter, holding hands, and then some facing the camera with their arms around one another. 

There was photos of them sitting at a table in a restaurant with Tyler on Josh’s lap, them being laying on beds in hotel rooms, or snuggled up in a bunks of their tour bus. Josh then got on his phone and onto the Twenty One Pilots Instagram. He showed Tyler photos of them on stage. Tyler singing, Josh drumming, Tyler playing the piano, Josh drumming on the top of Tyler’s piano. Tyler crowd walking, or them having drum offs on the crowd. The photos were endless.

They had been going through photos for well over two hours and they hadn’t even finished looking at them all yet.

“We can take a break and do something if you want.” Josh suggested.

Tyler just shook his head, concentrating on the photograph of them smashing cake into each other’s faces. That was his favorite, even though he didn’t remember that day. It was a sweet picture and it made Tyler happy.

Josh noticed Tyler had looked at that one numerous times and even kept it off to the side while looking at other photos. 

“You can keep that one out if you want. We have about ten copies of it, my mom has dozens and your mom has dozens of copies.”

Tyler nodded, leaning back into the couch, staring at it. The gesture made Josh feel so much joy he wanted to cry. He himself leaned back into the couch, resting the side of his face on the couch as he watched his husband. Tyler was studying that picture so intensely that Josh, for a moment, thought it would burst into flames. 

“Pete called this morning,” Tyler looked over at in him, Josh almost forgot the other man didn’t know who he was talking about. “Pete Wentz? From Fall Out Boy.”

“We know him?” Yeah, Tyler has heard of Fall Out Boy before, but couldn’t recall any of their songs. 

“Them, is more like it. We went on tour with them.”

“And we’re all friends?”

Josh nodded.

“Anyway, Pete called. He and Patrick wanna come see you, but I told them to wait a while. When I told them that Pete said never mind. He’s just going to throw a party at their place instead.”

“A party?”

“Yeah, he said it’s your, ‘You-almost-died-but-thank-God-you-didn’t-party’.”

“It’s for me?”

“Yeah, “Josh smiled, “That’s Pete for you. I told him I would ask you. But he just said whenever you’re ready.”

“Does everyone know about my amnesia?”

“They do. Pete and Brendon are going to be all over you when they see you.”

“Brendon?”

“Right,” Josh mentally scolded himself, “Sorry. Brendon Urie from Panic at the Disco.”

“Wow.” Tyler said softly. “Well, maybe we can go in a few days? Maybe a week or so? Hopefully I’ll remember everything soon and if I don’t we can still go. Maybe seeing them will help me.”

Josh nodded again. 

“That sounds good. I’ll have to call him later.”

Tyler went back to looking at the picture in his hands. It was a beautiful picture of them on their wedding day, they were looking at one another with so much love. Tyler wanted more than anything to remember it. How could he not remember something so wonderful? He couldn’t even imagine how Josh is feeling. 

“There’s pictures on our Instagrams too if you want to look at them.”

“Maybe later.” Tyler wished he could just look at the picture in his hands until he remembered. Why is it so hard? It’s his _life_! That’s pretty freaking huge!  
Josh didn’t know what to say to Tyler. In the past if he ever had that problem then it was okay, because him and Tyler could sit in comfortable silence with one another. But not anymore. Every second of silence was eating away at him and if one of them didn’t speak soon then Josh thought he would go mad. 

His prayers were answered when Tyler said, “Is there any pictures of us with Fall Out Boy or Panic at the Disco?”

“Yeah, there’s a few on our instagrams, but I think we have some in,” He stood and walked over to the bookshelf and grabbed another box, “Here.”

“We’re always taking pictures and having them printed out.” Josh told him as he held the box out to Tyler. Tyler carefully placed the picture he’d been admiring down on the arm of the couch carefully and then took the box from the other man. 

“That’s Patrick, from Fall Out Boy.” Josh said, pointing to the first picture Tyler picked up. Josh was wearing a Fall Out Boy T-shirt while Patrick sported a Twenty One Pilots one. Looking at how many were in the box Tyler didn’t know if he could take looking at hundreds more pictures right now. He regretted asking for the second box. He was mentally exhausted. He had tried to take in so much information today.

“Um, can we finish this later? I’m tired.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course!” 

Tyler sat the picture of Josh and Patrick back into the box and Josh put the lid on it.

“What do you want to do?”

Tyler shrugged his shoulders. To be honest, he kind of wanted to be alone.

“Can I go shower?"

“You don’t have to ask, Ty. Want me to help? I’ll go get you some clothes?” Josh got up and disappeared into their room, coming back a moment later. Tyler could hear water running.

“The waters running and I put some clothes in the bathroom.”

Tyler gave him a half-smile as he got up and went to the bathroom.

Once inside he quickly stripped and stepped under the pray of the hot water. He let out a small hum of happiness. 

It was like he couldn’t get away from Josh quick enough. Josh was nice and very helpful, but he just felt overwhelmed. There was this constant need to try and remember _for Josh_. Whenever he was asked if he remembered something it _killed_ Tyler to tell Josh ‘no’, it _killed_ him the way Josh’s smile would slowly fall and Tyler could see the sadness creep into his eyes. So, excuse him for wanting some time to himself. Some time to just relax and not have to be under the pressure of trying to remember. Josh wasn’t pressuring him though, that was the thing. Tyler was pressuring himself. He just knew he _had_ to remember and soon. He knew he couldn’t live with himself knowing that he was the cause of Josh’s sadness. 

He didn’t know which shampoo was his and that irritated him. It was something so simple, yet he couldn’t remember. He just grabbed one and it smelled very strongly of mint. It smelled familiar. 

He figured he had been in there for a long time because he heard a knock at the door and then, “Ty, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute!” 

He pictured Josh nodding his head and retreating back to the couch and waiting for him to come out. Tyler took his time drying off and getting dressed. When he walked back out into the living room he was right, Josh was sitting on the couch waiting for him. 

Josh smiled and asked, “Feel better?”

“I do, actually.”

“Is there anything specific you wanted to do?”

“What do we normally do?”

“Uh, well, just hang out and stuff. Watch movies, talk, we’re addicted to our phones, um, you write music and, we spend time with our familes. We’ve been on tour a while, so it’s been a long time since we really had some down time.”

Tyler contemplated on what they should do. He could tell Josh to show him more pictures, but his brain was on overload from looking at all of these memories that felt like weren’t his and all these names and faces he didn’t recognize was about to send him straight to the nuthouse. 

“We can do whatever you want.” Josh told him.

That’s just it. Tyler didn’t know what he wanted. They could just sit here quietly, but Tyler wasn’t that comfortable with Josh yet. 

“Can I call my mom?”

“Yeah, of course. You don’t have to ask.”

“Where is my phone?”

“I’ll get it for you.” Josh got up from the couch and walked into their bedroom. He returned a moment later and handed Tyler his phone. 

Turning on the screen he realized he didn’t know his password. 

“It’s 10-16. The day we got married.” Josh said, as if reading his mind. 

Tyler typed the numbers in. His wallpaper was of him and Josh. It looked like Tyler was sitting on Josh’s lap, Josh’s arms around his middle and they were in the middle of laughing.  
He must really, really love him. They were together all seconds of the day and night. Did they ever get sick of one another? Tyler couldn’t ask Josh that. That would be way too rude. There was no nice way to ask something like that. 

Going through his contacts until he found his mom he clicked on it. It rang and Tyler bit his lip nervously. Why was he nervous to talk to his mom? Maybe it was because Josh was in the room. 

“I’m going to go,” Tyler gestured to the room he had fallen alseep in. Josh nodded, taking his own phone out. 

As soon as he stepped foot inside the bedroom his mom answered, “Hello? Tyler?” 

Sighing in relief Tyler said, “Hi mama.” He closed the door and leaned against it.

“How are you feeling, baby?”

“I’m fine. Tired and stiff, but I’m fine.”

“How is Josh?”

“He’s uh, he’s good.”

“You’ll remember soon. I have faith. I have been praying nonstop.”

 

When Tyler closed the door Josh called Mark. 

“Hey man, what’s up? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, its just, I don’t know. Its not the same. Its awkward and…” He trailed off.

“I’m sorry.”

“I feel like he doesn’t want to be here and I don’t blame him. I'm a stranger to my own husband.” Josh said miserably. 

“Have you guys kissed or anything?”

“Why would we kiss, Mark? Really?” He fell back into the couch. 

“Maybe it would make him remember or something, like in the movies.” 

Josh couldn’t keep himself from rolling his eyes. “He doesn’t even want to sit next to me on the couch, dude, so I don’t think suggesting we kiss would really work out.” 

“I don’t know what to say, dude. I’m just sorry this happened.”

“Its not your fault.” Josh sighed. 

“Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“I will. Thanks.” 

Josh rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands after hanging up. No one seemed to know what to say nowadays.

 

“Mom, can I ask you something?” Tyler asked. 

“Of course.”

“Josh and me…Are we…I don’t know how to ask this.”

“Are you and Josh what? In love? That’s a little obvious, dear.”

“No, but we’re together all the time. Do we ever fight or get sick of each other?”

“You and Josh are perfect for one another. All couples fight. But you never tire of each other. I have never seen two people more in love than you and Josh are. You think the world of him and vice versa. The way Josh talks about you…It’s beautiful.”

“I’m scared.” Tyler whispered.

“Honey, you will remember soon. I’m sure of it and…”

“I don’t know what to do, mom. Nothing is coming back to me.” Tyler was getting more and more upset by the minute. 

“You only woke up a couple days ago. The doctor said…”

“I know what the doctor said! What if I never remember? That’s five years of my life, gone. And Josh, he’s so great, mom. I’m hurting him. If I never remember then…” Tyler shook his head. 

“Tyler, everything is going to be just fine.”

“How are you so sure?”

“I just am. Mothers know these things. I have faith.”

“I miss you.”

“Come visit me when you’re feeling better, baby. Or I can come get you soon.”

“Can I stay the night, please?” Tyler knew how pathetic he must sound. 

“Of course, baby. I’ll come get you right now. See you in a little bit.”

“Bye mommy. I love you.” Tyler said, sounding like a small five year old, but he didn’t care. 

“I love you too.”

Wiping his tear he ended the call. He took a few deeps breathes, trying to compose himself before going back out into the living room. 

“You okay?” Josh asked. He was still in the same spot on the couch. 

Tyler nodded. “Um, I’m going to my mom’s for the night.”

Tyler didn’t dare look at Josh’s face. If he had then he would have seen the hurt features on his face.

“Um,” Josh swallowed hard, “That’s fine. I can help you get a bag.” He pushed himself up off the couch. 

“It’s not you. I just really want to see my mom.” 

Josh smiled at him, “It’s fine, really. I understand. We’re two of the biggest mama’s boys on the planet.”

Tyler followed him into the bedroom. Josh took out a small duffel bag and set it on the bed. He put two shirts, a pair of black skinny jeans, sweat pants, boxers, and he went to the bathroom to get his toothbrush and toothpaste and finally the man’s phone charger. He zipped it up, but a thought struck him and went through the bathroom and into the other bedroom. He came back with a new spiral notebook and pen. He put that in the bag too.

“In case you want to write or something.”

Tyler didn’t want to tell him that he wouldn’t, so he just smiled and nodded.

“Is she on her way?”

Tyler nodded again.

When Kelly arrived she hugged her son tightly, Tyler hugging back just as tight, if tighter. When they parted she stroked his face, “Hi baby.”

Looking to her son-in-law she smiled and hugged him. “Hey Joshy.”

“Kelly.” He sighed in content. 

“How are you?”

He nodded, “I’m fine.”

She stroked his scruffy cheek. 

“Are you ready, Tyler?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He picked Tyler’s bag up from the floor. Tyler had insisted on carrying it, but Josh insisted right back that it was fine. Josh put the bag in the back of Kelly’s car.

She hugged him. 

When Josh turned to Tyler, the boy was busy staring at the ground. 

“Bye.” The singer said quietly.

“I’ll see you soon?” And Josh asked that with so much hope Tyler looked up at him made eye contact. Was Josh scared Tyler wouldn’t come back?

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow sometime or the next day.” Tyler said, not mentioning he kind of wanted to stay with his mom for a few days. 

Josh sighed heavily in relief, “Good.”

Tyler saw him make a small movement as if to hug him, but he refrained himself. All Josh wanted to do was hug him. So Tyler took the initiative and loosely wrapped his arms around Josh’s middle. Josh was hesitant to return the hug. He slowly wrapped his arms around the younger man. 

His hold tightened on him. He hadn’t meant to, but it had been so long since he held his husband in his arms. It was like coming home, but a different coming home. Not the kind like coming home from tour after a long eight months. This was different and Josh couldn’t explain how great it felt. 

Tyler fell into the hug. He hadn’t meant to, but just being in Josh’s arms felt nice and the older man smelt great. He felt a sudden sense of calmness. 

There a small click and they both looked to Kelly, who had her phone up. 

“Mom!” Whined Tyler. 

“Just more memories!” She smiled at them. 

They were still holding onto one another. They made eye contact for a brief moment before Tyler slowly pulled away, Josh’s arms falling away at his sides. Josh would admit the coldness that hit him as soon as Tyler’s body left him was unbearable. 

“I’ll um, text you or call you.” Tyler informed him. 

“Yeah, if you need anything just contact me.”

“See you soon.”

“Yeah.” 

Josh watched as Tyler went around and got into the passenger’s seat. Kelly hugged him again and giving him one last smile before getting in the car herself. Josh couldn’t explain the pain he felt as he watched them drive away. Tyler wasn’t leaving forever, but why did it feel that way?

After driving in silence for a good five minutes Kelly broke the silence, “Your father is excited about you staying.”

“Where’s Maddie?”

“She stays at the University most of the time, but she comes home on the weekends sometimes. I’ll let her know you’ll be staying with us. You’re going home tomorrow?”

“I kind of wanted to stay a little longer.”

“That’s fine.” 

Kelly patted her son’s knee, “It’s been so long since we have seen you. You and Josh have been on tour for almost five months. And with your accident…We haven’t gotten to spend time with you in about six months or so.”

“Or five years.” Tyler mumbled. 

“Oh stop that. If I keep having to tell you that you will remember soon I will start slapping you upside the head. Is that understood?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Kelly went on to talk about how she was going to have a big party. Tyler drowned her out though. Usually he hung onto every word his mother said, but he just wasn’t in the mood. He kept thinking about everything Josh had told him and all of the pictures the other man showed him. Speaking of pictures he managed to snag the one at their wedding he liked so much. 

“Tyler? Are you listening to me?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry mom.”

“It’s okay, baby. You have a lot on your mind. I asked if you were up to have a huge party or not? I know everything is a bit overwhelming, but everyone wants to see you.”

“You don’t have to have a big party or anything for me, mom. I haven’t really been up to eating. My medication makes me sick.”

“Oh.” Kelly’s shoulder slumped a little. 

If there’s one thing Tyler hated it was seeing his mom look so glum. 

“Well, you can though. Josh says I’ve lost weight and need to start eating more. I’ll eat as much as I can. And go ahead and invite however many people you want over. It might help jog something in my head.” 

His mother’s face lit up, “Oh good! I’ll make a huge dinner! Everyone will be there. It will have to be tomorrow though. I need to go grocery shopping in the morning. Do you want to come with me?” Tyler couldn’t help but to smile. His mother was a wonderful woman. 

“Of course.”

When his childhood home came into view Tyler couldn’t explain the joy he felt in his heart. For a brief moment he wondered if his chest would explode. Adding to the excitement a sense of relief crashed over him like a wave. And when his mom pulled into the driveway he wanted to cry. 

_This is home_ , He thought and for a few moments he was lost in his thoughts. He didn’t notice the front door open and his father step out of the house. Closing it behind him he walked down the path. Tyler was only brought out of thoughts when his father opened his door. 

“Hey Ty. You just going to sit there or come hug your old man?”

Tyler smiled and pushed himself out of his seat. He was immediately taken into his father’s arms. 

When his father released him he said, “Your grandfather wants to stop by tomorrow. He’s been worried sick about you.”

He had been so busy trying to remember an process that he was married that he didn’t even think about his grandfather. It would be really good to see him. 

“Chris, we’re having a big party tomorrow night. Everyone is going to be there! I need to start telling everyone! Will you call Zack and Jay? I’ll call Maddie. Tyler you tell Josh. Oh, there’s lots to do! Come on, let’s get inside. Chris, get Tyler’s bag, please.”

Tyler grinned as his mother motor-mouthed as she walked up the path and inside the house. Chris shook his head with a smile on his face as he got Tyler’s bag out of the back of the car.  
When Tyler stepped inside he looked around. It smelt the same, had all the same furniture, there were a few photos on the mantle above the fireplace. They were filled with the Joseph family, and he and Josh. That was different, that and the furniture was arranged differently. 

“You’re room is still the same.” Chris said, “Come on. Let’s get you settled in.”

“Where is everyone? Mom said Maddie at the University now. Where is Zack and Jay?”

“Jay is at school too and Zack lives in town.”

Tyler, of course, had many questions, but decided he couldn’t take much more information right now. So, he let his father take him up to his room. It looked the same; a single bed, basketball trophies and medals on the shelf, a desk on the far wall underneath the window with papers scattered across it. There was a basketball in the corner of the room. Chris walked in and sat his bag down on the bed.

“Well, do you want to do something? I know you just go out of the hospital, so you might just want to rest for a little while, huh?”

Now that Tyler thought about it, he felt exhausted. 

“Yeah. I think I’m going to take a nap.”

“Okay.” As his father passed he put a hand on his shoulder, “I thank God everyday for you, Tyler. I love you.”

“Love you too dad.” Tyler smiled. 

When he heard the door shut Tyler sighed heavily ad looked around his old room once more before going to plop down on the bed. It felt like he had just been in this room yesterday, and maybe he had. Or maybe it was a lot longer. Toeing his shoes off he lied down on his old bed. It felt the same. After staring up at the ceiling for a good 10 minutes he looked around his room again, this time his eyes landing on his old computer. 

He got up and walked over to his desk and sat down in the rolley chair. After turning it on he logged in. Thank God it was still the same password; 1201, his birthday. He then opened a window and went to Youtube. He hesitated before typing in Twenty One Pilots. When the results came up he saw a few music videos, but couldn’t bring himself to click on them. 

Instead he scrolled down a ways until he found a video someone had made of all their best moments. It was close to 10 minutes long. His curiosity got the best of him and he clicked on it. In the first video he could tell he was the one recording. He was facing some sort of curtain. 

“Josh, don’t be mad.” And he ripped the curtain back. Josh looked up from his bed and smiled his Josh smile of his. Josh hid face for a second before he grabbed Tyler pulled him down for a kiss. The next couple of videos were of them making faces and sounds and overall being silly. There was one video where Josh was sitting down in an airport. He was looking down at his phone. Tyler said, “Josh, you’re out of the band.”

Josh looked up at and pulled his earphones out, a huge smile on his face, “What?”

“I said you’re out of the band.”

“Aw man. Right now?”

“Right now.” 

He clicked the back button, not ready to see much more. Not yet anyway. 

The urge to watch one of their music videos was strong and the little arrow hovered over Car Radio for a long time time before he click on the one below it, Holding Onto You. He clicked out of the window before the ad even started. He wasn’t ready yet. He did watch a couple of interviews though. He and Josh always seemed to be so happy. In every interview they were pressed up against one another, holding hands, Josh’s arm was around him, while the interviewer asked them questions, which they hardly ever gave a straight answer. 

Tyler wasn’t paying attention to what he, Josh or the interviewer was saying. He was watching how he and Josh acted. It was strange to see himself so happy with someone he didn’t even know – well he does know, but he doesn’t remember. His head began to ache, so he closed out of the window and logged off his computer. He got into bed and immediately fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Did you like it?~


	4. You once were oh-so-close, but I don't remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness, sorry for not updating in a long time. My internet crashed for a while.~

Meanwhile Josh’s mind wouldn’t shut up. Tyler hadn’t even been with him a full day and he already couldn’t wait to get away from him. Did Tyler really not like him that much? He had said it had nothing to do with him, that he just missed his parents. But there was this small, annoying voice in the back of Josh’s mind that told him otherwise. 

With these horrible thoughts dancing around his head he walked into the kitchen where he opened the fridge to get a water bottle. When he grabbed it he took a long swig of it before closing the fridge. His eye caught a small see-through orange bottle with a white cap. 

He groaned. He had forgotten to pack Tyler’s pills. Tyler would have to take them again soon. Grabbing them off the counter he quickly slipped into his shoes and picked his keys up off the table by the door. 

He blarred music in the car to keep from thinking. It only half worked. Pulling up into the Joseph’s driveway he parked and got out. Why was his heart beating so fast? He had been here hundreds of times.  
He mentally scolded himself. He should have called. Josh didn’t even think about calling. Knocking he waited nervously. For a brief moment he hoped Tyler would answer. And he would admit he was a little disappointed when Chris answered the door. 

“Josh,” He smiled, “Good to see you. I’m sorry, but Tyler is asleep.”

“Oh, that’s good. He needs to be resting. I just came by to…”

“Whose at the door?” Kelly asked and made her appearance. She smiled brightly at him, “Josh! You two can’t be separated more an hour, can’t you?”

Josh grinned at her, “Well, I just came by to bring Tyler’s medicine.” He held up the orange bottle. 

“Oh good! I didn’t even think about that.” She gently took the bottle from him. 

“I know Tyler is sleeping, but can I see him before I go?”

“Of course.” She ushered him inside. 

Once inside Josh began making his way upstairs, “He’s in his room.” Chris told him. 

When he made to the door of Tyler’s room he hesistated before slowly pushing it open. Tyler was curled up in his bed. Josh couldn’t help but to smile. Tyler has never looked his age. People were always making the mistake for thinking he was younger. But when Tyler slept he didn’t look like a day over 20 or so. 

Walking further into the room he grabbed a folded blanket - that was hanging over a trunk at the end of his bed – and opened it out and draped it over him. He then sat down at the edge of the bed.  
He ran his fingers through the other man’s hair a few times before saying, “Tyler, babe, you have to remember.” 

His voice suddenly became thick, “Because I can’t live without you. You’re here, but then you’re not. I know that doesn’t really make any sense. But the point is, I need you. I’ve been praying like crazy. I love you so much. Just please remember, for me.” He leaned over and kissed Tyler’s forehead before standing. 

What he didn’t know is that Chris and Kelly had watched him cover their son with a blanket and and heard his whole little speech. They loved Josh. He was family and their hearts went out to him. At least Tyler knew them, he didn’t remember Josh at all. 

Josh let out a small sigh before gettting up and walking over to the door. Chris and Kelly weren’t there and he never knew that they had watched him with Tyler that day. When he walked down into the living room Chris was reading aloud from the Bible while Kelly knitted what looked like a blanket. 

“Do you like it, Joshy?” She asked as she held up the blue and red patterned blanket. 

Josh smiled, “Looks great.” 

“Good, because it’s yours.”

He let out an airy chuckle, “Thank you. Can’t wait to use it.” 

“I made it large enough to fit over top of your bed. That way you and Tyler can use it.”

Josh’s smile fell from his face at the mention of him and Tyler sleeping in the same bed. “I don’t think Tyler and I will be sharing a bed any time soon.”

“Like I told Tyler before, I will start smacking you upside the head if you do not stop talking like that.” She scolded.

“You’re right, sorry. It just gets to me sometimes.”

She smiled kindly at him, “I know, baby. Here’s some good news, your blanket should be finished by the time you come over tomorrow.”

Josh’s expression turned into a confused one, “Tomorrow?”

Going back to her knitting she nodded her head, “We’re having a party for Tyler and everyone is coming.” 

“I’ll see you then.”

“Bye baby.” She stood and hugged him tight and kissed his cheek. 

“See you soon Josh.” Chris said as he looked up from the Good Book. 

Josh just smiled at him before leaving. 

Hours later Tyler awoke. He pried his eyes open, but everything was blurry and his eyes watered, so he closed them again. Lying there he thought back to his dream. Josh was in it. He had come into his room and covered him with a blanket. Wait a minute, he had a blanket covering him now and he knew for a fact that he didn’t fall alseep with it. 

Getting out of bed he crept downstairs, yawning. His mother was sitting on the couch knitting, while his father watched TV. 

“Hi sweetheart.” His mother greeted him. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Was Josh here?” Was the first thing out of his mouth. 

“He was. You forgot your medicine at home. He brought it to you. He went in and checked on you.”

So, his dream wasn’t really a dream. He remembers Josh talking, but couldn’t remember what he said, but Tyler knew he sounded sad. 

“Your dinner is in the fridge.” His mother told him, bringing him out of his thoughts. 

“Take your medicine.” His father said. “It’s on the counter.”

Tyler wordlessly walked into the kitchen. He got his plate out of the fridge and took the tin foil off. While he heated it up in the microwave he took a water bottle from the fridge and drank from it.  
He sat down at the kitchen table once his food was ready. He ate the mashed potatoes, a greenbean or two, but didn’t touch the chicken. He just couldn’t bring himself to eat still. The thought of eating anything else made him sick to his stomach. 

After dumping the rest in the trash he took his medicine. He then retreated into the living room and sat down besides his mother. 

“Do you like it?” She said as she showed him the blanket.

“Yeah, it’s nice. I love blue.”

“I know. And Josh’s favorite color is red. It’s for him, but what’s his is yours and vice versa. I’m almost done.”

Tyler didn’t want to think about all that, but his mind wouldn’t shut up. He and Josh shared everything? That would make sense, since you know, they’re married. 

“Did you take your medicine?” His mother asked.

He nodded.

“How much did you eat?”

“Mashed potatoes and some greenbeans.”

His mother stopped knitting and gave him a stern look, “Tomorrow you are having two of everything! We’re going to the grocery store early in the morning, so be ready.”  
“I think I’m going to go back to bed.” He said as he slowly stood. His limbs felt weak. 

“Finished.” She held the blanket up, and Tyler took in the red and blue patterns. 

“It looks really good, mom.” He turned to leave, but for some unknown reason he turned back around. 

“Mom, do you think I can use that tonight?”

His smiled at him, “Of course, baby.” She held it out to him.

He didn’t care that he looked like a little boy as he walked up the stairs, with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He fell asleep as soon as he laid down. 

Across town Josh was lying in his and Tyler’s bed. He couldn’t help but to notice how cold it felt without his husband pressed against him. He piled on three blankets, but got too hot. Tyler’s body heat was different than a few extra blankets. 

One thing for sure is, that he couldn’t wait until the dinner tomorrow. He wanted to see Tyler so bad it hurt. It didn’t matter that he just saw him today. Tyler had been fast asleep and he almost broke down crying like a baby.

When he arrived back home hours earlier he laid down on the couch and watched their interviews on his phone. It made excitement go through his chest. Because one day he and Tyler would be like that again, acting lovey dovey and be the annoying couple that is everyone hated, but wanted to be. 

Mark always got irritated with them on tour. When he wasn’t walking in on them making out he had to listen to their sickingly sweet conversations. One time Mark made the mistake of telling them to shut up and Josh threw one of his drum sticks at him. The end hit him right in the middle of the forehead and gave him a small knot that lasted for days. Mark never made the mistake telling them stop again.  
Josh felt pathetic, but he knew he wasn’t. He couldn’t be farther from it. He just missed his husband and even though Tyler was only fifteen minutes away, it felt much farther. Needless to say, Josh fell asleep with tears in his eyes. 

The next morning his mother woke him up. Tyler groaned, not wanting to leave the warmth of his bed. 

“Tyler, get up! There’s so much to do today. No lollygagging!”

“What time is it?” His voice was muffled by his pillow. 

“Almost 7.”

“Why so early mom?” Whined Tyler. 

“You still have to eat breakfast. I made you toast and eggs. And if you don’t want to eat it cold then I suggest you hurry.” She then left the room.

Tyler laid in bed for minute before getting up to use the restroom. When he finally trudged downstairs his eggs were semi-warm. He ate his toast. His mother had made him two pieces, but he could only eat one and even that was a stretch. He knew he had begin eating more. He was wasting away to nothing.

He quickly got up and scraped his eggs and other piece of toast off into the trashcan before his mother came in, even though he knew she was going to ask how much he ate.  
She did and when he replied she gave him _the look_ that all women can do. He was really jealous of that sometimes. 

“Go get dressed. We have lot to get at the store.” 

Tyler went upstairs. He changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and a long-sleeved black t-shirt. He then sat on the edge of his bed and slipped on his black and white Vans.  
When he walked downstairs his mother gave him a small pout.

“What?” He asked.

“You always wear black. I remember one of your first big shows, you came out on stage with this sheer black cover on, with big pink roses. You said that since I always tell you to wear less black you bought that.”

Tyler gave her a small smile, wishing he could remember that. It sounded like him, always wanting to please his mother. 

“Let’s go. There’s lots to be done!” She ushered him out. 

 

He pushed the cart as his mother went back and fourth down the isles putting things into the basket. 

“Tyler, can you go get me a big pack carrots, maybe two of them.”

“Yeah, sure.” He walked the other side of the store, over to the produce. 

As he was grabbing up the pack carrots he heard, “Tyler?”

He turned his head to the right and saw a man who was about his height, with light brown hair, he had more of a pointed nose and his body was a little thick. “It’s me, Mark.” He cleared his throat, “Uh, I directed most of Twenty One Pilots’ music videos.”

Tyler gave a nod, “Oh, cool. I um, haven’t watched any of them yet.” He looked away, too ashamed to look mark in the eye. He noticed how there were half a dozen boxes of mac and cheese in Mark’s cart, along with other kinds of junk food. 

“Well, your job is to have watched them all by the next time I see you, okay?” This Mark said with a smile.

“I’ll try.” 

“Okay. Good enough for me. So, how have you been? How do you feel?”

“I’m mostly just tired.”

“That’s crazy. You were out for almost a month.”

Tyler, not knowing what to say, just shrugged. 

“Anyway,” Mark continued, “I’ll let you go. I’ll see you at the party. Text me if you need anything.” He moved towards Tyler, wrapping his arms around him. Tyler didn’t return the hug. He was just a bit too stunned to. 

It only lasted a split second before Mark released him, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s like hugging a stranger to you, huh? And now I probably made this really awkward. I’m sorry. Well, see you tonight.” He said a bit too fast before he walked away.

Tyler stood there for a moment trying to process their conversation. Mark seemed like a nice guy. He gripped the bags of carrots tightly in his hand before walking off to find his mother. He found her on the bread isle. 

“There you are.” She smiled. 

Setting the bundles of carrots into the basket he noticed that it was full to the top now, overflowing and even the bottom of the cart had items on it. 

“Sorry, I ran into…Mark?”

“You did?” His mom smiled, “That’s good. How is he doing?”

“Um,” Tyler began rubbing his arm, “Good, I guess. I don’t remember him.”

“You will soon. He’s coming to the party. You two can talk then.”

“That’s what he said. Are we done?” He asked.

Kelly nodded, “Yes. Unless you want something else.”

Tyler shook his head, not being able to think of anything needed, except well, maybe his memories would nice. But he highly doubts the grocery store had them. 

“Alright, let’s go then! We need to get home. Your father needs to be getting the grill ready. And I need to start cooking.” 

Tyler insisted on helping his mother carry the groceries inside, but she nor his father wouldn’t allow it.

“Go upstairs and get some rest before tonight.” His father told him. 

Defeated, Tyler went into the house and up the stairs and into his room. He sat down in the chair in front of his desk. Glancing over at his bed he looked over at the contents he dumped out of his bag Josh pakced for him. The notebook caught his eyes. He got up and grabbed it. Sitting back down he flipped the notebook open. It was empty. There was a pen attached to the top. Unhooking it he noticed it was his favorite kind of pen, the kind where the ink is more liquidy and if you’re not careful it will smear. 

Uncapping it he began to sketch. It was like he was hypnotized. Time didn’t seem to matter, all that did matter was finishing this picture. It was almost as if he didn’t hurry and get it drawn then it would be wiped from his memory forever and Tyler really didn’t want to lose anything else.

When it was finished he looked down at the page, a part of him frightened at what he drew. If anyone were to see this – what would they think? He slammed the notebook shut.  
After sitting in complete silence for a few moments he got into his bed, where he fell asleep almost instantly. 

A few minutes later there was a soft knock at the door before his mother entered. She smiled when she saw her oldest son asleep. She walked over and draped a blanket over him, the one she knitted for him and Josh. 

After kissing his forehead she sighed, looking around the room. Her eyes fell on the red spiral notebook on her son’s desk. Her curiosity got the best of her and she went over to it. Her hand hovered over it for the longest time. Had Tyler been writing?

Kelly Joseph was not the kind of mother that went snooping in her childrens’ things, but her baby was going through something awful and she just had to know. Opening it up she gasped. Her legs almost gave out from under her and she had to take a seat. 

Tyler stirred and she quickly closed the notebook. She thanked God that he didn’t wake. She would have to talk to Josh about this when he arrived later. 

The party started at 5 and Josh just couldn’t wait any longer to see Tyler. He didn’t want to seem too eager and make Tyler feel uncomfortable by showing up early. So, he popped in some movie. He didn’t pay attention to it though. 

He had been dressed and ready for about an hour now. It was exactly 4:45 and if he left now he could get there at exactly 5 o’clock. Grabbing his phone and keys he walked out the lonely apartment. 

Chris answered the door. 

“Josh,” He smiled, “Come in, come in.”

Josh stepped inside and couldn’t help to instantly look around for his husband. There were already a lot of people in the house. He could see people in the back yard through the glass door. 

“Tyler’s around here somewhere.” Chris said, patting the boy on the back before going over to the sliding glass door that lead to the back yard. Josh could smell something cooking on the grill. 

Josh only nodded, he was too excited about seeing Tyler to really focus on anything else. He had only take on step up onto the stairs when Kelly hurried out of the kitchen wiping her hand on a dish towel.  
“Josh, Josh wait, I need to speak with you.” 

He looked back at her, and then back up the stairs, disappointed. As if Kelly read his mind she said, “It will only take a minute and then you can go up.”  
He turned around to face her, standing on the first step. 

“After Tyler and I went to the store this morning he went straight up to his room. He was up there maybe an hour or two before I went to check on him.” She wrung the towel a bit nervously and Josh grew worried. Had something happened?

“And he was asleep. I went in and covered him up. Before I left I saw one of his notebooks on his desk. I couldn’t help myself, I looked in it. And he drew this…amazing, yet disturbing picture. I think he’s starting to remember some things, even if he doesn’t realize it. Just ask him to see it, even though I will be in trouble with him later.” She gave him a small smile. 

“I will.” Josh said, before turning back to the stairs.

“I think Tyler is outside somewhere.” Kelly said.

He steped down off the stairs and headed for the back yard. Kelly’s words played in Josh’s mind as he walked up the stairs. 

_An amazing, yet disturbing picture._

_I think he’s starting to remember._

Josh smiled at the thought of having _his_ Tyler back. 

Out back people were already eating, drinking, mingling. He recognized some of Tyler’s relatives. 

Just when he was about to give up looking for his husband in the back yard he spotted him under the big oak tree by the back wooden fence. Walking over he saw that Tyler was wearing black skinny jeans, much like the ones Josh was wearing now, and a black t-shirt with a navy blue button up shirt, left unbutton over it. The sleeves were bunched up to his elbows. Josh wore a black and red plaid shirt and a snapback. They both wore white and black Vans. 

He seemed to be looking at something. Josh couldn’t help but to smile. Tyler just had that affect on him.

“Hey.” 

Tyler quickly looked up at him. 

“Hi.” 

“You mind if I join you?” He gestured to the grass. 

Tyler shook his head. 

“What’s that?” Josh asked as he pointed to the rectangular shape of paper once he was seated next to the singer. 

Tyler wordlessly handed the paper over. It was a photograph. It was the one on their wedding day, the one where their smashing cake into each other’s mouths and laughing. Josh smiled, it felt just like yesterday when they got married. He could recall every detail and every word spoken. 

“I…Um, I really like that picture.” Tyler said, not looking at Josh in the eyes. 

“I do too.” Josh smiled. “How have you been doing?”

“Fine.”

“Been getting plenty of rest?” 

“Yes, I’ve been really tired, so, I’ve been taking lots of naps.”

“Your doctor said you’d be tired.”

“How are you?” Tyler asked. 

“I have been good. So, are you uh, coming back home with me tonight or….?” Josh trailed off. He couldn’t help but to ask this. 

“I kind of wanted to stay another night and go back with you tomorrow.” Tyler said as he wrung his fingers nervously. 

Josh was a little sad that his husband wasn’t coming home with tonight, but at least he would come home tomorrow. “That’s fine. Just text me and I’ll come get you.”

Tyler nodded and they sat in silence for a while until Josh broke it.

“So, your mom,” He chose his words carefully, “Found something you drew.”

Tyler’s head shot up, his eyes big with fear. 

“And I was wondering if I could see it?”

Why is Tyler so afraid right now? It worried Josh to no end. 

“Stay here.” Tyler shakily got to his feet and walked across the yard and into the house. A few minutes later he returned and handed Josh a folded piece of paper. He sat next to the color haired man again.  
Josh opened it and took in the black ink.

It was a huge, elegant tree with no leaves. The branches reached far up into the page, some weaving with one another and becoming a tangled mess. One branch was lower than the rest. It went straight out to the left. There was a rope tied into a noose, but instead of it hanging straight down, it straight out and in the noose was a brain. 

Josh looked at it for almost ten minutes, taking in every detail from the grooves of the tree trunk to squiggly lines of the brain. Josh grinned, biting his lip amused. He turned around to compliment his husband, but found him with his knees drawn up to his chest and his face buried in them. 

“Tyler,” he chuckled. “What are you doing?”

“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” Tyler’s muffled voice asked.

“No, of course not.”

Tyler said something back, but Josh couldn’t understand him. After a few attempts of trying to get Tyler to look at him he huffed. His husband could be so stubborn sometimes.  
“C’mon babe, look at me!” He whined. He instantly scolded himself. He shouldn’t have said that. 

Tyler uncovered his face. 

“Hi.” Josh smiled. 

Tyler bit his lip, amused. He looked down as if embarrassed. 

“Hi.” 

“Tyler, you’re picture is really great.”

“Really?” Tyler looked up at him quickly. 

“Yeah, you’re starting to remember things.”

“I am? Wouldn’t I realize?”

Josh dug his phone out of his pocket. Tyler sat up and rested his head on the other man’s shoulder. And watched as he opened the internet. He Googled Twenty One Pilots lyrics.  
He then clicked on Holding Onto To You. 

“Read right here.” Josh said as he zoomed in. 

_Tie a noose around your mind loose enough to breathe fine and tie it,_  
To a tree and tell it, “You belong to me,  
This ain’t a noose, this is a leash,  
And I have news for you, you must obey me. 

“So, I subconsciously remember this song?”

Josh nodded, “It’s coming back. And it doesn’t matter if it comes back little by little.”

Tyler, smiled really big, for the first time since waking up. Josh’s heart swelled with so much happiness he thought it would burst. Tyler gently took Josh's phone from his hand. “This is great.” He said after rereading the lyrics.

Josh took in their position and smiled.

“Oh, doesn’t this look cozy?”

Both men looked up to see the Joseph siblings. Madison, Zack and Jay walking towards them. 

Tyler let out an exaggerated groan, “You guys are so _lame_.”

Madison smiled as she ran over and jumped on them.

Josh shook his head smiling as he tried to get Maddison off of her brother. He had just got out of the hospital. 

“Hey Ty,” Zack said, “Grandpa is looking for you.”

Tyler’s head perked up, “Where is he?”

“In the living room.” He said as he held his hand out for his big brother. Tyler accepted it and Zack hauled him to his feet. 

“I’ll see you in a bit?” He asked Josh sheepishly. 

Josh nodded from his spot on the ground, Maddison draped over his lap. “Of course. Come find me when you’re done with Grandpa.”

Tyler thought it was a little weird hearing some else outside his family call his Grandfather Grandpa, but then he remembered that he and Josh are married. It was just like hearing a foreign language or something. To Tyler he had never heard Josh call his grandfather by Grandpa. But it was quite alright. It sounded just fine coming from Josh’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Tell me if you liked it or not? Should I be doing something differently?~


	5. But now I'm insecure and I care what people think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I'm really sorry I haven't updated in over a week! Finals are coming up! Been really busy!~

Inside Tyler saw his Grandpa drinking a can of Cream Soda on the couch. 

“Tyler!” He smiled and sat his soda down on the coffee table. 

Tyler smiled widely. His Grandfather was the one person who could always bring a smile out of him. On his way over to the couch he wondered of Josh had that affect on him as well. He probably does. They’re in love. 

Grandpa Joseph pushed himself up with a grunt. “I keep telling Kelly to replace this thing. Every time I sit down I sink in it. It all about eats me!” He joked as he hugged his grandson. 

Tyler laughed softly as he hugged him back. 

“How are you feeling?” The hug ended, but the elderly man kept his hands on Tyler’s arms. 

“I’m okay. Been sleeping a lot. Just trying to take everything in.” 

“I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through. I’m sorry this happened. I pray for you every day.” He rubbed Tyler’s upper arms gently, “Josh is being helpful, I know.”

“He is. He’s trying really hard. He’s been great. I just…” He trailed, not knowing if he should confess this to his grandfather.

“You just what? You can talk to me, Tyler.”

“I just feel guilty. Josh always looks at me with these…Pleading eyes and I know he’s hurting, because of me. To me, I don’t know him, but I don’t want him to suffer. Everyone keeps telling me he will stick by me through this. And I just keep thinking, ‘What if I don’t remember?’ Josh will be wasting his life.” He took a deep breath, not believing he just confessed this to someone other than himself. 

“Tyler,” Grandpa Joseph said softly, “Josh loves you so much. He is not wasting his life. You should not feel guilty about an injury you couldn’t help. Things happen. We have just have to pray and hope things will get better. I have no doubt in my mind that you will remember. It may not be today or tomorrow or even a week from now, but I know you will remember.”

Tyler sniffed, and he felt water run down his face. It startled him. He didn’t know he had been that upset. Wiping away his tears he said, “Thanks, grandpa.”

“Now, give me another hug and go spend some time with that husband of yours.”

Tyler wrapped his arms around his grandfather’s neck tightly. 

He returned to the oak tree where he left Josh and his siblings. Jay was nowhere to be seen, but Zack and Maddison were there, along with his Josh. Josh was in same position he was in when Tyler left. Zack sat across from him playing with blades of grass while Maddison laid out a little ways away from the shade of tree, soaking up what little sun was left. Josh looked up with a grin, “Hey.”

“Hi.” He took his seat next to Josh again. 

Maddison bounded over to them, “Hey Ty, wanna braid my hair?”

“Um, sure.” She maneuvered herself to sit between his legs and began braiding her light brown strands. 

“How Punk Rock of you Tyler.” Teased Zack. 

Tyler grinned, concentrating on his task at hand. 

“I need to re-dye my hair.” Josh commented. 

Tyler looked over at the faded pink hair. 

“What color?”

Josh shrugged, messing with a small twig. “Don’t know. I usually let you pick what color.”

Tyler’s heart swelled. That was really sweet. Maybe to some it wasn’t a big deal, and even though it was a small gesture it meant a lot to him. He was sure it meant the world to Josh.

“Um, well,” He said, dropping his sister’s hair from his hands. He reached a hand up to Josh’s brushing some of the unruly locks. “I think red would look good.” He jerked his hand away, “Uh, if you want to.”

“Next time you see me, I’ll have red hair. Or, if you want to, you could maybe dye for me.”

“I’ve never dyed anyone’s…” He looked to Josh, realizing he must dye his hair all the time for him, “Oh, well, um, maybe. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You can’t mess it up. And it’s fun.” Josh encouraged him. 

“Okay then. Just tell me when.”

“How about tomorrow?”

Tyler nodded. “Sure.” 

Tyler talked to a lot of people. He really liked Michael Gibson and his wife Caroline. Apparently he is their tour manager. 

“Tyler! Josh!” Someone yelled. Said men turned to see Mark coming towards them with a soda in his hand. 

“Hi, uh Mark?” Tyler asked. 

“Yepp, that’s me. Good seeing you again.”

“You too.”

“We ran into each other at the store today.” Mark informed Josh when Josh looked surprised. 

“Did you check out Twenty One Pilots’ music videos yet?” He sipped his drink.

Tyler looked to the ground in shame, “Um, no, not yet. Just not really ready to see them yet.”

Mark slapped his shoulder, “It’s okay, dude! Don’t worry! But when you do watch them call me. I want to hear you brag about how amazing they are.”  
Tyler grinned, “Will do.” 

“My brother, Jordan, couldn’t be here today. Work, you know? But my mom and dad and sisters are here. Do you want to meet them?” Josh asked. 

Tyler has already met about two dozen people, so why not? He nodded and Josh smiled, “Great! Come on!” 

Josh led him over to two women. One was taller than the other. And up close Tyler could tell the taller one was older. She had darker hair. They had to be younger than Josh, just by a little. 

“Hey, Abby, Ash. Tyler’s here.” 

The younger of the two squealed and hugged him. “Oh Ty, we were so worried about you.” Tyler hesitantly wrapped his arms around her. 

“Abby,” Josh said sternly, “Let him go. It’s like hugging a stranger to him.” 

She released him, “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. How are you doing, Sweetheart?”

“I’m okay. I’m doing fine.”

“You’ll be back to your old self in no time! We’re all praying for you!” 

“Thank you.”

“Step aside, little sister,” Ashley joked as she playfully pushed her sister aside. “Hey, I’m Ashley. People call me Ash. Like the guy on Pokémon.”

Tyler grinned at that. “Hi. You can hug me too, if you want. It doesn’t really bother me.” 

It did bother him just a little. Only because this is in-laws; his family, and he doesn’t remember them. 

Ashley’s face lit up, “Oh good!” She threw her arms around his neck. He hugged her as well. His face rested on her shoulder. She was tall for a girl. She must be wearing heels. Over her shoulder he could Josh smiling like he just won the lottery. 

It made Tyler’s heart swell once again. He was making Josh happy. 

After meeting his sister-in-laws Josh found his parents. Josh’s mom was short with short white-blonde hair.

“Um, hi.” Tyler said awkwardly and gave them a small wave. 

“Oh Tyler.” Mama Dun said, emotionally, as she unfolded her arms and wrapped them loosely around his neck. “Oh, baby, we’ve been worried sick about you.”

When she released him she brushed some hair away from his forehead, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good.” He nodded. 

Josh’s dad was about his height with balding hair. Tyler noticed that all the Dun children had the same eyes as their father. 

Papa Dun held his hand out, “Tyler.” He said with a nod. 

Tyler took it, “Sir.”

He laughed, “Call me Papa Dun.” And Mrs. Dun insisted on being called Mama Dun.

“O-Okay, Papa Dun.” The words sounds so foreign coming from his mouth. 

They ate on the bench swing on the front porch, away from everyone. Josh ate a burger and a hotdog, plus two cokes. Tyler ate half his burger and he was stuffed. He sipped his coke while Josh went to find a bag of chips. When he returned with a bag of barbeque Lays chips he said, “Can I get you something else?”

Tyler shook his head, glancing at his burger. “I’m fine, thank you.”

“This has been great. What do you think?”

“I’ve enjoyed myself a lot, actually.”

“You didn’t think you would?”

Tyler shrugged, “I just didn’t want it to be awkward. Everyone knows me, but I don’t know them.”

Josh nodded, understanding how Tyler must feel meeting everyone all over again. “Well, you did great. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. No more faded ugly hair.”

Tyler winced, “Are you sure you want _me_ to dye it? What if I mess it up?”

“You won’t mess it up, I promise. It’s impossible to mess my hair up. You just rub the dye in. I let it sit for a while, then I wash it out. Then red hair.” 

“Okay,” Tyler released a nervous breath. 

“You know,” Josh grinned, “I’m always trying to get you to dye your hair too. You never want to. But the truth is, I think you look perfect the way you are. I wouldn’t change a single thing.” His smile fell and he quickly looked to Tyler, “Sorry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Um, no, no, it’s okay. You talk like that to me all the time, right?” He waited for Josh to nod, “Then I need to hear it sometimes. It could help with my memories.”

Josh nodded again, slowly this time. Tyler leaned his head back, letting his eyes close. The whole evening wore him out, even with the nap he took earlier that day. 

“You can go up to your room, if you want to sleep.”

Tyler picked his head and looked at Josh, “No, it’s fine. I want be awake when everyone leaves.”

 _Stop being so awkward around him! He’s your husband for God’s sake!_ Tyler though. 

Scooting a bit closer to the older man Tyler said, “But I think I will just rest my eyes for a little bit.” 

“That’s fine. I’ll wake…” Josh trailed off as Tyler rested his head on Josh’s shoulder. 

“Is this okay?” Tyler asked, not moving. 

“It’s fine,” Whispered Josh. “It’s totally fine.” 

Tyler dozed off with a funny feeling in his chest. He knew he cared for Josh deeply. Whenever he was around Josh he got this feeling in his chest. It was a good feeling though. 

Josh’s heart was erratic. He’s been wanting something like this since Tyler woke up. This was great, almost as if everything was back to normal. 

He took his phone out and took a selfie of them. Usually he would post it on Instagram with a caption that said something like _Sleepy husband_ or _Tyler raps too hard_. He wanted to post it. He knew he should wait and ask Tyler, but he just couldn’t help himself. He loves Tyler so much and he wants the world to know again and again. 

He posted the picture. 

And every so often he would refresh the page. He liked seeing the Likes build up. He already had over 2,000 likes by the time Tyler woke up. 

“How long was I out?”

“About 30 minutes.”

Tyler nodded, rubbing his eyes. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You need rest.”

“I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing.” He grinned. 

“I um, posted a picture of us. I hope that’s okay.” He showed Tyler the photo on Instagram. Tyler’s head was on his shoulder, his mouth slightly open. Josh was smiling that Dun smile of his. Underneath, the caption said, _Napping Husband ;)_

Tyler grinned at the picture. “You’re right, we do take a lot of pictures.” 

“All the time.”

Tyler stood beside his parents and Josh by the front door and told everyone bye as they left. Josh’s mom and sisters hugged him again before they left. 

It was just his parents and Josh left. Josh took the few steps to the door. Kelly and Chris knew it was time to leave them alone. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he said, “So, I’ll come by to pick you up tomorrow?”

Tyler nodded, “Yeah.”

“What time would be good for you?”

Tyler shrugged, “Um, I don’t know. Whatever’s good for you.”

“Oh for goodness sake’s boys! You two are _married_ and you’re acting like 13 year-old boys going on their first date! Josh come by the house around 10, okay, honey?” Kelly shouted from the living room. 

Tyler’s cheeks went pink. Josh thought it was adorable.

“That okay?” 

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Tyler nodded again. He really needed to start doing something other than nodding.

Tyler knew what Josh wanted, but since Josh is such a sweetheart he wouldn’t ever do it unless Tyler initiated it first. He stepped forward circling his arms around Josh’s torso. Josh instantly wrapped his arms around Tyler tightly. 

“Bye.” Tyler mumbled into his shoulder. 

“See you in the morning.” Josh said slowly stepping back. 

Tyler felt a lump form in his throat and the stinging of tears in his eyes. It worried and confused him for a minute. Why was he so emotional all of a sudden? Was it because Josh was leaving? That had to be it. Even though Tyler didn’t actually love Josh right now he subconsciously didn’t want his husband to go because he loved him. If that made any sense at all. 

He watched as Josh walked down the sidewalk to his car. And Tyler may have wanted to go with him. 

That night as he lay in bed, the only light in his room coming from the lamp on his nightstand, he gazed at the picture he took from their apartment. The one from their wedding.  
If he could have anything in the world it would be his memories back. He wanted to remember his life with Josh. Josh was an amazing person, who loved him a lot. Tyler cared for Josh he knew, but he wanted to remember the times they spent together, the conversations they had, the laughs they shared. 

It wasn’t fair, but life isn’t fair sometimes. He was going to try his hardest to remember his amazing husband. 

Josh, in his and Tyler’s bed, was far too excited to sleep. He and Tyler had a great time today and the knew they were going to have a blast tomorrow too. Reaching over he grabbed his phone off the nightstand. He got on Instagram. Looking at the picture he took of them today he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his lips.

He was up to 3,000 Likes now. Scrolling down he read some of the comments.

_Thank God Tyler is okay!_

_Been praying for you guys!_

_OTP!_

_You two are the cutest thing!_

_Please have babies already!_

He smiled at them. Scrolling back up he looked at the picture again. He wanted to exit out of Instagram and look some older pictures. He had tons of seflies of them, ones of them kissing, or smiling, or some pictures of Tyler when he wasn’t looking. He loved it when Tyler was entranced in a book, the way his forehead creases in concentration, and sometimes he would bite his lip. Or if he was working on writing a new song he would be so deep in thought, so deep inside his mind that Josh couldn’t help but want to capture those moments. 

He cherishes every second he spends with Tyler. Tyler is the greatest thing that has ever happened to him. 

The next morning Tyler woke up a little after 8:30. When he staggered downstairs his dad was reading a book at the kitchen table while his mother cooked breakfast. The smell of eggs and bacon filled the air. It smelled good.

“Morning Ty.” His father put his book down and took a sip of his coffee. 

“Good morning Sweetie.” His mother kissed the top of his head. 

“Morning.” He mumbled sleepily. 

“Excited about seeing Josh today?”

“Um, yeah, I guess. We have fun together.” He felt so stupid saying those kinds of things. Of course they had fun! They’re _married_!

“That’s good baby. What are you going to do?”

“Um, Josh wants me to dye his hair.”

Chris chuckled while shaking his head, “I’m surprised that boy’s hair hasn’t fallen out yet. What color is doing it this time?”

“I suggested red and he agreed.” He rested his chin in his hand tiredly.

Turning around with two plates of eggs and bacon Kelly said, “If you suggested he dye lime green with purple and blue spots he would do it.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Laughed Chris. 

“Well, it will be fun.” His mother sat down. 

Chris prayed over the food and they ate. Tyler ate a few bites of eggs, a piece of bacon and half a piece of toast with grape jam on it. At this rate he was going to walk outside one day and blow away. He wondered when his appetite would come back. 

He gave his other piece of bacon to his dad and threw the rest away, feeling guilty about wasting so much food all the time. His mother sent him the _look_ that only women can do. 

He shrugged and grinned sheepishly, “Sorry. I just don’t have my appetite back yet.”

“It’s alright.” Her expression softened. “I just pray you get it back soon.” 

Tyler went upstairs to get dressed. He threw on a pair of black skinny jeans, and a raglan shirt. The torso of the shirt was black, while the sleeves were white. He slipped on his pair black vans and went downstairs to join his parents in the living room. His mother was knitting something new while his father watched some program on TV.

A little while later there was a knock at the door. Tyler stood, “That must be Josh.”

He kissed his mother’s cheek, “I’ll see you later.” 

“Have fun, and for goodness sakes Tyler, relax. It’s not like your first date with him. You two are _married_.” The look on his mom’s face was anything but innocent. He knew what she meant. They’re married, they’ve made love, see each other naked everyday. So, he shouldn’t be shy and nervous about just hanging out with him for a day. 

His face burned.

“Honey, that was uncalled for. Look what you did to him!” Chris said, pausing his movie.

“What?” She put her knitting needles down, “It’s true! He shouldn’t be so nervous. It’s just Josh. It will be okay, sweetie.” She told him. 

Tyler whipped around and walked over to the door. His mother was right, but he doesn’t remember any of that with Josh. The thought hadn’t even entered his mind until now. _Thanks mom._ He thought as he gripped the doorknob tightly in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Let me know what you think! I actually have most of chapter six written and even chapters 7, and 8. I know what you're thinking, 'why does she have chapters 7 and 8 written, but only some of 6?' Well, I had the ideas for them first, but I'm so scared of rushing through this story, so I had to add some more things in.~


	6. I am half a soul divided

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Sorry for not updating in a while! I'm really overwhelmed with finals. But after next Wednesday I'm out for the summer, which means more writing time for and more updates for you! I really NEED to know something! So, in this story I have Tyler/Josh of course, and later on Pete/Patrick will be in it, but I was wondering if you would like Brendon Urie/Sarah Urie or Brendon/Dallon? Please, Please, PLEASE let me know!~

The next morning Josh was so happy he couldn’t contain it. When he arrived at the Joseph’s he practically skipped up the driveway. He knocked and Tyler answered, at which he smiled at. Tyler’s face was really pink.

“You okay? Your face is red.”

“Uh, oh, yeah. I’m fine. Mom said something…Don’t worry about it.” He waved it off. 

“Alright, you ready to go?”

“Yeah.” He stepped out and closed the door behind him. Josh looked at Tyler’s clothes and said, “You’ll have to change when we get home.”

Tyler looked to him in question. 

“Because dying hair is messy. It gets everywhere.” 

The car ride was silent at first, which Josh didn’t like, but Tyler was kind of thankful for it. Josh almost had gone after the party the night before to get the hair dye, but he thought it would be nice to let Tyler pick it out. 

And that’s where they find themselves. Looking through the different red dyes in some beauty store. Tyler was on his knees looking. He finally looked up at Josh. 

“I don’t know. What if I pick one and you don’t like it. I know you’ll just buy it anyway to make me happy. Then I would feel bad.”

Josh smiled, “You can’t really go wrong with any shade of red. How about I pick out a couple, and you choose from them?”

“Okay.” 

Josh picked a bright Ariel red, and a much darker shade. “Which one?” He held up the two boxes.

“Um,” Tyler hummed, trying to decide. “I like this one.” He took the brighter one from him. “Is that okay?” 

“Of course it is. Let’s pay for it and go.” 

 

“I just rub it in?” Tyler asked, plastic gloves on, bottle of dye in his hand. 

“Yeah. Just make sure you get it all over.”

When they arrived home Josh mixed the dye with the developer for Tyler. And now Josh sat in a chair in the bathroom with Tyler standing behind him, a dab of dye in his gloved hand.

“Just do it.”

“I-I don’t think I can.” 

Josh reached behind him and grabbed Tyler’s hand with the dye in it, and brought it to the top of his head quickly. Tyler let out a surprised squeak. 

“There, step one over. Now just rub it in.” 

Tyler slowly massaged it around the roots of Josh’s head. “Not so bad, huh?”

“Not really.” Tyler said quietly. 

He reached over and grabbed the bottle off the counter and squirted some into his hand. He then pressed it to Josh’s scalp and Josh gasped. Tyler immediately retracted his hand.

“What? Did I mess up?”

“No, it was cold.” Chuckled Josh. 

Tyler groaned and Josh chuckles turned to laughter. 

Tyler reached around and swiped his gloved finger across Josh’s cheek. It made him stop laughing and look in the mirror. There was nice goopy line of red across his cheek bone. 

“’Now, just rub it in.’” Tyler mocked him. 

Josh grinned. He was happy Tyler was joking with him. He could tell his husband was slowly, but surely warming up to him. Tyler handed him a tissue. As Josh slowly dabbed the dye away, Tyler scrubbed the dye into his hair, finally getting the hang of it. 

“I have to let it sit for half an hour.” Josh said once Tyler was sure every strand was cased in the dye. Tyler was glad Josh had told him to change. He looked down at the plain white t-shirt Josh had given him. There was red splatters all over it, along with some blue, pink, and purple splatters.

“You wear that shirt every time you dye my hair.” 

Tyler looked up to him. He stood now, with a hand towel draped over his neck. It had been pale blue, but now covered in red smudges. His hair looked like it was full of grease. He also had a very faint red smudge on his right cheek. Tyler bit his lip to keep from smiling too much. 

He slipped the gloves off. And threw them in the small trashcan by the toilet. 

“Hey Tyler.” 

“Yeah?” He look up and his cheek was suddenly freezing and wet. 

Looking to his right he peered into the mirror. Josh had put a nice red stripe across his cheek, in the same place. Josh grabbed a tissue and gently dabbed it off. Tyler watched him. Josh was concentrating very hard not to smear it all around. “There.” He said after a few moments. 

Looking into the mirror again he saw that he and Josh had identical faint red stripes on their cheeks. Josh’s was on the right and Tyler on the left, but they were the same nonetheless. 

“We match.” 

Josh chuckled softly, “Yeah, we do. Maybe after I wash my hair we can go get something to eat.” 

“Okay.” 

“Pizza alright?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” As much as Tyler loved pizza, he didn’t think he would be able to eat much of anything. He would try for Josh though. 

Josh rinsed his hair out a little while later while Tyler looked through their closet. He wanted to change out of the dye-splattered shirt, but once he opened their closet he didn’t know what clothes were his and which were Josh’s. 

He stared long hard at the articles of clothing before him. 

“Need help?” Josh asked suddenly, startling him. 

Looking around he saw Josh’s hair dark red, dark from it being wet. He really wanted to see what it would look like dry. 

Josh began drying his hair with a towel, staining it red.

“How long will red keep coming out?”

“For a day or two. Did you need help?”

“Um, yeah. I don’t know what’s mine.” He said, feeling stupid. He couldn’t even dress himself without having to ask for help. 

Josh stood next to him and it made him nervous. Maybe it was because he was shirtless and only in a pair of boxers. He smelt like mint. So, maybe the shampoo he used the first night was Josh’s.  
“Well, um, our things just get jumbled together. You’re actually a size smaller than me. Here, want to try this out?” It was just a plain black t-shirt. It was perfect. 

Tyler nodded. For a moment he wanted to go change in the bathroom, but then realized how pathetic that would look, not to mention it would hurt Josh’s feelings. So, he took the shirt from Josh and quickly shed the one he was wearing and donned the other. 

“Could I have hoodie too?”

“Yeah,” Josh turned back to the closet. His eyes scanned for one of his husband’s million hoodies when his eyes landed on a particular one. It wasn’t Tyler’s. It was his. 

He reached for it. It wasn’t anything special, just a dark gray, zip up hoodie with some band logo printed on the shoulder. 

“Um, this one is mine, but you always wear it. You have, like, two dozen hoodies, but you always managed to steal this one away from me. Maybe if you wear it could…I don’t know.” He looked to the ground almost ashamed of asking Tyler to wear it. 

Tyler stepped forward and took it. Josh looked up when he did. “I’ll wear it. You never know, right?” He gave the color-haired man a grin.  
Josh returned it.

Tyler took it off the hanger and slipped it on. It was loose on him, but it was probably the most comfortable thing he wore since waking up.  
When he looked back up Josh was smiling. 

“What?”

“Nothing, just glad to see you wearing it, I guess.” He smiled for a little while longer, “I’m going to order that pizza now. What do you want?” Josh knew what Tyler liked and disliked, but he still thought he should ask for some reason. Usually he just knew what to get.

“Um, what do we normally get?”

“Pepperoni.”

“That’s perfect.” 

“Oh, I went to the store yesterday. I stocked up on YooHoo. So, we can totally pig out on pizza and YooHoo and watch movies or whatever you want to do.”

“I um, Mark told me to watch our videos. I almost watched them the other day, but I couldn’t. I don’t want really want to watch them alone, I guess. So, I was thinking we could watch them together?”

“Of course we can. I’d like that.” Josh said instantly. He wanted to see Tyler’s reaction to them. Praying that it would help Tyler remember something, _anything_ at all, he went to find his phone. 

When the pizza was ordered Josh grabbed his laptop from the kitchen counter. Tyler was sitting on the couch. Josh joined him and opened his laptop. “Um, there’s Car Radio, Guns For Hands, Holding On To You, Truce, Ode To Sleep, and House of Gold. We have Migraine on a DVD too.”

“Uh, I guess you just pick one. We’re going to watch all of them, right?”

Josh nodded and clicked on the first one that came up on Youtube, which was Car Radio. 

Tyler chewed on his bottom lip nervously. He didn’t know what to expect. What if he didn’t like them? Is that possible? How could not like something he created? Something he and his husband and friend created together? 

_Stupid commercials._ He thought as one about contact lenses popped up. 

“You ready?” Josh asked him once the commercial started to count down to ten seconds. 

Tyler nodded, even though he wasn’t too sure. He had to do this eventually, so why not right now, with Josh? 

The video began to play. It began with a close up of Tyler’s face. He was looking down. When he began his slam poetry rap Josh looked to him, watching his facial expressions. When on-screen Tyler began shaving his head Tyler’s eyes widened a fraction. His entire thought process through the whole video was just _wow_. He and Tyler were amazing! The loved the whole mask idea and the words were so meaningful and deep.

When it ended with on-screen Tyler falling backwards off the stage Josh said, “What’d you think?”

“Um, we’re kind of…Amazing.” He let out a laugh in almost disbelief as he thought back to the video. He just couldn't believe this was his life.

“Can we watch this one?” He pointed to the one on the right of Car Radio.

“Holding On To You?”

Tyler nodded. The video began to play. He liked the idea of it being black and white because that’s how things are sometimes; black and white, nothing in between. The skull face paint was pretty cool. He watched in awe as a noose appeared around on-screen Tyler’s neck and he tried to desperately get away from skull face-painted people, who were trying to bring him down. 

When it ended Josh clicked onto House of Gold.

“Your mom loves this one.” 

This one started out in a dead, grassy field on a bright sunny day. On-screen Tyler and Josh’s bodies were severed and bloody, but they kept playing music. It was sick and morbid, but Tyler loved it.  
Truce was mostly of Tyler just playing his piano at night on some street. Guns for Hands was different. He liked it a lot. His favorite part was when he gave Josh the mask and told him to take it off when he was ready, but ripped it off as soon as Josh got behind his drums. That was his comfort zone, where he can _be_ himself. Ode To Sleep was neat, because he liked all the different clips from their tours. 

“What did you think?” Josh said once it ended.

“They were all really sick! We’re awesome!”

Josh chuckled, “Yeah, we are.” He sat his laptop down on the coffee table and stood. “We have Migraine on a DVD Mark gave us. Want to watch it?”

Tyler nodded eagerly. 

Skimming through the DVDs Josh pulled out a black case. The DVD itself was plain except for Mark’s messy writing that said; Migraine Video. Slipping it into the DVD player he quickly ran and jumped back on the couch before it started playing. The way the video started out, with Tyler and Josh standing back to back, was cool. On-screen Tyler rapped/sang as he walked through the streets while Josh ran through the city. 

“Which one did you like best?” Josh said after he faced his husband on the couch, bringing an elbow to rest on the back of the couch. He rested the side of his head in his hand. 

“Um, I’m not sure. They are all really great. What about you?”

“I um, I like Holding On to You because,” He tried to find the right words, “Because it was our first music video as a band, but I also like Guns For Hands. It was our first music video as a couple. And then Truce was our first as a married couple and…”

“So, you basically just like them all?” Smiled Tyler.

Josh smiled and let out a nervous laugh, “Pretty much, yeah.” 

They turned off the TV and looked through pictures again. This time Tyler knew who Mark, and some of their friends were – sort of. There were photos of them behind the scenes of their music videos. He stopped on a particular photo. Tyler was in all black- shocking- and a shirtless Josh was hugging him tightly. He couldn’t see Josh’s face, but he could clearly see his own. He was smiling, the corners by his eyes, crinkled and he could see all of his teeth. The picture was foreign to Tyler, but even so he knew how happy Josh made him. 

“It was your birthday. We were on stage. Mark took the picture.”

“Were we together when this picture was taken?”

Josh shook his head, “No, we had only been a band for a little more than six months. We had always been close, ever since we first met.”

And that just proves how much Tyler loved Josh. Even when they weren’t together yet, Josh could still bring out a smile like the one in the photo. The smile on Tyler’s face in the photo was one of pure and utter happiness. 

“How did we meet?”

Josh chuckled, “In interviews we never tell how we really met. We’ve told people we met in jail, on a train, and other places. It’s just a joke and we always laugh afterwards. Um, I worked with Chris Salih in the same music shop. We just happened to bump into each other, or rather you bumped into me at a party Chris invited us to. We just hit off. We talked the whole night.” He grinned at the memory. When he said the whole night, he meant it. They talked from the moment they met to the early hours of the morning. 

_Josh didn't go to parties very often. But it was nice to go out once and a while. He didn’t mind as long as he had someone to talk to. So, when his coworker Chris invited him to go to his buddy Nick Thomas’ party the following night he said, “Yeah, sure! Just text me the details.”_

_And so now Josh stands off to the side wondering where the heck Chris is. He left Josh the first two minutes they were there. He left Josh standing there with a red plastic cup in hand. Josh isn’t entirely sure what he’s drinking. It might be beer, he isn’t sure._

_Suddenly someone bumps into him and his ‘beer’ spills down the front of him. Josh thanks God that there wasn’t too much of his drink left in his cup._

_“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m such a clutz!” A unique sounding voice says quickly. Josh looks up wanting to know the source of this voice. He sees a young boy around his age with dark brown hair that stands up on top, and is shaved on the sides. He had nice, full pink lips, which he is biting at the moment. He’s wearing black skinny jeans with all black converse with pink roses on them, and a hoodie in which the torso is light gray and the sleeves black._

_“Uh, it’s fine, really.” He looks down at the wet stain down the front of his shirt. “Its okay. Tasted like crap anyway.” He chuckled nervously._

_The other boy grins before going back to chewing his bottom lip._

_“I’m Josh.” Josh says suddenly holding his hand out. He mentally scolds himself for being so straightforward and eager sounding._

_The other boy hesitates before taking hold of Josh’s hand. Josh couldn’t help but to notice how small this boy’s hand was in his._

_“Tyler.” He says softly._

_And suddenly Josh wants to know every single thing about Tyler. From his dreams, down to his favorite color._

_“Tyler!” Someone yells from the living room. The music and voices were loud, and Josh thought it was a miracle they heard it._

_Tyler looks back to Josh and jerks his hand from him, blushing. Josh hadn’t even noticed they had been shaking hands for at least a full minute. Tyler slowly backs up with a nervous smile on his face, “Well, I uh, better go.”_

_Josh had never felt more disappointment in his entire life. He had just met Tyler and he was leaving? He wanted to go with Tyler, but couldn’t think of a good excuse to go into the living room._

_“Oh, yeah. Nice meeting you.”_

_Tyler grins and his blush deepens._

_“Tyler!” Someone yells again. But it seemed neither boy cared. They were far more interested in each other._

_Tyler continues to slowly back away, even bumping into someone else. Josh couldn’t help to chuckle. This boy is clumsy. Suddenly someone comes behind Tyler, throwing an arm around him roughly, making Tyler hold their weight. It was Chris._

_“Ty,” He slurred, “You made it. Mark said you were here. Been calling you.” He looked up and saw Josh standing there watching the scene before him. “Josh! There you are, buddy!” Looking between the two boys he commented, “I didn’t know you two knew each other.”_

_“We um,” Tyler looked down at the carpet shyly, “Just met.”_

_“Wait,” Josh said realization hitting him like a ton of bricks, as he looked at Chris and Tyler, “This is the Tyler you’re always talking about?”_

_This caused Tyler to look up at Chris in question, waiting for him to answer._

_“Yepp!” Chris smiled, “My band mate.”_

_“Tyler, it is literally an honor to meet you. I love your work. Chris gave me a CD you guys made. Its amazing.”_

_Tyler blushed an even deeper shade of red, which Josh thought was cute and it caused Chris to laugh. “You can’t say things like that to Ty. He’s really shy.”_

_“Thanks.” Tyler mumbled._

_“Well,” Chris said loudly, “I’m going to find Nick before he strips like he did last time.” He left them._

_“Let’s get out of here. It smells like puke and sweat.” Josh suggested and Tyler only nodded. Josh just had to get to know this boy, but he didn't want to while people were practically humping one another and throwing up._

_Josh led them through the house, between and around sweaty bodies and people drinking until they were on the front porch. He took a deep breath of cool air. Tyler closed the door behind him. Josh, resting his elbows on the painted white wooden railing he leaned forward, looking out at the sky. The moon was full and bright, while the stars were barely existent from the light polluted city. Tyler came over and sat up on the railing, facing the other way, towards the house._

_“Your music is really great, Tyler.” Josh says._

_Tyler plays with a loose thread by the knee of his black skinny jeans. “Thanks. I um, we made some demos, which you heard.” He waited for Josh to nod before continuing, “I went through a lot in high school, with…depression and stuff, so writing and making music in general helps me. It makes me happy.”_

_Josh hung onto every word. This is some really personal stuff. The kind of personal you don’t go around telling just anyone. He felt honored Tyler was telling him._

_“I’m only in college right now because of a basketball scholarship. My parents want me to go pro, because they just want what’s best for me, you know? But I just can’t see myself playing for the rest of my life. It’s a great hobby and all, but I want something more. Chris and Nick were the ones that came up with the idea for the band.” He shrugged with a small smile on his lips.”_

_His smile fell, “Sorry, I can’t believe I just rambled on and told you all of that stuff. I’m sorry.”_

_“No, it’s fine. I want to know more about you.”_

_Tyler began rambling on again. Josh found out he was homeschooled for most his life, he can play the piano and ukele, his favorite movie is Donnie Darko, and he is the oldest of two brothers and a sister. He’s really close with his mom, and would rather spend his free time at home in room writing music or reading rather than going to parties. The only reason he came tonight was because his friend Mark literally dragged him out of his room._

_Josh told him he plays the drums and that its his comfort zone. He is the also the eldest of his siblings, which consists of one brother and two sisters. He’s really close with his mom too. Josh works at the same music shop as Chris. He didn’t do so great in high school and had no desires to pursue college. And when Josh told him he had a sick obsession with Taco Bell Tyler’s face lit up and said, “Me too! And Yoohoo.”_

_Josh grinned, “Yes! Maybe we can get some sometime.”_

_Tyler nodded._

_“Hey, the sun’s coming up.” Josh states and Tyler turns around a bit too quickly and ends up losing his balance. His heart jolts as he falls backwards, but suddenly someone grabs his arm, keeping him from falling any further. He breathes a sigh in relief as Josh helps him to sit back on the railing._

_“You were right. You are clumsy.”_

_Tyler looks up at him shyly, “Yeah. Always have been. I'm always bumping into people, knocking over or dropping things. If you hang out with me enough then you might get hurt."_

_I'll take my chances." Josh says, and it causes Tyler to grin._

_It grew quiet as the sky went from black to dark blue to a mixtures of reds and oranges. They exchange numbers before leaving. It was well passed 7 A.M. and both boys were exhausted beyond belief. But they were happy._

“Josh, Josh!” Tyler shouted at said man. 

“Huh? What?” Josh asked, breaking free from his memory. 

“You just zoned out. You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Josh smiled, and he tried not make it a sad smile, but he couldn’t help it. That night began his and Tyler’s life together. Even tough they didn’t date for a little less than a year later, Josh knew he and Tyler would always be together. That night Josh fell in love with Tyler Robert Joseph. That night Josh knew he had found the other half of his soul. And it absolutely _kills_ him that Tyler, his husband, his best friend, his everything, doesn’t know who he is. 

That night Tyler was exhausted by the time Josh drove him home. Josh parked the car on the street and walked Tyler up the sidewalk. 

“I had a lot of fun.”

Josh nodded, “Me too. Let’s do it again sometime.” He mentally winced. _Let’s do it a again sometime?_ He really is acting like a 13-year-old boy on his first date. This is his husband for God’s sake!

“Well, um, maybe in day or two I can come back? As in, um, you know, move back in. Not that I ever really moved out…” Tyler sighed. Why was he so nervous all of a sudden?

Josh chuckled, “Of course. Just text me and I’ll come get you. And I’ll text you in the mean time. If that’s okay?” Tyler nodded. Of course it was okay.

They stood very close to one another and Josh couldn’t help but stare at his husband’s face. It was lit up by the moonlight. He didn’t mean to, but he stared at Tyler’s lips for a bit too long. Tyler noticed and looked away, shyly. 

Josh cleared his throat awkwardly. It had just been so long since they had kissed. Usually he and Tyler exchange dozens of kisses each day. He opened his mouth to say something, but Tyler had stepped forward, wrapping his long, thin arms around the dyed redhead’s torso. He held onto him tightly and Josh held on just as tight. 

Tyler knew Josh had wanted to kiss him, but Josh held back for him, because he knew Tyler isn’t ready for anything like that. He knew this man was hurting because of him and he didn’t know how long he could stand it. 

Josh buries his nose Tyler’s neck and inhales deeply. Its what he needs, he _needs_ this. Just to be close with his husband. The best part is; Tyler seems to understand that. 

“Bye.” Josh said weakly after they pulled apart.

Tyler offers him a small wave and smile before walking up to his house. Josh watches him as walks, his smile getting smaller and smaller. It’s completely gone by the time Tyler makes it inside. 

When Tyler steps inside he leans heavily on the door. 

"Tyler?" He heard his mom call from the living room. 

"It's me mom." He says, trying to sound normal, trying to sound like he's not about to cry.

“Come sit with me! Tell me everything! Did you kiss?” She teased about the last part. 

It made Tyler’s eyes water. He just went upstairs after mumbling he had a headache. After stripping down to his boxers and a t-shirt Tyler laid in bed staring at the photo he had taken from Josh's that day. It was the one of Josh hugging Tyler tightly on his birthday while they were on stage. He looked at it for a long time, before putting it on the nightstand next to the photo of them on their wedding day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Let me know if you liked it!~


	7. I won't fall in love with falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Don't hate me for writing this. This chapter is full of angst. And drama? Mostly angst! Who else fangirled so hard at the Ride video?~

When Josh awoke the next morning he laid in his and Tyler’s bed, trying to ignore the pounding in his head and the stinging in his eyes. He spent the good part of the night crying in bed after he dropped Tyler off. When he finally drifted off to sleep his dreams were haunted with the memories of him and Tyler. It caused him to wake up and begin his crying all over. 

He was exhausted, but couldn’t bring himself to sleep anymore, for his sanity’s sake. 

_Go out with Mark, see your family, do_ something _other than sit around and mope!_ His mind screamed at him. All he wanted to do was stay in bed. It still smelled like Tyler somehow. But the memories from this bed were too painful. So, he trudged out into the living room. After plopping down on the couch he looked around at his surroundings. Tears enveloped his eyes once again, because _everything_ in this apartment reminded him of his husband. 

There was a knock at the door. Josh contemplated whether he should answer it or not. A spark of hope, more of a dream really, struck him. He pictured himself answering the door, and it being Tyler. Tyler would hug and kiss him and tell him he remembered everything. 

He felt stupid for even thinking that. It was cliché, like a rom-com. Forcing himself up from the couch he made his way over to the door. It was Mark. 

His smile fell, “Whoa, dude, you look rough.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long night.” 

“I’m sorry, man.” He pushed passed Josh. “Get dressed. I’m taking you out on bro-date!”

Josh’s heart clenched tightly in his chest. He and Tyler had _bro-dates_ all the time back before they began dating. 

“I’m not in the mood, Mark.”

“Too bad. I know you’re upset about Tyler. Everyone is, but you need to worry about yourself too.”

“We hung out yesterday and we had a great time. It just made me realize how much I’ve lost since his accident.”

“You didn’t _lose_ anything. Tyler will get his memories back, Josh.” 

“I keep holding onto that, Mark, but it’s hard.” He said miserably. 

Mark grabbed Josh’s arms tightly, “Listen to me Joshua William Dun, I have never seen two people more in love than you and Tyler. I know it’s hard with Tyler not knowing who you are, but you made a vow to him that you would be by his side forever!” He began shaking his friend, “And darn it, Josh, you can’t give up on him!”

“I never said I was giving up on him! It just gets to me sometimes, alright? Am I not allowed to have a moment of weakness?”

“Of course you are, Josh.” Mark said, loosening is grip, “Just know that Tyler will remember one day. I don’t want you to lose hope.”

Josh gave him a weak smile, “I won’t. Now, where did you have in mind for our bro-date?”

“I don’t know, but I’m starving. Hurry and get dressed!”

Josh chuckled as he was pushed towards the bedroom. 

 

It was early, too early, for his dad to be coming into his room to wake him up. Tyler groaned, throwing a pillow in his dad’s direction. It missed the older man by a foot. Chris chuckled, “Get up. You spent time with your mother, now it’s my turn to have you. Let’s get some breakfast.”

“It’s too early for breakfast.” Tyler mumbled in his pillow. 

Chris laughed, “Too early? For breakfast?”

He walked to the end of his son’s bed and gripped his blanket in his hands before jerking it off of him. Tyler shuddered at the sudden cold. “Get up.”

Tyler let out another groan before pushin himself up. When he did his dad was gone. He lazily threw on a pair of black skinny jeans, his black and white Vans, a plain black shirt. Hanging on the end bed railing was Josh’s hoodie, the one he gave Tyler to wear yesterday. He slipped into it. It was loose and warm, and smelled like the other man. Come to think it, Josh always smelt good. 

Walking downstairs his dad stood from his comfy chair in the living room. “Ready?”

Tyler nodded. 

His dad takes him to Denny’s. They both ordered pancakes. His dad got coffe, and he got milk. Tyler had his phone laid out on the table since they arrived.

“Okay,” His dad said after swallowing a bite of maple syrup drenched pancake, “You’ve been looking at your phone since we got in the car. Who are you expecting a call or text from?”

Tyler looked up at his dad, “Uh, Josh said he would text me sometimes.” He felt lame, so lame, like a 13-year-old waiting for a text for their crush. Josh was never specific on _when_ he would text Tyler. 

“Well, text him.” His dad said cutting further into his stack of pancakes. 

“Should I?”

“I don’t see why not? You are married after all.” He grinned before eating again. 

Tyler picked his phone up and turned around in the booth. He snapped a photo and sent it to the other man. 

“Did you just take a picture of me?” His dad asked, mouth full. Tyler just chuckled. 

 

Josh and Mark were eating at dougnuts at a small shop across town. They’d been having a good time, talking and cutting up. It was almost like old times, thety just wished Tyler was there with them. 

“So, what did you two do yesterday?”

“Uh, Tyler dyed my hair, we watched our music videos-”

Mark’s eyes widened, “He was usppoed to call me when he watched them! Did he like them?”

Josh chuckled, “Yeah, he loved them. We looked at some more pictures, and talked. And then I dropped him off back at his parents’ place.”

Mark nodded, “Has he said when he’s coming back home?”

Josh shook his head, “Not really. He said maybe in a couple days, but who knows.”

“Well, he seemed pretty warmed up to you at the party. So, it has to be soon.”

Josh hoped so. Suddenly his phone dinged. He dug it out of his pocket and his heart raced as he saw it was Tyler who text him. Opening the message he smiled at the picture. Tyler was turned around facing the camera, with an eyebrow raised. His mouth was closed and slanted. His dad was in the background chowing down on a huge stack of pancakes like there was no tomorrow. Underneath was a message it said; Daddy Joseph be hungry.

He laughed out loud before sliding his phone over to Mark. It was Mark’s turn to laugh. He picked the phone up to get a better look. 

“Same old Tyler. He’s in there, he just has to remember.”

Josh nodded, taking his phone back to look at the picture again. He screen shot the message and saved the picture. He quickly took a similar picture and sent it to him.  
“Why did you take a picture of me?” Whined Mark, wiping his mouth a napkin. 

 

Chris had finished his pancakes and the rest of Tyler’s since Tyler only ate one. It was an improvement. 

His phone went off and he quickly opened the message. Josh had his back to Mark, his eyes wide and mouth agape in almost shock as Mark had red jelly smeared on his cheek and a dot on his nose as he ate a doughnut. 

Tyler laughed and couldn’t help but to notice how nice Josh looked with red hair.

“It that Josh? What did he say?” Chris said leaning back in his chair as downed the rest of his coffee. 

He turned his phone around to show him the picture. His dad chuckled, “Oh Mark.”

His phone went off again and Tyler looked at the message. 

_What are you doing?_

_Just eating breakfast with dad. Are you babysitting Mark?_

_LOL! Mark said he resents that! I’m just hanging with Mark._

_Spending time with my dad today and tonight my mom said something about knitting ;/ …But I was wondering if I could move back in tomorrow?_

Tyler’s stomach was in a huge knot as he sent it. He liked spending time with Josh. He liked Josh a lot. And maybe if he went back home it would help him remember.

_Of course! :D Pick you up tomorrow around noon?_

Tyler felt his chest tighten in excitement. But he was also nervous about being with Josh alone from now on. This was a big step for him. He’d only been awake for almost a week. 

 

“Tyler said he wants to come back home tomorrow.” Josh said excitedly looking at his phone. 

“That’s great, man!” Mark exclaimed as he chowed down on his fourth doughnut. 

The amount of excitement that filled Josh’s chest was indescribable. His husband was coming home! Josh knew if Tyler moved back in then it would only be a matter of time before remembered everything.  
“Let’s get out of here before I eat anything else.” Mark suggested wiping the sugar off his fingers with a thin paper napkin. 

They walked around town for a bit, going into shops, not looking for anything in particular. They just enjoyed one another’s company. It’s been a long time since they hung out. It was long before Tyler woke up, back on the day of Tyler’s accident. Everything was simple then, Tyler and Josh couldn’t keep their hands off one another while Mark fake gagged and puked, but secretly loved that the young married couple loved each other so much. 

Mark missed Tyler too. Maybe the two of them could hang out in a few days. He didn’t want to pressure is good friend. 

“Do you think Tyler would hang out with me?”

Josh looked to him over the rack of CDs, “Um, maybe. He’s been opening up a lot more. So, probably. Just ask. You can text him.”

“Oh,” Mark faked a huge smile, “I can? You’re going to let me text him? If I’m good can I call him?”

Josh rolled his eyes, “You know I meant. Just text him. I’m pretty sure he would like to see you.”

“I think I will. Be careful, Dun. I might just steal your husband.” Mark teased. Mark is as straight as they come, but he never missed a chance to tease Josh. 

“Nothing can keep me away from Tyler.” Josh mumbled, setting a Springsteen record back down on the rack. 

After Tyler and Chris finished eating they went to see a movie. It was really boring and something Tyler would never have wanted to see. His dad liked it though and he wanted his dad to enjoy himself.  
When they got home his mother was in the kitchen putting the dishes away. Chris walked in, kissed his wife’s cheek before getting a water bottle from the fridge. 

“Um,” Tyler said looking to the ground nervously. He didn’t know why he was nervous. This is his parents! “I text Josh and told him I wanted to go back home tomorrow.” 

His mother’s shoulder slumped a little, but she gave him a smile. “I’m going to miss having you around, but this is for the best. I think it will help you with your memories.”

Chris nodded, “Yeah. This is a good thing.”

Tyler was actually really excited. He went upstairs to his room and packed. After he had everything, minus a pair of pajama pants for later that night, he realized that he had a small throbbing in his temple.  
It wasn’t that bad, but he still changed out of skinny jeans and into his pajama pants. He lied in bed for a long time gazing at the two photos he had took from his and Josh’s apartment. But the small pain in his temple bloomed and spread all around in his head. Setting the pictures back down on the nightstand he rolled over, facing away from the window, away from the small streams of light creeping into his room. 

He fell asleep almost instantly and didn’t awake for a couple hours. When he opened his eyes he groaned. His headache had turned into a full-fledge migraine. Laying there he contemplated whether he should get out of bed to get his pain meds or just stay in bed. He finally forced himself to get out of the comfort of his bed. When he did the room spun and he become fully aware of the sickness he felt in his stomach. Wrapping a loose arm around his middle he trudged out of his room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. 

His parents were- eating? How long had he been asleep.

His mother was wiping her mouth when she noticed him. “Hi Sweetie. I was going to wake you for dinner, but you were just so out of it. Want me to make you a plate?”

“No.” He said quietly. The smell of his mother’s cooking usually made his mouth water, but now all he wanted to do was rush to the bathroom and throw up. 

“Uh, where is my medicine?”

“Right here,” His mother got up and walked over to the cabinet on the right side of the kitchen sink. She handed him to pills and poured him a glass of water. 

“You need to eat something with those.” Chris said.

“I’m still full from breakfast.” He croaked. He popped the pills in his mouth. 

“Honey, are you sick?” She felt his head as he drank his water. “You don’t feel warm.”

“I just have a migraine or something. I’m going back to bed.”

“Tell me if you need anything.” 

He didn’t say anything as he walked from the kitchen. He was in too much pain and his bed was literally screaming for him to come back. Crawling into bed he covered himself with his blanket. Just as he was about doze off again his phone dinged. He almost ignored it, but something told him not to. Weakly reaching over he grabbed his phone from the nightstand and looked at it. It was Josh.  
_I’m really excited for you to come home. Can’t wait :D_

Tyler grinned. He hadn’t even realized that his eyes closed. His eyelids were just so heavy. He was asleep in just seconds. His arm went limp over the side of the bed and his phone fell from his hand and hit the carpet with a soft thud. 

 

Josh looked at his phone happily, waiting for Tyler to reply back. A minute passed, five, ten, twenty. His smile was long gone by then. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. He didn’t see why not. Tyler is his husband for God’s sake! 

Maybe it made feel Tyler feel uncomfortable. He and Tyler were doing so well. Why did Josh have to go and mess it up? Would Tyler still want to come back home tomorrow?

Laying down the couch he sighed. Maybe he was just busy, with his parents, or asleep. No, he couldn’t be asleep, could he? It was only 7:30! So, Josh ruled that one out. He was probably talking or watching a movie with his parents. That’s it. That’s why he didn’t answer Josh back. 

It didn’t make Josh feel any better. In fact, it made him feel worse because he just _knew_ that wasn’t the case. 

_Stop feeling sorry for yourself! He’s just busy!_ Josh told himself before he grabbed the remote off the coffee table and switched the TV on. He needed to do something to take his mind off of Tyler. But let’s face it, that was impossible. Tyler has always been Josh’s mind, even before the accident. Tyler is Josh’s whole world. 

 

_Tyler was surrounded by complete darkness. The kind of darkness that screamed evil. It was was like being within a black box. Spinning around all he saw was black. “Hello?” He called out. It echoed and sounded creepy, sending shivers down Tyler’s spine._

_He was alone in this dark and empty place. He wanted his parents, his brothers and sister, his grandpa, and Josh. Yes, he wanted Josh here. Even though he was nervous around the other man sometimes, Josh calmed him. Being around Josh made that tightening feeling his chest appear. It was a feeling of excitement and something else._

_Tyler knew that_ something _was love. He had to love Josh or otherwise he wouldn’t have married him. From the few times Tyler has been around Josh since waking up he knew Josh loved him more than life itself. He wish he could return the feelings now, that he would remember their life together._

_“Josh?” He called out. Nothing except an echo. He didn’t know what would be lonlier; the the echo or silence. It made him want to cry. No one was there to help him. He was alone._

_Taking a step forward he suddenly fell. He yelled out. He was falling into a black abyss. The more he fell the the panic in his chest grew. Finally it became too much for him_

Sitting up in bed with a gasp Tyler quickly looked around his room. It was dark except for the light peering in from underneath his door from the hallway light. He became aware of the most horrible excrutiating pain in his head. He never felt anything like it. His stomach churned from the pain. He got out of bed, stumbling as his feet got caught in the sheets. He found his balance before he staggered over to the door, got it open, and went into the bathroom across his room. He barely got a chance to turn the light on before he fell to his knees in front of the toilet. 

He emptied the contents of his stomach, the panckaes from this moring, and maybe the pizza he ate with Josh the day before. It was unbearable, the pain. With each heave he was plunged into a new wave of pain. As he sobbed he thought, _This is it. I’m going to die, letting everyone down, letting Josh down._

“Honey.” He felt a hand on his back. It was mom. Resting the side of his face on the arm that was slung over the toilet seat he looked to her. She was knelt down beside him. 

“H-hurts, mama.” He choked out. 

Looking to her husband frantically she said, “He needs to go to the hospital, Chris.”

His father stepped forward, “Are you ready, Ty?”

Tyler let out a sob. He couldn’t stop crying. Panic had set in and he wasn’t capable of doing anything. The sobs wracking through his body causing him more pain. Chris slid his arms around Tyler, picking him up. He couldn’t help but to notice how light his son is now. Tyler tried to drape an arm around his father’s neck, but he was weak and it just dangled. Kelly rushed from the bathroom, grabbing a blanket off of Tyler’s bed before going downstairs. She left the front door open as she opened the car door.

Chris rushed out with Tyler in his arms and laid him down in the back seat before going around to the driver’s side. Kelly got in beside him. On the way to the hospital Tyler did everything he could to calm himself down, but he just couldn’t. He was hyperventalating now, trying to keep from crying. He truly thought he was going to die from the pain in his head. 

“Hold on, baby. We’re almost there, we’re almost there. You’re doing so good.” Kelly said brokenly, trying to comfort her son. She was turned around in her seat, holding his hand, and running her fingers through his hair with the other. 

Chris parked in front of the entrace. He quickly got out, picking up his son in his arms again. “Park the car!” He called to his wife as he rushed inside. “My son needs help!” He shouted. 

Tyler was quickly taken from him and laid out on a stretcher. A couple of nurses wheeled him away while another asked Chris some questions. 

“What’s wrong?”

“What are his symptoms?”

“Is he on any medication?”

The questions never seemed to end. Kelly came in and the clasped hands. The nurse finally finished with the questions. “We need to call Josh.” Kelly’s voice was thick. 

“I’ll go pick him up. He doesn’t need to be driving right now. You know how he as when Tyler had his accident.” He kissed her head and gently took the keys from her. Josh had been a hysterical mess, sobbing and trying to fight off his brother, plus Zack and Jay. 

He took his time getting there. He just didn’t know how he was going to break the news to his son-in-law. When it came to Tyler, Josh was frantic and freaked out about the smallest thing. Chris liked that about him though. It just proved how much Josh loved his son. 

Knocking on the door he waited impatiently, nervously. It took a few minutes before the door opened. Josh leaned heavily on the doorframe, his newly dyed red hair messy and his eyes squinted, trying to adjust to the harshness of the light. He straightened up when he saw his father-in-law. The air was filled with something, something that told Josh that not everything was alright. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Let’s step inside.” Chris gestured passed Josh with his hand. Josh quickly stepped aside to let the other man inside. 

Josh had barely closed the door before Chris began explaining. “Kelly and I found Tyler on the bathroom floor throwing up not even an hour ago. He was very upset and saying,” He swallowed thickly, thinking back to the state his son in, “his head hurt. It was bad. We took him to the hospital. Kelly is there now. When I left we didn’t know anything on his condition. I thought it would be best if I came to get you.”

Josh’s world seemed to be crumbling down around him ever so slowly. Tyler, sick, hurt, and hospital rang through his head like a gong. It just wasn’t fair. Tyler had done nothing to deserve all of this pain and suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Sorry for the cliffhanger? Would this be considered a cliffhanger? Yeah, it would be. I'll update again soon!~


	8. Fear leads to anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~This chapter is dedicated to Briana Danyal, because I told her I would have updated this story about three days ago and I didn't! I just got really busy, seriously, it was thing after the other! So, I'm very sorry, Sweetie! This chapter is a little over 5,000 words long too! Hope that makes up for not updating!~

“Josh!” Josh was brought back from his deep thoughts by Chris standing right in front of him, and laying a hand on his shoulder. 

“I have to be there!” Josh whipped around and grabbed his jacket from the hook by the door. He quickly slipped into his Vans.

“Josh, I know that this is serious, but you have to remain calm.”

“How can I be calm when my husband is in the hospital?” Josh shouted.

“It seems you have forgotten that your _husband_ is my _son_!” Roared Chris.

Josh’s shoulders relaxed and he winced before saying, “I know. I’m sorry. I’m scared. It seems like Tyler hasn’t gotten a break lately. He doesn’t deserve this.”

Chris walked over to him and gripped his shoulder, “I know. Now, let’s go.”

 

It took too long to get there. Josh leaned his head against the cool glass of the window. The sky was black minus the full moon. All he wanted to know was show Tyler was. This all brought him back to the night of the accident. 

_Josh hadn’t been allowed to ride in the ambulance with Tyler. Something about it needing the extra room to work on him or something. Mark had driven them to the hospital. Josh had rushed in, wide-eyed and frantic. He practically flew over the front desk. “My husband was just brought in. He was in an accident. We were doing a show and he-”_

_“Sir, you need calm down. Let me see.” The elderly nurse said as she began flipping through a stack of papers. After a moment she picked up a certain paper, “Ah yes,” She adjusted her glasses, “Tyler?”_

_Josh nodded._

_“Okay, well Sweetie, I do not know anything about his condition at this moment. You’re just going to have sit down and wait a while.” She gave him a sad smile._

_“A-are you sure? Can you ask someone? Is there-” He was interrupted by someone draping their arms over his shoulders. It was Mark._

_“Hey man. Let’s sit down, okay?”_

_Josh reluctantly went with Mark. His friend led them over to the waiting area where Ben, their sound guy and good friend was sitting down. Ben was a huge guy, but he was sweet and kind. Michael, their tour manager was on the phone. He was rubbing his forehead._

_“We’re there now, ma’am. We just got here. We don’t know anything yet. Okay,” He nodded, “See you soon.”_

_He looked up at them as he hung up, “That was Tyler’s dad. His family is on their way. I’ll call yours if you’re not up to it?”_

_Josh just nodded. It was like he was in some sort of trance. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Was this all one huge nightmare? It had to be. When he woke up from this horrible nightmare then Tyler would be asleep next him in their bed back home. Then in the morning he would tell Tyler about his nightmare and Tyler would laugh and then they would eat Taco Bell and watch movies all day, maybe even make love at some point._

_Michael nodded before pressing a few buttons on his phone. He put it up to his ear again before walking off. Mark gently pushed Josh into the seat next to Ben before sitting down on the side of him._

_Mark had tried to tell Josh Tyler would be okay. But Josh was just silent, staring straight ahead. It was quiet until The Josephs showed. Kelly hugged Josh tightly. She was crying, and Madison was trying not to, Jay was quiet, and Chris and Zack had grim looks._

_Josh wanted to say that this is just a dream. But he stayed silent and hugged each of them. His family showed up a few minutes later. They all hugged Josh. It was when he was hugging his mom that he realized this was the most vivid and detailed dream he had ever had. His eyes widened and he felt like someone punched him in the stomach. This wasn’t a dream. He choked on a sob and he felt his mother’s embrace tighten._

_“O-oh God.” He choked, “This is real. This is happening.”_

_His mother shushed him, “It’s okay baby. It’s okay. Tyler will be okay._

_He cried. He didn’t care who watched. He cried like a baby in his mom’s arms. Chris instructed everyone to hold hands after a while. They made a big circle. Josh stood between his mother and Zack. Chris prayed; his words powerful and full of faith._

_Josh was a mindless zombie. He didn’t think, he didn’t speak, he didn’t really do anything. He just stared at the white wall in front of him. It took an hour before they knew anything. An older looking man came out in navy blue scrubs._

_“Tyler-” He began._

_Everyone was up and over to him in a heartbeat. It startled the man for a brief moment. “Um, hello everyone. Call me Dr. Parker. I have been taking care of Tyler since he arrived. He sustained a head injury and I’m afraid he is in a coma. He had to have stitches right here,” He ran his finger from the top of his right temple and back into his hairline, “I’m still running some tests.”_

_“Can I see him? Please, I’m his husband.” Josh asked, hope evident in his voice._

_“I’m sorry. Not until the tests are finished. I just thought I would come out and inform you of his condition.”_

_“Please, I just_ need _to see him, sir. Please.” His voice was thick and shaky, threatening to break._

 _“The tests shouldn’t take much longer, son.” Dr. Parker said as he laid a hand on Josh’s shoulder._

_To Josh, even though he was helping Tyler, this man was his enemy. He was keeping Josh from seeing his husband. All he wanted was a quick look to see how his husband was; to ease his fear. And this man wouldn’t even allow that._

_Dr. Parker gave them a small grin before walking off. When he left Josh just fell to his knees._

_“Honey,” He heard mother gasp._

_Josh ignored everyone’s questions and touches. He just wanted Tyler here. He wanted to hug and kiss the other man. He wanted to hear his husband’s voice, his laugh. He just wanted everything Tyler had to offer. But he couldn’t. Tyler wasn’t here. Tyler was somewhere in this awful place…Alone. Tyler was alone. That’s when he lost it. He told Tyler at their wedding when they were reciting their vows that Tyler would never be alone as long as Josh had breath._

_He covered his face with his hands and let out a muffled scream. He had to get his frustration out. Tyler was usually the one to do that; cure him of all of his anxiety. But Tyler wasn’t here to do that._

_Ashley laid a comforting hand on his older brother’s back, but Josh jerked form his touch. The only touch he wanted was from Tyler. Ashley retracted her hand as if Josh burned her._

_“Josh, man, come on. It’s going to be okay.” Mark tried to calm his friend down. Josh was sobbing now, his shoulders heaving up and down. Mark stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his friend from behind. Josh fought against him, elbowing him in the nose in the process. Mark released him instantly holding his nose. It was bleeding._

_“Joshua William Dun!” His mother scolded him as she checked on Mark. She pulled a napkin from her purse, handing it to the poor man. He took it gratefully, “It’s okay.” He said wincing as he applied pressure to the sensitive area, “He’s upset. I understand.”_

_Josh was a mess and drawing attention from other people in the waiting room. The elderly nurse came out from behind the desk and stood beside Michael, “Sir, I’m sorry to say this, but your friend needs to calm down or he’ll have to be escorted out. I know he’s upset about his husband, but we have rules.” She was kind and felt for Josh, but rules are rules._

_Michael nodded, “Yes ma’am.” She left and Michael walked over to where Zack and Jordan stood. “We have to get Josh to calm down or he’ll have to leave. And I know that won’t go over well.” He whispered to them._

_Zack stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Josh, somehow dodging his elbows. He pulled Josh up to his feet. At first Josh’s legs were just limp noodles, but he eventually stood on his own. Jordan grabbed his brother’s arms, to keep him from hurting anyone else._

_“Josh,” Jordan said sternly, “Stop it! You need to calm down or you’ll be asked to leave!”_

_Josh struggled against his brother and brother-in-law with all his might. He screamed again, but this time for Tyler. He just didn’t know what to do. It was like he wasn’t himself. And he really isn’t himself without Tyler. Ever since he met the other man he is happiest when he is around him._

_Ben finally made his entrance, motioning for Zack and Jordan step aside. They released the hysterical man. And before Josh could fall to his knees again Ben wrapped his arms around him from behind. He lifted Josh up off the floor. Josh’s arms were trapped and after a couple of minutes he was hyperventilating._

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He mumbled, tears running down his face._

_“It’s okay,” Ben said softly. “We’re all worried.”_

_Everyone eventually sat back down, Josh laid across Mark and Michael, his head in his mother’s lap. His mother was caressing his face gently. He couldn’t believe he had done what he did. He just couldn’t control himself. He apologized a million times, maybe two million to Mark. Mark had just laughed it off and said, “It’s okay. I’ve never had a nose bleed before.”_

_He prayed Tyler would be okay. Because a coma? That’s something serious. All Josh knew was if Tyler died, so would he._

Josh hated himself that night. Hated himself for letting Tyler climb, hated himself for breaking down and hated himself for hurting his friend. 

 

Josh saw the big red, glowing sign that said EMERGENCY. Before Chris had even stopped the car Josh was out and running through the main entrance. When he ran in he heard his name, “Josh!” he turned to see Kelly sitting down in the waiting room, she had held her robe tightly to her as she crossed her arms over her middle. She stood as he rushed over to her and before he could ask she said, “I don’t know anything yet.”

She moved forward so that her head rested to his chest and he welcomed her with open arms, holding onto her tightly. 

“I’m glad you weren’t there tonight,” She said brokenly. “It just… Tyler was…” She tried to tell Josh, but thought back to her son, her _baby_ , on the floor in the bathroom, crying, sick, in pain. 

Josh’s grip on her tightened. When he felt a hand on his shoulder a moment later he jumped and turned his head to see Chris. With his other hand he was rubbing his wife’s back.

“Anything?” He asked.

Josh shook his head. 

After letting Kelly cry into his chest a few minutes they all sat down. Kelly was leaned towards her right, closer to her husband, while she held Josh’s hand, who was seated on her left. 

Josh went to get his phone out of his pocket, for some sort of distraction, even just to see what time it was, but found it not there. He had left it at home. He closed his eyes and scolded himself.

“It’s almost 3:30.” Kelly told him as she looked at the tiny watch on her wrsit. Looking to her he tried to grin, but failed miserably.

“Thank you.”

She gave him a nod.

His legs bounced up and down nervously for a good ten minutes before he leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees. He stared down at his feet, lost in his thoughts.  
_Tyler didn’t deserve this. Tyler had been happy with his life before all of this. He had his bad days, but who didn’t? We were happy. Everything was perfect! I could have prevented this if Tyler wasn’t so stubborn. He always climbs on things and he knows how much I hate it. Heck, Kelly told him if he falls off of something he better wish he was dead, because it would be better than her getting a hold of him afterwards. But Tyler likes the excitement even if he just jumps off his piano. He fell asleep way too many nights with me rubbing the pain from his ankles and feet._ Josh smiled as he thought back to their conversations. It was better than his memory of the night of Tyler’s accident. 

_One night during a show in Austin, Texas Tyler jumped off of something, Josh doesn’t remember what, and when they got off stage Tyler had to lean on him. He had twisted his ankle when he jumped. But he went on with the show as if nothing happened. “You are so stubborn.” Josh told him as he carried him back to the bus._

_Tyler wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck and rubbed his nose on Josh’s cheek as if to give him a Eskimo kiss. “I know, but you love me.”_

_Josh had chuckled, “I know.” He really did. Tyler didn’t know that Josh was_ in love _with Tyler._

 _Josh laid him down on the couch in the bus and got him an ice pack. He lifted Tyler’s legs, sat down, and rested Tyler’s hurt ankle in his lap._

_“Thanks.” Tyler said with a wince as Josh gently sat the ice pack on his ankle._

_“You need to be more careful.” Josh mumbled._

_“I’ll try.” Tyler had told him._

_Josh groaned, throwing his head back, “You always say that, but you still do the dumb stuff you always do.”_

_“I can’t help it if I like the thrill.” Tyler grinned, “Just call me an adrenaline junkie.” He tried to lighten the mood. It didn’t work._

_“What if you had broken a leg? You would be playing shows in a wheelchair.”_

_Tyler winced, but not from the pain, but the thought of how boring that would be. He wants to give their fans something to remember._

_“I promise I’ll be more careful.” He said seriously._

_Josh looked into his eyes, “Promise?”_

_“Promise.” Tyler grinned_

_Josh had smiled at him, one his Josh Dun smiles and said, “I’ll hold you to that.”_

Josh sighed heavily, fighting back his tears at the thought of the memory. They hadn't even been dating then. Josh believed Tyler had every intention of keeping his promise, and he did. He didn’t get hurt again until the stupid stage crew in their hometown didn’t set up the platform incorrectly, causing it to collapse under Tyler’s weight. 

That memory angered Josh more than anything and he shoved the memory into the far corner of his mind. When Tyler gets his memory back, no more climbing, not even on top of his piano. Josh won’t allow it anymore. And then Josh remembered that they were in a hospital, waiting to see what’s wrong with his husband. What if something is seriously wrong besides his amnesia? 

An icy cold fear gripped his heart and he pushed that thought far away. It made him physically sick to think about not having Tyler around. He had to think positive, no matter how hard it is. Josh refused to believe that his husband would never remember him or to think of a life without him in it.

The minutes ticked by. When Kelly said it was 5:30 A.M. Josh let out a small sigh. They had been there for over two hours. Just when Josh thought he would go crazy if they didn’t find out something soon a man in turquoise scrubs and graying hair stepped out into the waiting room. 

“Tyler?”

Josh flew out of his seat and stood in front of the doctor. He hadn’t even realized it was Dr. Parker until he stood right in front of him. Kelly and Chris stood right beside their son-in-law.

“Hello everyone,” He began. “It’s nice to see you all again, although I wish it had been under better circumstances. Tyler was suffering from a severe migraine, which was caused the head injury from his accident. He told me has been having a lot of headaches and the occasional migraine. The migraine was so severe – and with the medication- it caused Tyler to be sick.” 

Josh pictured Tyler on his knees in the bathroom, heaving, and crying. And it broke Josh’s heart that he wasn’t there. That’s all going to change. He is going to be there for Tyler every second now that he was coming home soon. 

“I am switching his medication, the one he is taking now is not working for him. It does not work for a some people, but I was hoping it would for Tyler, since it was the medication that would have the least side effects.”

“But he’s okay?” Kelly asked. 

With a nod of his head Dr. Parker said, “Yes, he is sleeping now. Tyler can go home within the hour. He’s hooked to an I.V. I’ll check on him in about half an hour. You can go see him. He’s in room 221. I would walk you there myself, but I have other patients to attend to.”

Josh hurried to the elevator, not caring if Kelly and Chris were behind him. In the elevator he felt someone slip their much smaller hand in his. He looked over to see that it was Kelly. She gave him a sad smile. 

“Thank God he’s okay.”

Josh couldn’t be more grateful. He thanked God for everything. He couldn’t get out of the elevator fast enough when the doors opened, no offense to Kelly, he just really wanted to see his husband. He was surprised he didn’t drag her behind him, but as soon as he stepped out he ripped his hand away from hers. Rushing down the hall, he looked at the signs telling their room numbers and arrows. Finally, 221. The door was open and Josh took in every inch of his husband’s still body on the bed. He was lying down on his back, above the sheets and blankets. He was still in his pajamas. His head propped up on pillows, and an I.V. hooked to his left hand. His head was tilted to the side a bit. Josh didn’t like seeing his husband like this, pale and unmoving. 

A small gasp was heard from behind him and Josh didn’t need to turn around to know it was Kelly. Closing his eyes he pictured her standing there, with a hand raised to open mouth, tears brimming in her eyes, and then falling down her cheeks. Chris would be standing beside her, with a comforting arm around her shoulders. Slowly stepping inside Josh made his way over to the bed. Tyler is one of the strongest people Josh has ever met. That’s why it pained him more than anything else in the world to see him like this. Gently running his hand over his husband’s hair he sighed in relief. Touching Tyler made him feel so much better, it always does. 

Tyler let out a small hum and opened his eyes, slowly. 

“Hey,” Josh whispered, “How do you feel?”

Before Tyler could answer Kelly said her voice thick, “Oh baby.” She leaned over and hugged him the best she could. Tyler brought up a hand weakly and rested it on her back as she hugged him. Josh eyed the I.V. needle in the back of his hand. 

Once she released him Josh asked him again, “How do you feel?”

Tyler licked his dry lips before answering, “I’m fine, really tired.”

Resting a hand on his son’s leg Chris said, “The doctor said that you should be able to go home within the hour.”

“Good. I don’t want to be here.”

“How’s your head?” Kelly gently rested a hand on her son’s temple.

“It still hurts, but it’s a lot better.”

Josh looked at the scene before him, Tyler lying in the bed with Chris’s hand on his leg, Kelly’s hands on his head and arm. Tyler covered Kelly’s hand that is on his arm with his own. Tyler was content with them here. He wasn’t paying any attention to Josh. The feeling of dread found its way back into Josh’s chest. Taking a step back he decided that he should give them the time alone they needed. Tyler didn’t need him here, even though they’re married, Tyler doesn’t _know_ him. So, why would he want Josh here at all? Before he could take another step back he felt a small hand find its way into his own. Looking up he saw it was Tyler. 

“Where are you going?”

“Um, just, I thought you would want to be alone with your parents for a bit.”

“I want you here too.” Tyler looked down embarrassed. And he shouldn’t be embarrassed, he and Josh are _married_ , but he couldn’t help the flush that went through his body when he admitted he didn’t want Josh to leave. 

Josh felt weak to his knees when those words left his husband’s mouth. He couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face or the tears that found their way to his eyes.

“Of course.” Josh said, tightening his fingers around Tyler’s, and stepping closer to the bed. 

Josh knew he and Tyler were on good terms, great terms even, but he just was always afraid since Tyler doesn’t remember that he would resent him eventually. But Tyler telling Josh he wanted him here made all of Josh’s insecurities go away. Everyone was quiet for a long time. Josh guessed that Chris and Kelly thought it would be best if Tyler had some quiet time. Tyler seemed grateful. 

When Dr. Parker came in to check on Tyler a little while later he said it was okay for him to go home. He asked them all to leave the room while he took out Tyler’s I.V. Josh was very conflicted; he didn’t want to leave his husband again. A ridiculous fear washed over him; what if something happened while he was away? When Josh made no move to leave Chris stepped forward and draped an arm over his son-in-law’s shoulders. “Come on, son. We’ll see him in a few minutes.”

As he lead Josh away his hand slid from Tyler’s and he couldn’t help but to feel pathetic as he stretched his fingers out as far as he could, until only their fingers were barely touching. 

When they completely parted Josh had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. _Come on Josh, you’ll see him again in a few minutes. Get a grip._ He told himself. 

As Dr. Parker unhooked the I.V. from his hand Tyler thought about how much more relaxed he was when his hand was in Josh’s. And then he thought about how Josh was going to leave because, even though he said he wanted to give Tyler some time alone with his parents, Tyler knew it was because Josh felt like Tyler didn’t want him here. Even though Tyler doesn't remember loving him, Tyler felt excitement and nervousness all in one when he was around the other man. 

When Dr. Parker finished and let everyone back inside Kelly asked, “Ready to go home, baby?”

“I want to go with Josh.” He said immediately. 

Josh let out a breath of disbelief. He knew Tyler wanted to come home, but just actually hearing him say that rather reading it on a text made Josh so utterly happy. 

“Well, we can swing by the house and get your things and then I’ll take you boys home.” Chris said. 

Tyler liked seeing Josh so happy. He was a very attractive man and his smile was something Tyler would like to see more often. His smile was so big Tyler wondered for a moment if it hurt, and the corners by his eyes were scrunched up. Tyler succeeded in making his husband happy without remembering everything. Score. Now, only if he could remember… 

Josh had been like he always was, helpful. He had helped Tyler sit up in bed, helped him sit in the chair and now he is wheeling Tyler out of the hospital. When they made it to the car Chris opened the back door. Tyler made a move to push himself up, but Josh was already beside him, hand on his back, helping him stand. 

“Don’t overwork yourself.” Tyler teased. 

“I should be telling you that.” Josh teased right back. 

Once inside the car Kelly draped a blanket over him. Looking at her he said, “Mom, I’m fine now, really.”

“It’s chilly though.”

Looking down at the threaded blanket he noticed it was the one his mom had made for him and Josh. The one he had been using for the past couple of days. Josh got beside him, after taking the wheelchair back inside. As Chris started the car Josh rubbed his hands together and brought them up to his mouth, blowing warm air into them. 

Tyler undid his seatbelt and scooted to the middle seat, right next to Josh, their thighs pressing together. And he lifted a corner of the blanket and threw it across Josh’s lap, so they could share it. As he did all this Josh watched him with a thoughtful expression on his face. 

“It’s cold.” Tyler said before resting his head on Josh’s shoulder. Josh sat there a bit dumbfounded. Tyler had been more open to touching him and vice versa lately. He was more than happy that Tyler was warming up to him like this. He loved any kind of touch from his husband, especially now since he doesn’t get it very often. Before Tyler’s accident they were always touching in some way. Whether it was them holding hands, sitting very close to one another, or Josh resting a hand on Tyler’s thigh. They always irritated Mark, Ben, and the other guys on tour. 

When they arrived back at the Joseph’s house Josh got out, telling Tyler to stay put, that he would pack everything. Chris and Josh walked up the driveway and into the house, leaving Tyler and Kelly out in the car. 

“I’m sad to see you go baby, but I understand. You need to be with Josh.”

 _You need to be with Josh._ That one sentence echoed through his mind. Only his mother calling him brought him out of his reverie. 

“Yes ma’am?”

“I said, are you excited be going home?”

Was he? He hadn’t really thought about whether he was excited or nervous or whatever. 

“Um, yeah. I am actually.” And he was. Tyler enjoyed Josh’s company a lot. All he wanted was to remember. He wanted to know how it feels to love Josh, he wanted to remember all their conversations, their wedding, just _everything_.

She turned around in her seat to look at her eldest, “It will be okay, baby. Josh will be there for you if ever need anything.”

Tyler swallowed hard, “I know.”

Just then the driver’s door opened and Chris stuck his head in. He pulled on a small lever at the side of his seat, making the trunk pop open. A few moments later Josh slid in besides Tyler again. 

Josh smiled at him and asked, “Ready?”

Tyler only nodded. He was tired. He was tired mentally and physically. As soon as they got to the apartment he was going to sleep and he was sure Josh would too. He rested his head tiredly on Josh's shoulder. He fought sleep the whole way to their apartment. 

"Need any help?" Chris asked once they pulled up in front of their apartment building. 

Josh shook his head, "Nah, I got it. Thanks."

Josh helped the other man out of the car. Tyler was immediately brought into a tight hug by his mother. 

“I’ll see you soon, baby.”

“Okay mom.” He hugged her back. 

Josh stood to side with Tyler’s bag watching the mother and son. 

“You scared me.” His mother admitted, her voice thick. 

“I’m okay.” He mumbled into her hair.

When she released a few minutes later she smiled, eyes still sparkling with tears, and cupped his face in her hands. “My baby.” She kissed his cheek before moving over to Josh. She hugged him tight and kissed him as well. 

“Bye honey.” She told him. 

Tyler watched as she got into the car and his father drive off. 

“I bet you’re tired.” Josh said, making Tyler look at him. 

“I bet I’m not the only one.”

Josh smiled, “You caught me. Let’s get inside.”

In the elevator Josh said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to sleep.”

“Yeah,” Tyler said as he leaned against the wall, “Me too.” 

His entire body felt so weak. He wondered when it would wear off. He had never fully recovered from waking up the first time and now it was like starting over. Could he ever catch a break? Once inside their apartment they toed their shoes off.

“I am guessing you are sleeping in your room, right?”

Tyler couldn’t look Josh in the eyes. He felt way too guilty. 

“Um, yeah.”

“It’s okay, you know? Don’t worry about it. I understand.” 

Though Josh would love to sleep in the same bed as his husband since it had been about a month since doing so. The closer he was to Tyler, the better. Tyler followed Josh into his room, where he sat Tyler’s bag on the bed. He turned to Tyler, “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

In that moment Tyler looked up into the other man’s eyes. And Tyler knew what to do. Don’t ask him how he knew, he just knew. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Josh’s middle. Josh instantly hugged him back. He buried his face into Tyler’s hair. 

“Thank you.” He mumbled. 

“We are married after all.” 

It made Josh laugh, but Tyler felt stupid for saying that. Yeah, they are married, but sleeping in separate rooms. He just wasn’t ready to sleep in the same bed as Josh. He just prayed that he would soon. He was sick of hurting Josh. 

He slowly, but surely crawled into his bed. The door to the bathroom opened and Josh walked in, in just his boxers.

“Night.”

“Night.”

“Can I get you anything?” 

“No, I’m fine. Thanks. Can I get you anything?” Tyler said, mimicking Josh’s voice. 

Josh chuckled, “No, I’m fine. Thanks.” He copied Tyler and Tyler loved it. 

Tyler, may have, kind of, wanted to keep talking with Josh, but he was just so tired. 

“Could you stay with me until I fall asleep?” The words were out of his mouth before he knew it. It shocked him for a second. He could tell it caught Josh off guard as well. He had been doing that quite a bit lately and he didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. 

“Yeah, sure, of course.” He said a little too eagerly. 

He walked over to the bed and sat down. He leaned his back against the pillows. Looking over at Tyler, he couldn’t help but to think how some things never change. Tyler always slept on the left side of the bed, while Josh was always on the right. 

Now that Josh was in here with him, Tyler regretted asking him to stay. They were just fine a moment ago, joking around and now they sat in an uncomfortable silence. It sucked. 

“So, um, I am in serious need for some Taco Bell.” Josh said suddenly, breaking the silence. 

Tyler looked over at him, “Yeah.”

“Maybe when you get your appetite back we’ll go?”

“Totally.”

They fell back into silence again. Oh, how Tyler hated silence. Silence made him think. 

“Later on today,” Tyler began messing with a loose thread on the duvet, “Can I look at some more pictures?”

“Yeah, of course. We can definitely do that.” 

Tyler nodded. He laid back in bed, his body grateful. Silence fell upon them again for a while.

Tyler rolled over on his side, “Hey, Josh do you…” 

He found the other man fast asleep. He deserved some rest. Tyler threw the other side of the blanket over him before turning over, facing away from Josh and closed his eyes. He was asleep within seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~It was really hard to write the first flashback in this chapter. It made me so sad!~


	9. You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I almost have the next chapter written! Pete and Patrick should make their appearance after a couple more chapters!~

The next time Tyler opens his eyes the sun is leaking through the blinds, casting streaks of light across the room. The next thing he notices is that he is especially warm this morning. It was a nice feeling. But then he realized there was someone pressed up against his back. Turning his head he saw Josh was spooned against his back, an arm draped over his thinning waist. Tyler carefully untangled himself from the other boy, careful not to wake him, and made his way to the kitchen. 

In the kitchen he opened the fridge and grabbed out a bottle of water. Untwisting the cap he took a long swig, stopping to enjoy the icy cold feeling that traveled down his throat and chest. Suddenly music played through the apartment, startling the young man, making him drop the water bottle. Water splattered on Tyler’s feet and ran over the white tiles. He made a break towards the source of the noise, not wanting it to wake Josh. Josh has been taking care of Tyler for weeks now. He deserved a good sleep. The music was coming from Josh’s phone on the coffee table. It was vibrating as well, adding to the noise. He quickly picked it up and answered it, thinking whoever was calling could leave a message. 

“Hello?” 

“Tyler? Shit, Patrick, it’s Tyler!” A man said excitedly, “Hey! It’s Pete, do you remember me?”

“Pete um...?”

“I guess not then. Do you remember anything? OW!” 

Tyler guessed this Patrick guy hit Pete. “Hey Tyler. This is Patrick Stump. I’m sorry for Pete. He doesn’t think before he talks. How are you doing?”

Tyler found himself smiling, as he got up on the couch, bringing his knees up to his chest. “It’s okay. I’m doing fine. I still don’t remember anything, but Josh is doing everything he can to help me.”

“I’m sure he is. I have no doubt in my mind that you will remember everything soon.”

In the background he heard Pete whining, “I wanna talk to him! Let me talk to him! Trick, please! It’s my phone!” 

This Pete guy was very childish, but Tyler found it endearing. Patrick seemed like a real sweetheart. That must be why they complement each other so well. Wait, are they together? Would it be rude to ask?

“Tyler?” Pete asked. 

“I’m here. Just thinking.”

“Aren’t you always?” He teased. 

They must know Tyler really well. Josh had said something about a Pete and a Patrick, didn’t he? Tyler couldn’t remember. 

“Are you two together?”

“Why, yes we are! For, like, six years!” Pete said excitedly. 

“That’s a long time.”

“You have no idea,” Sighed Patrick. They must have him on speakerphone. 

“But we’re so in love! We’re like newlyweds!” Pete added. 

For some reason he pictured – even though he didn’t remember what Patrick looked like- Patrick rolling his eyes. 

“So, let’s talk about your party.” 

“Pete,” Patrick scolded, “He just got out of the hospital!”

“It’s okay, really. Maybe seeing you guys will jog my memory.”

“Excellent! Okay, well it will be here at our house. There won’t be that many people, just us and Joe and Andy, Panic, and some others. It will be great! Patrick will cook. Everyone loves his cooking. And there will be enough alcohol to get a small army wasted.”

Tyler didn’t drink, did he? He doesn’t know. He does know he didn’t before, but no telling what he’s like now. 

“Do either of you know if I drink?” He felt so stupid for asking a question like that. 

“You and Josh do sometimes, but you never get drunk or anything.” Patrick said. “We’ll buy sodas too.” 

“Okay.”

There a soft sound behind Tyler. He quickly turned to look. Josh stood in the doorway, looking like he was still asleep, a hand slipped under his shirt and scratched his stomach. 

“Hey.” Even if you didn’t look at him you could hear the tiredness in his voice. 

“Morning.”

“Is that Josh?” Pete asked. 

Josh came around the couch to sit next to Tyler. Tyler handed him the phone and Josh pressed a button on it before sitting it down on the coffee table. 

“Hey Pete.” 

“What am I? Chopped liver?” Patrick asked.

Josh smiled, “Hello Patrick.”

“My God, you hung-over?” Peter wondered aloud, “You sound like you just woke up. It’s almost 2 o’clock.”

“Nah just had a long night." He turned to Tyler, "How long has he been bothering you?” 

Tyler shrugged, “Ten minutes, maybe?”

“We are not bothering him.” Pete defended. 

“I wasn’t talking about Patrick.” Josh shot back, grinning. 

“Ouch Dun. Well played, my good man, well played.” Pete said in a horrible fake British accent. 

Tyler really likes Pete and Patrick. He would have to look them up later to see what they looked like and maybe he could listen to some of their music too. 

“Anyway,” Patrick said loudly, “When do you think it would be appropriate to have the party?”

“Well, Tyler just got out of the hospital last night and-”

“What happened?” Pete asked. 

“His medication was making him really sick. But he’s fine now.” Josh said. 

“We’ll put this party off then.” Patrick offered. 

“No,” Tyler said, “I really want to see you and everyone. Maybe it will help with my memories.” 

Josh looked to him, “Okay, when do you think you’d be up for this?”

Tyler shrugged, “I guess. Maybe in a week or something?” 

“That’s perfect.” Pete said, “Trick and I can totally plan a party in a few days, right babe?” 

“Um, yeah. We sure can. Well, we’ll let you go. Get some rest Tyler.” Patrick said.

Pete groaned. “I don’t want to get off the phone.” 

Tyler heard Patrick chuckle. 

“You can text me, if you want Tyler.” Patrick added.

“I will.” 

Josh smiled and said, “Bye guys.” 

“Bye.” Tyler said quietly. 

Tyler didn’t want Patrick and Pete to go. He wanted to keep talking to them. Patrick was really sweet and Pete made him laugh. 

Josh looked over at him, “You okay?”

Tyler nodded from his spot on the left corner of the couch. He had his knees brought up to his chest and his wrapped around them loosely. 

“Are you hungry? I can make something.” He stood. 

“Oh, don’t go in the kitchen.” Tyler jumped up and rushed passed him. “I dropped my water bottle. There’s water everywhere.” He would feel an entirely new level of guilty if Josh had gone in and slipped. 

“I’ll clean it up.” Josh offered. 

“No, I got it.” Tyler looked around and grabbed a roll of paper towels before getting to his knees and began wiping the water up. Josh leaned on the counter, shivering when his bareback came into contact with the tile. He watched his husband.

“Your phone started ringing and scared the life out of me.” Tyler smiled for a second before continuing to soak up the water. “I was just going to silence it. I don’t know why I answered it. It’s your phone. Sorry.” 

“It’s okay. We’re…married, it’s fine.”

“Right.” Tyler said softly. 

Josh pushed himself away from the counter. 

“We have cereal, or I can make some eggs and toast. I think we have sandwich stuff too.”

Tyler was pretty hungry. His mom had made him eggs and toast every morning and for a snack she either gave him crackers or toast, so it wouldn’t upset his stomach. He didn’t really want toast. “Cereal sounds good.” 

“Yeah, it does,” Josh agreed. 

He turned around and opened the cabinet. They were big cereal eaters. 

“We have Reeses, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cheerios, or Lucky Charms.”

“Um, Lucky Charms is fine.”

Josh pulled the said cereal box out along with the Reeses one. They ate in silence. Tyler ate half the bowl, maybe a little more. When both men finished their late breakfast they retreated back to the living room where they sat on the couch. 

“So, what do you want to do?”

Tyler shrugged. He just wanted something to distract him from _everything_. 

“Can we watch a movie?”

“Of course we can. What would you like to watch?”

“You pick.”

“How about Donnie Darko?” 

“Okay.” 

The movie did make Tyler happy. It was something familiar. It wasn’t until halfway through the movie when Josh paused it so they could use the restroom and get some snacks until Tyler noticed it. They were in the kitchen – the only sound being from the popcorn popping in the microwave and Josh rummaging through the cabinet for a bowl – when Tyler saw the band on the other man’s finger. Why hadn’t he noticed it until now? Had his mind just blocked it out?

He wordlessly walked over to him and took his hand in his own, looking at the simple black band on his left hand. Josh looked at him intently, as if begging him to remember. Tyler looked at him, “Sorry. I just haven’t noticed your ring until now.” 

“Its okay. It was your idea to get black bands. I loved the idea. And you know, we’ve never been exactly normal.”

“It’s our wedding rings?”

Josh nodded.

“Where’s mine?”

“I have it. It’s right here.” He pulled a chain out from underneath his shirt. A matching black band was hanging on it. 

Tyler reached up letting his thin finger brush against the warm metal. Swallowing Tyler lowered his hand and looked to the ground. 

“The hospital gave me a bag of your clothes, phone, wallet, and your ring after your fall. I was going to give it back to you after you woke up.” Josh explained. 

Tyler nodded. 

“Would you like it back?”

Tyler instantly shook his head. “I don’t deserve it.” He said quietly. He didn’t. He and Josh picked these rings out together, because they wanted to stand up in front of their friends and family and declare their love for one another. These rings tie them together in marriage. But Tyler doesn’t remember his life with Josh. If he were to wear that ring now then it would be like a lie. 

No, he would not wear it until he remembered Josh. He vows to remember him. And only then would he be able to wear that ring. 

“Of course you do. Don’t say things like that.”

“When I remember, I’ll ask for it back.” Tyler gave him a small grin in which Josh returned. 

“Of course.”

Later on they sit on Tyler’s bed, both leaning against the headboard. 

“This is Patrick and Pete.” Josh handed him a photo. 

In the Photo was a dark blonde haired man with a fedora. He was grinning up shyly at the camera while another man with black hair grinned with his entire face. His arm was around the shorter blonde man. 

“This is Patrick?” He gestured to the blonde and Josh nodded. “And Pete?” Josh nodded again. 

“I really want to um, meet, them.”

“We’ll go soon, okay?”

It was Tyler’s turn to nod. “This is Ben? And Michael? Mark?” He held up a photo of Josh and Tyler posing with said men. Josh nodded at each name. 

“Pete, Patrick, Joe, and Andy?” He pointed at each man as Josh held up another photo, this time of Fall Out Boy.

Josh kept nodding. “That’s pretty good. Now, whose this handsome devil?”

In the photo Josh was showing him was a small toddler, light brown hair dusted the top of his head, his eyes were just slitted open, making his eyes look black. He wore a white and blue sweater with a big 12 on the front. 

“Oh gosh,” Chuckled Tyler gently taking the photo from him. “Is that you?”

“Yeah,” Sighed Josh. “My mom takes millions of pictures. So does yours.”

“Is there anymore of you when you were younger?”

“Oh yeah. I hid them behind my back a while ago.” 

“Can I see?”

“Nope. You don’t remember what I looked like and I am actually thankful for that.”

“Let me see.” Grinned Tyler.

“No.”

“Please.” 

"No.”

“What can I do to convince you?”

“Absolutely nothing.” 

Tyler tried maneuvering his hand behind Josh, but Josh leaned back further, trapping the other man’s arm between the headboard and his back. “Josh!” Laughed Tyler. Tyler laughing was one of Josh’s favorite things to hear. And him being the cause of Tyler’s laughter was even better. Tyler yanked his arm to get it free, but Josh wouldn’t have it. Tyler tried shoving him off with his other hand, but Josh grabbed hold of it. 

“This is all because you don’t want me to see pictures of you? Did you wear glasses, or have a lot of pimples or something?”

Josh laughed at that, “No, it’s just I tried to do the whole punk thing in high school.” 

“It can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, it is.”

“I won’t laugh!” Tyler could feel the smoothness of a photo against his fingertips. 

“You will. You did when you first saw it.”

“I’m sorry.” Tyler stopped struggling. 

“No, it’s okay. My feelings didn’t get hurt or anything. It’s just embarrassing.”

“Josh, may I please see your embarrassing pictures?”

Joking around with Tyler like this made Josh’s heart swell. It used to be like this all the time, except it would always end up with them kissing, but this was still so nice. 

“Fine! You broke me!” Josh joked, leaning up. Tyler immediately retracted his arm. He wiggled it, getting some feeling back into it. Looking at the picture in his hand Tyler bit his lip. Josh was probably around 17 or 18. His hair was black and straight and was cut into a fringe. His bottom lip had a thick piercing in the middle of it. 

“Go ahead, you can laugh.”

Tyler just chuckled softly, “Well, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I was expecting something along the line of eyeliner or something.”

It was Josh’s turn to chuckle, “No eyeliner. Never. That's more Pete's territory.”

There were a few more of Josh with black hair that went over his forehead and his lip piercing. Tyler couldn’t help but to think of how age has done Josh justice. Josh was never bad looking, but Josh just looked so much more handsome now. 

“Why did you take your piercing out?”

“I just got tired of it. A couple friends from high school talked me into doing it. And once I got it I thought I looked _so_ punk rock.”

“Well,” Tyler said as he put the photos down, “I think your nose ring suits you a lot better than your lip one.”

“Thanks.” Josh smiled.

“Um,” Tyler played with a loose thread on the blanket beneath them, “Patrick said I could text him…”

“So text him.”

“Should I?”

“Of course! You and him got pretty close on tour. I usually went off with Pete, Brendon and Dallon, while you and Patrick hung out.”

“Who are Brendon and Dallon?”

“Panic!at the Disco. We’ll get to their pictures soon. But yeah, go ahead and text Patrick. I think it would be good for you to do that.”

Nodding Tyler reached over and got his phone from the nightstand. He had changed his wallpaper. It had been of him sitting on Josh’s lap from before his accident. 

“What?” Josh asked with a curious grin. 

“I uh,” Tyler blushed, “Changed my wallpaper.”

Josh’s smile fell a little, because he had changed Tyler’s wallpaper _months_ ago. He loved that picture of Tyler sitting on his lap. They were so happy and you could tell by looking at the photo. 

“W-what is it?” Josh honestly didn’t want to know. His feelings were hurt and all he wanted to do was cry. 

Tyler handed his phone over to him. Josh pressed the button on the side and the phone lit up. Never mind. He couldn’t have been happier. It was the picture Josh had sent him the day before. The one where Josh was looking at the camera and Mark was stuffing his face in the background. His chest swelled with happiness. 

“It um,” Tyler played with the hem of his shirt, “makes me smile.” 

Smiling Josh handed Tyler’s phone back to him, “Me too.” 

 

Tyler and Patrick text off and on for the next couple of hours. Tyler really liked Patrick. He was a musical genius, not to mention a the world’s biggest sweetheart. He was currently sitting on his bed. He hadn’t left the spot for hours. Josh had gone to shower a little while ago. 

Suddenly said man appeared in the door way. His hair was still damp from the shower, but tousled, so Tyler figured he had dried it with a towel. “Hey, I’m going to lay down for a little bit, okay?”  
Tyler nodded, “I’ll be here.”

Patrick had told in vivid detail how he and Pete began their relationship. He was currently explaining how Pete wanted to wear a powder blue suit while Patrick wore a light pink one on their wedding day, to which Patrick refused. And they both ended up wearing black ones. This all took about two hours. And Tyler really didn’t mind but Josh had been asleep a long time. Slipping his phone into the pocket of his black basketball shorts he got up from his bed. He went through the bathroom and into Josh’s room. 

Josh was sprawled across the bed on his stomach, his arms hidden beneath the pillow while his face was buried in it. Padding over to the bed he gently laid a hand on Josh’s shoulder, preparing to wake him. But then Tyler noticed how hot Josh’s skin felt. Removing his hand from Josh’s shoulder he rested it to the other man’s forehead. It was pretty warm, which only meant one thing; Josh had a fever.   
What should do? He’s had to have taken care of Josh while he’s been sick before, right?

Quietly walking back into his room he pulled his phone to see Patrick had text him twice. He quickly typed a message to his new – sort of new – friend. 

_Hey, I’ll text you later. Josh is sick._

He then called his mother. 

“Hello Sweetie.”

“Hi mom. Listen, Josh is asleep, but he has a fever. What do I do?”

“Well, make sure he takes some medicine and drinks plenty water.”

“Okay, thanks.” He hung up before she could say anything. He had to take care of Josh. Josh has been taking care of him so much lately. He had to return the favor. He looked through all the medicine cabinets, read every box and bottle. Nothing to help with Josh’s fever. 

_Great_ , he thought. He would just have to make a trip to the store. There was a small shop around the corner. He had slipped his shoes on and was about to open the door when he realized he didn’t have his wallet. He groaned. 

Walking back to Josh’s room he took Josh’s wallet off the bed side table. Josh would totally understand and they are married. So, no big deal, right?

And now Tyler finds himself looking at the million different kinds of medicine in the small drug store ten minutes later. There was medicines for watery eyes, stuffy nose, cough, sore throats and some with for a combination for all of them. He didn’t know what was wrong with Josh, just that he had a fever. He grabbed a bottle of NyQuil and a bottle of Dayquil, some aspirin, and a sprite. When he was sick his mom used get him sprite. It didn’t matter if he had an upset stomach or just a cough. 

Thankfully Josh has some cash in his wallet. If he had to use his debit card Tyler didn’t know the pin and if he used credit he didn’t know what to sign his name. Tyler Joseph? Tyler Dun? Tyler Joseph – Dun? That made him stop in the middle of the isle. He didn’t even know what his name is! He would have to ask Josh later. Because that’s something very important to know. 

On his way home he realized this was his first time going out by himself since waking up. It was nice in a way. He was always with someone. It was nice to be alone once and a while. It was almost dark out by the time he made it back to the apartment. He put the medicines into one of the kitchen cabinets, and the Sprite into the fridge. He had decided that he would let Josh sleep for a little while longer.  
Going back into his room he sighed as he looked at the all the notebooks stacked half-heartedly on his shelves. He picked one up randomly. It was one of the few in good conditions, no creased covers or dog-eared pages. 

He opened the first page. His curious grin fell when he saw it was about a fourth of a song.

_Sometime’s you gotta bleed to know_   
_That you’re alive and have a soul_   
_But it takes someone to come around_   
_To Show you how_   
_He’s the tear in my heart_   
_I’m alive_   
_He’s the tear in my heart_   
_I’m fire_   
_He’s the tear in my heart_   
_Take me higher_   
_Than I’ve ever been_

Did he write this about Josh? Looking up at the top right corner of the page it was dated right before his accident. It had to be about Josh. Thinking back to the other lyrics he knows he doesn’t go around writing love songs. This was just more proof of how much he cares about Josh. 

The song isn’t finished. He never got to finish it before his memories were ripped from him. He put the notebook down on his night stand before going back into Josh’s room. He felt the other man’s forehead. He was hotter now. 

Calling his mom again he instantly whispered, “Mom, his fever is higher now. He’s, like, really hot now. What do I do?”

“Get a hand towel and soak it in cool water. Lay it across his forehead.”

“Okay.” He hung up on her again before rushing to the bathroom. He didn’t care that his mother would scold him for hanging up on her so much. His top priority right now is Josh. He did as his mother instructed him to. He then crawled up on the bed. Hovering over the man he gently laid the clothes across Josh’s forehead. He jerked a little before opening his eyes. 

“What?”

“Sorry,” Tyler said adjusting the washcloth, “You have a fever.”

“Oh,” Josh’s voice was raspy, “I just felt a little cruddy. Thought I would feel better after a nap.” 

“Keep that there. I’ll get you some medicine. I didn’t know what to get so I just got you some NyQuil.”

“What do you mean?”

Tyler blushed, “Oh, um, here.” He pulled Josh’s his wallet from his pocket. “I went to the store because I couldn’t find any medicine. I took your wallet, because I didn’t know where mine was.” 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Josh said taking the wallet from him and setting it down on the nightstand. He sat up, but Tyler pushed him back down. “Just lay down. Keep this on your head.” He adjusted the cloth on the other man’s forehead. 

“You don’t have to take care of me, Tyler.”

“I want to. Now don’t move.” Tyler disappeared from the room and came back a moment later with a cap of the recommended dosage of NyQuil and a bottle of water. “Here.”

“Thank you.” Josh took the cap with a weak hand and downed it. He chugged his water. His throat and mouth were so dry. 

“Hey Josh?”

Josh hummed.

“When we got married, um, what – did I – did we… Whose name did we take?”

“Well,” Josh twisted the cap back on his water, “we agreed that Josh Dun sounded a lot better than Josh Joseph.”

Tyler let out a breathy chuckle, “Yeah, I guess it does. So, my name isn’t Tyler Joseph anymore?”

“Uh it’s legally Dun, but you’re still known as Tyler Joseph. Like in interviews they call us Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph. Our fan base still calls you Tyler Joseph sometimes too.”

Tyler gave a nod. He thought he would be upset about the name change. But he wasn’t, far from it. Taking the empty medicine cap from Josh he went back into the kitchen. 

“Tyler Dun.” He whispered to himself as he leaned heavily on the sink. It had a nice ring to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I think Tyler Dun sounds adorable! And I'm hoping I'm not offending anyone, but Josh Joseph just doesn't sound as good Tyler Dun in my opinion.~


	10. I'm forced to deal with what I feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I haven't written chapter 11 yet. But I know exactly what I have planned for it, and the chapter after that. I just have so many plans for this story. I can't wait to write Peterick in it. I am actually working on a Peterick story now.~

Josh passed out a few minutes after taking the medicine. Tyler went back to his room and re-read over the song lyrics after he was sure the other man was asleep. He laid in bed and flipped through the notebook. These lyrics were really good. 

_I used to say I wanna die before I’m old, But because of you I might think twice_

_The world around us is burning but we’re so cold_

_I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink, but now I’m insecure and care what people think._

_I’ve got two faces, blurry’s the one I’m not._

At the bottom of one page in big scratchy blue ink were two words. Tyler ran his finger over it. “Blurry Face.” He said aloud. 

_What was I thinking when I wrote this? What is blurry face? Or better yet who is blurry face? Blurry is the face I’m not? Would Josh know anything about this? No, this was some pretty deep stuff. But we’re married…_ Tyler thought as he closed the notebook and put it down on the nightstand. He turned the lamp off and went to sleep with thoughts of Blurry Face in his head. 

The next morning Tyler was the first to wake. He made Josh a ramen noodle. Going into the other boy’s room he gently shook Josh’s shoulder. 

“Hey Josh, I made you something to eat. Come on.”

“Oh,” Groaned Josh, “You didn’t have to.”

“I know, but mom said you have drink plenty of fluids. You didn't eat last night and I don’t think you should take any more medicine until you eat something.”

It took another ten minutes before Josh mustered up all the strength he could to sit up. He trudged into the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen table. He stared at the bowl of steaming chicken flavored ramen. It smelled so good, because Josh didn’t eat dinner the night before. Tyler set a cup half full in front of him. 

“I got you Sprite. I don’t even know if you like Sprite. Mom always used to get me Sprite when I was sick.” Tyler rambled on as he looked down at his bowl of Lucky Charms. He was really hungry, but just couldn’t bring himself eat. 

Josh grinned as he took a sip, “I love Sprite. I always get you Sprite when you’re sick.”

“Hey Josh, have I ever written a love song?” Tyler asked after a few minutes of silence. 

“A love song?” Josh asked in mid-bite. “No. That really isn’t your style. Why do you ask?”

Tyler shrugged, “Just curious. All our songs are about my mind and my struggles.”

“Our songs have helped a lot of people, especially you. Writing your thoughts and putting them out there, you’ve come a long way. And I’m proud of you.”

Tyler bit his to keep from grinning like an idiot as he stirred his now soggy cereal. “Thank you.” He mumbled. 

After they finished eating Josh plopped down on the couch with a couple of blankets. Tyler joined him. Josh readjusted himself so that his feet rested in Tyler's lap. 

“I hope I don’t get you sick.” He said flicking through the channels.

Tyler shrugged and took his phone out. He hadn’t checked it since last night. He had a message from Patrick and one from Mark. 

Patrick's message simply read; _Sorry to hear that! I hope he gets better soon! Text me later!_

Mark’s said; _Hey dude! Wanna hang today?_

He didn’t know how he felt about that. Mark seemed like a nice guy. He didn’t see why he wouldn’t hang out with him alone. But Josh is sick and he needs to take care of him. 

Josh bumped his shoulder with his own, “You okay?”

“Huh? Oh yeah. I’m fine. Just texting Mark.”

“What’s he up to?”

Tyler shrugged again, “Wanted to hang out with me today.”

“You should go. It might help you.”

Tyler shook his head, “No, you’re sick.”

“So? I’m fine. I’ll watch some TV and then probably go back to sleep.”

Biting his lip he replied, “Are you sure?”

Nodding the drummer said, “Yes! Go out! Have some fun.” 

“…Okay.” Tyler didn’t want to leave Josh whether it was because Josh was sick or because he just in general liked being around him. 

He text Mark saying he would hang out. Mark text back in a millisecond; _Ok! C U in a few!_

Tyler got up and put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a t-shirt. He had just slipped into his Vans when there was a knock at the door. He answered it.

“Hey!” Mark stepped inside. But before he could get further Tyler pushed him back with his hand. “Josh is sick. Don’t want you to get sick too.”

“Aw man, that sucks. Hope you feel better!”

“Thanks man.” Josh said, nose stuffy.

Tyler went into his bedroom to retrieve the blanket his mom had made for them. He’s used it every night since his mom finished it. He spread it out over Josh. 

“Do you need anything else before I go?”

Josh grinned, “No thanks. Have fun. See you later.”

Tyler grabbed the hoodie Josh had given him to wear the day before he and Mark left. 

“So, um, what are we doing?” Tyler asked once they got in Mark’s car. 

Mark started the car. “Not really sure. We can always go to the arcade in town we used to go to.”

“Pixels?”

“Yeah,” Mark smiled. 

“Okay, sure.”

 

So now Mark and Tyler were on opposite sides of an air hockey table in the said arcade. It was dark minus the black lights and screens of video games. Young kids and teenagers ran around. It smelled like pizza and sweat. But it all made Tyler smile, because it was _familiar_. He and Mark used to come here all the time and he and Zack used to come when they were younger. 

Tyler was never all that great at air hockey. He lost two games in a row before Mark suggested they play something else. They played the older games like Pac-man, Donkey Kong, Galaga, Tetris, and there was even an ancient Ninja Turtle game. They played racing games, fighting games, and at one point they even played a shooting game where they had to shoot all the evil clowns in an abandoned amusement park. 

Tyler laughed so hard his sides hurt when Mark attempted to play Dance Fusion. After about two hours they sat down with overly greasy slices of pizza and sodas. Tyler picked at his, not because he wasn’t hungry, but he knew his arteries would clog if he ate this greasy thing. 

His mind went from wondering how Josh was doing back to the song he found. He didn’t want to ask Josh about it. Josh didn’t know about the song, so maybe when Tyler had his memories, when he began writing it, it was meant to be a surprise. 

“Hey, Mark?”

“Yes?” Mark said with a mouth full of pizza. 

“Can I tell you something without you telling Josh?”

Mark sat his pizza down and wiped his mouth. He pushed his plate away and crossed his arms over the table and leaned on them. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

“You promise not tell to Josh?”

“I promise.” And Tyler read something in his eyes that told he could trust Mark. 

“Well, I was flipping through some of my notebooks, hoping it would jog something, you know?” He waited for Mark to nod before he continued. “Well, I found the beginning of a song. A song I must have written for Josh. It’s a love song.”

“Okay.” Mark said nodding, “And?”

“I don’t know, I just keep thinking about it.”

“What stands out to you about it? Is it because it’s a love song or because you wrote it for Josh?”

Shrugging Tyler said, “Both, I guess? Out of all of our songs there isn’t a single love song. And I think that’s unique. I mean, I love Josh so much that I went from writing songs about my mind and insecurities to writing a love song. That’s something. I just really want my memories back. Josh loves me a lot. I can just tell by the way he looks at me.”

“He does love you a lot, but you love him just as much. I have never met two people more in love than you and Josh are. You have no idea how many times you have made me and guys actually gag during tour with how sweet and coupley you two are.”

“I’m sick of hurting him.”

“You aren’t hurting him. He just worries. He wants you to get his memories back, but I know for a fact he will wait and help you through this no matter how long it takes.”

“What if I don’t ever remember?” Tyler whispered, looking down at his plate. 

“Don’t say that. You will. Now, come on. I’ll give you a chance to beat me at air hockey. I’ll even go easy on you.”

Tyler grinned, “You’re on.”

 

They were gone another hour or so before Mark dropped Tyler off back home. It was pitch black when he stepped inside the apartment. “Josh?” He called out. No answer. For some reason it brought him back to his nightmare he had the night before last. It was ridiculous, really. Josh just turned off all the lights and went to sleep. But Tyler felt like someone was sitting on his chest. 

He quickly toed his shoes off and went into his room. He slid his jeans off and after putting on some pajama pants he crawled into his bed, thinking he would feel better. He didn’t. He got up and went through the bathroom and into Josh’s dark room. Josh always slept on the right, so he sat down on the left. He could the outline of Josh in the darkness. It made him feel tons better. He laid down and closed his eyes. He was in a peaceful sleep within minutes. 

 

Josh awoke hours later. His mouth had never been so dry in his entire life! He was lying on his stomach. He propped himself up on his elbows, rubbing his eyes with his fists. He was suddenly aware that he wasn’t alone in bed. Looking over he saw his husband curled up in a tiny ball. 

He briefly pictured Tyler getting his memories back and coming to lay in bed with him. But Josh knew Tyler. When he gets his memories back Tyler is going to be over the moon and be all over Josh.   
The drummer got up to get a bottle of water. His tired limps only carried him so fast. He felt a lot better, but he was still slightly sick. 

After downing half a bottle of water he crawled back into bed. The excitement he felt in his chest was indescribable. Yes, he and Tyler shared a bed the other night, but Tyler came to him this time. The threw the blanket Kelly had made for them over Tyler. She had made it for them to share. They were finally getting to sharing it. Josh fell asleep after admiring his sleeping husband for a few minutes. 

 

Tyler awoke the next morning, confused of his surroundings for a moment before he remembered getting into bed with Josh. It hadn’t been bad at all. He fell right to sleep. So, maybe, just maybe, he would sleep with Josh again the next night. 

Turning over he saw Josh lying on his side, looking at him. It startled him slightly. 

“Hi.” 

Josh grinned, “Hello there.”

Tyler almost apologized for being in his bed when he remembered that this is their bed together. “I um, just didn’t want to be alone in the other bedroom. I had a nightmare the other night, the night I went to the hospital. When I came home last night,” He licked his lips, “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Usually Tyler would say no. He bottled up all his emotions until he would explode. But he felt like he could tell Josh anything and Josh wouldn’t judge him. 

“It was just really dark and I was alone. I was calling out for my family. I called out for you. Then I was falling and I kept calling for you, but no one ever came.”

Josh reached down and took hold of the other’s hand. Rubbing the back of Tyler’s hand with his thumb said, “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. How are you feeling?”

“A lot better, thanks to you.” Grinned Josh.

Tyler scoffed with a smile on his face, “I didn’t really do anything.”

“Oh, whatever.” Josh rolled his eyes. “You went out and got me medicine and made me soup. Even put a damp washcloth over my forehead. You totally un-sicked me!”

Tyler snorted, “Un-sicked isn’t a word.”

“Should be, ‘cause you un-sicked me!”

Tyler couldn’t wipe that stupid grin off his face. Josh made him happy. He can see why he married the drummer. 

Josh playfully pushed his shoulder, “C’mon. Now, you have to make me breakfast.”

Chuckling softly the singer replied, “What do you want?”

“Reeces cereal!”

“You’re a child.” Accused Tyler.

“So are you!”

“Am not!”

“You so are!”

“Prove it!”

“One of the first times we hung out you suggested we make a fort out of pillows and blankets.”

Tyler rolled onto his back laughing, “And did we?”

“It was the best freakin’ fort ever! We got Taco Bell and piled up in it and watched movies all night.”

Tyler was still laughing, “That’s awesome.”

It fell silent between them. That is before Tyler looked at the other man and asked, “Can we make a fort?”

“Heck yeah we can!” 

The two men got off the bed and rushed into the living room. The got the bar stools from the kitchen and the biggest blanket in the house, not mention every pillow they had. Standing back they looked at their handy work. 

“I take it back, I think this is the best fort we ever made.” 

“It does look pretty cool.” Tyler agreed. 

It was in the living, taking up most of the room. And it was in the perfect spot too, in front of the TV. Josh had put it up while Tyler had made sure it was as comfy as possible inside. 

“We can totally binge-watch Marvel movies all day and night inside our fort.” 

Tyler agreed again, “Let’s eat first.”

 

They decided to eat their cereal in the kitchen, not wanting to spill it in their castle of a fort. But as soon as they were done eating they got a huge bowl of popcorn, and a couple YooHoos for each of them and piled into the fort. 

They had to decide where to start first. There were so many Marvel movies to choose from. They narrowed it down to the Avengers or Guardians of the Galaxy. 

“I don’t remember seeing either of them.” Tyler admitted. 

“Well, I say let’s start with the Avengers because its better. You liked it better too.”

“Okay.” Tyler bit his lip as Josh got up to put it the DVD player. It was like he was living his life over again. It sucked, but Josh made it so much easier. If Josh hadn’t been there with him from the beginning then Tyler would have already had mental breakdown.

After Josh grabbed the remote he settled down in the fort next to Tyler. They both laid on their stomachs, facing the TV. “Ready?”

Tyler nodded.

Almost two hours later Tyler was on his knees, “Did you see that? Did you see that, Josh? Josh are you looking? Oh my goodness! Captain America is so cool! And so is Thor! That dude with the bow and arrows is pretty sick too!”

Josh chuckled, bringing his head down to the pillow in front of him. He and Tyler have watched this movie dozens of times, but since Tyler’s amnesia it’s like his first time. He rolled over on his back so he could get a better look at his husband’s face. His eyes were wide and he nervously chewed on his lip as he watched the rest of the movie. 

When the Hulk grabbed Loki and slammed him back and forth into the ground Tyler jumped on him knees again. He got tangled in the many blankets and fell on Josh. Josh made and, “Oof,” sound.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Tyler said quickly from his sot on top of the drummer. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Josh chuckled.

“G-good thing we’re married, r-right?” Tyler stuttered.

Josh grinned and said quietly, “Yeah.”

It honestly pained Josh to be in this position with Tyler right now. Tyler doesn’t remember all the times they had moments similar to this one. He had to use all of his will-power to not lean up and press his lips to Tyler’s. At least once a day he thought if maybe they just _kissed_ then Tyler would remember. But then he would shoot that idea down with thinking that only happens in romance movies.  
But Tyler’s lips were so pink and full. Josh had to resist kissing, biting, and sucking on them. He wanted to make love to Tyler like he used to, wanted to take Tyler right there in the middle of their living room, in their fort they made together. He wanted to lay Tyler down, hold his dainty wrists and kiss that certain on Tyler’s neck that made him whimper. He wanted to moan Tyler’s name while Tyler moaned his as they made love and as they came together. 

Josh just wanted his old life back. He gulped, “Um, we have to rewind some of the movie.” 

Tyler broke his gaze from the other man to the TV where the credits were rolling down the screen. 

“Yeah, I guess we do.” He rolled off of Josh. 

Josh rewound the movie and they finished it in silence. They then watched Guardians of the Galaxy in which they broke their awkward silence with laughter. They were both grateful that the awkwardness didn’t last. But Tyler being on top of Josh didn't leave Tyler's mind once. Tyler knew he loved Josh, he just didn't remember. Even just laying next to the other man right now made him feel funny in his chest. 

After watching that one they watched the Amazing Spiderman, another movie Tyler didn’t remember. He really liked it a lot better than the older Spiderman movies. Halfway through that one Josh paused it, “Well, I’m hungry. How about you?”

Tyler nodded, he was a little. 

“Pizza or chinese?”

Tyler shrugged, “Doesn’t matter to me.”

“We’ve ordered pizza a couple times already. So, Chinese it is.” Josh grabbed his phone and made the order while Tyler went to the restroom. 

He washed his face before looking in the mirror. _What is wrong with you Joseph.” He winced, “Dun. My name is Dun now.” He said aloud._

_He let out a soft groan, _Come on, Tyler. How hard is it to remember five years of your life. Come ooon!_ _

_He closed his eyes and concentrated as hard as he could. Nothing would come to him. Sighing he left the bathroom to see Josh laying down in their fort. He couldn’t help the goofy grin that found its way to his face. He and his husband made a fort so they could watch movies and eat junk in it all day._

_Were they always like this?_

_Josh noticed him, “There you are. Let’s finish the move so we can get started on the X-men movies.”_

_Tyler kept his goofy grin on his face as he walked over to the fort and got in besides Josh. He laid a bit closer to Josh, and by a bit, their thighs and legs were pressed against one another. Tyler just felt the need to be closer to his husband. Maybe feeling his body against Tyler's would bring something back eventually. And even though it didn't, not that day anyway, it made Tyler and Josh grin like idiots._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Not sure when the next chapter will be up. Shouldn't be too long from now.~


	11. I wake up fine and dandy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Sorry its taken me so long to update. The passed week has been so busy. I am getting ready to go out of town for abut a week. So, no updates until after then. Sorry my Beauties!~

The next morning Tyler’s phone vibrated loudly from the nightstand. He reached over quickly, not wanting it to wake Josh yet. That’s right, he had slept in bed with Josh again. It’s nice. And Tyler doesn’t see himself stopping any time soon. Looking at his phone he saw he had a message from Zack. 

_Hey Bro! You up for some b-ball today?_

_I’m in!_

_Meet me at reg place? In an hour?_

_Old park?_

_You know it._

He got up from bed. Luckily he was already in a pair of black basketball shorts. He was just putting on a white t-shirt when he heard Josh’s tired voice, “Wha yur goin’?”

“Zack asked me to play basketball with him today. Is that okay?”

Josh nodded, “Yeah, of course.”

“Do you want to come?”

“Nah, you have fun with Zack.”

“What are you going to do?”

Josh shrugged, “Might go see Mark or my mom or something.” 

Hesitating Tyler said, “…Okay.”

“Want me to drive you?” 

“No, its okay. I’ll probably jog there. It’ll be a nice warm up.” 

“Just don’t over do it. Okay?”

Tyler nodded as he grabbed his phone off the nightstand. He then went into the kitchen to get a water bottle. Josh followed him. 

“I’ll see you later.”

Josh nodded, “Yeah. If you need anything, just text me.” 

Tyler stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Josh's middle tightly. 

“Bye.” Tyler mumbled quietly in his shoulder. He had wanted to hug him and never let go. 

Tyler left and began his way down the street. It was weird not having Josh around him. Even when he was with Mark yesterday. All he wanted to do was go home to Josh. Any touches between the two made Tyler's heart race. Even just being around the drummer made him feel like he was on top of the world. 

Before he knew it was running down the sidewalk, his sneakers pounding on the pavement. He got to the park in ten minutes, rather than 20 if he had just walked. He spotted his brother on the empty court tossing the ball. He missed it twice. It bounced off the rim, bounced a little before it rolled. Tyler stopped it with his foot. 

“I was always better than you.” He teased. Zack looked over at his older brother and smiled. 

"I’m just a little rusty, that’s all.” 

Tyler set his water bottle, along with his phone down on a nearby bench next to his brother’s things. He picked the ball up, dribbling it a few times before shooting. It made it in the basketball. 

“Showoff.” Zack muttered before running and getting the ball. “Okay, first to get ten points buys the other lunch.” 

Tyler smiled and said, “I’ll give you a two point start.”

“Oh no, I’m winning this fair and square. But I will say this, I’ll go easy on you since you got out of the hospital the other day.”

“Don’t you dare!” Warned Tyler. 

Soon both boys were laying down on the cool pavement of the court, sweaty and trying to catch their breath.

“Good game, Ty.” Breathed Zack. 

“You owe me lunch. And I’m starving. I didn’t eat breakfast.”

Zack chuckled, “Fine. C’mon.” He pushed himself up and offered his brother his hand. Tyler took it and Zack pulled him up. 

A few minutes later they sat on a bench with some hotdogs and drinks. 

“So, how are things going with…” Zack gestured to his temple. 

“With my amnesia?”

Zack nodded.

Tyler shrugged, “I don’t remember anything still.”

“Well, its only been a week. How are you and Josh getting along?”

“Honestly,” He paused, “Perfect, almost anyway. He’s really helpful and nice."

"That's good."

"He just makes me smile.” He said after a while. 

It was quiet for a long time after that. When Tyler looked over at his brother, Zack was giving him the biggest smile. 

“What?”

“You have a crush on your husband!”

“Do you have any idea of how stupid that sounds?”

“What, you two are _married, in love_. You’re bound to feel something for him even if you don’t remember.”

Tyler was silent for a moment, letting his brother’s words sink in. 

“C’mon bro. I know you.”

Tyler looked to him, “I don’t know. I guess. I-I really like being around him."

Zack bumped his shoulder against Tyler’s, “It’s okay Ty. You’ll remember soon.”

“I just want to do something for him so he won’t be so sad.”

Zack nodded, knowing how hard it must be for Josh. Tyler remembers him. Tyler doesn't remember Josh at all. He couldn't even begin to imagine how Josh must feel. Zack wouldn't know what to do if his big brother didn't remember him at all. 

“I mean, I don’t even know what I could get him as a gift. I don't remember anything about him.”

“You’ll think of something. Now, c’mon. Let’s get some ice cream.” 

As they got up and walked down the sidewalk they passed numerous shops. One in particular caught Tyler's eye. He pressed his hands up against the glass window, peering in.

“Zack, I know what I can get him.”

 

Josh had every plan to go see his parents after Tyler left. But as soon as the other man left their apartment a wave of this incredible lonely feeling crashed over him and he didn’t have the will to do anything. He laid back in bed and went through old pictures of him and Tyler on his phone and he even went through some of their old tweets.

Tweets like: _Nice drumming today Jirsh._

 _……I stayed up…..all night on Photoshop touching up your legs._ And below that was the picture of Josh’s legs. Tyler made them as thin as chicken legs. 

It made Josh chuckle softly.

_Love you Jirsh._

_Hey, stop ignoring me. I know where you sleep._

_I said stop ignoring me. You’re right next to me!_

Josh smiled at each and every tweet.

Around 11 his stomach began growling. He ate a bowl of Reece's cereal before he got on his laptop to watch old interviews and vines of him and his husband. All those times together seemed to happen so distant, but they weren’t. 

Josh didn’t know how much longer he could put on this care-free attitude and pretend he is fine with Tyler having amnesia. Josh could only go so long without breaking. Their fans think that Tyler needs Josh, but the truth is Josh needs Tyler. 

Finally the interviews, the pictures, the tweets and vines got depressing. So, Josh turned his phone and laptop off. He got back in bed. But as lay there he couldn't help but to look at the empty spot next to him. A grin graced his features, because Tyler had been slept in bed with him the last two nights. He ran his hand over the cold spot where his warm husband had lay just a couple of hours ago. He rolled over, burying his face into Tyler's pillow. He inhaled his husband's scent. It caused tears to fill his eyes. Wiping them away he fell asleep with his face buried in Tyler's pillow.

 

“Are you sure about this Ty?” Zack asked as they walked into the store. 

“Never been more sure of anything in my life…I think.”

“Okay, well, which one will it be?” Zack asked looking at each of them. 

“I don’t.” Tyler said kneeling to get a better look at them. 

Finally he saw it. It was perfect; all black. 

“That one.” He said pointing. 

“Figures you’d go for the black one.” Zack snorted. “Well, let’s tell someone and pay for it.”

Tyler didn’t stop smiling as they paid and got into Zack’s car. Even when they got to the apartment he kept his smile and lugged the stuff inside.

“Thanks bro.” Tyler said after they got everything into the apartment.

“I’ll see you later. He’ll love it.” Zack said hugging his brother.

Tyler didn’t see Josh anywhere. He walked into their room and saw him fast asleep. He slipped Josh’s gift into the pocket on the front of his hoodie. He toed his sneakers off before sitting criss-cross on the bed. He noticed that Josh was on his side of the bed. And he tried to push the theory of Josh suffering from his mind. 

“Josh, Josh, Josh!” He shook the drummer’s shoulder. 

Josh hummed, “What?”

“Wake up! Please! I have something for you!” 

This woke Josh up fully. Tyler had a gift for him?

“What?” He rolled onto his back. When he looked up at his husband he couldn’t help but to smile. He could see the excitement on Tyler’s face. He had a huge smile on his face. 

“What is it?”

“You have to close your eyes!” 

Josh chuckled softly and did as he was told. Tyler took the man’s gift from his pocket and laid it on top of his chest. 

“Alright open them!” 

“Oh my God.” Chuckled Josh picking the small black kitten off his chest as he sat up. “You got me a kitten.”

Tyler nodded, biting his lip. 

“I wanted to get something fro you but I didn’t know what. Zack and me were walking around town today and I don’t know.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I saw a bunch of kittens in a window. I went in and picked one. I don’t even know why I got you a kitten. It just felt right.”

“Ty,” Josh said, “I love cats. I’m pretty much obsessed. I’ve been wanting one. We talked during tour and decided we would get one when we got back home.”

“So, like, did I subconsciously remember that?”

“I think so. It’s coming back little by little.”

Excitement bloomed in their chests. It was a step closer for Josh in getting his husband back and a step closer in Tyler remembering their life together. 

"So, what are you going name him?”

“I don’t know.” Josh sat him on his lap. 

Tyler took his phone out. He looked up names for black cats. “What about Ash?"

"From Pokemon? No way."

Tyler pouted, "Okay, Midnight?"

"Nope."

"Charcoal?"

"Gross."

"Darth Vader? Daffy Duck? Loki?" 

"Definitely no to all of those."

Tyler chuckled, "Didn't think so. Okay, what about Spooky?”

“Spooky Jim?” Josh grinned. 

Tyler was quiet for a long time, “That…Sounds really familiar.”

Josh straightened up, “It does?”

Tyler nodded, “Yeah, why?”

“I changed my name on Twitter to Spooky Jim back in October. You thought it was hilarious.”

Tyler nodded slowly, “Okay." He sighed, "I hope everything comes back soon.”

Josh reached over and stroked his wrist softly, “It will.”

 _Everyone keeps saying._ Tyler thought. 

“So, um, we have a cat named Spooky Jim,” Laughed Josh as he tried to ease the tension. 

Tyler chuckled, “We do.” He scratched the kitten’s head. It purred and squeezed his eyes shut. 

While Tyler messed with the kitten on Josh’s lap Josh looked to his husband. His heart was pounding in his chest. The excitement was almost too much. Tyler was slowly, but surely beginning to remember things. His prayers are being answered.

 

The next morning they couldn’t find Spooky Jim anywhere. Josh nearly began crying. Tyler finally found him curled up in one of Josh’s hats on the chair in their room. 

“I don’t want to leave him.” Josh whined as he sat on the bed and slid his nice shoes on.

“It’s only for a coupe hours.” Tyler was buttoning his black shirt. 

“But…we’ve bonded!”

Tyler chuckled, “Okay, well, you stay here and when my mom asks where you are I’ll tell her, “Josh would rather play with his new kitten instead of going to church.’”

“I love going to church.” Mumbled Josh. “But what if he gets scared.” Josh knew he was being ridiculous, but it was making Tyler smile. So, ridiculous he will be. 

"He’ll be fine, Josh."

"What if he forgets me?"

"He won't! Are you ready?”

Josh nodded. 

They both wore black pants. Tyler had on a short-sleeved black button up shirt, while Josh wore a long-sleeved black one. 

“One of us should change.” Tyler said seriously before a smile appeared on his face. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Chuckled Josh. “We'll be one of those annoying couple that match. Come on. We’re going to be late.”

 

When they got there the pastor had already began. They were only five minutes late. Tyler spotted his parents along with his siblings on the front row. There was no room anywhere except for the last pew on the left by the doors. 

Josh waited for Tyler to slide in first before taking his seat. The sermon was very nice and powerful. It lasted about an hour and 15 minutes. 

"Sorry, I went over today everyone. I bet you are all hungry.” The elderly pastor said with a smile, “Now, if you would stand with me and let’s bow our heads in prayer.” 

Everyone stood and bowed their heads. The pastor began speaking, “Dear Heavenly Father…”

Tyler peaked over at Josh. Josh had his hands clasped in front of him. Tyler, for some reason, felt the need to hold his hand. He reached over and took hold of one of the drummer’s hands. He kept his head down and closed his eyes. It just felt right holding Josh's hand. Tyler can't explain how happy it made him feel. Josh held on tightly to Tyler’s hand. His husband had been insinuating their touches lately and Josh couldn’t be happier. 

“Amen.” The pastor said. “Have a wonderful Sunday afternoon everyone." He went on to talk to some people and shake their hands. Josh and Tyler waited for their family outside.

“We didn’t know you two were here.” Chris said hugging his son. 

“Hi honey,” Kelly said kissing her son-in-law’s cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better thanks to Tyler. He took care of me.” 

He looked over to his husband to see Madison bringing him into a hug. 

“How are you feeling Ty?” She asked. 

“A lot better. I’m not as tired. Still a little stiff though.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Stop faking.” Zack shoved him playfully.

“Hey, shut your mouth. I still beat you at basketball yesterday.” Tyler shoved back. 

That got everyone laughing. 

“Well, I think we’ll head home.” Chris said draping an arm over his wife’s shoulders. 

“I need to get back to my dorm.” Madison said. Jay nodded in agreement. 

“I think we’ll head over to Taco Bell.” Josh said clasping his and Tyler’s hands together. 

Tyler smiled up at him. 

“That okay?” Josh asked. 

“Of course it is. If I ever say no to Taco Bell I give you permission to slap me.” 

Chuckling Josh said, “Okay. Let’s go.” 

As they walked away the Josephs watched the young couple. It was Zack who said what everyone was thinking; “Even though Tyler doesn’t have his memories he loves Josh.” They all nodded in agreement.

 

Later on they were lying in their fort, that they had yet to take down and don't plan to for a long time. Josh laid on his side as he held a thick piece of string in the air for Spooky Jim to play with. Tyler sat criss-cross watching the two. Josh really loved Spooky Jim already they hadn’t even had him a full 24 hours yet. 

Just then Tyler’s phone began vibrating in his pocket. It was Patrick calling him. He answered and put it on speaker phone. 

“Hi Patrick.” 

“Hey Ty.” 

“Hey Patrick!” Josh called. 

“And Josh!” Patrick chuckled, “How are you guys doing?”

“We’re fine.” Tyler said. “How are you and Pete?”

“We’re great! I called to ask if you guys wanted to come up a few days early before the party. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. You can stay with us of course.” 

Josh looked to Tyler, silently asking if that was okay. Tyler shrugged and nodded.

“Looks like we’ll be coming early then!” The drummer said. 

“Excellent! This will be great!”

“Where’s Pete at?” Josh asked. 

“I’m sitting on him with my hand over his mouth. I knew he would explode. He’s really excited for you to – GROSS Pete!” 

Tyler and Josh chuckled. 

“He licked me!” 

They heard Pete laughing and what sounded like feet hitting the floor. “Hey guys!” 

“Hi Pete!” They said at the same time.

“I stole Trick’s phone! I shut myself in the bathroom! So, when are you two coming?”

They faintly heard, “Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III open this door!”

Smiling Josh said, “Um, we’re not sure. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. We need to pack and find a sitter."

"A sitter? I didn't ever know Tyler was pregnant."

Tyler's mouth dropped open and his widened as Josh rolled onto his side laughing. He was clutching his sides as he laughed.

"Tyler got me a kitten." Josh said after a few minutes. He wiped tears from his eyes. 

"Oh, so do you remember everything then?"

"Nope." Tyler sighed.

"Oh, well, I'm sorry Ty."

"It's okay. I'm sure I'll remember everything soon."

"Of course you will! Trick and I will do everything we can to help!"

"Maybe we'll leave tomorrow morning really early? I’ll drive.” 

“Awesome! See you soon! I have to go! Trick is small and cute and adorable and the love of my life, but he’s like a Gremlin!"

He hung before either of the boys could say another word. 

“Let’s go pack.” Josh said dropping the string on the kitten. He rolled onto his back and tangled him in it. It caused both men to smile. Neither men made any move to get up though. Josh picked the string up again and let Spooky Jim reach out for it again. Tyler like the sight. He took a picture. In the picture Josh lay on his side, his elbow resting on the floor, the side of his head resting on his hand while the other held the strong high in the air. Spooky Jim sat perfectly still watching the strong. That was before he leapt high in the air, trying to grab the string. 

He put it on Instagram with this caption; _Spooky Jim and Josh. Spooky Jim got game!_

He tagged Josh in it and posted it. Josh's phone vibrated and he reached over to get it. He opened Instangram and saw the picture his husband had posted. He smiled for two reasons, one; he and Spooky Jim were pretty darn cute and two; Tyler posted this picture. His husband who has amnesia and doesn't remember him posted this picture. 

"Let's go pack." He said after a while. 

"Are we really going to get up this time?"

"Probably not." Josh chuckled softly as he rolled onto his back and stretched. His shirt rode up a little, exposing a s trip of skin. Tyler looked at it for a few seconds before turning his head away, blushing and biting his lip. 

He just check out _Josh_. The same Josh he doesn't remember. Yeah, his brother was right. Tyler does feel something for the man he doesn't remember. 

"Hey, you okay?" Josh asked, concern written all over his face. 

"What? Yeah, I'm fine!" Tyler cleared his throat. 

"You're face is pink? Did I get you sick?" Josh reached up and touched his forehead gently. 

Tyler closed his eyes as Josh rested his cool hand against Tyler's hot skin. 

"You feel warm?" Tyler opened his eyes when Josh retracted his hand. 

"I feel fine. Let's go pack. Come on. I'll call my mom to see if she can come over and feed Spooky Jim while we're gone." 

Josh looked unsure. He kept an eye on his husband as Tyler made the call to his mom and while he pulled their suitcases from the back of their closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~No cliffhanger! Hope this ties you over until I get back!~


	12. Who I killed inside my dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I'm sorry its been so long! I was out of town close to two weeks and then I've had writer's block for a little while. I hope this makes up for it! I'm about to start writing the next chapter and hopefully I get back in the groove of updating sooner.~

They ended up deciding to leave the day after tomorrow. No reason to rush into things. The party wasn't for a whole week. It took about 6 and a half hours to drive to Illinois, not to mention the time spent getting gas, eating, and using the restroom.

Josh didn’t sleep all that well the night before the trip. He didn’t know whether it was because he was excited to see their friends after so long or because he was worried about how Tyler will react to Pete and Patrick, which was ridiculous. Pete and Patrick are the most loveable people in all of history, especially Patrick. When he walks into a room everyone feels the need to hold him and never let go. But nonetheless Josh didn’t sleep much that night. His anxiety got the better of him. 

So when his alarm went off the next morning he groaned. Tyler, on the other hand, was excited, a little nervous, but overall excited. He went to the restroom brushed his teeth, and dressed. When he finished dressing he saw that Josh was still in bed. 

“Josh?” He said gently.

Josh mumbled something that Tyler didn’t understand. The thought of Josh being sick again struck him. Walking over he rested a hand over Josh’s forehead. He felt fine. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Dint sle goo.” 

“Okay. Well, go to sleep. We don’t have to leave today.” It did disappoint Tyler to no end, but Josh’s health is more important. 

“Nuh,” Josh sat up rubbing his blood-shot eyes. “M’fin.”

The red eyes, the dark circles, and they way Josh held himself told Tyler something otherwise. He tried getting Josh to lay back down but Josh wouldn’t have it. 

“Goin' t'day.”

He dressed, only stumbling and banging into furniture a few times, while Tyler took their bags down to his car. Yes, his car. It had the better gas mileage out of the two. When he returned Josh was leaning against the kitchen counter with a mug of coffee in his hand, his eyes closed. Tyler knew he hadn’t drank any of his coffee, and he noticed that the drummer’s shirt was inside out. 

Walking over to him he gently walked over to him and took the mug out of his hand and set it down on the counter. 

“We better get going Josh.” He said quietly and led him over to the door. He led an-almost-asleep Josh all they way down to the car. But instead of the driver’s seat he sat Josh in the passenger. 

He reclined the seat all the way down so Josh would be more comfortable. He then went out around got into the driver’s seat. After texting Patrick he waited for his friend to reply. Patrick sent him their address. Tyler cut and copied it into his GPS and just a minute later they were down the road. 

A good hour later, after avoiding every pothole he saw so that Josh slept fine, Tyler glanced over at the drummer. He slept so peacefully. And Tyler couldn’t help but to think of how he was a way cuter napper than him. 

He knew him getting his memories back was always on Josh’s mind. It had to be. He had only told him of how they met. Maybe Tyler should ask Josh to tell him some more memories of their life together. Maybe their wedding or their first date. 

Glancing over to him again Tyler couldn’t help but to think how badly he wanted to get inside of the drummer’s head, to just get a glimpse of his thoughts. Looking back to the road he swerved slightly to avoid yet another pothole. He cursed whosever job is fixing potholes. Why can’t they come fill them in? It’s pretty hard to make sure someone stays asleep when you’re having to pull some Vin Diesel stuff to avoid potholes as deep as the grand canyon. 

Tyler drove about two hours before he pulled over to a gas station to use the restroom. He quietly shut the door. Although he didn’t feel right about leaving Josh alone sleeping in the car. He would only be two minutes tops though. 

Entering the horribly disgusting restroom he was thankful for being a man. He wouldn’t have to sit on the yellow-stained toilet seat. The urinals were an absolute no. There were substances all over them Tyler didn’t really care about knowing about. As he unzipped his pants he knew if someone were just sit down on one of these toilet seats they could contract an STD. He hurriedly washed his hands with the weird smelling pink soap. He couldn’t get inside the car fast enough. He tried closing his door quietly but failed. 

Josh hummed in his sleep and rolled over. He inhaled deeply from his in nose and let it out before opening his eyes. 

“Whoa. When did we get in the car?” He sat, stretching his back, cracking it and relaxing again. 

“Uh,” Tyler began looking at the clock built into the car radio, “About two hours ago.” Josh opened his mouth to speak, but Tyler continued, “You were really tired, so I just guided you to the car and I asked Patrick to send me their address. I put it in my GPS and uh yeah.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

Tyler shrugged, “We’re at a gas station, but I wouldn’t go back in there if someone paid me to. So, if you need to use the restroom I’m sure there’s another station down the road.”

“No, if you used this one I’ll use it too. But you better be in the passenger when I get back.” He smiled that Dun smile of his that makes Tyler’s chest flutter. 

He grinned at him and said nothing as the other man got out and walked inside. He came out just a few minutes later. Tyler was still sitting in the driver’s seat. 

Josh knocked on his window, startling him, “Get in the other seat. I’ll drive.”

“At least let me go another hour. That’ll make it three hours and you can do the other three.”

Josh contemplated that for at least a full minute before nodding. When he was seated in the passenger seat again he said, “You were right about that restroom. I wouldn’t go back in there if someone paid me a thousand bucks.”

Tyler chuckled, “I warned you.”

They talked for another hour or so. Tyler didn’t bring up how he’d been driving 30 minutes over the time he said he would stop driving. Josh was still really tired. The bags under his eyes proved it. When it got to the two hour mark it finally hit Josh. “Oh man, Ty, pull over! It was my turn to take over, like, an hour ago!”

“It’s okay. I’m capable of driving all the way there. On our way home you can drive if you want.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Chuckled Tyler. 

Josh played with the radio for a while, but nothing good was on and to be honest he wasn’t really in the mood for music at the moment. Normally if he was driving he would reach over the console and hold Tyler’s hand or if Tyler was driving like he is now Josh would reach over rest his hand on Tyler’s thigh. He couldn’t do that now. 

Tyler glanced over at Josh when he pulled up to a stop sign. Josh was staring intently at him. 

“Uh,” He blushed looking away, “What?” He continued driving. 

“Nothing. Just looking.” Josh looked down at his lap. 

To change the subject – or better yet get rid of the awkward silence – Tyler said, “I wonder how mom is doing with Spooky Jim.”

Josh shrugged with a small smile on his lips, “Do you think he’ll remember us when we get back? We haven’t even had him a week, not even three full days.” 

“As much time as you played with him? He will definitely remember you.”

 

Tyler pulled up in a two story house a couple hours later; a few hours after lunch. 

“This is it.” Josh leaned over Tyler’s lap to look out of his window. 

“C’mon!” He got out and ran excitedly down the driveway. 

Tyler slowly got out of the car. His heart was erratic and his nerves were on end all of a sudden. And for a brief moment he thought, _what if they don’t like me?_ But he quickly shook the thought from his head because Patrick and Pete _know_ him and they’re all friends. 

By the time he was standing next to Josh the door opened and a revealed a much shorter man. He wore black pajama pants, a light gray t-shirt and his dark sandy blond hair was a little messy and he wore thick black rimmed glasses. 

Tyler thought he is really adorable. Then he thought of how weird it is thinking this man is adorable. The man smiled, and Tyler about died. How can this man be that cute.

“Hey!” He stepped forward and hugged Josh. Josh returned the hug. He then turned to Tyler and said, “Uh, would it be alright if I hug you now?”

Tyler nodded and he was soon swallowed by Patrick. 

“Where’s Pete?” Josh asked once Patrick released his husband.

Patrick rolled his eyes, “Who knows. He should be here around here somewhere though.”

Suddenly Tyler was grabbed from behind. The life was being squeezed out of him. And he panicked for a moment until he heard a familiar voice. 

“I missed you guys!” Pete said as he lifted Tyler up from the floor. 

When he set Tyler back down he walked over and he and Josh shared a hug. Patrick laid a hand on Tyler’s shoulder, “He’s just really excited you guys are here. We both are. We haven’t seen each other since last summer when you came to visit. Now, let’s get your bags.”

Tyler glanced over to Josh and Pete, who were chatting and laughing like they’ve been friends their whole lives. He bit his bottom lip, “No. It’s okay. You don’t have to do that.”

Patrick grinned, “I won’t take no for an answer. Now, let’s go.” He made his way down the sidewalk. He looked to Josh once more and smiled. He was so happy. Patrick got Tyler’s suitcase while Tyler got Josh’s. 

Once they began rolling them up the driveway Josh and Pete looked over. Pete jogged over to his husband, “I got it.” He took it from the shorter man. 

“Thanks.” Patrick smiled at him, which Pete returned. Tyler took Pete’s smile. It was a different smile than when he smiled at him or Josh. His eyes squinched up at the corners, and he saw all of his teeth.   
This smile was just for Patrick. ~You all know how Pete smiles at Patrick!~ Tyler felt like such a creep for watching them. But he couldn’t look away. Even as Pete leaned down and pecked Patrick’s lips. 

“They’re cute, huh?” Josh asked, much closer now. 

“Uh, yeah.” They are. They’re the cutest couple Tyler had ever seen in his life. 

“Here,” Josh stepped forward and gently took the handle of the suitcase from him. 

 

“You’ll be staying in the guest room, like you did last time. It’s next to the bathroom. Our room is a little ways down the hall.” Patrick explained as he led them upstairs. He opened the second door on the right. 

It was a full bed against the right wall, a dresser was on the left next to the closet and a small nightstand sat on the right side of the bed. 

“We’ll give you some time to unpack. If you need anything we’ll be downstairs.”

“Thanks.” Josh said with a grin. Patrick left the room, closing the door behind him. Tyler sat down on the edge of the bed. 

“You okay?” 

Tyler looked over to him. “Yeah. I’m fine. I really like them.”

“Good.” Josh fell back onto the bed, jostling Tyler. “I’m exhausted.”

“Patrick and Pete are really…”

“Opposites?” Josh guessed. 

“Well, yeah, but they’re so…cute.”

Josh chuckled, “Yeah, they are. They’ve been friends since Patrick was 16. Pete told me once he had always loved Patrick.”

“How long have they been together?”

“They dated two years and have been married about one.”

Tyler took in the information. When he looked back at Josh he was asleep. Tyler leaned, scooting up to lay eye level with him. He took in Josh's delicate features. Just laying like this with Josh relaxed him. He was asleep within seconds. 

A few moments later Pete opened the door, but found them curled around one another. 

“Pete, I told we would leave them al-” Patrick came up behind the taller man. 

“They look cute.” Grinned Pete.

“Yeah, they do.” Patrick smiled sadly as he gently closed the door. 

 

Down in the living room Patrick was curled up on the couch. Pete came in with two steaming mugs of coffee. He handed one to his husband. Patrick took it gratefully.

“Thanks.” 

Pete nodded sitting down on the other side of the couch. They turned to their sides, facing one another. Their feet tangled together. 

“How do you think they’re doing _really_?” Patrick asked. 

Ever since Josh called a few days after Tyler woke up and told him his husband had amnesia Patrick has worried himself sick about his friends, Tyler’s health, and their relationship. Everyone who knew Tyler and Josh can just tell how much in love they are. It’s like one couldn’t breathe without the other.

Sipping his coffee Pete replied, “I’m not sure, Trick. They seem fine. But I think both of them are hurting. What I do know, is that you need to stop worrying about them. They’ll be fine. Tyler will remember soon.”

“But it’s been, like, two weeks.” He looked down as the steam from his cup danced into the air and slowly disappeared. 

“Trick, honey, it’s going to be okay.” 

Patrick looked up and met his husband’s eyes. Pete was smiling at him much like he was in driveway, or how he smiles at Patrick all the time. He scooted closer, Pete drew his legs to him and crossed them. Patrick leaned his forehead against Pete’s and cupped Pete’s unshaven cheek. 

“How is it that every time you smile at me like that then I _know_ everything is going to be okay?”

There were no words. Pete kept smiling with his eyes until he leaned in and kissed the one person who will forever have his heart. 

 

_“Josh,” Tyler smiled, his arms wrapped around the taller man’s neck, “I’ll be fine.”_

_“I don’t know, Ty. The stage crew looks sketchy here. I don’t trust them putting together the platform. I think you should skip the climbing this time.”_

_Tyler pouted, “But that’s no fun. I’ll be fine. If I think there’s a problem then I’ll get down. I promise.”_

_“Fine!” Josh said dramatically, even throwing his head back to look at the Heavens._

_It made Tyler giggle._

_Mark appeared, “Hey guys, oh gross!” He said when he saw the position they were in. Tyler had his arms around Josh’s neck, while Josh’s hands were on his husband’s thin waist._

_“Uh, anyway, you’re about to go on.”_

_Josh’s chest was hit with a spike of anxiety like it is right before every show. He loves what they do and he never wants to stop. But he gets anxious. Like, what if he messes up or something goes wrong._

_“Just look at me.” Tyler tells him before every show._

_Tyler knew of his fears. Tyler knows everything about him. His husband instructs him to look at him and every show Josh finds him on stage, or on the crowd, or whatever Tyler decided to climb that show, and all his anxiety melts away._

_Josh leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips before their limbs slid from each other’s bodies. Josh held on tightly to Tyler’s hand as they rushed to take their positions on the dark stage._

_They opened with Ode to Sleep. That always got the crowd going. Then Holding onto You, Forest, Kitchen Sink, Screen, and Migraine, Implicit Demand for Proof, Guns for Hands, Semi-Automatic, the Run and Go, and Fake You Out. Of course, they played much more than that._

_Tyler crowd-walked, and they had a drum off on the crowd, Josh flipped off of Tyler’s piano just as Tyler made a gun with his hand during Guns For Hands._

_It happened during Car Radio, their last song for the night. During the instrumental the lights went out and Tyler made his around the crowd undetected to the platform behind the crowd._

_He scaled the metal latter. It felt cool under his sweaty hands. When he set foot on the platform Tyler noticed it felt a little loose, a little unstable. But the show had to go on. He knew he promised his husband he would get down if there was a problem, but Tyler thought it would be fine for the minute or so he would be up there. He even told himself he would get down a few seconds early._

_The lights turned on and he carried on with the song from on top of the platform. The crowd twisted around screaming and jumping._

_He stopped singing and the crowd finished out the song._

_“I have these thoughts_  
 _So often I ought_   
_To replace that slot_  
 _With what I once bought_  
 _’Cause somebody stole_   
_My car radio_  
 _And now I just sit in silence.”_

_Tyler lowered mic with a smile on his face. He loved it when the crowd would sing. His smile fell when the platform wobbled underneath his feet._

_Josh stopped drumming when he noticed the platform shake ever so slightly. Through the whole show Josh hadn’t taken his eyes off of his husband._

_Get down. He thought._

_The platform went from wobbling to going back and forth. Josh stood quickly dropping his drum sticks. He watched as Tyler dropped his mic. It rolled off the platform and into the crowd._

_“Tyler!” Josh shouted. “Hey! Somebody doing something!” There was no way Josh could fight his way through the crowd in time to get to his husband._

_The platform collapsed underneath Tyler’s feet. There were screams from the crowd as people tried to dodge falling pieces._

_Josh’s whole world seemed to be crumbling down around him. He heard nothing, but the sound of his erratic heartbeat. His knees felt weak and he couldn’t move._

“Josh, hey, wake up.” 

Josh jerked upright in bed. Looking around frantically he saw it was dark outside now. Tyler sat beside him wearing a look of worry. 

“Hey.” Tyler spoke softly. “Are you okay?”

Shaking his head ‘no’ Josh pulled the other man to him. He held onto Tyler for dear life, burying his face into the crook of his neck. A sob escaped his lips and Tyler brought his arms around the other man tightly. 

"It's okay. You're okay now. It was just a dream." Tyler tried to sooth the trembling drummer. 

"It's not okay." Josh said, his voice thick. 

Tyler was about to question him when Josh continued, "It was the night you fell. I begged you not to climb. After Car Radio the platform just gave away." Josh sobbed. 

Tyler didn't know what to say. What could he say to make his husband feel better? Nothing, absolutely nothing. 

"Just try not to think about it," Tyler winced as the lame words left his mouth. "Think about a happier time. Tell me about, uh, tell me about our first date or how we got engaged or something."

It was dark inside the room minus for the moon shining in through the window. When Josh lifted his head Tyler could see the shine of his tears. 

"I can do that." Josh sniffed. Tyler wiped away Josh's tears with the sleeve of the hoodie Josh had given him. Seeing Josh so upset made Tyler's chest hurt. He's never wanted to see that Dun smile more than he did right now. 

Yeah, they were both a mess. But they would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I didn't originally plan the Peterick scene, but I thought, 'why not?' Peterick is one of my favorite ships. I'll try to add a few more scene between if you want them. This is my first Peterick scene I have posted. I actually started writing a Peterick a few months back.~


	13. Tonight I'll need you to stay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I started writing a Peterick fic months ago. And I was wondering, when I am finished with this one, if you would like me to start posting it? Would anyone read it? Let me know, darlings!~

Josh laid, propped up some pillows while Tyler lay on his side, pressed against the other man. Josh had his arm around him and he rested his head on the drummer’s chest. Tyler even had a leg resting between Josh’s. It was the most intimate they have been since Tyler woke up. It made Tyler feel warm, not from the body heat, but from the inside. He felt this warmth could only described as love.  
“Okay. Um, well, it – I guess it started when we had been a band almost a year.” He swallowed thickly as the memory played his mind like a movie. 

_They had been living together close to four months. It was the same apartment they live in now. They had been laying in Josh’s bed. It was close to 7 in the evening. Tyler was laughing at something the drummer had said. Josh lay on his side, his elbow bent and the side of his head resting in his hand._

_He loved seeing his best friend so happy. Tyler had been through a lot in the past and seeing him having a good time and smiling like he is now just about melted Josh’s heart._

_Tyler hardly ever spent time in his own room. It’s been that way since they moved in. They stayed up late talking, or watching movies and they eventually fell asleep. They would wake up how they fell asleep, maybe a little closer than._

_Eventually Tyler’s thing slowly began migrating into Josh’s room. At first it would be something as simple as a notebook then it went to something more complex such as a shirt or a pair of boxers._

_Tyler’s laughing slowly died down. Josh continued to take in his best friend’s beauty. Tyler had such full pink lips. Josh had lost count on how many times he envisioned himself kissing those exact lips he stares at everyday. Tyler’s eyes were brown, but not just any brown. They were a soft and light colored brown that reminded Josh of milk chocolate._

_And Tyler’s smile. Josh didn’t know where to begin to describe it. It just lit up the room. It made Josh feel like he would never be sad again._

_“Let’s get out of here.” Josh said._

_Tyler glanced at him. “And do what?”_

_Josh gave an awkward shrug. “I don’t know.”_

_“Okay.”_

_Ten minutes later they were walking down the street. Josh chanced a glance over at the shorter man. He had his hands stuffed in the pocket of his hoodie; Josh’s hoodie, to keep warm from the chill evening air. Josh wanted more than anything to reach over and hold the other man’s hand in his._

_They walked in a comfortable silence. It could be silent between and not be awkward. Everyone knows Tyler doesn’t like silence. But with Josh by his side there could never be noise again and it would be okay, just as long as Josh was there._

_They came to a park they both played at as children. Tyler and Zack still come to play ball here sometimes. They bypassed the basketball courts, until they got to the swings._

_Sitting down Tyler grinned, “We’re grown men in a park, on swings.”_

_Sitting down on the one next to him Josh chuckled, “Yeah, we are.”_

_Tyler planted his feet on the ground and pushed backwards, starting to swing._

_“I bet I can go higher than you.”_

_Josh gripped the metal chains in his hands, “You’re on.”_

_Tyler let his head fall back as he looked at the full moon and stars above them. Josh saw this and did the same. They long since forgot about their competition and let their swings slowly come to a stop._

_Josh was still looking up when Tyler appeared in front of him. He took Josh’s hand in his own and led him over to the roundabout. Tyler laid between the bars and Josh joined him. This way they could look at the night sky much better. The metal was freezing underneath them._

_“I think,” Tyler began, “I think I could get lost up there. Everything looks the same, but doesn’t look the same, if that makes any sense.” A few seconds in silence passed between them. “It looks lonely up there. Would you ever go up there?”_

_Josh, who hadn’t taken his eyes off of Tyler since he began talking, said, “Uh, I don’t know. But yeah, I bet it would be lonely up there.”_

_“I would go if you went.”_

_Josh smiled at that. “Yeah, if you went up in space I would definitely go with you.”_

_Silence fell upon them once again. Josh turned onto his side; like he does a lot when they are laying down together. Tyler was so busy looking up at the sky it took him a few minutes to look at his friend._

_“Ty.” Josh said, scooting closer._

_Tyler turned on his side, but instead of propping his head up like Josh was he folded one arm and rested it against the metal and laid his head on it._

_Josh had held in his feelings for his best for nearly a year now. If he risked it now then this could be the end of their friendship, the end of Twenty One Pilots. But everyday he doesn’t feel Tyler’s lips against his a piece of his soul cracks and falls away into a black abyss._

_Tyler’s eyes were closed now. “Hm?” He hummed._

_Josh’s face hovered in front of the other man’s. He saw Tyler swallow hard. The drummer bit his lip; thinking if he should go through with this or not. Because he would rather have Tyler in his life as a friend than not at all._

_Frick, he thinks. He was torn._

_“Josh?” Tyler asks, eyes still closed._

_He felt Tyler’s breath ghost over his lips. And that told him everything he needed to know. He could not go one day longer without this man’s lips on his. He leaned in, brushing his lips against Tyler’s._

_His fear got the better of him and just as he was about to pull away Tyler’s hand came up to rest on the back of his head and held him in place. Tyler held onto Josh’s dark brown locks as the kiss deepened._

“Afterwards we totally spilled everything. I told you how I felt and you told me how you felt. I guess we became official after that.”

“You guess?” Josh could _hear_ Tyler’s grin. 

“Well, we never really discussed what we were. I would introduce you as my boyfriend and vice versa. We both just _knew_.” He shrugged. 

“That was really nice. You should tell me more.”

“It’s close to 3 A.M. We need to go back to sleep.”

Tyler tilted his head back to look at the red-haired man, “Are you gong to be alright?”

“Yeah, totally.”

Tyler raised a brow in question and Josh chuckled. “I’m fine. I just don’t like thinking about the night you fell. But you suggesting of talking about a good memory helped… _A lot_. Now to sleep.”

“Okay.” Whispered Tyler still unsure.

The truth? The memory of that night has haunted Josh every day and night since it happened. It replays regularly in his head, then in slow motion. It’s a constant reminder that he almost lost the most important person in his life. 

He held onto his husband a little tighter before drifting off to sleep. 

 

The next morning Tyler awoke bright and early. Josh had an arm throw over him lazily, while their legs tangled together. Josh was passed the heck out. 

_Good._ Tyler thought. He had a rough night the night before. He lay there too afraid if he moved then he would wake the other man. But when the urge to pee became to great he pulled some James Bond stuff to untangle himself without waking Josh. 

He was still in the clothes from yesterday, although they were wrinkled now. He changed into a pair of black basketball shorts and left the room. After using the restroom he descended down the stairs.  
Pete and Patrick had a very nice home. It was spacious, but not too spacious. It was just right for them, and a couple guests. 

When he walked into the kitchen he saw Patrick sitting at the kitchen table with papers strewn out over the top of it and a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He was in his pajamas, his dark sandy blonde hair messy and he was in his glasses. 

“Hey.” He smiled when he saw Tyler standing there. 

“Come in. Do you want some tea? I just made myself a cup. I can get you some coffee if you prefer that?”

“Uh, no, tea is fine.”

Patrick nodded as he stood. He grabbed a red mug out of the cabinet and also a teabag from the cabinet next to it. Walking over to the stove he picked up the kettle and poured the water over the teabag. 

“Do you want honey or sugar?”

“Sugar’s fine.”

Patrick put a spoon full in it and stirred it around. 

“Here you go.” He set the cup on the table. “Sit down. I don’t bite, you know.”

Tyler sat down next to him, hands sliding around the hot cup. 

Sipping his tea Patrick said, “I’m glad you’re here. It’s been too long. We’ve been busy with our tour. We’re supposed to be back on the road in a couple of weeks.”

Staring at his tea Tyler replied, “Yeah, I was a little nervous coming here. But I’m actually really happy to be here. You said you’re going back on tour? Did you release a CD recently?”

Swallowing Patrick nodded, “Yes. American Beauty/American Psycho. We’re on a little break right now. Enough about Fall Out Boy. How are you doing?”

Tyler shrugged, and sipped his tea for the first time. “Fine, I guess. Confused, and a little stressed out with trying to remember.”

Patrick nodded as Tyler spoke. 

“Josh is sad. He tries not to show it, but I see it in his eyes. I’m doing everything I can think of that could help me remember something. It hasn’t worked yet. And here I am blabbing and most likely bringing you down.”

“No,” the shorter man shook his head, “It’s okay. We’re good friends, Tyler. You can tell me anything. Josh is bound to be sad. If it happened to Pete and me; if Pete didn’t remember who I was I would be devastated. But from your texts and calls you two seem to be getting a long great.”

“We are. We’re, like, best friends that are married, I guess.”

Giving him a small grin he said, “It’s a start. I have faith you’ll remember soon.”

“Hey Patrick?”

“Yes?”

“You said I could tell you anything?”

Patrick nodded, “Yes, anything.”

“I um, found a piece of a song I started writing for Josh back before…” He gestured to his head. “And it’s a love song. From what people tell me, writing love songs is not what I do.” 

Patrick chuckled, “Yeah, not exactly. Do you, want to finish it?”

Tyler shook his head, “No. I mean, yeah, but not until I remember. I want to write him a new song.”

“Do you want me to help you? Because I can do that if you want me to.”

“No, this is something I need to do on my own. I just feel like I needed to tell someone. You’re the only person I’ve told that too. Maybe getting back in the groove of writing a song, especially for Josh, will jog something in my mind, you know?” He waited for Patrick to nod. “I really care about Josh. I know I don’t remember loving him, but I know I love him? Does that make sense?”

“I think so.” 

Tyler sipped his tea. 

“Tyler, I don’t know if Josh told you or not, but Fall Out Boy was a band all the way from 2003 to 2009. We all just needed a break. Pete and I didn’t leave on good terms. We had begun dating the summer before the hiatus. We were together exactly three months and four days before the band went on hiatus and we ended on our relationship. Pete was going through stuff and so was I. We didn’t speak for years. One day Joe, our guitarist, called me up and said he and Andy, our drummer, had been talking about getting the band back together.” Patrick took in a deep breath.

“Pete and I still didn’t speak. But we all agreed to meet up and discuss the possibilities. To shorten things up, Pete and I were just meant to be. We talked everything out and yeah. We’re married now.” He grinned at the mention of being married. “But where I was going with this is, during the hiatus I wrote a song about how I felt about our relationship. It was called Miss Missing you. It helped me a lot, just writing it. And now it’s on our album Save Rock and Roll.”

Tyler hung onto every word his friend was telling him. 

“So, writing, especially if you’re a musician, helps.”

“Thank you,” Tyler said quietly, “for telling me all of that. I needed to hear it.” 

Before Patrick could say anything Tyler felt someone ruffle his hair, “Hey sleeping beauty!” Peter walked around the table to his husband. Patrick leaned his head back and Pete leaned down and kissed his lips. 

Patrick made a face when they pulled away, “You have morning breath.” 

“And you have tea breath. Gross.”

It was no secret that Pete didn’t like tea. Patrick on the other hand had to have a cup everyday. 

“Tea breath is a thousand times better than morning breath. Right Ty?” Patrick winked at Tyler. It made Tyler smile. 

Pete began rummaging through the cabinets before moving onto to the fridge. 

“Here,” Patrick stood with his now empty mug. “Let me make you something. Are you hungry Tyler?”

“I’m fine with the tea. I’m going to check on Josh.”

“He’s conked out!” Pete said.

Tyler looked over to him. Pete was now sitting on the counter top, box of Cheerios in his lap. “I checked on him. What did you guys do yesterday?” He began eating the cereal dry right out of the box.  
“He hasn’t been sleeping good lately.” Tyler stated before leaving the kitchen and ascending up the stairs. 

Pete was right. Josh was sleeping so hard, his mouth was open and Tyler was sure if an earthquake hit Josh would sleep right through it.

This could be the perfect time to start brainstorming on the song. He didn’t even know where to start. Maybe he should have accepted Patrick’s offer. But Tyler soon pushed the thought to the back of his head. He had to do this alone. 

 

He had been sitting criss-cross on the bed with his notebook open out in front of him for a good thirty minutes and he still had nothing. He never thought writing a song would be easy, but he didn’t think it would be this hard either. 

Patrick stuck his head in and whispered, “Hey. Sorry I didn’t knock. I guessed Josh was still asleep.”

Tyler looked over at the sleeping drummer. Yepp. Still in the same position he was in half an hour ago. 

“You started?”

Tyler looked at his blank paper. 

“I’m trying.”

“I know how that is. Writer’s block sucks. It’ll come to you. Why don’t you come to the store with me? We’re out of some things. It’ll give your brain a break.”

Tyler looked to Josh again.

“Don’t worry, if he wakes up and we’re not back yet Pete will entertain him.”

“I, uh, okay. That sounds good.” 

“I’ll be downstairs.” 

Tyler slipped out of his basketball shorts and into a different pair of black jeans. He changed his shirt, but put Josh’s hoodie back on. He had gotten so used to wearing it. Patrick, like he said, was waiting downstairs by the front door. He wore gray jeans, black boots, a maroon shirt with a black sweater over it. To top off his outfit he wore his glasses and a black fedora. 

“Ready?” He grinned as Tyler made his way down the stairs. 

Tyler nodded and Patrick opened the door, waiting for his friend to go first. They walked outside to Patrick’s car.

Once down the road Patrick was the first to speak, “I know how it is getting in a funk. I think starting is always the hardest part. But usually after you start you can’t stop.”

“I hope so. I’ve been wracking my head around a lot.”

“It will come to you. I know it will. You’re a musical genius, Tyler. When I first heard you’re music…” He shook his head in almost disbelief, “I was blown away. It’s different and unlike anything I have ever heard. That’s good. Actually, the first song I heard from you Holding Onto You. After that, I was hooked! I stayed up the whole night and listened to every single song by you.”

Tyler felt honored and a little embarrassed. 

“But that was when I had my memories. That was a different Tyler.” He looked down and held his hands together tightly in his lap. 

“Don’t say that. You’re just in a bit of a…rut right now. You’re memories will come back. And you know what?” He stopped at a red light. 

Tyler looked over to him. Patrick turned his body to look at his friend. “You’re going to write some kickass songs for your new album.”

“N-new album?” That thought never crossed his mind. 

Patrick began driving again, “Yepp. If you fall off your horse, you have to get right back on. You lost your memories, but you have to keep going. You’ll get them back. I know you will.”  
Patrick’s words had an effect on Tyler. He kept thinking about what his friend said the entire trip to the store. Even as they shopped he thought about them. 

 

Within an 30 minutes they were pulling up in the driveway. Patrick had just opened the trunk when Tyler said, “Thank you. For saying what you did. It means a lot that you have so much faith in me.”

“Of course I have faith in you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

And Tyler didn’t.

Pete came out to help with the groceries. 

“Is Josh awake yet?” Tyler asked him as he juggled two brown paper sacks full to the brim.

“Not yet. Boy, can he sleep.”

“I’m going to wake him up. He’ll never sleep tonight if he sleeps any longer.”

It’s true. It was getting close to noon. Tyler sat his bags down on the kitchen table and went upstairs. Josh was sprawled across the bed now. Tyler crawled up the bed and sat back on his knees. He hated to wake him. 

“Josh.” He laid a gentle hand on the middle of the drummer’s back. “You need to get up.”

When he got no response he shook him again, a little harder this time. “Jooosh!” Tyler play-whined. “Get uuup!”

Josh mumbled something in his pillow.

“What? You’re going to have speak up!” Tyler teased much too loudly. He grinned when Josh threw the blanket over his head.

“Josh, come out of there!” He giggled. 

“No.” 

“If you won’t come out then I’ll just have to come in!”

Tyler was in a excellent mood. Patrick’s encouraging words had picked Tyler up. Nothing could ruin his day now, probably even his week.

He slid underneath the quilt. It wasn’t completely dark under there since the quilt was white with different patches of color on it. Josh lay on his side, facing Tyler. Tyler did the same. He grinned and let out a airy chuckle. 

It made Josh smile. Joy was radiating off of his husband and he knew it had to be because of Patrick. If you locked the most down in the dumps person in the same room with Patrick for just a few minutes they would come out smiling and passing daisies all around. 

Josh wanted to tell his husband how beautiful he is. 

“It’s almost noon.”

Josh’s eyes widened, “Seriously?”

Tyler nodded.

“How long have you been awake?”

“I woke up a little after nine. Patrick and I had tea and then I came up here for a while, and then we went to the store.”

“You’re enjoying yourself then?”

Tyler’s grin widened, “Yeah. I am. Patrick’s great. I haven’t spent any time with Pete yet though.”

“You will. This is just our second day here.”

“Technically our first since we slept all day yesterday. Aaand you slept half of today away.” Tyler teased him. 

Instead of speaking Josh poked his ribs, making Tyler jerk and giggle. 

“Oh my God! Do I want to know what you two are doing under there? Are you having sex? Well, better make room! I’m coming in!” They heard Pete yell and before they had any time to react weight was thrown over them, making them both grunt.

“Pete!” They both groaned, still underneath the blanket.

“Pete! Leave them alone!” They heard Patrick scold his husband. 

“Join me Trick, atop Mount Twenty One Pilots!” Pete joked. 

It made everyone, even Patrick. 

Tyler looked over at the drummer. Josh caught his eyes a second later. They were so close Tyler could Josh’s breath ghost over his face. Tyler’s grin fell ever so lightly, because he wished he could kiss the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I hope this you liked this chapter. This flashback was a little cheesy...Sorry! As I wrote the flashback I thought of Stressed Out, because in the flashback Tyler was talking about outer space. I'm such a dork!~


	14. You don't know my brain the way you know my name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Okay! Sorry if I didn't update soon enough. I am halfway done with the next chapter!~

The rest of the day went by quickly. They went out for lunch. They were currently in the restaurant down town. It was nice, not too fancy, but fancy enough. Tyler loved listening to Pete talk animatedly about his son Bronx, who is staying with Pete’s ex-wife Ashlee at the moment. 

“Yeah,” Pete smiled widely, “He told me never wants to grow old. So, for Halloween I suggested he dress up as Peter Pan. He shook his and said, ‘Dad, I want to be Captain America.’” 

“He says the darnest things.” Patrick added. 

From what Tyler gathered Bronx and Patrick had a great relationship. Patrick was teaching him how to play the piano and he’ll take the young boy out to the park or to the bookstore.

“He should be staying with us in a couple of days.” Pete said and Tyler suddenly felt nervous. He knows he’s good with kids. He used to help out at Sunday school all the time. He loved kids. Does Bronx know him? Maybe that’s it. Tyler will feel really horrible if Bronx knows him, but Tyler doesn’t know him. 

“That’s nice.” Josh commented on the situation. His arm was thrown lazily over the back of Tyler’s chair. 

“It won’t be long. Should only be for a day or two, then he goes back with Ashlee. He’ll come stay with us about a week before we go back on tour.” Patrick informed them.

_Josh had to be good with kids_ , thought Tyler, _He’s so sweet and fun. There’s no doubt about it. Josh is amazing with kids._

 

Later that evening Pete and Josh sat out on the back porch in lawn chairs, drinking beer – vanilla cokes for Josh – and talking. Tyler was up in their room, laying on his stomach, his feet up in the air, his ankles crossed. 

There was a knock at the door. 

“Come in!” Tyler knew it wasn’t Josh. Josh would have just walked in. 

Patrick made his appearance. “Hey. How’s it going?” He came over to the bed and sat down on the edge before scooting further up on the bed and sitting with his legs underneath him. 

“It’s okay. I’ve started. I have the first few lines.”

“That’s great! I said before, once you start it gets easier.”

“Yeah, I already have some more ideas.”

“Want me to leave you alone so you can concentrate?”

Tyler shook his head, “No. I want you to stay. I kinda like you.”

Patrick chuckled, “Kinda?”

“Yeah, you’re adorable, so…” He shrugged.

“How adorable am I? On a scale from 1 to 10?”

“45.”

That made Patrick laugh. Tyler put his notebook away, tucking it underneath the mattress.

“You aren’t going to write anymore? Am I distracting you?”

“No, I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?”

Tyler leaned really close to Patrick’s ear. Patrick waited patiently for his friend to begin. 

“You’re it.” Tyler whispered. He then shoved the shorter man back onto the bed and bolted from the room. 

“You are so dead!” He heard Patrick shout. 

Tyler ran down the stairs, he slid the back door open, getting his husband’s and Pete’s attention. 

“Hey Pete, where can I hide?”

Pete looked flabbergasted, “Uh, where can you what?”

“Where can I hide? Hurry!” He bounced up and down as he heard Patrick coming down the stairs. 

“Uh, pool house? Should be unlocked.” 

“Thanks!” Tyler ran across the yard to the small one room house. It was unlocked, thank God. He went in and hid behind a shelf. It was filled with cleaning stuff for the in-ground pool, pool toys, and rakes, shovels, etc. 

He heard the door open and Patrick’s voice filled the room, “I know you’re in here, Tyler.” Footsteps were heard. Peeking between the shelves Tyler saw Patrick at the back of the pool house. Now’s his chance. He got up and ran out, closing the door behind him. Patrick was closing in on him. He was thankful Pete and Patrick had a big backyard. He was tackled from behind. They both hit the ground. Tyler rolled over trying to get away, but Patrick was top of him, pinning his wrists on either side of his head.

 

“Got you!”

Tyler laughed, which caused Patrick to do the same. Tyler laughed because he had no idea what possessed him to do this. Patrick laughed because he normally doesn’t act like this; playing tag at 10 o’clock at night in his backyard. 

“Pat! You’re only supposed to be on top of me like that!” 

Patrick blushed as they heard Pete shout. They heard their husbands coming closer. 

“So, what did we miss?” Josh asked his husband, who still pinned down by the other singer. 

“Well, I told Patrick he was it and I pushed him.” Tyler explained.

“And then I chased him and I got him.” Patrick finished.

Patrick slid off of the other man. Tyler sat up only to find a hand in his face. Looking up he saw Josh smiling down at him with his hand out. Tyler took it and Josh hauled him up. 

“I think we’ll head off to bed.” Patrick announced. 

Tyler looked over at the other couple. Pete had his arm slung heavily over the shorter man’s shoulders. 

“Yeah, I think we are too.” Josh said. 

They all walked up to the house together. There were beers bottle strewn all around where Pete was sitting, while vanilla cokes cans were in a nice pile on the left side of Josh’s chair. Josh stopped and picked his pile up. Tyler grabbed up Pete’s empty bottles.

“Oh Tyler, you don’t have to do that.” Patrick told him.

“It’s fine. I got it.” He sent his friend a small smile. 

 

Just a little while later Tyler and Josh lay in bed. Josh rolled over to face his husband.

“I’m glad you’re having fun.”

“I am. Are you?”

“Having a blast. I’m looking forward to the party. Pete and Joe will most likely try to outdrink each other.”

“Yeah, he drank quite a bit tonight. And so did you. Tell me Josh, are you vanilla-coke wasted?”

Josh chuckled. 

Before anything else could be said there was a loud thump at the door, followed by a harshly whispered, “Pete! Don’t shove me into our guest bedroom door!”

“I just want you, Trick.” Pete’s voice sounded slow and a little slurred.

“We are not having sex while we have guests.”

“Why not?” Whined Pete loudly. 

“Because I don’t think its right. And can you please keep your voice down?”

They seemed to have to stepped away from the door. Their voices sounded further and further away. 

Josh cleared his throat nervously, “Well, that was something.”

Tyler’s face was very hot from hearing his friends’ conversation. 

“Uh yeah.”

They were quiet for a while before they both began laughing. They fell into silence once their laughter died down. Tyler watched Josh’s face. He had a far away look in his eyes. He was thinking about something. Tyler wanted more than anything to know what it was the drummer was thinking about. 

“Night Ty.”

“Goodnight Josh.” Tyler wanted to hug him, squeeze his hand, scoot closer to the other man, do _something_ to make Josh smile that smile of his that Tyler has grown to love. 

Josh had been thinking of the summer before, about how he and Tyler had made love on this very bed. The conversation that Pete and Patrick had just brought back the memory. Tyler had been reluctant then, but eventually gave in. 

Suddenly Josh felt Tyler move closer to him. He tucked his head underneath the drummer’s chin, resting his head on his chest. This action shocked Josh. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s thin waist. He smiled before closing his eyes. 

It only took a few moments for Tyler to feel Josh’s breath even out, telling him the drummer had gone to sleep. Tyler gently picked his head up to see a small smile on the other’s lips. It wasn’t the full-blown Josh Dun smile, but it was still a smile nonetheless. 

At that moment Tyler knew exactly what to write for the rest of his song. 

Tyler had crept out of Josh’s hold and finished his song. It flowed out of him. It came as easy as breathing to him. By the time he went to bed, hand cramp and all, it was almost 2 A.M.

When he trudged downstairs the next morning Josh was at the table drinking coffee while Patrick moved around the kitchen doing things here and there. The other singer noticed him first. “Morning!”

Josh turned to look at him. He grinned. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Looking to the blonde man he asked, “Can I help out with anything?”

“Sit down.” He sent him a playful glare, “You want something to eat?”

“Yes please.” Tyler sat down next to the red-haired man. “Where’s Pete?”

“Still in bed. He would sleep all day if I let him. I was just about to wake him up.” Patrick began cracking eggs into a pan. 

Josh took a sip of his coffee. “Going to the restroom. Be right back.” He got up and left the room. 

“I finished my song last night.”

Patrick whipped around, spatula in hand, “You did?”

Tyler nodded, getting up to fix him a cup of tea. As he was opening the cabinet to get a mug Patrick was next to him, “Do you have a melody for it?”

“I have some ideas. I’m not sure though. I don’t even know if its good…”

“Oh, I’m sure it is! Can I see it? I understand if you don’t want to show me.”

“You can totally look at it. Can I show you what I have in mind for it?”

“Of course!”

“Are you whispering about me?” Josh’s joking voice filled the room, startling them both. Tyler dropped the mug that was in his hand. 

“Oh man, Patrick, I’m so sorry!” He kneeled down and began picking up the big pieces. 

“It’s okay. It’s fine. I’m pretty sure Pete would have broken it sooner or later.” Patrick said light-heartedly as he rushed to get a broom. 

Josh was besides Tyler in a second. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I should have had a better grip on the mug. I’ve always been clumsy.” Tyler grinned, which caused Josh to do the same. 

Patrick came back with the broom. Josh took it from him before Tyler could. “I’ll clean this up. It was my fault you dropped it.”

After a few minutes all pieces of the mug were in the trash and Tyler finally got his cup of tea, Patrick finished making breakfast, and Josh went to wake up Pete. 

“So, I’ll send the children off on some stupid errand. That way you can show me what you have.”

Wrapping his cold hands around the warm mug Tyler said, “Sounds like a plan.”

“What sounds like a plan?” Mumbled Pete, making his appearance.

His hair stood in different directions, and his hand was hidden beneath a black wife-beater, scratching his stomach. Josh appeared next to him, slipping passed him and taking his seat next to Tyler again. 

“It’s between me and Ty. So, it’s none of your business.”

Josh looked to Tyler, and Tyler shrunk into himself with a blush on his face. 

“Well then,” Pete said dramatically. “Josh and me can keep secrets too!” Of course they were both joking.

“I’m going to get dressed and then we’re leaving.” He told Josh. 

“Where are you going?” Patrick asked making his way over to his husband. 

“None of your business,” He mimicked Patrick before leaning down to kiss the shorter man’s lips. They parted with smiles on their faces. 

“I don’t have to go.” Josh told Tyler.

“I want you to. Uh, not that I don’t want you here. I mean, I want you to go have fun.” Tyler stuttered. 

Josh chuckled and yes, gave Tyler his Josh Dun smile. Tyler is pretty sure if he had been standing Josh’s smile would have made his knees go weak. Tyler’s body was suddenly hot and he tried swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Jooosh! Let’s go man!” Pete whined. 

Turning to look at him Tyler noticed he was in black jeans, shoes, and a nice black shirt. Josh looked to Tyler again, “I’ll see you later.”

Tyler grinned, before looking down again. He was trying not to blush like a 13-year-old. Josh gave the other man a loving squeeze on the shoulder before getting up from the table. They left and he helped Tyler wash the dishes. 

It only took a few minutes before Patrick took Tyler by the hand and led him up the stairs. Patrick could barely contain his excitement as he sat criss-cross on the guest bed. Tyler was very hesitant to show anyone what he wrote. He’s written some really amazing songs in passed; when he had his memory. Now, he didn’t know what the heck he was doing. Sliding his notebook open to the page that contained his song. He waited silently, biting his thumb nail, as his friend read over the lyrics.

With each passing second in silence Tyler grew more nervous. _He hates it. Is it really that bad? I knew it. I’m useless until I get my memories back._

Just when he couldn’t take the silence any longer Patrick looked up at him, “Ty, this song is really good. The words, it _screams_ Twenty One Pilots. Now you just need to work on the melody and you can show this to Josh. He’s going to love it.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so. This song is amazing!”

Tyler sighed in relief and he fell back on the bed. 

“Show me what you had in mind.” The adorable man practically begged.

Downstairs, in the basement was a small recording studio full of instruments. Tyler sat at the keyboard in silence for a long time just staring at the black and white keys. He wasn’t really sure if he should show this to Patrick or anyone for that matter.

“Come on, no telling when the boys will be back.” Patrick said from beside him on the piano bench. 

Inhaling he began moving his fingers the keys. Patrick listened to every note. He stopped him before he could go any further though, “Sing as you play. It will make it easier.”

“I – I haven’t sang since before the accident.”

“You need to practice before you show this to Josh. It’s just me.”

Tyler nodded and started over. He sang and played the whole song. 

“That was good, but you’re holding back. You can do better. Again.”

Tyler performed it again and again, each time Patrick telling him what he needs to work on whether it be his playing or his singing. By the sixth, or seventh, Tyler lost count, time performing it Tyler was mentally exhausted. 

“Once more. I know you’ll get it this time.” Patrick was sweet and encouraging, but at this rate Tyler felt like he would never get it right. 

_Just one more time._ Tyler prayed, cracking his fingers, _You can do this. Please, Lord, guide me._

Running his fingers over the keys he began singing again. 

“Perfect. That was perfect. You got this, Ty. Josh is going to love it.” Before Tyler could say anything Patrick continued, “I’ll come up with some excuse tomorrow that will get me and Pete out of the house so you can show this to Josh.”

“T-tomorrow?” Why so soon? He just got this right. 

The blond man nodded, “Yes. The sooner the better! This is so exciting.” 

Tomorrow, tomorrow he would be singing to Josh. He would be singing _for_ Josh.

 

Once in the car Josh asked his friend, “Where are we going?”

“I have no clue. But if our husbands can have secrets then so can we!”

Josh grinned, rolling his eyes.

“I guess we can go to the store and get some groceries.”

“Tyler and Patrick got some yesterday.”

“Yeah, but it was, like, all healthy stuff. We need some junk food. We should actually have a movie night.”

“That sounds fun.”

“We can run by BestBuy and look at the movies.”

 

As they were looking through the shelves of movies Josh couldn’t shake the feeling something was going on with his husband. Maybe Tyler wasn't telling him something? Whatever the reason, Josh wanted to know what was up. 

“Hey Pete?”

“Yeeah?” Pete asked as he picked up some superhero movie. He flipped it over and began reading the back.

“Do you think Tyler and Patrick are acting weird?”

Pete wrinkled his nose, “DC needs to up its game. Marvel is better.” He put the movie back on the shelf and moved down the isle. 

“Pete, hey, listen to me.”

“I am. I think they’re just being silly. You know how they are when they’re together. They go over song ideas and talk about us and then giggle like school girls.”

Josh stopped in the middle of the isle, letting Pete’s words sink in. Tyler doesn’t have anything to do with music right now. So, that leaves them talking about him and Pete. What could they be talking about?

“Stop worrying so much, Joshy. Patrick is probably talking about the mind-blowing sex we had last night while Tyler sits there choking and blushing.” He grinned in the red-head’s direction. 

Josh chuckled, “Oh yeah, sure. Like Patrick kisses and tells.”

Pete deflates, “He doesn’t. But I guess that’s a good thing. _I_ on the other hand kiss and tell. Last night, he didn’t want to have sex with you guys in the house. But he came around eventually. I just love the shit out of that little man. Hey, have you seen the new Transformers?” Pete changed the topic like the wind. 

“Uh, no. We were on tour when it came out and didn’t get to see it.”

“Great. Then that’s what’s what we’re watching tonight.”

“Just one movie?”

“No man, we’re watching all _four_ of them.”

 

When they got home Pete and Patrick began putting all the junk good away, while Patrick complained to his husband about getting four packages of Oreos. Josh went up the stairs to find his husband. He found him on the bed reading a book. He got in the bed, resting his head close to Tyler’s; on the same pillow.

“Whatcha reading?”

“Some book Patrick gave me.”

“How is it?”

Tyler shrugged, “It’s okay. How was your super secret day out with Pete?”

Josh chuckled, “Our _super secret day_ consisted of us going to BestBuy and buying all four Transformers movies and then off to the grocery store where he got at least six different kinds of cookies, plus three different kinds of ice cream.”

“Wait, there are _four_ Transformer movies now?”

“Yepp. I remember seeing the first one with Zack and then the second one with Chris and Nick.”

“We saw the third one when it came out. But we never got the time to see the fourth one. Uh, hey Tyler?”

Tyler looks to him, waiting for him to keep going. 

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Just got a feeling, I guess.” He played with a loose thread on the blanket beneath them. 

The door burst open. Pete was in his pajamas, “Come _on_! We need to get started! Each movie is two hours long!”

Josh sat up, throwing a pillow at him. Pete reacted quickly and shut the door. The pillow hit the door and slid down to the floor. Pete opened the door again, “Missed!”

“Can we change?” 

“Okay, but hurry!” He disappeared again and Josh fell back on the bed.

When they changed and descended down the stairs the menu for the first movie was on the screen. Patrick was curled up on the couch while Pete came from the kitchen with the biggest bowl of popcorn Tyler had ever seen. He sat down next to his husband. There were lots of pillows and blankets on the floor, the coffee table had been pushed to the side. 

“You know us so well.” Josh grinned as he began unfolding the blankets. Tyler helped him make a pallet or nest type of thing. They laid down on their stomachs and Pete started the movie. Yeah, Tyler liked the floor over the couch. 

Halfway through the movie Patrick gave them the bowl the of popcorn with only a small portion eaten out of it. Josh absentmindedly reached in and grabbed a handful, then shoved it into his mouth. Glancing over at the drummer Tyler took in his handsome features. He liked the way in this room was dark and Josh’s face was lit up from the television screen. He liked the way Josh crammed popcorn into his mouth, never taking his eyes off the screen. He just liked Josh in general. 

He was really lucky to be married to him. Even though he doesn’t remember loving Josh, he knew he loved him. It was the feeling he felt in his chest whenever he was around the other man. He felt like butterflies fluttering around in there, trying to break free from their cage. Tyler decided at that moment; that he loved Josh Dun. 

From the couch Pete noticed Tyler’s heart-eyes gaze at the drummer. He tapped his husband’s leg, his feet were in Pete’s lap, making Patrick look to him. Pete tilted his head in the direction of their guests. Looking over Patrick saw how Tyler was looking to Josh. He grinned sadly over to his husband. Pete returned the grin and shrugged. Patrick then retracted his feet and then crawled over to the raven-haired man. He rested his back to his chest and Pete wrapped his arms around him. The singer laced their fingers together. 

“I can’t imagine going what they’re going through.” Patrick felt Pete’s hot breath on his ear and shivered. 

Tilting his head back to rest it on Pete’s shoulder he whispered back, “I know. It kills me.” He squeezed Pete’s hand. 

“They’ll be okay.”

And Patrick believed his husband’s words. 

Tyler eventually turned his attention back to the movie, and only a minute later his concentration was broken by a piece of popcorn hitting his nose. He looked in the direction it came from. Josh was grinning at him, the corners of his eyes crinkled and his white teeth illuminated by the television screen. 

Tyler grinned picking the piece up and tossing over to him. It missed the drummer. Tyler donned another piece form the bowl, but instead of throwing it at he held it out for Josh. Josh bent down a little and ate it from Tyler’s fingers. 

They never broke eye contact. As Josh chewed he did the same for the other man. Tyler hesitantly ate it. 

“How romantic, huh?” Josh asked, chuckling softly. 

Tyler smiled, “Yeah. It would be even more romantic if we had two straws in a YooHoo bottle.”

Josh chuckled again before grabbing his YooHoo bottle from the other side of him, and set it in front of them. There was a single straw in it, so Tyler plucked his straw out of his and dropped it in the bottle. 

“We’re dorks.” 

Sipping out his straw Tyler said, “Dorks with YooHoo.”

They sipped out of their straws with smiles on their faces. 

_Yeah,_ Thought Patrick as he watched the scene before him, _They’re going to be just fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I was trying to figure out how many more chapters/words are left...There is no telling with me. I do know there is at least 20,000 more words. But knowing me it will probably be more...Exciting huh? Or am I dragging this out?~


	15. But because of you I might think twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Oh my goodness, my darlings! I'm so sorry for the long, long, LONG wait! I just couldn't ever get into this chapter until recently! I'll do my best to not go that long without updating again! Forgive me?~

After breakfast the next day; a late breakfast since they stayed up til 3 AM watching the first three, Tyler and Josh went into the living room. They lounged around on the couch discussing what their favorite movie was so far.

“I like the third one.” Josh said.

“The third one is really good, but I still like the first one. The second was good, but its my least favorite so far.”

“Yeah, it’s my least favorite too.”

Pete poked his head in, “Hey guys, Trick just told me we have some super duper important Fall Out Boy meeting today. I had no idea! So, we’re about to head out.”

Patrick stood beside him, looking into the mirror on the wall next to the door. He was fixing his fedora. “Yeah, just make yourselves comfortable.” Turning around he looked right at Tyler, “We’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Just don’t have sex on our couch!” Pete said, opening the front door for the singer. 

Tyler shrunk down in the down with a blush. As soon the door closed they began speaking at the same time. 

“Hey, do you want to-”

“I need to show you something.” Tyler said above him.

“Oh,” Josh was taken aback a little, “Okay.”

Tyler stood and held his hand out for the red head. Josh took it and Tyler didn’t release his hand as they walked through the kitchen, down the stairs to the basement and even as he walked over to the piano. Tyler sat down and Josh sat down next to him on the bench. 

Playing with his hands nervously he kept his head down as he spoke, “I um, I wrote a song...For You. I’ve wanted…”

“You wrote a song for me?” Josh asked astonished. Even when his husband had his memories Tyler never wrote a love song. 

Looking up Tyler said, “Yeah. Patrick’s been really encouraging. He said it was good and that you will like it. But just, please, be honest. Okay?”

“Always.”

Swallowing thickly Tyler rested his fingers over the keys and began. 

_“We don’t believe what’s on TV,_   
_Because it’s what we want to see,_   
_And what we want, we know we can’t believe,_   
_We have all learned to kill our dreams._

At first Tyler sang hesitantly, but he remember all the things Patrick told him. He then sang with confidence. He didn’t hold back. 

_I need to know that when I fail you’ll still be here,_   
_Because if you stick around I’ll sing you pretty sounds,_   
_And we’ll make money selling your hair._

He kept his head down, scared to see Josh’s reaction. What if he doesn’t like it? What if his ears are bleeding and he wants Tyler to stop?

_I don’t care what’s I your hair,_   
_I just want to know what’s on your mind,_   
_I used to say, “I want to die before I’m old,”_   
_But because of you I might think twice._

He finally looked into Josh’s eyes as he sang the chorus. They were glistening. Tears of joy? Tyler just wants to crawl inside of Josh’s mind and know what he’s thinking. Man, why couldn’t he have been born with telepathic powers?

_Alright, second verse_   
_What if my dream does not happen,_   
_Would I just change what I’ve told my friends,_   
_I don’t want to know who I would be,_   
_When I wake up from a dreamer’s sleep._

Looking back down he continued. He heard Josh let out a airy, watery chuckle when he said, ‘Alright, second verse.’ Chuckling is a good thing, right?

_I need to know when I fail you’ll still be here,_   
_Because if you stick around I’ll sing you pretty sounds,_   
_And we’ll make money selling your hair._

Tyler wished he could rush through the rest of the song so Josh can tell him how he felt about the song. Not knowing was absolutely torture. 

_I don’t care what’s in your hair,_   
_I just want to know what’s on your mind,_   
_I used to say, “I want to die before I’m old,”_   
_But because of you I might think twice._

Meanwhile Josh was doing his very best not to break down. His husband, who has amnesia, wrote a song for him. He’s never done that before. And Tyler doesn’t have to write a song to prove his love Josh. Josh knows Tyler loves him. 

_I don’t care what’s in your hair,_   
_I just want to know what’s on your mind,_   
_I used to say, “I want to die before I’m old,”_   
_But because of you I might think twice._

Josh felt so honored. He felt like the Queen of England was presenting him with an award or something. 

_I don’t care what’s in your hair,_   
_I just want to know what’s on your mind,_   
_I used to say, “I want to die before I’m old,”_   
_But because of you I might think twice._

Tyler finished out the song. The whole room was quiet and Tyler couldn’t stand it. It ate away at him slowly. Looking over to the drummer he saw Josh was biting his lip and tears were steadily running from his eyes. Was this good or bad?

“Um,” Tyler swallowed again as he played his hands. “So?”

Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler tightly. Tyler returned the hug, still unsure what Josh was thinking. When he heard a loud, heart wrenching sob, he didn’t know what to do or what to say.   
“It was so good. It’s great.” Josh choked out. 

Tyler visibly relaxed hearing that. “I know I don’t remember our life together, Josh. But, I know I love you. I feel so much happier when you’re around. I’m doing everything I can to remember.”  
“I know, I know you are.” Josh couldn’t explain the feeling in his chest when Tyler said those words. 

Josh finally looked at him. “I love the song. It will definitely be on our next album.” 

Tyler’s eyes widened, “You think so?”

“I know so.” 

Tyler reached up and gently wiped his husband’s tears away. Josh glanced down at Tyler’s lips. They were so close. He could just easily lean in and….

Gently cupping Tyler’s face in his hands he leaned in. Tyler’s breath hitched in his throat and his eyes fell closed. Josh was going to kiss him. Josh was going to _kiss_ him. They haven’t kissed yet and Tyler has been awake for almost three weeks now. But instead of feeling lips on his, he felt Josh brush his lips gently against cheek. They were gone as soon as they arrived. Tyler opened his eyes and tried not to feel too disappointed. 

“Thank you for writing that for me.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, any time.” 

Josh smiled at his husband’s light teasing.

“Can you play it again?”

“You really want me to?” Tyler taken aback. He felt honored Josh liked it that much. 

Josh nodded. 

Resting his hands on the keys again, he began to play. 

 

It was a quarter to four when they heard the front door open. They were in the living room. A small boy rushed in. He was short and lanky, with dirty blonde curls that may have been a bit too long.   
“Hey Bronx.” Josh smiled, “You remember us? Josh and Tyler?” He sat up on the edge of the couch. 

Bronx nodded shyly. Peter snuck up behind his son and grabbed him up. The boy squealed and kicked out wildly. Patrick made his appearance with a small Captain America backpack slung over one shoulder and a small black suitcase in his hand.

“Let’s go swimming!” Pete suggested as he threw his son over his shoulder and bounded up the stairs. 

Patrick looked to their friends, “Is that okay? You don’t have to.” 

“Sounds fun.” Josh said and Tyler nodded. 

“Great, let’s go change then.” 

 

Several minutes later Josh and Tyler joined their friends outside by the pool. Patrick was sitting on the edge with his legs in the water while Pete and Bronx were splashing around like fish. Josh jumped in, splashing everyone. It made Bronx giggle and Tyler couldn’t help but to grin. 

Tyler joined Patrick, sticking his feet in the water. 

“Sooo?” 

“Sooo what?” 

“How did it go?” Tyler could hear the excitement behind his questioning tone.

“It went well. I mean, he sorta cried, but it was happy cry.”

“See? I told you everything would be fine.”

“He asked me to play it a second time.” 

“Aw.” 

“You’ve lost so weight.” Patrick commented changing the subject, poking Tyler’s prominent ribcage. “You will not leave this house until I have fattened you up.”

Tyler rolled his eyes, “I’ve been eating like a pregnant person the last week. I’m steadily gaining weight back.”

Patrick opened his mouth to reply but was splashed with a large amount of water instead. He glared over to his husband who gave him a obviously fake innocent look. 

“Be right back.” Patrick slid into the water. Pete swam away from him, but Patrick managed to catch him, jumping on his back and dunking him under. 

Tyler watched the scene with a goofy grin on his face. Josh poked his head up out of the water in front of him. He rested a palm on the concrete between Tyler’s thighs, and the other on the side of Tyler’s right thigh. He lifted himself out of the water, holding all his weight on his hands. 

“Hey.” Josh smiled. 

There faces were close. But Tyler returned the smile even though one of Josh’s hands was too close to a certain area. It made his heart beat quicken and it shouldn’t. They’re married God’s sake. 

“Hi.”

“I wanna hug.”

“A hug?” Chuckled Tyler.

Josh hummed in confirmation. 

“Ok _a_ y.” Tyler loosely wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck. But Josh had other plans than just a hug. He used his feet to push off the wall. They flew back and sunk into the water. When they surfaced Josh was laughing and Tyler splashed him. For next half hour the pool was considered a war zone full of splashes and under water foolishness. 

“Hey, Josh,” Pete called, “I dare you to do a flip off the roof into the pool.”

This caught Tyler’s attention. He looked back to the house. No, no, no, no, that was just too high! What if Josh lost his balance or missed the pool? Tyler is already mess now, without his memories, but if something happened to Josh Tyler wouldn’t survive. 

“Bronx,” Patrick said to the boy on his back, “Don’t you ever take lessons in being stupid from your dad. And Josh,” He looked to the drummer, “Don’t even think about it.” 

Tyler exhaled. He didn’t even know he had been holding his breath. _Thank you Patrick._ He thought. 

“Aw,” Josh began as he swam over to the edge, “It’s not _that_ high. It’ll be alright Pat.” Josh lifted himself out of the pool, water running down his body and making a puddle on the sidewalk. 

This just couldn’t happen. Tyler wanted to say something, but no words would come out. His heart was hammering so painfully hard in his chest he didn’t know what to do. 

“The ladder is still there from when I was fixing some shingles on the roof last week.” Pete told his friend who made his way to the house. 

Tyler watched as Josh climbed up the ladder and lifted himself on the roof. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. He wished he could look away, but couldn’t bring himself to. 

“Tyler,” Patrick’s hand wrapped around his wrist, “Move.” He dragged Tyler out of the way. The two singers and small boy were on one side of the pool while Pete was on the other. He was grinning up at Josh like he just won the lottery. Oh, how Tyler didn’t like Pete right now. 

As Josh jumped from the roof Tyler felt light headed. Josh flipped in mid-air before landing in the pool with a big splash. Josh had swam and emerged in front of him.   
He smiled, trying to catch his breath. 

“WOO!” Pete yelled with hands cupped around his mouth. “That was awesome, bro!” 

Tyler gave him a weak grin, “That was great.” He broke eyes contact with his husband, looking at the water rippling around them. “Um, I think I’m going to shower and lay down for a little while.”

Josh’s smile slipped off his face, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just a have headache.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No, no it’s fine. Stay and…bask in all the praise Pete is going to give you.” He let out a airy chuckle. 

“Well, tell me if you need anything.”

“Of course.” He moved passed him and got out of the pool. He grabbed a towel from the table and chairs on the porch and dried off quickly. 

 

After Tyler went inside Josh grabbed Bronx and began swimming around with the boy on his back. Patrick went over to Pete and Pete smiled sweetly at him. Well, he did until Patrick dunked him under and held him there for at least 10 seconds. 

Pete came up sputtering and gasping for breath, “What the hell Trick?”

“Why did you do that?” He hissed. 

“Do what?”

“Dare Josh to do _flip off the roof_. It scared Tyler out of his mind.”

“I-I didn’t mean for it to scare him. I was just having fun.”

Patrick sighed, “Just, think next time, okay?” His expression and voice was soft now. 

“I will. I’ll talk to him later and everything.”

The singer smiled, “Good. You better.”

It was Pete’s turn to smile, “I will.” He leaned in and captured Patrick’s lips. 

 

Tyler reached up and swiped his hand across the fogged mirror. Looking at his reflection he inhaled shakily. _Get a grip, Tyler._ Josh must do that kin of stuff all the time, right? Well, Josh has no reason for him to be scared when Tyler climbs on stuff then. Tyler guess it just balances things out with his climbing and Josh’s flipping. 

He finished drying off and dressed before walking out of the bathroom and across the hall to his and Josh’s room. He jumped back startled when he opened the door and saw Bronx was sitting criss-cross on the bed. He had changed out of his swim trunks and was wearing a Spiderman t-shirt with black basketball shorts, kinda like the ones Tyler was wearing now. 

“Um hi.”

Bronx looked up, his lips poked out as he sucked on his Capri Sun. For a second Tyler wondered if they have those here for Bronx or Pete. But then again, who doesn’t love Capri Sun?

“Hello.” He took his lips away from the straw, red and wet.

“Uh, what are you doing?” Tyler closed the door and stepped towards the bed. 

“I told Patty I wanted some juice. And I wanted to see you.”

“Me? Why me?” 

“’Cause you came in after Josh jumped off the roof.”

Sitting down on the edge of the bed Tyler said, “Uh yeah. I did.”

“Why?”

“It just worried me a little.”

“Why?” He was drinking his juice again. 

“Because Josh is my husband and I care about him.”

“Oh.” The boy seemed to be taking in all this information. “But he didn’t get hurt.”

“Yeah, I know. Thank God. But what if he had?” He can’t believe he’s talking to a 6 year-old about this. 

“Did you tell him it scared you?”

Tyler shook his head. 

“Why not?”

Tyler shrugged. Why didn’t he? He knows he can tell Josh anything. This shouldn’t be any different. If Pete had dared Tyler to go up on the roof Tyler was sure Josh would have voiced his opinion on the matter. And his opinion would sound a lot like, _Over my dead body! You are not going up there!_

“I think you should.” 

Tyler smiled up at the boy, “You know, you’re pretty smart.”

“Patty reads to me a lot. He says if you read a lot you get smarter.”

Tyler grinned at the nickname the young boy had for Patrick. 

“I’ll talk to Josh later as long as you promise to keep what we talked about just now a secret, okay?”

Bronx held his pinky finger out, waiting. Tyler entwined their pinkies together. 

“I promise!” 

“Thanks. So, uh, you want me to take you back down to the pool?”

“No, I’m tired of swimming.” He perked up as if coming up with the best idea ever created, “Want to see my room?” 

“Sure.” 

Bronx slid off the bed and bounded over to the door. His eyes were wild with excitement as he opened the door and waited for Tyler to follow. He did. Bronx lead him down the hall, to the last door on the left. 

The bed was pushed into the far corner. A single shelf ran around the whole room, close to the ceiling. There board games stacked up there, some plastic containers filled with toys, and action figures, and lego sets from Star Wars and Star Trek. 

There was a desk by the window with some papers with doodles scattered along the top. And there was a bookshelf by the door that was full of books. Tyler smiled when he scanned over some of them, knowing Patrick was the one who bought them for him. 

Sitting down on his Captain America sheets he continued to look around the room. 

“Man, I wish this was my bedroom.” 

“You like Captain America?” He asked with wide eyes.

“Heck yeah! I like all the Avengers. Do you like Star Wars and Star Trek?” He eyed the lego sets. 

Bronx shrugged, “Daddy likes Star Wars and Patty likes Star Trek. I like them okay.”

Tyler nodded, “Yeah, they’re both pretty cool.” 

Something else caught his eye, and he laid down on the bed to get a better look. The ceiling fan panels were painted to look like Captain America’s shield. The bed shifted and suddenly Bronx was straddling his stomach. 

“Daddy painted it for me. My light switch is Captain America too.” He pointed over to the small switch by the door. Turning his head Tyler looked at the light switch plate. Sure enough the said superhero was on it. 

“That is sick! Josh and I totally need one of those in our home!” 

Bronx giggled, “Patty found it. You’ll have to ask him where he got it.” 

“I will.” Tyler said as he tried to cover up his yawn. He placed an arm behind his head and closed his eyes. He hadn’t meant to drift off. 

“Where the hell is Bronx? I thought he was just getting something to drink.” Pete inquired.

“That’s what he told me.” His husband confirmed. 

“I’ll go see what he’s up to.” Pete lifted himself out of the pool. He dried off half-heartedly before stepping inside. He shivered at the temperature change. 

“Bronx?” He whispered loudly, remembering Tyler said he going to take a nap. No son in the kitchen, living room, or bathroom. So, he must be upstairs. 

The guest bedroom door was wide open, but Tyler was nowhere to be seen. Peering into his son’s room he almost burst into laughter when he saw Tyler and his son curled up asleep on his son’s bed.   
He quickly went into his and Patrick’s bedroom to get phone. He returned and snapped a couple of pictures before heading back downstairs. Josh was just coming up the stairs, he was halfway up, and his husband was at the bottom. 

“Hey,” He whispered, “Come see.” 

Josh looked back to the singer in question to which only Patrick shrugged. Pete lead them to Bronx’s room and let them look inside. 

“Aw.” Patrick cooed. 

Josh smiled as he took some pictures. 

 

Later that night after everyone was tucked in their beds and the house was filled with complete silence Tyler lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He wished he hadn’t fallen asleep earlier. He was wide awake, and had no plans on sleeping any time soon. 

He rolled over to face his husband. “Josh?” He whispered.

Josh hummed in question. 

“Josh, I need to tell you something.”

Josh opened his eyes weakly. He hadn’t completely asleep, but was about to be. 

“What is it?” Tyler could hear the tiredness in his voice. 

“I um,” Tyler began, losing all his confidence, “When you jumped off the roof today…”

Josh was more awake now as he listened to what his husband had to say, “Yes?” 

“It uh, it scared me.” 

“Yeah, it was a little stupid.” He half-grinned as if to say, _oops_.

“A little? What if you had slipped and hit your head and you got amnesia? We would be one messed up couple, you know that? I mean, what would I do? I don’t have my memories, just what you told me. Can you imagine me trying to tell amnesia you everything you told amnesia me? I mean -”

“Hey,” Josh stopped his rambling as he rubbed Tyler’s arm, “I know. It was stupid. I won’t do it again. I promise. Okay?”

Tyler nodded and Josh slid his hand down Tyler’s arm and entwined their fingers. Tyler looked down at their joined hands. It felt so good. When he looked back up Josh was grinning like an idiot. It caused Tyler to do the same.

“What?” Tyler asked through his smile. 

“You were worried about me.”

Tyler playfully rolled his eyes. “Yes, I was worried about you. I mean, can you imagine if we both didn’t remember anything?”

“Wouldn’t be too good, huh?”

“Not at all.”

“Can you sleep easily now that we talked about this?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause I took a nap today.”

Josh chuckled, “Oh right. Well, is there anything I can do?”

“Can you tell me about us?”

“I can definitely do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~VERY IMPORTANT: Suggestions on the next flashback? I have some ideas, but maybe you could give me some better ones?~


	16. Won't You Tortue Someone Else's Sleep?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Hello, my Darlings! For those who don't know I haven't posted in a while because I was having trouble Italicizing. It would do every other line or stop in the middle of the flashback. I did everything I could think of. I even contacted the help service on here...twice. And nothing. I've cried trying to get this to work. It's so frustrating. BUT, I finally got it to work. Thank the good Lord above! So, I am so very sorry for keeping you all in the dark.~

Tyler sat criss-croos, waiting patiently for his husband to begin, while Josh laid down with arm bent behind his head and the other hand rest on his sternum. He wanted to pull Tyler down to him, but decided against it. Tyler seemed comfortable where he was. 

“What do you want to know?”

Tyler shrugged, “I don’t know.”

Josh rubbed his face as if to wake himself up more. He couldn’t seem to think of just one memory in particular. There were millions of memories of them together. 

“Uh, well,” He let out an airy laugh when he finally decided on one and Tyler knew this was going to be good.

_They had been together for a good 5 months when either of them confessed their love. The first to do that was Tyler. But since Tyler was never really good at expressing his emotions he did it the only way he knew how; he sang. He had thought about writing his own song for Josh, but he has never written a love song. And he didn't think he ever will, didn't think he would be good at it. Tyler pretty much has loved Josh since they met at Chris’ party almost a year and a half ago. But you can’t just say, “I love you,” the minute you start a relationship. that would have been a little awkward. So, Tyler held back._

_It had taken a few days for him come up with and complete a plan. It was a Saturday. They were supposed to have a date, a simple walk in the park and then some lunch. Since they lived together Josh would normally drive them or they would walk together._

_Tyler woke up earlier than Josh that morning. He grabbed his phone and Ukulele before quietly leaving the house. He set Josh’s alarm to go off in the next 20 minutes, which is plenty of time for Tyler to get to the park and give himself a little pep talk. He was super nervous and almost backed out this morning._

_Walking into the park he headed for the bridge. It was nice, smooth, white concrete that arched up in the middle. He stood in the middle, off to the side. Leaning against the railing, Ukulele at his side, he inhaled and exhaled deeply. He was about to confess his love to the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. That’s kinda scary, isn’t it?_

_His fear was that if he confessed his love for Josh, Josh might not love him back. And then things would be awkward between them and then Josh might break up with him and leave the band. Tyler would surely crumble if that happened._

_“Are you going to play?” A voice asked._

_Tyler opened his eyes to see an elderly couple standing before him. He swallowed thickly, “Um, yes. You see, I told my boyfriend to meet me here. He doesn’t know I’m going to sing for him. I'm going to tell him I love him for the first time."_

_The woman smiled, “How nice. My brother and his partner have been together for 30 years now.” Tyler grinned, hoping that he and Josh would have more than 30 years together._

_Looking to the right he saw his boyfriend, dressed in a nice warm coat, hands stuffed in the pockets. A dark gray knit cap was on his head, dark hair sticking slightly on the front._

_“Is he here?” The old man asked, looking round._

_“Yes.” Tyler whispered._

_“Better start playing then!”_

_Tyler positioned the ukulele and strummed the oh-so familiar cords. The couple stepped to the side, but kept close to listen. When Josh noticed him, he gave him a confused expression. When Josh made it to him he asked, “What’s going on, babe?”_

_Tyler replied by singing the first few lyrics._

Wise men say only fools rush in  
But I can’t help falling in love with you 

_He broke eye contact with the drummer for a brief moment, suddenly very self-conscious. He wanted to drop everything and run to his parents’ house where his mom would hold him and maybe make him some cookies._

Shall I stay, would it be a sin?  
If I can’t help falling in love with you 

_Looking back up at his boyfriend he saw Josh was smiling that smile of his that made Tyler feel weak to his knees._

Like a river flows  
Surely to the sea  
Darling so we go  
Some things were meant to be 

Take my hand, take my whole life too  
’Cause I can’t help falling in love with you 

Like a river flows  
Surely to the sea  
Darling so we go  
Some things were meant to be 

Take my hand, take my whole life too  
’Cause I can’t help falling in love with you  
’Cause I can’t help falling in love with you  
But I can’t help falling in love with you 

_There was applause, startling Tyler. Looking up he saw a small crowd had gathered around them. The old couple used their hands, ushering him to continue. Tyler stepped forward, right in front of Josh._

_“This was unexpected, but in a good way. Are you trying to tell me something?” Josh joked nervously._

_“Yes, I am.” Tyler swallowed hard. It was suddenly hot even though it was winter. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m in love with you.”_

_Josh looked so intently at Tyler at the very moment it made Tyler nervous. It seemed to happen in slow motion; Josh stepping forward, cupping Tyler’s cheek gently in his and leaning down to kiss his lips. People clapped, and ‘Aw’d._

_When they parted Josh said, “I’m in love with you too.”_

_Tyler blushed, bowing his head as he bit is lip. Josh huffed out a laugh as he wrapped his arms around Tyler._

“Wow.” Tyler said once Josh finished, not really knowing what else to say. That was one of the most romantic things Tyler had ever heard. Josh nodded, replaying the memory in his head. He smiled sadly. 

“Can you tell me another one?” 

Josh looked up at him, “A short one. Then we need to get to sleep.” 

Tyler nodded eagerly, “Deal.” 

Josh thought about another short one he could tell his husband. It wasn't all that short, but it was a good one. 

_Josh stood in front of the long mirror in their hotel room. He was trying to do his tie, which wasn’t really working out. He sighed heavily and Tyler giggled from the edge of their hotel bed. They had to get a hotel room since the wedding was in Illinois._

_“Need help?”_

_“Please.”_

_Tyler pushed himself up from the bed and made his way over to the drummer. He was already dressed in his suit. They had been dating for just two months. Their families didn’t know yet, but somehow Brendon had managed to get it out of them and now just about all their friends knew._

_Tyler began fixing the mess Josh had made with his tie. As he began tying it Josh gazed at how hard his boyfriend was concentrating, the ways his brows furrowed and how the tip of his tongue poked out of his mouth. If Josh had the choice he would have skipped the wedding and fallen into bed with Tyler making love. But Josh didn’t really want to skip his close friends’ wedding, and he and Tyler haven’t even discussed making love yet. In fact they were both virgins. Yeah, hard to believe, right? Tyler was just always too shy and Josh wanted to do it with the right person._

_Tyler finished and ran his hand down the silk tie, smoothing it out. “There.”_

_Josh rested his hands on Tyler’s hips, “Thanks." Tyler just grinned widely in return._

_They shared a kiss and it lasted a little longer than it should have. Tyler made a "Mmm," sound as he pulled away. “We’re going to be late. C’mon!”_

_The wedding was at some country club, which didn’t seem like Pete or Patrick at all. But the back yard of it was huge with a long dark red carpet leading out to a small white picket fence arch way. A preacher stood underneath, bible at his side. People sat on both sides. The seats were just metal folding chairs._

_“What side do we sit on?” Whispered Tyler._

_Josh huffed out a laugh, “I’m not sure._

_They sat somewhere in the middle on the left side. More people filed in and took their seats. Andy Hurley and Brendon Urie stood on one side of the alter while Joe Trohman and Travie Mccoy stood on the other. The wedding music began to play, but it had a little twist to it. It was upbeat and more…Rock-like. Everyone stood and watched the back. Pete and Patrick appeared and they walked down the aisle with their arms locked together._

Pete wore a black suit with a matching tie, his hair was just as jet black and quaffed upwards as it always is. He had the hugest smile on his face, his eyes crinkled at the corners. Patrick wore a gray-blue plaid suit with a white shirt underneath, a navy blue tie and a black fedora. He had a shy grin on his face. They made it to the alter, Pete standing with Andy and Brendon and Patrick with Joe and Travie. The preacher proceeded with the ceremony as soon as everyone was seated. Pete and Patrick wanted to recite their own vows. 

_“Trick,” He began with an airy laugh, “I uh, when Joe first brought you to band practice, I couldn’t get over how adorable you were. I felt like a total creep ‘cause you had just turned 15 and I was 19. You auditioned to be the drummer in our band. But I knew that wasn’t your passion. You had talent you weren’t using. I tried everything to convince you to be our singer, which usually ended with you telling me to, it rhymes with buck off…” Patrick chuckled when Pete winced and looked at the preacher._

_“And one night at band practice after Joe left, you finally sang. You sang for me. You sang The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson. I was too blinded by your voice to realize you were trying to tell me you had feelings for me.” He squeezed the other man’s hands. “A little while later we found Andy and our band took off. I did my best to ignore my own feelings for you. And I did for a while, I met Ashlee and we got married. All through our divorce you tried to be there for me, you were so willing, but I pushed you away. I pushed everyone away. At that point in time the whole band wasn’t doing well. And that’s why we took a break.”_

_Pete’s speech was long, not that anyone minded. Almost everyone was in tears or close to._

_“Those three years without you were just,” he shook his head, “Really bad for me.” It was Patrick’s turn to squeeze Pete’s hand. “And that’s why in 2012 I started talking to you and the guys about getting the band back together. It’s too late to make this thing short,” That earned a few chuckles from the crowd, “But I just want to say that I love you so much. And even though we’ve had a rough ride, we got through it. If I had never met you, Trick, then I most likely would be dead right now.” His voice wavered and Patrick stepped closer to him, kissing him as he cupped his face.  
Joe sighed dramatically after a while, “Just go ahead and have sex right here, why don’tcha?” They parted with a nervous laugh. Patrick hadn’t meant to do that. Pete’s words touched him and he suddenly felt like his own vows weren’t going to be good enough._

_All through Pete’s vows Josh sat there wondered what he would say if he and Tyler were standing where Pete and Patrick were now. But he instantly stopped, because he and Tyler hadn’t been dating long enough to think of marriage. If Josh were to propose any time soon he was sure Tyler would freak out and deny him, and maybe even break up with him. Josh couldn't bare that._

_“Now you, Patrick.” The preacher said._

_Patrick sighed, biting his lip as he gave a sheepish grin, “Well, I don’t know how I’m going to top that.”_

_More laughter from the crowd._

_“Pete, I have loved you since I was 15. When I first met you I thought of how handsome you were and how you and I could never work out with the age difference, the band, our personalities were really different. I was happy just being your friend. When you and Ashlee got married I was…” He bit his lip again, “I was happy for you because you were happy and that’s all I ever really wanted. When you suggested we go on hiatus I didn’t want to be away from you. We were mentally exhausted, depressed, just not ourselves. I wanted to fight with you how we would be just fine, that we could work everything out without taking a break. But it was what we all needed and now I couldn’t be more happy we took that break.”_

_Patrick had a sad expression on his face and Pete watched him intently._

_“We all changed for the better. But when you called me up wanting to get the band together again I was reluctant at first because I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think I was strong enough to be around you and not be with you in the way I wanted. I battled with myself for days until I finally just took the risk and agreed. And when I first saw you I knew I was just in love with you as I was the day we met. I love you so much I can’t even think of words to describe it.”_

_Tyler squeezed Josh’s hand tightly towards the end of Patrick’s vows. They made eye contact and shared a kiss. Josh could tell Tyler had something to say, but held back. He didn’t question it and Tyler turned his attention back to their friends. They exchanged rings and kissed like the world was about to end. The crowd stood and cheered. Everyone made their way inside the country club where the reception would be held. The Newly weds went around thanking everyone for coming as people talked with one another. The rest of the time went by in a blur with people laughing, dancing, and Pete and Patrick cutting the cake and Pete smashing it into the smaller man’s face. Soon enough it was 10 o’clock at night and Josh and Tyler were stumbling tiredly into their hotel room. Tyler’s tie hung loosely around his neck while Josh had abandoned his jacket long ago and rolled his sleeves up, his tattoo standing out boldly against his white shirt._

_Tyler sat on the foot of the bed and began taking his shoes off. Josh watched his every move. When Tyler looked up and met his eyes he grinned, “What?" Josh shrugged as he toed his shoes off, “Nothing.”_

_Tyler fell back on the bed, his legs hanging off the bed and Josh had to use every ounce of self control to keep himself from falling on top of him. He just cared about Tyler so much and wanted to be with him always. “The wedding was very nice.” Tyler said. “I’m happy for them.”_

_Josh nodded, “Me too.”_

_Tyler sat up, propping himself up on his arms. He watched his boyfriend for a moment as he unbuttoned his dress shirt. He pushed himself up from the bed and made his way over to the dark haired man. “Here, let me do it.” Josh dropped his hands as Tyler began gently undoing the buttons._

_When Tyler was halfway done his knuckle brushed against Josh's sternum, making Josh shiver. Tyler looked up, their eyes locked. Josh leaned down and pressed their lips together. Josh’s hands found their way to Tyler’s hips. One hand inched its way underneath Tyler’s shirt and felt the warm, soft skin there. Tyler continued to unbutton Josh’s shirt. Josh moved his hands down to Tyler's belt. He hesitated, scared to proceed. Tyler didn’t seem to want him to stop so he undid the buckle, then the pants. Tyler finally finished with the buttons and slid the shirt from Josh’s shoulders. It fell to the ground. Josh pulled Tyler’s pants down and they pooled around his feet._

_Their lips finally parted and they panted. They looked at one another, Josh shirtless, and Tyler pantsless._

_"Uh,” Tyler said his face warm and red. “What’s happening here?”_

_Josh swallowed thickly, “I’m not sure._

_“I think we should, um, slow things down.” Tyler suggested. In away Josh was relieved. He didn’t want their first time to be on someone else’s wedding day. He wanted their first time to be special._

_“I agree.” Tyler stepped away, his hands falling away from the drummer’s chest. Josh grabbed him and pulled him into another kiss. Josh was sure about one thing, he wants Tyler to be his first and his last._

“Wow.” Tyler whispered, his face a harsh red. 

“Yeah,” Josh said with a grin on his face, completely in a daze. When he looked up at Tyler he realized what memory he had just told. His eyes widened, “I’m sorry.” He shook his head, “I shouldn’t have told you that. It was too…” 

“Joshua!” Tyler scolded, “I told you I need to hear these things; anything to help me get my memories back.” 

Josh simply nodded, still unsure. Tyler crawled over to him, up over his legs. When their faces were just an inch apart he said, “Hey, you’re okay.” 

It was at that moment Josh had a strong urge to grab the singer, pin him down to the bed, and kiss him like the world around them was crumbling down to nothing. But like a good boy he fought against the urge. Tyler leaned in and brushed his lips against Josh’s stubbly cheek. It made Josh’s heart race so much he felt dizzy. He tried swallowing the lump in his throat as he laid down. Sleep didn’t come easy to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Currently writing chapter 20.~


	17. My friends and I, we've got a lot of problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Okay, super sorry I haven't updated in a long time! School has really kicked my booty this semester! After next Wednesday I will be out for Christmas break for a month! So, I'll have a lot of time to write! Hopefully!~

The next day went by quickly. Josh and Bronx played with legos, Tyler read with him, they all watched a movie. After dinner Pete and Patrick gathered his things and took him back to Ashlee. The day after Patrick woke up everyone super early. As soon as his husband was dressed he shoved a shopping list in his hands. Pete didn’t even look at it when he started whining, “Why can’t we just order pizza for the party?” 

“We are. But we need drinks.” 

“Guess that means you and me are on shopping duty!” Pete grinned as he slapped Josh on the back. He then kissed Patrick on the lips, “Bye Trick!”

Josh gave his husband a small wave, “See you soon,” and then followed Pete out of the house. Tyler had wanted to run up and hug him by the waist as tightly as he could. But something held him back and he felt weak as he watched Josh walk away and get into Pete’s car. He wished he was brave enough to kiss Josh. But he wasn’t. He was just weak. 

“You okay?” Patrick wondered aloud as he closed the front door. 

“Yeah, definitely.” 

Patrick led them to the kitchen where he began pulling out the cooking utensils they’ll need. “Josh has been telling me things about us.”

“Like what?” Patrick was bent over, looking in a cabinet for the mixing bowl. 

“Um, like, when we first met, and when we first got together, first I love you. Things like that.”

Patrick handed him a mixing bowl, “That’s nice.”

“Do you and Pete ever…” Tyler sat the glass bowl down on the counter, “Are you ever nervous around Pete?”

Patrick had long since moved on to the fridge. Grabbing the carton of eggs he turned around, “Well,” He sat them down next to the bowl and scratched his head, “When we first met I was nervous around him. For years I was always self-coconscious about my weight around him. Even after we got back together and I lost weight I was nervous because Pete could have anyone he wants and he chose me. Sometimes I still think, _why me of all people_ , but I guess that’s how everyone is once and a while. You’re still nervous around Josh?”

Tyler leaned back on the counter and shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not sure if I’m nervous or just…I don’t know. Yes, yes I do get nervous around him. I guess it’s because I know how much he loves me and I know I love him. But there’s this frickin’ wall in my head and no matter how much I try I can’t get around or over it. I want my memories back, Patrick.” And then Patrick was holding onto Tyler for dear life. Tyler sunk into his friend’s embrace, burying his face in the shorter man’s shoulder. 

“Everything will be okay. Pete said Josh told him you’re subconsciously remembering things. You’ll remember everything even if it is little by little.” 

Tyler nodded, tears stinging his eyes. When Patrick released him Tyler wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what brought that on. I’m sorry.” He repeated. 

“You’re fine, Ty. You can always talk to me about anything. It’s not good to hold everything in.” 

Tyler sniffed and nodded. Patrick rubbed his back, “Wanna make cookies?”

Tyler let out a watery chuckle, “Heck yeah.” 

 

“Soooo?” Pete asked, glancing at Josh with a smirk. 

“Soooo what?” 

Pete looked at him, “What’s happening with you and Ty?”

“Eyes on the road, man. And what do you mean? The same thing that’s been going on since he woke up in the hospital.”

“So, like, touchy, feely, friends?”

“Yeah, rub it in. I’ve been telling Tyler things about our past. It hasn’t worked yet.” 

“I’m sure he’ll remember soon. It’s been, what, a month?”

“Almost.” 

“So,” Pete looked to him again with a smirk, “You haven’t gotten any in a whole month?”

Josh rolled his eyes and shoved his shoulder, “Bro, seriously?”

“What? It’s just a question! We’re friends, good friends, we’re supposed to talk about this kind of stuff!”

Josh sighed heavily, “Ugh, no I haven’t and neither has Tyler obviously.”

“At least tell me you jerk off in the shower or when he isn’t at home, right?”

“Why are you so fascinated with my sex life?”

“Okay, fine! You wanna hear about me and Trick’s?”

“Honestly, no. I’m good.” Laughed Josh. 

Pete joined him. When the laughter died down he slapped a hand on the drummer’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, “It’ll be okay soon, bro.”

“Thanks, dude.” 

 

An hour later the front door opened and in shuffled Pete and Josh with 10 bags on each arm. Tyler was sitting up on the counter top by the sink while Patrick washed his hands. Tyler handed him a cup towel and he began drying his hands. 

“I told you to get drinks! What the hell did you get?” 

Josh inched over to the counter sat some of the bags down on the counter beside Tyler. “We made cookies.” Tyler told him as he started taking things out of the bags. 

“Really? What kind?” Josh asked, more interested in his husband’s movements. 

“Chocolate chip. We’re going to make more.” He pulled a huge bag of pretzels out. But he opened those. They were big, but skinny knotted ones. He bit into one. And caught Josh smiling at him. Tyler held out the half-eaten pretzel towards the drummer. Josh leaned down and took it in his mouth. 

“Okay, out, out,” Patrick pushed his husband out of the kitchen, “Ty and me are having guy time.”

“What the hell are we then?” Pete laughed as he turned around. 

“You, my dear husband, are a different breed.”

“Aw, Trick.” He leaned down and kissed him sweetly.

Patrick smiled into the kiss, “The real reason I want you out of the kitchen is because you will eat all of the dough before we can bake it.”

“You know me too well.” 

“Yes, yes, I do. Now out.” 

“Come on, Josh! Let’s go do guy stuff.” The raven haired man said. 

“Should I be worried?” Josh asked his husband.

“Go play and be nice. I’ll check on you two in a little bit. Share your toys. And if you’re you’ve been on your best behavior I’ll bring you a snack and some juice.” Tyler teased. 

Josh grinned, “Give me another pretzel for the road.”

Tyler held one out and Josh swooped in and grabbed the snack with his mouth. 

 

A few minutes later the oven went off and Patrick got the cookies out. Tyler began working on the brownies. He mixed the eggs and oil together. “Can you get me the milk?” Patrick, who had the bottle of oil in his hand set it down, not knowing some had drizzled out onto the floor. He ventured over to the fridge. “Here, you’ll have more room to work if you put the bowl over on the island.” Patrick said as he grabbed the milk. Tyler grabbed up the bowl and only managed to take three steps before he stepped in the oil and slid. He hit the ground, and bowl landed on his stomach. He winced, not from pain, not really, but from the sticky, gooey mess that now covered his front. 

“Oh my God, Tyler! Are you okay?”

“Uh,” Tyler picked his head up and glanced down at the mess, “Yeah. Just um, leave me here.” He said dramatically. 

Patrick grinned, “Here, give me your hand.” 

When Tyler grabbed his friend’s hand, he coated Patrick’s hand in brownie batter. Patrick winced, with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. “Should have seen that coming.” Tyler chuckled and Patrick managed to pull him up. Tyler slid in the batter a little, almost taking Patrick down with him.

“Go shower while I clean this up.”

Looking at his batter covered hands an evil idea crossed his mind. “Hey, where’s Josh?”

Patrick was already on his knees, wiping up the mess. “He’s out on the back porch with Pete. Why?” It then dawned on him. “You’re not?” He asked with a grin. 

“I am.”

“I have to see this.” He grabbed his phone off the counter. He went outside first, standing in front of his husband and friend. 

“Uh, Trick, what are you doing?” Pete asked, beer in his hand. He and Josh were sitting in lawn chairs. 

“Taking your picture.” He simply said. In reality he was recording. “Smile!” 

Both men did. 

Just then Josh felt something cold on both of this cheeks from behind. He gasped and stood quickly. Tyler stood there laughing. 

“What the hell is on you?” Pete asked in between gasps. He was laughing so hard tears fell from his eyes. 

“Brownie batter.”

“You’re supposed to eat it, not wear it, Ty!” Pete laughed. 

Josh laughed as he used a finger swipe some off his cheek. He lunged towards his husband. “Josh, no!” Josh faked right and when Tyler went left so did he. He grabbed his husband’s arm and smeared the batter on his face. 

“JOSH!” He screamed. Josh snickered. But that didn’t for long. Tyler threw his body at the drummer, hugging him tightly. The batter that was all down Tyler’s body, was now on Josh’s as well. Josh gasped again and Patrick laughed as he continued to record, while Pete, “Ooooooh’d!”

Tyler looked up at his husband with his Tyler Joseph smile. Josh looked back with his Josh Dun smile. Tyler was sure Josh could feel how hard his heart was hammering in his ribs. Their faces were so close. All he had to do was lean forward a mere inch. For a split second Tyler really thought he could go through with it and kiss the life out of Joshua Dun. 

Just then they were both blasted with icy water. 

“What?”

“Stop it!”

“Hey!”

“PETE!” They both yelled in unison. 

The water died down and they looked in the direction it had come from. Pete stood their laughing, water hose in hand. 

“What?” He laughed. “I didn’t want you two to get all hot and heavy right here on our back porch.”

Tyler blushed and turned his head away from Josh. He then stepped away, their shirts sticking together, pulling on each other until they finally tugged apart. Patrick, who finally stopped recording, said, “One of you can use the shower in our room.”

The drummer and singer retired into the house, careful not to get batter on anything else. After grabbing clothes Tyler headed off to Pete and Patrick’s bedroom, while Josh took the bathroom down the hall. 

In the shower Tyler scolded himself. He was going to kiss Josh…or well, he wanted to. He had thought about it. They were just so close and the whole situation was kind of romantic, right? Lately he craved Josh’s kiss. Even though they kissed millions of times, Tyler doesn’t remember any of them. He wanted to feel Josh’s lips on his. Maybe Josh didn’t notice Tyler’s actions today.   
Tyler’s fears were true. Josh had noticed. Josh wracked his brain around. Had Tyler wanted to kiss him? Josh wanted to as well. But what if he misinterpreted Tyler’s actions after weeks of wanting the singer? He had ached for his husband’s kiss and loving touch for so long now, maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. 

 

After both men were clean and dressed Josh went back to the porch with Pete while Tyler returned to the kitchen to help Patrick. He was just getting the second batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. “Hey, feel better?”Tyler leaned back on the island, “Much.” He saw that Patrick had cleaned up the mess. 

“I’m going to make some peanut butter cookies, and maybe snicker doodle.”

“Can we put chocolate chips in the peanut butter ones? I think Josh would like that.”

“Sure, why not?” Patrick shrugged.

A couple hours later Tyler slides the glass door back and walks out on the porch. Josh looks up at him from his lawn chair, “You’re not going to smear anything on me, are you?”

Tyler smiles, “No.” He holds out a cookie for him. “If Patrick makes me eat another cookie I am going to die.” 

Josh takes it.  
Pete chuckles, “Yeah, he keeps saying you’re as skinny as a pole.” 

Josh takes a bite and moans softly, “I love peanut butter and chocolate.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Grins Tyler. 

“That’s no fairrrrr!” Pete whines, “I want a cookie!”

“I’ll get you one.” Tyler goes back inside. 

Josh stops mid-bite and Pete asks if he’s okay. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking about earlier.” He uses as a cover. 

“When I had to hose you two down before you two got down and dirty?”

Josh rolls his eyes, “Yeah, then. I uh, just I wanted to kiss Tyler and I think he wanted to kiss me.”

“Then go for it.”

Before Josh could say anything Tyler returned and handed Pete a chocolate chip one.

“Thank you, Tyler!” He said in a childish voice. 

“Welcome!” He smiles at Josh shyly before ducking back inside. 

What made Josh stall his movements earlier is that he doesn’t remember telling Tyler he loved chocolate and peanut butter together. He didn’t voice this to Pete because what if Tyler just made the connection because Josh ate Reese’s cereal almost every morning back home. It sounded ridiculous, but Josh didn’t want to get his hopes up. 

 

Later on in their bedroom the two men were getting dressed for the party that started in just an hour. Tyler was wearing black skinny jeans, with his black vans, a black t-shirt and navy blue button up shirt over it. It was left unbuttoned and the sleeves were scrunched up to his elbows. Josh wore a black and white plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves down, black skinny jeans, his maroon vans, and a black cap on backwards. ~There is a picture similar to this. Josh is upside down in it.~

Tyler sat on the edge of the bed, his leg bouncing up and down nervously as he chewed on his fingernail. Josh stood in front of the full-length mirror, adjusting his cap. He glanced at his husband’s reflection. “Don’t be so nervous. You’re going to be fine. We’re friends with these people. Well, I’m sure we won’t know every single person here tonight, but we’ll know enough. You have nothing to worry about. And I’ll be with you the whole night.”

Tyler grinned at that. He was so nervous because these people are their friends, but he doesn’t remember any of them or the times they spent together. Everyone wants the old Tyler Joseph, or uh, Tyler Dun. He can’t give him to them. And that hurts Tyler more than anything. 

Minutes later they’re downstairs with Pete and Patrick. Pete and Josh had put bottles and cans of alcohol of all kinds in the tubs of ice that were stationed all throughout the kitchen about an hour ago.   
Patrick was putting out platters of cookies, and had ordered twenty pizzas a little while ago. Tyler was adding more bottles to the ice. Suddenly the front door opened and a voice said, “This party is dead! Where the hell is everybody?”

“Brendon!” Tyler heard Pete yell happily. 

He and Patrick walked into the living room just in time to see Pete embrace a taller man. He then moved onto Patrick, lifting him off the ground. 

“Bastard, put me down!” Laughed Patrick. 

Another man swung in, hanging on the frame of the door, he hair looked similar to Brendon’s, but he was much taller. “Damn, Bren, you’re like bull in a chinashop!”  
“Dallon, ya tall bastard!” Pete chuckled as he brought him into a hug. 

This Brendon then went onto the hug Josh. Josh was really excited to see him. He hugged him back just as tight. “Hey, buddy.” Josh smiled. And before Tyler could even register what was happening Brendon had slammed his body into his, holding onto him for dear life. The breath was knocked from Tyler. Brendon lifted him up like he had with Patrick. “I’m so glad you’re alright, man!” When he put Tyler down Pete asked, “Where’s Sarah?” He draped an arm over Tyler’s shoulders and leaned on him heavily. 

“Couldn’t get away from work. So, Dall is my date for the night.” 

“What am I getting out of this so-called _date_ ” Dallon asked with a smirk. 

“If you’re a good boy I’ll let you suck my dick.”

Everyone laughed at that. 

“And what happens if _you’re_ a good boy?” 

“You still get to suck my dick.”

Laughing Dallon replied, “Bren, get the hell away from Ty. You’re corrupting him.” He pushed Brendon away from said boy and brought him into a hug. 

“Fine, I’ll corrupt Josh!” Brendon said, stamping his foot like a child would. 

With his arm around Tyler’s shoulders Dallon yelled, “Fine! Go ahead!” 

Brendon, now draped around Josh’s shoulders said, “Who needs you?!”

Tyler liked Brendon and Dallon. They were both really silly and they acted as if Tyler still had his memories. Tyler liked that about them. Steadily more people started to show up. A lot of people Josh didn’t even know. At one point Josh asked Patrick, “Where are Hayley and the guys at?”

“On tour. They couldn’t make it.” 

That seemed to bum Josh for a bit. The house was full within an hour. Some people were already drunk, Brendon and Pete were on their way there. Patrick was talking to his band member and friend, Joe. Their other friend, Andy, sat on the couch talking to some guy named Spencer, who apparently once was in Panic! At the Disco. Andy didn’t drink. He was straight edge. Tyler thought that was pretty cool.   
Tyler had finished a water bottle and had moved onto a can of Vanilla Coke. Josh was on his third can. They stood off to the side, sometimes talking to people or each other. 

“So, we don’t drink at all?” Tyler asked. 

“When we first met at Chris’ party I was drinking beer. I don’t know why though. I hate beer. Tastes like crap. I’ll drink something fruity sometimes. I have no problem with that. You do too. It’s just we drink so seldom. It’s not something we like doing. You told me you don’t like losing control of yourself and neither do I.” 

Tyler nodded, liking the answer. That made perfect sense to him. 

“I’ll be right back. I need to use the restroom.” 

“I’ll be here.” Tyler handed Josh his half empty can of Vanilla Coke and ventured upstairs. 

Tyler passed people on the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door, for some reason. It’s not like he could hear. Everyone’s conversations plus the music were so loud. He debated if he should go in and hope no one was in there or if maybe he could just hold it. Yeah, there was no way he was holding it. He opened the door halfway, the door bumped into someone and there was soft, “Oh!” He winced, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He was about to close the door when he heard a familiar voice, “Tyler?” 

The person behind the voice stepped out from the door and his eyes widened, “Jenna?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I have all the way through chapter 20 written. Chapter 18 needs some work. Don't worry, this story isn't ending any time soon.~


	18. Everyone gather around for a show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Whoo! So sorry for not updating! I was out of town for a while and then when I finally got back home I got sick(for over a week!). I know, excuses, excuses hahaha!~

Josh waited for a good five minutes for his husband to return. Joe and Pete came by and dragged him off to the back yard where two Beer Pong tables were set up. Brendon took his and Tyler’s drinks from his hands and set them aside. 

“Guys, you know I don’t…”

“Yes, we know you don’t like beer.” Pete said, steering him over to one end of the tables, “That’s why we filled yours with Jack Daniels Watermelon Punch.”

“Is that girl enough for you?” Laughed Brendon. Patrick pinched his arm instead of verbally scolding him. Brendon cursed loudly. He glared at the other singer as he rubbed his arm. 

Pete had no one to play with. Andy politely declined and watched from the side. Suddenly two men stepped outside. One had black hair with a white streak, the other was shorter with light brown that fell over his forehead. They were holding hands. 

“Jack! Alex! You made it!” Pete grinned as he walked over to them. 

“Yeah, wouldn’t miss this for the world!” Jack stated pulling the bass player into a hug. Josh hadn’t ever met them. But he they looked so familiar. 

“The one with the skunk hair, is Jack, and the other is Alex. They’re half of All Time Low.” Brendon slurred. 

Pete dragged Alex over to the table. “You can play me, Alex.” They took one table while Josh and Brendon had the other. 

“Alright, I play winner!” Jack said, before leaning down and whispering in Alex’s ear. Josh watched as Alex shivered before picking up a ball. 

And the games began. Alex was a pro. Every ball he threw he made it in. Pete missed about every other one. Brendon’s movements were sloppy and he kept hitting Josh instead of getting it into the cups. Josh started off not doing too well, but he steadily got the hang of it. 

At one point Josh sat out and drank some water while he watched his friends play. Jack hit his target in Pete’s last of cups. He threw his hands up in the air, “In face your Wentz!” He went to spew out a stream of curses in which Josh chuckled at. Tyler would get a kick out of Jack and Alex. Josh glanced around the yard in hopes of spotting his husband. He didn’t. Just when he was about to turn and head into the house in search for his husband he was grabbed roughly by the arm and pulled over to one of the beer pong tables. “I play Josh!” Jack shouts almost in triumpth. Josh chuckled and thought one more game couldn’t hurt. 

 

“Jenna?” Tyler whispred in shock. 

Jenna smiled widely, “Oh my goodness! Tyler!” She stepped forward but looked down at herself. There was spilt orange soda on her light pink blouse. “I would hug you, but…”

“I’m sorry. I did that, didn’y I?” Of course he did that. He silently scolded himself before continuing, “Let’s see if we can clean it.” He stepped inside the bathroom, locking it to make sure no one came bursting in there drunk. 

“It’s fine. I can just wash it out in the sink when I get back to the hotel. Really, it’s fine, Ty.”

He grabbed a washcloth an dampened it under in the sink. “Here.”

She smiled and took it gently from him. “Thank you.” She sat down on the closed toilet seat and began to dab her blouse. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Pete invited me. It’s been a long time.”

“It has?”

She looked up at him, “Oh,” Her shoulders slumped ever so slightly, “Right. Um, my mom told me about your condition. I would have come to see you in the hospital, but I was on a mission trip in South Africa. I was over there for three months. I’m glad you’re okay. I’ve been praying for you.”

“Thanks.” 

“And before that we haven’t seen each other in,” She shook her head, thinking, “In five months? When you and Josh were close to the end of your tour I left for Africa.”

“So, Josh is okay with us hanging out?” 

Tyler and Jenna had dated right after high school. Theirs mothers were good friends. They were together a little under a year. Tyler loved her, but was never in love with her. Their relationship ended on good terms. They just weren’t meant for one another. She pushed a lock of her short blonde hair behind her ear and smiled shyly, “Yes, of course. We um, I was at your wedding.”

That shocked Tyler. “Really?”

She nodded, “You really don’t remember anything since 2009?”

Tyler shook his head, grim expression on his face. She reached out and took his hand in hers, “I’m so sorry. I’ve been praying for you.”

He squeezed her hand, “Thank you. It’s good to see a familiar face here. Everyone has been so great, but,” He swallowed thickly, “It’s hard. Uh, just, everyone wants me to remember so badly. And Josh,” He looked up at the ceiling, willing his tears to not fall. “He gets so sad sometimes and I can’t do anything about it. It’s killing me.” His voice broke and that’s when Jenna stood and embraced her friend, careful not get any soda on him. 

“It’s going to be okay, Tyler.” She mumbled into his shoulder, “You’re so strong. You’ll get through this. The Lord wouldn’t put you through anything you couldn’t handle.” He nodded, burrowing his face in the crook of her neck. Tyler thought she smelt nice. It was comforting. 

Just then the door opened to reveal Andy, Fall Out Boy’s drummer. “Oh crap, sorry! I,” He seemed to notice Tyler and Jenna’s embrace and gave Tyler a weird look. But then he noticed his tears and asked, “You okay, man?”

Tyler stepped away from Jenna, sniffing, “Yeah. Um, you can use the bathroom if you want.” He looked to Jenna, “You can borrow one of my shirts so you aren’t wearing a wet one.”  
They slipped passed the drummer and down the hall. Inside his and Josh’s room he found a light blue and purple shirt with outlines of Mickey Mouse on it. She smiled at the shirt and took it from him gratefully. 

“I’ll, uh, be outside.” He left and sat at the top of the stairs. Less than a minute later she came out. The shirt was too large on her, but she still looked so beautiful. She sat down next to him.  
“I left my shirt on your dresser. I’ll get it before I leave.”

“That’s fine. My shirt is like a dress on you.” He commented and she looked down. It went passed her butt. She wore white capri pants and light gray TOMs. The shirt went right along with her outfit.  
She giggled and bumped her shoulder against his. After a few moments in silence she rested a hand on his knee, “It’s just good to see you. And I mean that in completely platonic, friendship, kind of way.”  
He laughed, resting a hand on top of hers. He gave it a light squeeze. Yeah, it was good to see Jenna; someone he knows and remembers. 

 

Andy walked outside. Brendon was laid out on the grass, giggling hysterically, by his end of the beer pong table. Pete was laughing too, trying to get his friend up off the ground. Patrick was now playing against Josh. Patrick seemed fine and Josh did too. 

“Hey, man,” He said walking over to the other drummer. Josh flicked a ping pong and missed. He groaned and looked to his friend, “What’s up?”

“You might wanna go check on Tyler. He seemed upset.” 

Josh’s face scrunched in worry. “What do you mean?”

“He just seemed upset man. Think he was even crying.” 

“Okay, uh, Joe, fill in for me.” He quickly walked inside. He hadn’t even thought to ask Andy where Tyler was. He just focused on getting to him. No Tyler in kitchen or living room. That’s when he thought he would try upstairs. 

He squeezed passed people to get to the stairs. He only got one foot on the stairs when he looked up and saw his husband sitting at the top…with Jenna. And Josh had no problem with Jenna. Jenna was so kind and overall a wonderful person. She cared for Tyler and therefore Josh liked her. But what he didn’t like was the way Tyler was looking at her, the way they were leaning on each other, and the way Jenna rested a hand on his knee. And that didn’t even bother him as much as Tyler _letting_ her rest a hand on his knee. The fact that she was wearing that ridiculous Mickey Mouse shirt that Tyler loved so much didn’t help either. He watched as Tyler laughed and put a hand over hers. That did it. It was all too much. Josh stepped down from the stairs and turned away. 

Since Tyler has no memories of them together, what if he just realizes he wants Jenna? Josh shook the thought from his head. That’s ridiculous. Or is it? Tyler was with her for almost a year. So, Tyler still knows and remembers Jenna. He doesn’t remember Josh though. He walked into the kitchen, his head in a daze. He grabbed up a six pack of Jack Daniel’s Fruit Punch and stepped out onto the front porch. It was quiet out there. 

Sitting down on the front steps he opened his fruity, girly, drink and sipped at it. He wasn’t a drinker even when he got upset, he wasn’t much of a drinker period. But if it would get the image of his husband smiling at the blonde woman out of his head, then so be it. 

 

Jenna was telling the singer about her time in Africa when someone yelled, “Jenna,” from downstairs. 

“Oh, I better go see what’s going on. I’ll catch you later.” 

He waved to her as she walked down the stairs. Standing he figured he’d better find Josh. He had no idea how long he had been gone but he knew it had been a while. The problem was that Josh wasn’t in the living room, the kitchen, or anywhere upstairs. Walking out to the back yard, he had to step over drunk Pete and Brendon. They giggled and tried to grab at his ankles as he stepped over them. He stumbled and couldn’t help but to laugh at them. “Join us Tyyyy!” Brendon said in a high pitch girly voice. “Yes, come join us!” Pete added in a deep, horrible fake German accent. It sent him and Pete into a whole new fit of giggles. 

“Hey, Ty.” Patrick looked back at him. Joe made the shot and it went into the one of the four remaining cups Patrick had. Patrick cursed under his breath and grabbed up the cup before looking back to his friend. “Andy said you were upset. You okay?”

“Huh, oh, yeah. I’m fine. Have you seen Josh?”

“Yeah, he went to go look for you. He was worried.”

“He’s not in the house. I looked everywhere.”

“He’s around here somewhere.” 

“I’ll go look again. I might’ve missed him.” He managed to bypass Brendon and Pete once more without falling over. Inside he looked in every room twice before finding Dallon. He was sitting down talking to someone. When he looked up Tyler could tell he was as drunk as a skunk. 

“Hey Dallon, have you seen Josh?”

He sloppily pointed to the front door. Tyler gave him a thumbs up before leaving the living room. On his way out he saw Jenna talking to a girl. She had her head thrown back and was laughing, her hand resting over her chest. He smiled at the sight before opening the front door. When he stepped outside he instantly saw the drummer sitting down on the front steps. He didn’t look up when Tyler closed the door or even when he sat down next to him. 

“Hey,” Tyler said, trying, but failing to get Josh to acknowledge him. He sipped at his dark pink drink. 

“Josh, are you okay?”

“Yepp.” He said shortly. Tyler saw that Josh had only drank one full bottle and was on his second. So, he wasn’t drunk which was good. He could still hold a conversation with his husband.

“Hey,” Tyler gently took the half empty bottle out of his hand. Josh let him. He set it down between his feet. “Talk to me. Did something happen?”

“No. Not really.”

“Why won’t you look at me?” 

“So, uh, where have you been?” Josh questioned, ignoring the other. 

“I ran into Jenna, literally. When I opened the bathroom door it hit her and she spilt her soda all over her.” 

_That explains the shirt._ Thought Josh. 

“That’s nice.” 

The tone in Josh’s voice told Tyler everything. He was acting this way because he saw him with Jenna. This confused him because Jenna told him Josh was fine with her. 

“Do you,” He began slowly, “Have a problem with Jenna?” When Josh didn’t answer it only confirmed Tyler’s theory. “That’s it, isn’t it? What is it about her? Is it because we dated? Are you jealous? Or…”

“No!” Josh burst out, startling the singer, “I’m not jealous.” Josh draped his arm over the top of his knees and then rested his chin on it. 

“Then what is it?”

“I just, you know who she is.” He refused to look at his husband. “You ‘remember’ her. And you don’t know me and we’re married! You seemed so happy to see her.”

“Josh,” Tyler really wished the red head would look at him. “Yes, I remember her. I knew her before I started the band. I was happy to see her because she’s a familiar face. That’s it. And – Can you look at me?” He shouted, making the drummer look to him. 

Tyler sighed, “Now, I know I - ”

“I’m scared I’m going to lose you.” Josh said softly, cutting Tyler off. 

“Josh, you’re not going to lose me.”

“What if you get tired of waiting to remember me and you find someone else?”

Tyler chuckled at that and Josh didn’t really think it was all that funny. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just, that’s my fear.”

Before Josh could question him further Tyler continued, “I’m terrified that I won’t ever remember you and you’ll get tired of waiting on me. And you’ll leave and start a life with someone else.”

“I had no idea you felt that way.” Josh looked so intently at Tyler, it made the singer blush and he bit his lip nervously. It only reminded him of how beautiful his husband is. 

“I can assure you, I won’t ever leave you.”

Tyler grinned, “Same here, bro. We bonded. You can’t get rid of me if you tried.” He picked up the bottle from between his feet and sipped it. 

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” He smiled and took the bottle from the other man and drank from it. 

When they made eye contact Tyler knew he finally had the confidence to kiss his husband for the first time…Sort of. He leaned over, his eyes trailing down to Josh’s. Josh seemed to get the idea because he leaned over as well. They were so close, ‘so close’ that Tyler could feel Josh’s breath on his lips, and that’s why it killed him when the front door opened and Brendon stumbled out, “Dahmn! Patey, betta get tha hose! Joshler is gettin it on on tha parrrch!”

He was pulled back in by someone. When the door was closed the young couple burst into a fit of laughter. Over the next hour the two men shared the six bottles, and since they rarely ever drink, they were in the state between tipsy and drunk. Tyler leaned heavily on him, “M’tired.”

“Me too. Let’s goda bed.” 

It was well passed 2 A.M. and most of everyone had gone home. Standing Tyler swayed, only to be grabbed by Josh. It made them giggle like school girls. They stumbled upstairs and into their bedroom.  
As Josh closed the door Tyler fell back on the bed. Josh walks over and does the same. It makes Tyler bounce and giggle, which makes Josh smile. Suddenly, Josh didn’t think they were close enough. So, he did the rational thing. Or well he thought it seemed rational at the moment. He rolled on top of the singer, making him gasp in surprise. But he soon giggled, “Joooosh! M’sleepy!”

Before he knew what he was doing he kissed Tyler’s cheek. Tyler smiled sleepily. Josh then went down and kissed Tyler’s throat. Tyler tilted his head back, wanting Josh to do it again. It sent a ZING throughout his body and he liked it. Josh got a little taste of having Tyler like he used to and he wanted more. He hesitantly kissed the spot just below Tyler’s ear. Tyler gasped and that gave Josh the courage to test the skin with his teeth before giving him a small bite. 

Tyler choked, “Josh!” 

He bit the spot again, a little harder this time. Tyler’s hands flew to Josh’s head, knocking off his cap and burying his fingers in his red locks. This all went right to Josh's cock. He ground into Tyler a little. His movements were weak and sloppy on the account of the alcohol. 

“ _J-Josh!_ ” 

This brought Josh back to his senses. What the heck was he doing? He and Tyler had been drinking. It felt so wrong, but oh-so right all at once. How could he have let this happen? He hated that he let his guard down tonight. 

“Sorry.” He breathed, lifting his head to look Tyler in the eyes. 

“S’okay.” Tyler giggled softly, eyes glassy. 

He stroked the hair on the side of Tyler’s head. Tyler’s eyes fell closed, “That feels good.” He breathed. Josh loved this man so much it hurt. It hurt he couldn’t touch and hold and kiss him the way he wanted, the way he used to. And he hated he let his guard down tonight. He thanked God he stopped before he went further. 

“Tyler?” He whispers. 

Tyler, half-asleep, hums in response. 

Josh didn’t know when the hot tears formed in his eyes or when his voice sounded so broken, “I love you.” The need to kiss his husband’s lips had never been so strong before. He contemplated giving the singer a quick kiss, but he knew it wouldn’t be a quick kiss. Tyler, and himself, were drunk, and Tyler was asleep now. It wouldn’t be right. And he didn’t want their first kiss since Tyler waking up to be like this. So, instead, he buried his face in the crook of Tyler’s neck, inhaling his scent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Hope this was okay! I have 19 written and almost done with 20!~


	19. Living like a ghost you walk by everyone you know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I can't help but to feel self-conscious about this chapter. I don't know what's wrong with me lately hahaha. I hope you all like it. It's just kind of a filler chapter.~

The first thing Tyler noticed when he awoke the next morning was the pain in his head. It was a constant throb and it was both very painful and annoying. His mouth was dry it felt like it was full of cotton. The second thing he noticed was how hot his body was. It was a nice kind of hot though. That’s when he realized Josh was halfway on top of him. His head was right next to Tyler’s, facing him. He had an arm and leg draped over the thin man’s body. 

And finally, the third thing Tyler noticed was how full his bladder was. If he waited too much longer he knew his bladder would burst. Getting out from under the drummer would be a chore. He didn’t really want to wake him. He was sleeping so hard. Josh had to be hungover too. But the need to pee was too great. With much difficulty Tyler managed slip away from Josh’s body. Or well, he rolled away. He hit the beige-carpeted floor, with a soft thud. 

Quickly looking up he was relieved to see Josh hadn’t even stirred. Quietly walking to bathroom he took note of how much he missed Josh’s warmth. He relieved himself and as he was washing his hands he looked at his reflection to inspect the damage. His hair was a mess, his clothes wrinkled, and his eyes bloodshot. After cupping his hands until they filled with warm water, he brought his face down to his hands. Letting the warm water wash over his face. He repeated the action, only drinking cold water from his hands this time. He then turned off the water and reached for a towel. He dried his face and hands. 

Just as he was about to turn to leave something caught his eye. Dropping the towel on the counter he leaned closer to the mirror, craning his neck and turning his head to the side to get a better look. On his neck, just below his left ear was a small dark bruise. Brushing his fingers over it softly he took note of how it didn’t really hurt, but it was a little tender. His heart raced as did his brain. It had to have been from Josh. Who else? Rushing back to their room he jumped on the bed, making Josh moan, but not wake up. 

“Josh!” He shook his shoulder, “Josh, wake up.” 

“Ugh,” Josh buried his face in his pillow, “No.”

“Josh, this is important. Please?”

Josh finally made himself roll over, squinting his eyes. “What?”

“What happened last night?”

“We, uh,” He hissed as he rubbed head, “Had some drinks and came back here. Why?”

“I have hickey on my neck!” 

Josh lifted his head, “What?” 

“Yeah, see?” Tyler showed him, pointing to the mark. 

Josh pushed himself up, leaning against the headboard. He reached out and gently touched the spot. Memories rushed back from the night before and he closed his eyes with a soft groan. 

“Yeah, I did that.”

“I certainly hope it was you.” Tyler muttered in which Josh huffed out a laugh. 

“Yeah, we were drunk and I, uh…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I mean, I’m sure I enjoyed it.” In all honesty, this all made Tyler really nervous. But he knew this wasn’t easy for Josh. 

Josh shook his head, seeing through Tyler’s mask. “No, it wasn’t right. You were drunk and you still don’t have your memories yet.” 

“You were drunk too. It’s okay.” Tyler looked away, “Um,” He played with his fingers, “Did we…Uh, kiss?” He felt so lame for asking such a silly question. 

“No,” Josh shook his head. Both men were relieved by that. Even though Josh would probably kill just to have one kiss with Tyler, he did want it to happen when they were both sober. Tyler would like to remember it if it happened. He hated alcohol. It made him forget and he really didn’t want to forget anything else. And it’s not like they drank a whole lot. Their hangovers weren’t even bad. Slight headaches and dry mouths for the both of them. 

“Do you feel as sick as I do?” Josh finally asked, rubbing his eyes. 

After this panic over his hickey, yeah, the sick feeling returned to his head and stomach and body. 

“Yepp.” 

Josh groaned and slid back down in the bed. 

“I’m going to change and go see the damage downstairs.”

“Yeah, I’ll do the same. Will you make me some tea?” He asked with a sweet and innocent like face. 

Tyler huffed out a laugh, “Yeah.” 

Tyler changed into a pair of black basketball shorts, and a lose fitting t-shirt. Josh did the same and they ventured downstairs. There were empty cans, bottles and red plastic cups all over the ground along with napkins and pizza boxes. Pete was sprawled out on the couch, Patrick half on top of him. Joe was passed out sideways in the armchair. 

Andy came out of the kitchen with a cup of tea. “Hey,” He said naturally like this situation happened all the time. It probably did. 

“Morning, dude.” Josh greeted him. 

“Joe gave me this recipe that supposedly cures hangovers. I’ll pick up the stuff for that so we don’t have to hear them bitching all day.” He took a sip of his drink and Tyler thought he looked funny. He was this huge, ripped, tattooed from head to toe guy and he was drinking a cup of tea. 

“They look like they’ll be out a while.” Tyler commented.

“Oh,” Andy nodded, “They will be. I have some errands to run before I pick up their stuff. So, I’ll be gone for a couple hours. I know you guys probably just want to stay in or I’d ask you come.”

“Yeah, sorry, bro. Maybe next time.” Josh said before yawning. 

“What happened to Brendon and Dallon? They were pretty drunk last night.” Tyler said. 

Andy smiled widely, “Follow me.” He made his way to the back of the house, to the glass sliding doors. Brendon and Dallon were both asleep on a huge floaty, that could easily fit four people. They were cuddled up asleep, oblivious to the fact they were in the pool. Dallon was on his back while Brendon lay on his stomach, his arm thrown across Dallon’s chest.

Josh chuckled softly, “Man, I wish I had my phone. I need a picture of this.”

“I’ll send you one.” Andy assured him, “I took a few already. I sent one to Sarah too. She said even though she worries about them that it’s her lockscreen.” He laughed softly as he finished his tea. “Well, I’m off. See ya in a while. I’ll be back before they wake up.” 

After he left Tyler looked to the drummer, “You hungry? I can make something.” He walked into the kitchen, Josh following him. 

“No need. There’s enough pizza leftover from last night to feed a small army.”

Not only were there a huge stack of uneaten pizzas, but also dozens of cookies Tyler and Patrick had made the day before. 

“Wanna take a lot of junk to our room and watch movies all day?”

Josh grinned, “I knew I married you for a reason.”

Tyler chuckled at that. 

Josh grabbed a pizza and two bottles of water while Tyler got a plate full of different kinds of cookies and they crept quietly into the living room where they quickly scanned over Pete and Patrick’s movie collection. 

They decided on the Goonies. And Tyler saw Star Trek: Into Darkess and grabbed that one too. “Can we watch this one too?” He had wanted to say he hadn’t seen it, but he might have.  
“Heck yeah. I love that movie. I got a fake tatoo of it one time.” 

They then ventured upstairs to their room where Tyler put the Goonies into the DVD player. Josh situated their food on the bed. They watched both movies. Tyler was so into Star Trek: Into Darkness and sat at the foot of the bed, occasionally yelling things like, “Josh, Josh, did you see that? My favorite has always been Kirk. Who do you like? Oh my gosh!” Josh chuckled at every outburst.

Just as the credits began rolling for the Star Trek the doorbell rang. It was accompanied by groans from the hungover participants in the house. Tyler made it downstairs first. Josh stopped halway down the steps. He leaned against the railing. Opening the door Tyler was met by a blond-haired beauty. “Jenna,” He smiled. “What are you doing here?”

Josh straightened up when he saw her. 

“Hey Ty. I forgot my shirt and brought yours back. I washed it.” She held out his funny looking Mickey Mouse shirt. He took it, “Thank you.” 

“Your blouse is upstairs on our dresser. Hold on.” He turned to go up the stairs, but Josh offered to go.

“Whoa, what a mess.” She giggled, peering inside.

“Yeah, it’s pretty bad.” Chuckled Tyler. 

“Here you go.” Josh said appearing behind the singer.

“Oh Josh, hey.” She stepped over the threshhold, stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around the red haired man. 

“Hi Jenna.” He returned the hug lightly. 

“How are you doing, hun?” She asked once they parted. 

Josh smiled at her. You can’t help but to love Jenna. “Good. And you?”

“Can’t complain. Well, I’ll let you two go. We have to get together when you get back home, okay?”

“Promise.” Grinned Tyler. 

She hugged them both once more before walking down the sidewalk. 

“You okay?” Tyler asked.

“Huh? Oh yeah. I’m fine. I don’t know why I made a big deal out of her last night.”

Tyler grinned, teasingly, “You were jealous.” 

Josh shoved him playfully. “Shut up.” 

 

A little while later Andy came back with a few plastic bags on one arm. “Bastards aren’t up yet? Damn.” He commented before walking into the kitchen. 

“What is this hangover cure?” Josh asked as he watched Andy unload everything on the table.

“It’s a smoothie with all this crap in it.” He gestured to the many different items on the table. 

Josh went to look for the blender while Josh began to cut up the fruit as Andy advised. After Tyler started cutting the fruit Andy grabbed a small pot and began to brew some tea. 

“What’s in this stuff, anyway?” Tyler asked as he fed Josh a piece of mango. 

“Mango, green tea, coconut oil, avacodo, lemon, spinich, and ginger.”

“That all sounds gross together.” Josh wrinkled his nose in disgust. 

“Tastes good. Trust me.” 

When Tyler finished with the fruit Andy got it and dumped it into the blender, along with the tea and other ingrediants. When he turned it on their were loud groans from the living. Andy laughed and continued on with the blender. He poured three full glasses. There was a little left and he poured the rest into a fourth glass. He handed it to Tyler on his way out of the kitchen.

Tyler hesitantly sipped it. 

“Like it?” Josh said, with a wince. The color of it was enough to turn Josh off of it. 

“Yeah. Wanna try it?”

He took the glass from his husband and sipped it. “Yeah, it is pretty good.” 

Andy came back and dumped more ingredients in the blender. He made the three of them a glass. They retreated into the living room where the rest of Fall Out Boy were groggily sitting up in their seats. Pete had the side of his glass pressed to his temple. Patrick was barely sitting up, having to lean against the taller man. Joe was sitting upright now, sipping his glass with a wince. 

“I wanna upchuck.” He stated and Pete and Patrick agreed. 

Andy chuckled, “That’s what you get for drinking.” 

Andy sat down on the other recliner while Josh and Tyler occupied the other couch. 

“Did you have fun guys?” Winced Patrick. 

“Hell yeah they had fun!” Pete yelled and then said, “Ow,” as he held his head. “You two had seeex!” He pointed an accusing finger at the duo. 

“What?” Tyler sqeaked.

Pete was grinning from ear to ear. “You did! Tyler has a hickey!” 

“That doesn’t mean they had sex, man.” Joe commented with a chuckle. 

“I bet they did! They’re turning red!”

“That’s because you’re calling them out on something personal.” His husband told him. 

“We didn’t have sex.” Josh said.

“Yeah, Josh just sucked on my neck for a while.” Tyler said naturally and it made Josh laugh. 

Pete seemed disappointed and Tyler thought that was a little weird. But since his time here, he’s grown to accept all of Pete Wentz. 

 

Everyone was too hungover to really do anything that day. Josh and Tyler began picking up all the trash no matter how much Patrick protested. Josh held open a large trashbag as Tyler dumped an arm full of cans into it.

“Hey, whatever happened to Brendon and Dallon?” Pete wondered aloud.

“Go look in the back.” 

The hungover trio made themselves stand and walk over to the back glass sliding door. Pete burst into laughter. At the same time Patrick smacked his chest to quiet him as he pinched the bridge of his nose in pain. 

“I can’t wait until they wake up.” Joe said, finishing the last of his drink. “I’m gonna crash on your couch for a while.” He was asleep almost instantly. 

Andy reclined back in the chair and turned the TV on. 

“I guess, we’re going to take a nap.” Patrick told them as Pete tugged on his hand to go upstairs. 

“Is that what they’re calling it now?” Teased Andy. 

Patrick flicked him off and said, “Guys, stop cleaning. You’re our guests. We’ll get it later.” Then the married couple disappeared up the stairs.

Being the only two left in the kitchen Josh said, “When do you want to go home?”

Tyler honestly hasn’t even thought about home since arriving here. He’s had so much it was sad to think to leave their friends. But he knew they would have to go back home eventually. They came up to see their friends and for the party. 

He shrugged as he washed the blender out in the kitchen sink. “I’m not sure. When do you want to go back home?”

“I don’t know. Just whenever.”

“You miss Spooky Jim.” Tyler accused.

Josh chuckled softly, “Yeah.” 

“We can leave tomorrow, if you want?”

“We can talk to Patrick and Pete. We’ll say we’ll leave tomorrow, but Patrick is just too persausive. He has that face, you know?”

Tyler grinned and pictured Patrick pulling a puppy dog look. “Well, we can go pack and use that excuse against them.” 

“I mean, we’ve been here a week. And we’ll see them again soon.”

“Yeah, I’ll feel bad if we stay too much longer. I don’t want to impose.”

“I don’t think we are. We’re like one big alternative rock family.”

Tyler smiled, “Yeah.” It was nice to be so close to people that aren’t blood, but still consider them family. 

 

After washing the dishes Tyler did their laundry as Josh began to pack upstairs in their room. The singer had just put the clothes from the dryer into the basket when he came across Josh’s hoodie that he wore constantly. He slipped it on, letting the warmth spread over his arms and torso.He then proceeded to load the dryer. He had just closed it when all of a sudden his vision went black, something covering his eyes, and he was yanked backwards. He screamed for the drummer. 

 

Josh had just gotten all of their toiletries and put them in their suitcases when he heard Tyler yell out. He scrambled downstairs to see what had distressed his husband. When he made it downstairs to the washroom he didn’t see Tyler anywhere. Hurrying into the kitchen he saw his husband on the ground, Pete and Patrick sitting on top of him. 

“Josh, it’s trap!” Tyler yelled, trying to get free. 

Before Josh could question he was grabbed from behind. 

“What’s going on?” He shouted.

“This was all Pete’s idea.” The voice, Andy’s voice, said from behind him. 

“We heard that you two are going to leave us!” Pete said, as he held down Tyler’s legs. 

“Yeah, we’ve been here a week! We’re a little homesick!” Josh said. 

Patrick, sitting on top of Tyler’s torso, said, “You should at least stay another day to give us time to prepare for you to leave!”

“Physically and mentally!” Pete added. 

Tyler tried to shove the other singer off of him, but Patrick grabbed hold of Tyler’s dainty wrists. 

“Okay!” Tyler yelled, “We can stay another day!” He looked to Josh, silently asking if it was okay. Josh nodded and said, “Yeah, what’s one more day going to hurt?”

“YAY!” Pete yelled, grinning. “Okay, down Andy!” He snapped his fingers. 

Andy muttered something under his breath. But it was light-heartedly. He released his fellow drummer. 

“Can you get off me now?” Tyler asked once Pete and Patrick made no move to get off him. 

“You liiike us being on top of you. I knooow you dooo!” Pete teased as he reached around his husband and poked Tyler's cheek rather harshly. 

Joe appeared in the doorway looking as though he had just woken up, “Nah, Pete. He just likes Josh on top of him.”

The punk rock band burst into laughter as Tyler’s face burned. Josh ignored the comment and pushed a laughing Pete from Tyler’s legs. 

“Uh oh! Someone’s jealous!” Andy joked. 

Patrick stood, still chuckling softly. 

Josh then held a hand out for his husband to take. Tyler did and Josh pulled him to his feet. 

“What a gentleman!” Patrick laughed. 

It was Pete’s turn to add wood to the fire, “You two are so sweet you make my teeth rot! Is anyone else feeling a bit diabetic right now?” 

“We can leave tonight if you want.” Tyler told the drummer with a teasing tone. 

“I was just thinking that.” Josh agreed. 

“What? No way! You can’t go back now!” Pete argued. 

Tyler and Josh chuckled. 

“Better go unpack some of our stuff then.” Josh said.

“I’m going to finish the laundry. There better not be any more sneak attacks.” He looked to Pete.

“What?” He yelled playfully. “You’re so thin, Patrick could take you!” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The shorter singer asked, sounding offended. 

“You’re shorter than _me_ , Trick. That’s saying something.” 

Patrick shoved Pete, making the taller man burst into laughter. 

Andy and Joe shook their heads. 

“They truly make me sick.” The bushy haired man stated. 

“I second that.” Andy said as the two made their way back into the living room. 

 

Tyler and Josh finished up their chores quickly. Everyone ate pizza for dinner. It was a lot of fun and Tyler found himself laughing so hard his stomach ached by the end of the evening. He was sad to see Joe and Andy go. They each hugged him tightly, Andy picking him up off the ground. Pete and Patrick walked them out to their cars. They stood out in the yard talking, most likely about Fall Out Boy things, while Josh and Tyler stood in the doorway. 

“We should lock them out of their own house.” Josh said, arms crossed over his chest.

Tyler looked up to him, “It would be revenge for them sitting on me.”

Josh pulled his husband back into the house, closing the door and locking it. Tyler went to check the back door and windows. They sat on either side of the entryway hall. Suddenly their was a loud banging sound from the outside of the door, almost as if someone ran into it as they tried to open it. 

“Pete! Are you okay?” Came Patrick’s muffled voice. 

“Ow! What the hell? It’s locked!” The door handle rattled veriously. Tyler couldn’t help the giggle that passed through his lips. Josh grinned and joined him. 

“You guys suck!” Whined Pete. “Let us iiiiin!” 

“I’ll go try the back.” Patrick said. 

“You won’t have much luck there!” Josh yelled and that earned groans from the other married couple. 

“You guys are a pain in my ass!” Patrick shouted, not really meaning it. 

Tyler and Josh pressed themselves against the door just in time for Pete to say, “No, but I am…OW!” 

Josh rolled his eyes with a smile on his face as he and Tyler stood up. 

“How long are we going to leave them out there?” 

Josh shrugged, “I have to use the restroom and it’s time for you to take your pills. So, I guess some time after that.” 

Tyler smiled and went into the kitchen while Josh ventured upstairs. 

 

“You guys are dicks!” Pete yelled later they were seated in the living room. 

“Revenge is one thing, but you left us out there for twenty minutes!” Patrick added. 

The singer and drummer couldn’t stop smiling. 

Suddenly the back door slid open and in shuffled a very sunburnt Brendon and an equally sunburnt Dallon. They shuffled in as if they were the kinds of dolls where their legs don’t bend. 

“Why the fu-ugh! It huuurrrts!” Brendon whined. 

They were both shirtless. Dallon though had a thick white line across his chest, where the sun didn’t didn’t get to. 

“Stop whining, I have your arm print tattooed on my chest!” Dallon yelled. 

“You better have some kind of burn lotion or aloe vera, Wentz!” 

Patrick was already on his feet and hurrying to the bathroom. He returned with a clear bottle of thick green gel. “Here.” He handed it to Dallon. 

Brendon took it and tossed it to Tyler with a groan. Any movemnet killed them. Almost as if a thousand needles were piercing their bodies at once. 

“Start laterthing Ty.”

“You too Dun!” Dallon looked to the drummer. 

Tyler already a generous amount on his hand. As soon as he pressed it to Brendon’s back, the singer all about screamed. “Sorry, sorry, I’m being gentle!” Tyler said. 

“It doesn’t matter how gentle you are, Ty.” Pete said, not even trying to hide his chuckle, “They’re burnt to a crisp.” He leaned forward in his seat on the couch to get a better look, “Damn! Brendon even has blisters!”

Josh, smearing the gel all over Dallon’s shoulders said, “Yeah, so does Dall.”

Pete threw himself back in the couch laughing hysterically. Brendon angrily grabbed the bottle of gel from Tyler and squirted it in Pete’s direction. It flung across his face, over his right eye and across his mouth. He just stalled his movements, mouth hanging open. 

“You are such a dick, Urie!” He said, sounding like he was holding his tongue. So what really came out of his mouth was, “Uuu uch ah deeckkk Orie.”

Patrick had already gone to the kitchen and returned with a roll of papertowels. “Here.” He tore off a few and handed them to his husband. Pete scrunched them up and spit into it. Patrick winced as he dabbed it off his husband’s eye. Brendon and Dallon, momentarily, forgot about their sunburns and laughed at the scene before them. They soon yelped in pain and stood still. Tyler was laughing so hard he had to lean on Josh for support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I guess its about time for another flashback. I know I have asked this before, but what do my lovely readers want to see?~


	20. And Silence Gives You Space

The intense pleasure filled every ounce of Josh’s being. He moaned into Tyler’s mouth, his hand snaking its way down to the hem of the singer’s shirt. He slipped underneath the material, feeling the warm skin there. Tyler gasped at the coldness of his husband’s hand. Josh leaned his head down and sucked the spot underneath Tyler’s ear, making him buck up under Josh. “Josh!” Tyler choked as he gripped onto Josh’s dyed-red locks. He pulled from the roots, making Josh wince. But he was weirdo and loved it when Tyler did that. The drummer grunted as he grinded his jean-clad erection into Tyler’s. 

“Come on, please, Joshua.” The singer begged. And how could Josh deny his husband anything? Especially when he called him Joshua. “Okay,” Josh whispered as he sat up, taking his shirt off, Tyler followed quickly. Josh them reached down to the waisteline of Tyler’s black skinny jeans. He rubbed over Tyler’s bulge, making Tyler throw his head back against the pillow underneath his head. 

Josh proceeded to roughly to unbutton his jeans and messily trying to get Tyler out of them. After seeing Tyler writhing in so much pleasure because of _him_ Josh couldn’t undress his husband fast enough. When Tyler was pread out naked underneath him Josh took a moment to soak in the singer’s body. Tyler bit his lip, his face flushed. “You’re so beautiful, Ty.” Josh leaned down, pressing their bodies together. 

“Josh!” Tyler gasped as their bodies rubbed together. 

“Tyler,” Moaned Josh. 

“Josh! Josh! Hey, wake up!” 

Josh’s eyes burst open, “What?” Tyler stood in the doorway, fully dressed, not biting his lip and not flushed. 

“Wake up!” He smiled, “Breakfast should be ready soon.”

Josh suddenly became aware that he was painfully hard underneath the covers. He shifted trying to hide it.

“Uh, cool. I’ll be there in a bit. I’m going to take a shower.” A cold shower. 

“Oh, alright. You feeling okay? You’re sweating.” Tyler pushed himself up off the doorframe and stepped into the room. 

"I’m fine!” Josh shouted, “Uh, sorry. I meant, just go on without me. I’ll be quick.” 

“Oookaay.” Tyler gave him a weird before leaving the room. As soon as he knew his husband was walking down the stairs and he fell back on the bed with a groan. But he knew he shouldn’t lay there too long. He had a major problem to take care of. 

He quickly grabbed his clothes for the day. He peeked his head out to make sure the coast was clear. He then made his way down the hall to the bathroom. He was less than a foot from the door when it swung open and out walked Pete, his hand scratching his stomach underneath his black wife beater.

Josh’s eyes widened, but at least it was Pete and not Tyler or Patrick. 

Morning man.” Pete yawned. 

“Uh hey.” Josh said nervously. 

“You alright?” Pete raised a brow in question. 

“Fine!” Squeaked the drummer. 

“Nah, something’s up.” Pete grinned his Wentz grin. “What’s up?”

“Nothing! Can I shower now?” He tried to get passed his friend, but Pete pushed him back.

“Not so fast, friend. What’s going on?”

Josh was sweating he was so scared. “Nothing’s going on!”

“Okay, it’s early in the morning, you just woke up, and now you _really_ need to shower.” Pete thought for a moment before looking down, “Dude! You got a hardon!”

“Shut up!” Josh whispered loudly, hoping no one heard.

“I don’t blame you, dude! It’s been a month! I would have exploded by now, literally.”

Josh stepped forward, “Stop!” 

“Whoa,” Pete said, hands raised in defeat, “Watch where you point that thing!” 

Josh shoved a laughing Pete away from the door, stepped inside, and all about slammed it shut. He took the coldest shower he coud withstand. He didn’t touch himself no matter how painful it was. It just didn’t feel right, especially since he was in Pete and Patrick’s guest bathroom. 

He shivered as he got out almost ten minutes later. He dressed quickly and made his way down to the kitchen. Pete sat at the table. Patrick was placing a plate full of eggs and bacon in front of Pete. Tyler was at the stove and Josh momentarily got a flashback of the singer naked underneath him. He turned his thoughts onto Pete so he wouldn’t have anymore problems downstairs. He sat down next to Pete who was grinning madly as he sipped his coffee. 

“Morning, WOOD you hand me the sugar, Josh?”

Josh wanted to die then and there. Pete burst into laughter as the two singers gave each other confused looks. Tyler came up behind Josh and rested a hand on Josh’s back as he put a plate of food in front of the drummer. 

“Josh, you’re freezing! Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Tyler set the spatual down on the table and knelt down beside him, feeling his forehead and rubbing his arms up and down trying to create heat. Tyler’s touch was still too fresh on his mind. He quickly stood, his knee bumping the table harshly. 

“I said I’m fine! Just stop!” He maybe shouts a bit to loudly.

Tyler, from his spot on the kitchen tiles, looked like Josh had just slapped him. 

Patrick was looking awa, not really knowing what to do or say. Pete, ever the joker, said, “Hey, Ty, uh, you can touch me all you want.” 

“Pete,” Patrick hissed, “Not really the time.” 

Pete knew he shouldn’t have said that. He just wanted to break the tension. 

Standing Tyler bit his lips, looking everywhere except at Josh. “I’m sorry.” His voice sounded so meek. 

“I’m the one that should be sorry. You didn’t do anything.” Josh wanted the world to open up and swallow him whole for making Tyler feel like this. Normally Josh would have stepped forward and taken the singer into his arms. But the dream was still so fresh on his mind. If he were to hug Tyler it would be too much, feeling Tyler’s body against his own. The hug would include Tyler, Josh, and not-so-little Josh.

And normally that wouldn’t be a problem to either of them, but with Tyler’s memories gone…Josh didn’t know how Tyler would react. 

“Why don’t we, uh, just continue with breakfast, huh?” Patrick suggested as he wrapped a secure arm around Tyler’s should. “Come sit next to me, Ty.” 

It was eerily silent, Tyler with his hands in his lap, starring at them while Josh moved his eggs around on his plate. Pete and Patrick picked at their food here and there. 

Tyler didn’t mean for it to effect him this much. It’s just that him and Josh were literally perfect for one another. Tyler knew that without having his memories. He was just showing his concern for the drummer. He had been acting weird since Tyler woke up him. 

Josh should be shot. How could he have raised his voice to Tyler like that when Tyler was just worried about him? And he thanked God for Patrick suggesting they just carry on with breakfast. If not then Josh would have to lie about why he was acting weird. And Josh has ‘never’ lied to Tyler and didn’t plan on starting now. It’s not like he could have come out and said, Oh, yes, everything is just fine. I just had a very hot almost-sex dream about you and got a major hard-on. I had to take an extrememly cold shower and that’s why I’m so cold right now.

Well,” Patrick said finally, “I’m going to miss having you guys around.” Patrick looked to his husband, silently pleading to join him. Pete caught on and nodded his head childishly, “Uh, yeah! It’s been really great with you guys here! After we come back from tour a few months you should come and stay again.”

Patrick nodded, “Yes, longer than a week. It’ll be fun.” 

Neither Tyler nor Josh said anything in return. 

 

Tyler would normally help clean up after breakfast, but he locked himself in the bathroom after everyone was finished.

“He’s pretty upset, man.” Pete comments as he leans back, balancing his chair on its back legs. “Yeah,” Josh says shortly, “I know.” 

Patrick finishes rinsing off the dishes and comes to stand behind the bass player. He grabs Pete’s shoulders and jerks him, startling him into thrusting his body forward in case the chair fell backwards.   
“What Pete _means_ is that you two should talk this out. Pete and I can leave the house for a bit.”

“No, we don’t want to kick you out of your own house.” 

“Didn’t stop you yesterday.” Pete says he stands and stretches his arms up as high they would go. “Let’s go rent some movies and get some junk to eat tonight, Pat.”

“We have enough pizza and cookies to last us a week, Pete.”

“Okay then, let’s go get some…I don’t know! We’ll figure it out in the car.”

Patrick shakes his head as he watches him leave the kitchen, “That man will be the death of me. But I wouldn’t trade him for all the records in the world.” He leaves the kitchen.

Josh rubs his temples harshly. How could he have yelled at Tyler? _No one_ yells at Tyler. Tyler is…is Tyler a precious soul and should be protected at all costs. A moment later he hears a knock up from upstairs and Patrick’s voice, “Tyler, Pete and me are going out for a little bit. Okay? Do you need anything?” There’s nothing after that, just the sound of Pete and Patrick coming down the stairs. 

Tyler’s in the bathroom. He won’t answer me. If he needs something tell him to call me.” Patrick says before they head out. 

Tyler’s in the bathroom? And he didn’t answer Patrick? Flashbacks hit Josh and panic rose in his chest as he climbed the stairs two at a time. He tries to remain calm as he knocks on the door gently. When he received no answer, his knocks became more consistant and loud. This is ridiculous. Tyler wouldn’t do something so drastic over something so silly as Josh raising his voice to him. Would he?

“Tyler? Tyler, are you okay in there? Babe, please answer me! Tyler!” More knocking, more yelling, and then he combines the two. “Tyler! Please! Don’t do this! You can’t! Tyler!” Josh was gasping for breath, panic filling his chest, as was tears in his eyes. 

This went on for a few minutes before Josh lowered his fist, resting his forehead against the wood. “Tyler, if you’re listening, just please, let me know you’re okay.” Nothing. Josh slid down the door, letting his tears escape, running hot rivers down his cheeks. 

Suddenly the door opened, Josh had to catch himself before he fell into his husband. Tyler looked down at him, and took his earphones out. “Josh, what-”

Josh leaps up, attacking the singer, burying his face deep in the crook of Tyler’s neck. He was taking in shaky breaths trying calm himself. Tyler, as soon as Josh began hugging him, didn’t know how to react seeing the other man this way. 

“You scared me.” Josh said, weakly. 

“I’m sorry?” Tyler is beyond confused. He had just wanted some time alone. Patrick woul dhave come into the bedroom to speak with him and Pete would have followed him around the house. 

Josh picks his head up to look Tyler in the eyes. Lifting a hand he gently strokes Tyler’s cheek with his knuckles. “You used to have such bad days when we first began touring. You’d stay in the bathroom for hours. You’d lock yourself away from everyone; from me. I hated it when you did that. I never knew what…I never knew what you were going to do.” Josh thought back to the few times where he actually thought he lost Tyler.

“Do I do it a lot?”

“No. You haven’t in a long time, not since before we were married. I’m sorry. I panicked. I know you wouldn’t…not now.”

“I wouldn’t.” Tyler assured him, “Are we okay now?”

“Almost. I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier.”

“The why did you?”

Josh sighs, “Do you really want to know?” 

Tyler nods. 

“Well,” Josh groans and takes Tyler’s hands in his and leads him to their bedroom. They down on their sides, facing one another. Josh thought this would be a good place to tell Tyler. This way when it got too embarassing Josh could hide under the blanket or cover his face with a pillow. 

“Okay, so,” Josh let out a nervous breath, “When you woke me up this moring you woke me from a dream.” Tyler listened with interest, his eyes huge and full of wonder. It made it so much harder for Josh to continue. 

“It was a _really_ good dream.” He put infisis on dream, hoping Tyler would catch on and Josh wouldn’t have to continue much further. But Tyler, oh Tyler. Little innocent Tyler just didn’t get it.   
“It was you and me.” 

It still didn’t seem to sink in yet and Josh groaned loudly. “Ugh! We were...you know…”

Tyler’s shook his head. Then he seemed to get it, “Oh, OH!” 

“Yeah, and it just caused a problem and I have to take a cold shower.” If Josh didn’t want to die before he did when Tyler started laughing. Josh shoved his shoulder, “It’s not funny!” 

“I’m sorry,” Tyler said through chuckles. “I’ve never…made anyone feel like that.”

“Yeah, well, you make me feel a lot of things.” 

Tyler snorts, “Apparently,” And Josh shoves him again, Tyler laughing as he does. 

 

Pete and Patrick come home a little while later, the bass playing carrying two huge bags of mixed candies. “We’re back!” 

Tyler and Josh were sitting on the couch in the living room. They stood and met them at the door. Patrick looked up to the other singer. He rested a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Everything okay?”   
Tyler nods with a smile. Patrick returns it, “Good. I will smack some sense into you two if that’s what it takes.” They send him smiles before taking their seats again. 

Pete comes in from the kitchen and throws himself across the duo. They both grunt at the impact. The bass player stretches out, his head in Tyler’s lap, his legs draped across Josh’s. Putting his arms behind his head in a makeshift pillow he said, “What shall we do on our last day together?” 

“Would you stop being so dramatic?” Patrick says, “We’ll see them again soon.”

 

That evening they go out to a nice resaurant. They talk and have a good time. They get back to the house late and head to bed. As Josh is getting undressed Tyler sits on the bed, already in his pajamas. 

“Hey, Josh?” Tyler asks, trying not to look as Josh takes his shirt off. 

“Yeah?” 

“Uh, can you tell me something else about us?” 

Josh grabs a pair of pajama pants from his suitcase. “Sure. Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

Quickly slipping out of his skinny jeans he puts on a loose fitting pair of sweatpants. He lays down on the bed with happy sigh. “Well, I told you how we first met, first kiss,” Josh counted on is fingers and Tyler couldn’t help but to think how adorable he looked. “And how you confessed you’re undying love for me,” Tyler laughed at him as Josh continued, “So, what do you want to hear now?”

Tyler shrugged, “I don’t know. Uh,” Tyler looked towards the ceiling as if it would help his thinking. “Maybe…Okay, who propsed to who?”

Josh smiled, “That’s a good one.” 

_Josh’s heart beat rapidly as he approached his husband. He was curled up on the couch reading a book. As he got further to his husband his thoughts ran wild. ‘Maybe I should have planned this better. Maybe this can wait for like, a year. No. It’s now or never,’ thought Josh._

_“Hey babe.” He says as he plops down next to the singer._

_Tyler looks up from his book, “What’s up?”_

_Resting a hand on Tyler’s thigh he rubs it lovingly and maybea bit nervously. “Uh, you wanna go for a walk?”_

_“Yeah, sure. Let me finish this page, okay?”_

_Josh nods and watches his husband’s eyes scan the last few paragraphs. The singer finishes, and reaches over to pluck his bookmark fro the coffee table. After placing it in between the pages he looks to the drummer. “Ready?”_

_Josh swallows and nods before standing. They slip their shoes on by the door and leave. The sun was setting and there was a chilly breeze in the air. At the rate of his heart beat Josh thought he was going to pass out. He suddenly feels a hand entwine with his. He looks over to hisboyfriend who asks, “You okay?”_

_“Yeah, fine.” He maybe says a bit too quickly. Tyler doesn’t push it. Instead he thinks back to earlier in the day, yesterday, and the day before yesterday trying to think of anything he did to upset the drummer. He couldn’t think of anything so he thought back further. He came up with nothing._

_They make it the park. They always walk to the park. It where they used to hang out as friends, and where they had their first kiss. They walk in silence and usually Tyler doesn’t mind silence. He embraces it. But this time it was different._

_“Did I do something?” Tyler asks suddenly._

_Josh quickly looks at him, ceasing their walking. “No, of course not. Just thinking. I’m sorry.”_

_“What are you thinking about?”_

_“I’ll show you. Close your eyes.”_

“You came here to murder me?” Tyler jokes as he does as he was told. 

_“Come on.” He pulls Tyler down the sidewalk a bit further. They’re coming up on the playground. Josh glances over at the merry-go-round where they had their first kiss. They’re almost there. He stops them on the sidewalk adjacent to the merry-go-round. Looking down at the concrete he inhales sharply through his nose and exhales out his mouth to calm his nerves. It doesn’t work. He ushers Tyler in front of him, then leads him back just a bit so that he will be able to see it._

_“Okay, open your eyes.”_

_Tyler opens them and they immediately fall on the writing on the sidewalk._

_Will you marry me? It reads. He chokes on air. Quickly turning to look at his boyfriend he sees Josh behind him on one knee, a maroon velvet box open in his hand. There’s a plain, but shiney black band in the box. Eyes wide Josh bite his lip waiting for his husband to react._

_Tyler is suddenly on him, and they’re both on the ground. Tyler’s arms wrapped around him and he’s kissing the drummer like there's no tomorrow._

_“Does this…mean…you…say yes?” Josh chuckles in between kisses._

_Tyler stops his kisses to look into his boyfriend’s eyes, “I’m kissing you because I say no.” There’s sarcasm in his voice, which makes Josh laugh. They kiss once more before Tyler straddles the drummer's waist, but let's him sit up. Josh takes the ring from the box and slides it onto Tyler’s ring finger._

_“We’ll have to go get you one too.” Tyler states._

_“We will tomorrow. But right now, I say let’s go home, order a pizza and build a fort.”_

_“I knew I was with you for a reason.” Tyler grins widely and Josh can’t help but to kiss his finace again._

 

“You’re so romantic.” Tyler half-teases. 

Josh playfully pushes at his shoulder. “You married me.”

“I did. Even though I don’t remember I know I never regretted it,” Tyler tells him seriously. Josh grins sadly before he leans over to plant a small peck to the singer’s cheek. His eyes linger on the singer’s lips for a split second before he pulls away. Maybe another place, another time. 

“Thanks. For saying that.” 

“Goodnight Josh.” Tyler says softly. 

“Night Ty.”


	21. You are tired, you are hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Whoa...It's been way too long! I jus couldn't get this chapter out of my head and into words! I'm really sorry about the long wait. I will never abandon this story. It will be finished one day!~

It was hard to say goodbye. Pete latched onto Josh like a monkey, his arms and legs wrapped around the drummer tightly. The neighbors were probably watching, but he didn’t care. Patrick hugged Tyler tightly. “Call or text me any time. I might not always get back to you right away since we’re going on tour soon, but I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”

“I will. I’m really going to miss you.” Tyler admits as he feels hot tears sting his eyes. 

“I’m going to miss you too.” Patrick’s mumbles into his the singer’s shoulder. He releases him, “When we get back you two are coming to stay with us again. You hear?” 

“We’d love to” 

“Hey,” Patrick says softly, making sure their husbands don’t hear, “Seriously, if you ever need to talk about anything I’m here for you. I know this has been hard you both.”

“Thanks. Expect a few calls or texts from me.”

Patrick chuckles, “I’ll be waiting.” 

 

“I’m going to miss, man!” Pete says, his body still wrapped around Josh’s. 

“I’ll miss you too,” Josh grunts as Pete tries to shimmy up his body after sliding down a bit. 

“I’m pretty sure _someone_ is going to get a picture of this and it’s going to all over tumblr.”

Pete looks up at him, “What would we be called? Posh? Jete? Wun? Dentz?”

“All of those are horrible!” Laughs Josh. 

Pete finally slides down and releases his friend. 

“Right?” Chuckles Pete. 

“So, uh, listen, if you ever need to talk then just give me a call. Or if you prefer to text that’s fine too. I know you and Tyler especially have been having a hard dealing with all of this.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“Remember, anytime. Come back soon. When we get through with touring come stay with us again. It’s been a blast having you two here.” 

"We will.” 

Suddenly there’s arms around Josh. Looking over his shoulder he sees Patrick hugging him from behind. He chuckles as he turns in his arms and hugs the shorter man. Tyler walks over to them and Pete grabs him. He jumps on him, wrapping limbs around the singer’s body like he had with Josh. But it caught Tyler off guard and they hit the ground. He hears their husbands laugh at them. Even though they’re on the ground Pete is wrapped around him. “I miss you already.” Pete mumbles into his neck. 

“Same.” Tyler hugs him back. When he release the bass player Pete doesn’t let go. Not until Patrick ushers him to stand. He then helps the other singer up. 

Josh has the driver side door open. He insisted he drive back home since Tyler drove there. They wave once more to the other married couple before getting into the car. As they drove away Tyler felt a lump form in his throat. He didn’t want to leave. They had stayed with their friends for almost two weeks. Their home felt like his home. In the distance he heard Josh calling him. Turning his head he says, “Yeah?” And winces when his voice cracks. 

Josh glances at him. “Oh no. Don’t cry. It was hard for me to keep it in saying goodbye to the guys. If you cry, I cry. It’s how we work.” 

Tyler let’s out a watery chuckle while wiping his eyes. “Sorry. It’s just we’ve been with them for a while now and it’s going to be weird not having them around.” 

Taking a hand off the steering wheel he entwines their fingers together. “I know. We’ll see them soon.”

"Hopefully next time we see them I’ll have my memories.” 

“That would be nice.” Josh half-joked. Tyler gives a lopsided grin. 

Within an hour they were singing along to the Backstreet Boys CD Tyler found in the glove compartment. When they song ended they cracked up, Tyler turning the volume down. 

“This reminds me of,” Josh chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye, “Our anniversary last year. We listened to that CD on repeat.”

“Where did we go?”

“We originally planned on going to Florida for a week. We got reservations at this really fancy resort.” He says with a shrug. “Wasn’t really our thing.”

“But we enjoyed it though, right?”

“We never actually made it. Halfway there we got stopped by this huge storm.” This confuses Tyler, because Josh is grinning like a fool. 

 

_“It’s so dark out!” Josh says leaning over the wheel to get a better look at the sky._

_“I think we should pullover.” Tyler suggests._

_“Where?”_

_Tyler looks out his window at the empty road they are on. Squinting he reads a sign up ahead. “There’s a bed and breakfast up there.” Josh looks to where his husband is pointing._

_Pulling up to the curb he parks. And before he can get a word out his husband says, “Wait here. I’ll go see if there are any rooms.” Tyler throws his hood up and gets out. Rain hits him like bullets as he jogs up the sidewalk. He opens the door, bell jingling above. It’s warm and has a homey feel to the place. The place itself is old fashioned and Tyler thinks it looks a lot like a farm house._

_An elderly man is behind the desk, a copy of Lonesome Dove in his hand. “Evening young man! How can I help you?”_

_Shivering Tyler asks, “Are there any rooms available?”_

_“Yes sir!” He sticks his thumbs behind the straps of his suspenders, testing their elasticity. “How many are you needing?”_

_“Just one for my husband and me.”_

_The man skims over his log book. “Alright, room 7.” He hands Tyler a key with a leather tag dangling from it. There’s a gold 7 stamped on it._

_“Thank you.” He says quickly before putting the key in the pocket of his hoodie._

_“It’s 50 a night. How long will you be staying?”_

_“That’s fine. Uh, I’m not sure honestly.” Tyler opens his wallet and hands the man his card. He swipes before handing it back to the singer._

_The man nods, “Well, if you stay longer than tonight we’ll talk.”_

_Tyler nods and says a quick thank you before he opens the door and jogs out. “We got a room.” He tells the drummer, who pops the trunk. Tyler grabs a suitcase and Josh grabs the other. By the time they make it to the porch Tyler is soaked through and through, Josh is almost there. Josh opens the door and both are engulfed in the warmth like a hug. The man behind the counter chuckles, “It’s a real downpour out there, huh boys? Enjoy your stay.”_

_“Thank you.” Josh says with a smile._

_They walk up the stairs, their shoes making squishing sounds. Tyler’s hands numb with cold and shake as he unlocks the door. The room itself is small with a bed, nightstand, and dresser. Across the room there is a window with frilly white lace curtains hanging over it._

_Walking over to a door across the bed Tyler opens to reveal the closet. Josh opens the other door and finds the bathroom. There is no shower, but a huge Victorian styled tub raised off the floor, a sink and a toilet. Tyler comes behind his husband, wrapping his arms around him from behind._

_“Tub is big enough for two.”_

_Josh smiles, “My thoughts exactly. Let’s get out of these clothes.”_

_Josh strips each article of clothing as does the singer. Just as Tyler is stepping out of his boxers Josh has his arms around him. He picks him up, Tyler gasping. He settles his hands on Josh’s shoulders, looking down at him liking the height advantage. “You’re lips are blue.” Tyler giggles._

_“What are you going to do about that?” Josh teases._

_Tyler grins as he leans down and captures his husband’s lips. Smiling into the kiss he walks forward, laying Tyler out on the bed gently. Josh is on top of him, pressing his body to Tyler’s._

_“Let’s take a really hot bath.” Tyler suggests._

_“I kind of had something else in mind.”_

_“But I’m cold!” Tyler whines playfully._

_“There are other ways to warm up, Ty.” Laughs the drummer._

_“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Tyler raises a brow in question._

_“If you’re thinking about making love then yes.”_

_Tyler, with his arms loosely draped around Josh’s neck, pulls back down for a kiss._

 

“We stayed the whole weekend. The town was so small, it had a town square and like, one grocery store. But it was really nice.” Josh finishes. He didn’t care if he may have said too much. It was a really happy time for both of them. He chances a glance over at the singer. Tyler is grinning. 

“That sounds amazing.” 

“It was. We promised we would go back for our next anniversary.” 

Tyler, chewing his lip, looked out the window. He hoped that by their next anniversary he had his memories back. Josh turns on the radio. Music fills the car, taking over the silence once again. 

_Deep within my soul_   
_Nothing’s like it used to be_   
_Sometimes I wish I could turn back time_   
_Impossible as it may seem_

They listened to the CD twice more before arriving home. Josh pulls up into the parking garage.

“Home sweet home.” He states as he takes the key out of the ignition. After getting out of the car they get their bags and head up to the building. The elevator ride was quiet. Silence remained between them until they stepped inside their apartment and Josh shouted, “Spooky Jim? Where are you?” His voice full of fake pain and longing. Tyler smiled as Josh got to his knees and looked under the couch. 

“He’s probably asleep in our room.” Tyler says walking over to the bedroom. Flicking on the light he stepped inside. Sure enough Spooky Jim was curled up on their chair in the far corner. As he approaches the animal he picks his head up and stares up at the singer with tired eyes. He yawns showing Tyler his fangs. Tyler lets out a giggle as he picks him up. He arranges the kitten so it was his back. Cradling him like a baby he walks out into the living room. Josh is halfway under the kitchen table. 

“Found him.” Tyler informs him. 

Josh, in his excitement, tries to stand but hits his head rather hard on the kitchen table. He groans as he crawls out. He stands rubbing the back of his head. Tyler reaches up and rubs the sore spot. 

“One of us with amnesia is enough.” 

Josh huffs out a humorless laugh. Tyler offers him the kitten, “Here.” 

“Aw, what a baby.” He looks to the singer, huge grin on display, “Since we’re like his parents whose the mom?” 

“You are.” Tyler says bumping his shoulder against the drummer’s. 

“Mama Tyler sounds better than Mama Josh!” 

Tyler lets out a groan. “Stop it!” He says with no real heat. Josh kisses his temple. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry…Mama.” 

“Do you just want to be the Daddy?” Tyler leans in closer, “You don’t have like, a daddy thing do you?”

Josh blushes more red than his hair. “God no!”

Tyler laughs with an equally red face.

“We spent too much time with Pete and Patrick.”

“I believe it.” After a second thought he adds, “I’m going to call my mom to let her know we’re home or she’ll show up to feed Spooky Jim.”

“Good idea. I’ll call my mom too.” 

Tyler goes into their bedroom, closing the door behind him. He sits down at the foot of their bed and calls his mom. She picks up on the third ring. 

“Hellooo?”

Tyler grins, “Hi mama.”

“Hey baby. How are you?”

“I’m good.” 

“And Josh?”

“He’s great.” 

“How are you holding up, really?”

Tyler cursed mothers for knowing everything. For seeing through the walls their children build up. How does his mother do that through the phone? 

“Um,” He begins, not really knowing what to say. Things are going really well. He and Josh are much closer than they were even before they left to go to Pete and Patrick’s. “I don’t know, honestly. I mean, Josh and me are okay, we’re great. I’m just...” He didn’t know how to continue. “I’m just tired, mama. I want to remember.” His eyes burn as tears fill them and run down his cheeks. 

Kelly coos, “My baby. Do you want to come home? You can stay with us for a few days again if you need to.”

“No,” His voice is thick and wavers. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’m just a little stressed out right now.” 

“I can only imagine. I wish I knew what you were going through so I can help you.” 

“I would never want anyone to go through this.” Tyler all but sobs, looking up at the ceiling as if it had the answers written on it. He hears his mother take in a shuddering breath, as if she’s trying not to cry. “I’m praying for you boys. I just know everything will be okay.” 

Tyler lays back on their bed, letting eyes close. “Thanks mama.” 

“It’s getting late. I’ll let you go. You need rest.”

“I love you. Tell dad I love him too.”

“I love you too. And I will. Bye baby.”

“Bye mama.” He lays on the bed a few more minutes replaying their conversation. 

 

Josh can’t help the smile that finds its way to his face when he hears his mother’s voice. 

“Yes?” 

“Hey mama. Just wanted to let you know we’re home.”

“Okay baby. How was your trip?”

“Great. We had a lot of fun.” He chuckles as he remembers some of Pete’s crazy antics. 

“That’s good. I am glad you two are home safe. How’s Tyler?”

“He’s good. He still doesn’t remember, but we’ve gotten a lot closer. Things are good.” 

It’s silent and he pictures his mother nodding her head, biting her lip as to think of what to say next. “I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you, Joshy. Tyler too. You boys are in my prayers, always. I have faith Tyler will remember soon.”

“Thanks mama.” Josh whispers. Everyone keeps saying that. 

“I love you baby.”

Josh smiles again. He doesn’t know when his eyes filled with stinging hot tears or even why. But he was thankful to hear his mother’s voice. 

“I love you too mama.” His voice is a little thick. 

“My poor baby. Do you want me to come over?” 

“No, I’m fine. Just tired.” 

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Okay. Bye.” 

 

Finally he stands and walks out into the living room. Josh is typing away on his phone, most likely playing a game. He doesn’t look up as Josh walks over and plops down beside him. 

“How’s Mama J?”

“Good. Mama Dun?” 

“Great.”

Tyler nods even though Josh doesn’t see. He lays down, stretching his body out, his feet propped up on the arm of the couch. And lastly he lays his head down on the drummer’s lap. It catches Josh off guard and he finally takes his eyes off his phone. Setting it down he runs a hand over Tyler’s hair and asks if everything is okay. Tyler’s eyes can’t help but to fall shut, the soft touches from Josh relaxing him to the point where he wants to sleep. He hums as an answer. Just like any other time, being with Josh feels natural. Tyler can’t believe just how natural this feels. 

“Do you want to get in bed?”

Tyler, without so much as cracking his eyes, says, “In a little bit.” 

Josh let’s out an airy chuckle. He progresses from running a hand over the singer’s hair to raking his fingers through it. Tyler all but purrs at him. Josh can’t help but to think about how these few moments feel like how things used to be. How he and Tyler were before the accident. It makes his heart feel as if it’s weighed down with lead. But then Tyler reaches over and takes hold of the hand not caressing his hair. He entwines their fingers and Josh smiles, his chest tightening. He looks at the content look on his husband’s face and their entwined fingers resting over the singer’s heart. If he closes his eyes then he can pretend the accident never happened. 

 

“Hey Josh.” Tyler says in slurred voice. Josh picks his head up off the back of the couch. He had almost been asleep and by the sounds of Tyler’s voice so was he. 

“Yeah?” He winces as his voice sounds a little hoarse. 

“Can you tell me more about our anniversary?”

Josh blinks, clearing his vision. Looking down at Tyler he sees the singer gazing up at him expectantly, eyes shining with hope. How could he say no to that? 

“The next day was so sunny. It was hard to believe that it had rained cats and dogs the day before. We walked around town, went into little shops. Everyone was really nice.” Josh thinks back to them swinging their entwined hands back and forth dramatically as people stopped to greet them. “And this sounds like a movie or something, but there was an apple orchard. We went spent half the day there. We picked a basket full and brought them back to the hotel. We gave more than half of them to Mr. And Mrs. Jones, the hotel owners. They were really grateful and gave us a free dinner.”

Josh smiles when he remembers giving them the basket full. Mrs. Jones pulled Tyler into her arms, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheeks. She went on and on about how sweet they were. _Let the boy go for God's sake Mary! You're going to suffocate him!"_ Mr. Jones had teased her. She had glared at him and huffed. But nonetheless she released Tyler, though she began rambling on about how thin he was. That led her to say dinner was on them. He let out a small chuckle remembering Tyler’s face had been covered in lipstick kisses. It had been heck trying to get them all off. 

“That sounds fun.” 

“It was.” 

“Let’s go to bed.” 

“A few more minutes.” Josh squeezes Tyler’s hand. Tyler nods in understanding. Josh needs this. He needs to be able to touch Tyler. Tyler is his drug and he has been going through withdraw these passed couple of months. Kissing, holding, and touching Tyler whenever he wants for years and then having to stop cold turkey has to be hard. He needs his husband’s touch. But so does Tyler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~The lyrics from the title of this chapter is The Pantaloon by Twenty One Pilots. And the lyrics the boys are listening to in the car are Qit Playing Games with My Heart by the Backstreet Boys. I'll go back add the songs the lyrics are from at the end of each chapter.~


	22. Dear friend, here we are again pretending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I have the next chapter planned out and am about to start on it. I'm a little unsure of what to do after that. I know I don't want to end it though. I'll think of something!~

After days of Mama Dun begging to see them(and Josh telling her they needed to get settled in) they agreed to go out to dinner with the Duns. It was nothing fancy, just at Tim’s diner downtown. Walking into the place felt like stepping into a time machine. The floor was white and black checkered, a jukebox stood off in the far corner, the bar stools and booth seats were covered in bright red leather. Pictures of The Beatles, Frank Sinatra, James Dean, and Marilyn Monroe hung all around the place. 

Like a Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan was playing. Even the waitresses were dressed in pale pink dresses with aprons tied around their waists with matching shoes like the _old days_. Tyler had always liked coming here as a kid and was excited when Mama Dun told them to meet them there. 

The couple of times he’s met the Duns since waking up he knows he loved them dearly before his accident. They’re wonderful people, kind, and caring. He even smiles when he sees Papa Dun waving at them from across the diner when they walk in. Walking over to them Tyler instantly pulled into a hug by Mama Dun. After the 10 second bone-crushing hug she moves onto her son. 

Papa Dun shakes Tyler’s hand before pulling him into a hug just as tight as Mama Dun’s. They switch again, Josh’s father hugging him while his mother cupped the singer’s face. She fretted over him and asked if he’d eaten at all while they were gone. Tyler grins widely, “You have no idea how much Patrick fed me.”

“Yeah, mom. Patrick made sure he ate three meals a day and two of everything.”

She seemed satisfied with that and kissed Tyler’s cheek. 

“Let’s sit down.” Papa Dun suggested, letting his wife slide into the booth first. Josh did the same with Tyler before sliding in next to him, their thighs touching. A waitress came by and handed them menus. After taking their drink orders she smiled kindly at them; telling them her name was Betty. 

They talked about their trip, about their friends, and the fun they had. They answered all the Duns’ questions. Tyler was thankful they didn’t ask about him remembering. The Duns knew if Tyler remembered anything at all their son and son-in-law would be jumping at the chance to tell them. There was no point in asking and get their sons sad. This is supposed to be a happy time between the four of them. 

Their drinks came and Betty took their food orders. Tyler’s head began to ache a little after that. It was a dull, throbbing pain. He could live with it until he and Josh could get home and he could take some medicine for it. Just as long as it didn’t get any worse. 

Tyler was entranced by Josh. He was describing something silly Pete had done while they were at their house. His eyes were wide, grin huge, and he waved his hands around animatedly. Suddenly he swung his arms out, his hand hitting Tyler’s class of Pepsi, knocking it over. Cold liquid and ice cubes fell into the singer’s lap. He gasped and quickly stood. 

Papa Dun quickly reached for the napkin dispenser, which was closest to him. He and his wife got to work sopping up the mess on the table while Josh stood next to his husband, hand full of napkins. He kept apologizing profusely as he dabbed at the front of Tyler’s black skinny jeans. Tyler blushed as Josh’s hands brushed over his crotch. 

“It’s fine,” He chuckles nervously, “I’m fine.”

Betty comes jogging over with more napkins. “Oh goodness, let me help!” She squatted down and began wiping up the spilt soda that ran underneath the table. Straightening up a few moments later she glanced over he shoulder she said, “There’s a hand dryer in the bathroom, honey. It should dry that up in a few minutes.” She finished up the mess, hand full of light brown stained, soppy napkins.   
“Here,” Josh’s fingers closed around Tyler’s dainty wrist, “Let’s get that taken care of.”

“It’s fine, really. You don’t have to come. I can do it. Just sit and talk to your parents. I’ll be right back.” 

Josh looked like he wanted to argue and when he opened his mouth Tyler rested his hands on his shoulders. Walking him backwards until the backs of his legs hit the booth. He was forced to sit, and couldn’t help but to smile when he heard Tyler laugh. 

“Sit. I’ll be right back.” 

Tyler turned around and headed for the restrooms. Once inside he looked around noticing nothing has changed since the last time he’d been in there. The same black and white checkered floors, the same pictures of Laurel and Hardy, John Wayne, and Paul Newman. A young man with blond hair was washing his hands at one of the sinks. He gave the singer a small nod with a friendly grin. Tyler returned it before venturing over to the hand dryer. He turned it on before stepping close. 

Glancing back to the man at the sink he saw he was staring over his shoulder at Tyler with a raised brow. Feeling his cheeks heat he stammered, “M-my husband spilt my drink on me.”

Blond man made an O shape with his mouth and nodded. Suddenly the room was filled with music. But not just any music. Tyler stalls, thinking hard about where he has heard it before. It’s instrumental, but violent, almost scary. The man is quickly wiping his hands on his jeans. With semi dry hands he reaches into his pocket to answer his phone. 

It’s at that moment that a searing pain shoots through Tyler’s head. His knees buckle and he grips the sides of the dryer to keep from falling. It’s like watching a movie; a man, no not just any man, it’s Mark. He had a guitar, the end tucked under his chin and he’s acting as though it’s a violin. He stops after a few moments, cracking up too much, Tyler’s laughter joining his. He sees the TV lighting up the darkened living room. He hears a deep voice say, “Previously on AMC’s The Walking Dead…”

His head clears and he realizes he’s panting harshly. There’s a tap on his shoulder and he hears, “Hey, dude, you alright there?”

Blinking away tears he nods and huffs out, “Uh, yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Tyler nods, which doesn’t help the pain in his head. It’s subsided back to the dull ache, but the pain was still there. 

“Okay, um, can I use the dryer real quick?”

Tyler, as if a mindless zombie, steps aside and over to the sink. He tries to swallow around the ever-growing lump in his throat. He barely hears the dryer start back up or even when the guy leaves. Leaning heavily on the sink he stares at his reflection. He’s a bit paler than when he first came into the restroom. He’s greatly confused about what just happened until it dawns on him. It was a memory. Of Mark. Not Josh. His first memory was not of Josh. It feels like the floor gave out from under him, letting him fall into a dark abyss. He’s been in here far too long and he knows it’s only a matter of time before Josh comes in. 

Taking in a few deep breathes he steps out of the restroom. He sees Josh with his head thrown back, laughing at something his parents said. An icy grip found it’s way around his heart and he chokes. Josh catches sight of him and grins widely. Tyler forces a smile and walks over with shaky legs. 

“All dry?” Papa Dun chuckles before sipping his drink. 

“Uh, y-yeah.” Tyler sends him a smile. 

They bow their heads and pray before eating. Tyler nibbles on his fries, not really having an appetite. In fact he wishes he could go back to the restroom and empty the contents in his stomach. 

“You okay?” Josh’s voice is low, soft. Tyler makes eye contact with the drummer. He swallows before saying, “Yeah, why?” 

“You’ve hardly eaten anything on your plate.”

Tyler looks to his plate and sure enough just a small portion of his fries were missing, his burger untouched. Looking to Josh again he leans in, making sure the Duns don’t hear. No need to worry them. They’re too busy engaged in their own conversation anyway. “I just have a headache. Not really hungry, you know?” 

Josh nods, worry etched on his face. Raising a hand a massages Tyler’s temple, his dumb kneading the flesh with just the right amount of pressure. His thumb, after a few moments, moves to the spot right above Tyler’s brow and applies pressure there. He closes his eyes, letting Josh continue. Tyler relaxes for the first time in nearly an hour. 

Just as Josh’s thumb follows the line of his eyebrow the drummer asks, “Do you want to go home?”

Tyler opens his eyes, “No, I’ll be fine.” He forces a smile. 

“I guess sharing a milkshake is out the question then, huh?” Josh jokes. His hand goes to rest on the back of Tyler’s neck, his thumb and fingers working their way into the flesh on either side of his neck.  
Tyler grins and all but slurs, “I can always go for a milkshake.” The pressure in his shoulders lessening with each second of Josh’s fingers. 

“Chocolate?” Josh grins. And Tyler suddenly realizes how much he loves Josh’s smile, the way his eyes scrunch up at the corners. Josh truly is the most handsome man Tyler has ever seen. And how could he end up with someone like Tyler? The thought runs through his head just as another wave of pain hits him. 

“Yeah,” Tyler all but whispers as his body melts into Josh’s. Their sides touching, Tyler’s head resting on the drummer’s shoulder. Josh is warm and smells musky with a hint of mint and something that is completely Josh. It’s intoxicating. And if Tyler wasn’t already dizzy because of his headache then he would be by the smell of his husband. 

There’s a soft click, which makes both men look across the table to Mama Dun who is holding up her phone, horizontal. “Mooom,” Josh groans. 

“I couldn’t resist!” She says, smile on her face. 

Papa Dun rests his hand gently on the top of her phone, lowering it. “Oh leave them alone, dear.” 

She seemed to pout slightly before asking, “Who wants a milkshake?” Tyler and Josh raise their hands. Tyler has yet to untangle himself away from the drummer. And he doesn’t plan to any time soon.   
A milkshake had sounded good at the time but when it arrived Tyler let Josh drink most of it. After a few sips of his straw he was done. When Betty came back by he asked for a to-go box for his meal. They spoke for a few moments more, milkshakes drank. Tyler liked the fact that Josh’s hand never strayed from the back of his neck. His fingers and thumb dug into his flesh, massaging, willing the pain to go away. And sometimes his fingers would just rub gently over the flesh, making Tyler want to purr like a cat. 

It was nice and for a while he forgot about his memory of Mark. In fact he didn’t think about Mark as Papa Dun announced he needed to get home to bed, or when they were saying their goodbyes, when Mama and Papa Dun hugged the life out of him. Come to think of it the car ride home was nice, spent in comfortable silence. It was when they arrived home that it hit Tyler like a ton of bricks.   
He took a deep breath, wanting to calm his racing heart. Josh finished toeing his shoes off by the door, and locking it. Resting a hand on the small of the singer’s back he said, “You go shower,” He took the to-go box from Tyler’s hand, “While I put this away.” 

Tyler turned his head and looked over his shoulder. He said with a smile, “Thanks.” He all but raced to the bathroom, hoping a shower will calm his nerves. 

Once under the hot spray he was disappointed when it didn’t help at all. It’s ridiculous, this whole situation. He’s been praying for over a month that he will begin to get his memories back and now that he has one, he couldn’t be more upset. 

He doesn’t stay in the shower long, even though his mind and body scream for him to. When he comes out into the living room dressed in a pair of black basketball shorts and loose t-shirt, which is most likely Josh’s, Josh stands from the couch. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, think I might step out for a few minutes. Maybe some fresh air will help.” He moves over to the hooks by the door and grabs the hoodie that Josh gave him, the one he’s worn at least once every day for the passed month. 

“Want me to come with you?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll only be gone a few minutes.” He slips into the warmth of the hoodie. It smells like Josh. Tyler’s favorite smell. 

Josh bit his lip, unsure. He didn’t want Tyler out on the street at this time. The sun had set almost an hour ago and with night came a chill. “Okay, well, I’m going to get in the shower. Take your phone.”  
Tyler flashed him his phone before slipping into his shoes. He doesn’t look back at Josh as he hurriedly walks out of their apartment. 

Out on the sidewalk in front of the building Tyler makes a call and with anxiety in his chest waits for the person to answer. “What’s up, Ty? Haven’t heard from you or Josh in forever! How’s Fall Out Boy doing?”

“M-Mark,” Tyler’s voice cracks. He winces; briefly scolding himself. It was all too much and overwhelming. 

“Tyler? Are you okay? Is Josh okay?”

“Tyler swallows harshly before saying, “Um, yeah, we’re both fine. It’s just uh, gosh, my head hurts.” He winces from the pain. “Um, I need to tell you something.” He pauses for a moment wondering where to start. “I remembered something.” 

“Go on,” Mark urges him, the suspense absolutely killing him. 

“Uh, its…it’s you. I remember you and me watching The Walking Dead and goofing around.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad. You scared the heck out of me!” 

“It’s my first and only memory, Mark. I was so sure it would be of Josh.” He says right above a whisper. 

“Is Josh upset? I would have thought he would be shouting it from the rooftops.”

A gust of wind whips against his cheeks and sends a shiver down his spine. He walks over to the wall, on the left of the stairway. “I uh, actually haven’t told him yet.”

“What? How? You two can just look at one another and know what’s going on with each other.”

He leans against the wall before deciding it would be more comfortable to sit. With his back against the wall, one leg stretched out, while the other bent up at an angle, he continued talking. “I don’t know. I’m…I’m scared I guess. I don’t want to disappoint him. He’s already hurting because I don’t remember anything about him.”

“Well, Ty, I’m pretty sure he’ll be happy you’re starting to remember, but I understand why you’re worried.”

“Can I see you tomorrow?”

“Of course. I’ll come pick you up. We’ll just tell Josh we’re doing some super secret Tyler and Mark things.”

Tyler huffs out a laugh, “Yeah. Promise me you won’t tell him I remember you. I’ll tell him soon, when I’m ready.” 

“Anything for you, Tyler.”

Tyler stifles a yawn, “Well, I’ll let you go. Thanks.” 

“No problem. I love you, man.”

“Love you too. Bye.” 

“Bye.” 

He slips his phone back into the pocket of his hoodie and enjoys the night breeze, the town noises. He closes his eyes for just a moment when he hears, “There you are.” He opens his eyes to see Josh   
standing in front of him, still wet from his shower; in a pair of sleep shorts and a hoodie, unzipped halfway. Tyler glanced at his chest for a brief second.

“I looked out the window and didn’t see you.” Josh continues, “I was worried.” 

“Sorry,” Tyler says sheepishly, “I was about to come in.”

Josh nods and asks, “Are you okay?”

“I wish I had a dollar for every time you asked me that tonight.” Tyler teases him. Josh huffs dramatically, playfully, “Well, excuse me for being a good husband.” 

Tyler smiles and hold his hand up, wanting the drummer to assist him. Josh takes it immediately and helps him stand. “Let’s get inside before you get sick, Mister I-Don’t-Dry-Off-All-The-Way-After-Showering.” 

Josh wraps an arm around his shoulders, “Well, you just have to keep me warm then. And if I still get sick then I have you to nurse me back to health.” They walk up the stairs. Tyler holds open the door for the drummer, “Well, what if I decide it was your stubbornness that got you sick and refuse to nurse you back to health.”

Josh walks inside and Tyler follows, “You can’t deny me anything!” He presses the elevator button. “Oh,” Tyler says in a sarcastic manner, “Like you can deny _me_ anything?” 

Josh presses their floor and replies, “True. We spoil each other.” And as if an after thought he adds, “But we work. We’re belong together.” He looks up to the singer, waiting for his reaction. Tyler grins widely, blush on his cheeks, “Josh Dun, did you just say we’re soul mates?”

Josh chuckles, “Not in those exact words, but yes, we are.” He drapes an arm over Tyler’s shoulders and places a kiss to his temple. Tyler loved how the dread, and stressful feelings in his chest were replaced with utter joy and excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~What did y'all think? Tyler has his first memory! More to come soon! Sorry if I disappointed you guys! And you all know the video of Mark being silly during The Walking Dead, right?~


	23. You are out of my mind, you aren't seeing my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Sorry it's been so long! I've had some things going on at home, but everything is just fine now! Just was super busy for a while! I saw TOP for a third time though! And I'll be seeing them next month and next Feb!~

The next morning as they’re eating cereal at the kitchen table Tyler asks, “Do you mind if I go out with Mark today?” He looks down at the floating Oh’s before taking in another spoonful. 

“No, of course not.” Josh swallows his bite of Reese’s ceral as he continues, “You don’t have to ask either. When’s he coming?”

Remembering his text from Mark earlier that morning he replies, “Around 11.” 

Josh nods, “What are you going to do?”

Tyler shrugs. “Not sure, honestly. He said we’re going to do Mark and Tyler things, which actually worries me.”

Josh huffs out a laugh. 

Guilt seeps into his body for not asking Josh to come along. But Tyler needs to speak with Mark alone. 

As if reading Tyler’s mind Josh chuckles, “You know, I do have a life. My world doesn’t revolve around you.” He’s teasing and Tyler flicks an Oh at him. Josh dodges it. 

“I’m your whole world, Joshua!” 

Josh just smiles as he glances down at his half-eaten bowl of cereal. He doesn’t deny it because it’s true. They finish up their late breakfast and while Josh rinses the bowls out Tyler gets dressed. Bye the time Tyler is fully dressed and ready to go Mark sends him a text telling him that he’s almost out front. Making sure he has his phone and wallet he walks out into the living room. Pausing his movie Josh looks up at the singer. 

“Mark here?”

“Yes. Is this _the life_ you were talking about having while I’m gone?” Tyler asks gesturing to the TV. 

“Why yes it is. Is that a problem?” Josh says with no real venom. 

Tyler grins, “I won’t be gone long. That way you won’t be totally lost for long.” 

Josh threw a pillow at him, “Get out of here!” Tyler catches the pillow and throws it back at the drummer, hitting him the head. Just as Josh recovers, getting ready to chuck it back at him, Tyler is opening the door, “Bye Josh!” 

Josh smiles, “Have fun, tell Mark I said Hi.”

“I will!” The door closes, enveloping Josh in complete silence. It’s weird being alone. Josh hasn’t spent time alone in a long time. These passed few weeks he’s always with Tyler, and if he wasn’t with Tyler then he was with Pete. 

Suddenly the door opens and Tyler bounds over to him. Josh opens his mouth to speak, but Tyler bends down and hugs him tightly. He kisses Josh’s cheek. “I forgot.” Grins Tyler. He then leaves again. Josh feels much better about spending some time alone now. 

When Tyler steps out onto the front stairs and sees Mark parked right in front of the building his heart sped up. His nerves were on edge and he may have wanted to run back inside to Josh. His phones buzzes harshly in his front pocket. Taking it out he reads the message from Mark. 

_Are you going to get in the car or just stand there all day? Lol._

Tyler shakes his head and lets out a shaky breath before going over to the parked car. He opens the door and climbs in. When he finally faces Mark he’s overwhelmed with bits and pieces of moving pictures. He remembers Mark filming him in various places, Mark dancing like a fool, he and mark laughing and other similar memories follow. It’s a bit nauseating and he knows lying down would help. There’s a hand on his shoulder that brings him out of his head. 

“Whoa, Ty, are you alright?” His friend’s face in scrunched in concern. 

Swallowing he replies, “Yeah, I’m fine. I just remember more about you.”

“All good things I hope,” He lightly teases, his face still showing worry.

Tyler smiles weakly.

“Do you want me to get Josh?” 

“No!” Tyler says a bit too loudly. “Um, just no. I’m fine. Let’s go.” 

Mark nods silently and takes the car out of park. They go to Starbucks downtown right between a shoe repair shop and a dry cleaners. After getting their drinks they sit outside. Tyler runs his thumbs up and down the brown paper around his Chai Tea Latte. Mark watches with a perturbed look, his Black Iced Tea sit forgotten on the table in front of him. Finally the silence becomes too much for him. “Ty, look, I don’t understand why this is upsetting you so much. You should be happy you’re remembering. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before you remember everything else.” 

It queit for a moment after Mark finishes his short speech. Tyler lifts his drink and takes a long gulp. He winces as it is cold now. He never liked Chai Teas cold. Its hard to swallow. Taking in a shuddered breath, letting it out, he says, “I know. It’s just bugging me. I feel…I don’t know…Guilty? I mean, Josh is my husband. Shouldn’t I remember him first?” 

Mark shakes his head, “You can’t control this, Tyler.” 

Tyler looks at his drink, his hands resting on his knees now. Digging his fingertips harshly into his black jean clad-flesh he states, “It’s just going to be hard to tell Josh. I feel like I’ve let him down in a way.”

Mark wanted to reach out and pull the singer into a tight hug. “You haven’t. He’s going to be so happy you’re remembering things. If you had remembered his brother before him he would have been thrilled.” 

Tyler finally makes eye contact with him, “Really?”

Mark nods a bit too enthusuactically. “Really!”

Tyler gives him a small grin. “I’ll tell him soon.”

“Please do. This will make him really happy. It’s made me want to shout from the rooftops.” Mark smiles toothily at him while Tyler lets a breathy laugh. 

 

Mark drops him off exactly 43 minutes later. 

“Tell Josh I said ‘hey’.” Mark requests once Tyler gets out. 

“I will. Thanks,” Tyler tells him seriously, “For everything.” He plays with the condensation beaded around the bottle of YooHoo he had gotten for Josh. He didn’t know what the drummer liked at Starbucks. Luckily there was a gas station down the road. 

“No problem. I love you, Ty.” Mark said not caring if he sounded lame. 

“I love you too, Mark,” Tyler grins. 

He closes the door and waves as his friend drives off. 

Josh is still in the same spot on couch he was in when Tyler left. Tyler noted he was watching Back to the Future. The first one. Josh turns his head and smiles, “Hey. You weren’t gone long.” 

Tyler pushes himself off the door and walks closer to the couch. “Yeah, we just talked for a bit. I brought you this.” Josh’s smile grows as he takes the offered drink. “Thank you!” He twists the top off. He rolls his eyes into the back of his head and acts almost faint. Tyler chuckles softly. 

“Hey, you weren’t answering your phone, so Mama Jay called me. She invited us out to dinner tonight. I had to talk to her for over ten minutes, reassuring her to fine that it was _such short notice_.” 

Tyler takes his phone out of his pocket and sure enough he has three missed calls from his mom. It was half past 1. Looking back to his husband he asks, “What time?”

“She said be at their house around 5:30. Then we’ll leave there around 6-ish. And _dress nice, but not too nice_.”

“Where are we going?”

Josh shrugs, “Wouldn’t tell me. She wanted it to be a surprise. Go change, get comfortable and sit with me.” He patted the spot next to him on the couch. Tyler gave him a nod before disappearing into their room. He came back a couple moments later in a pair of black basketball shorts and a much looser t-shirt. He joins his husband on the couch and Josh starts the movie over. They finish the first movie before deciding they should begin getting ready to go. 

They arrive at the Joseph’s a quarter to 5:30.They sit down on the couch as Chris engages them in conversation. Kelly appears in the doorway of the livingroom, putting on a pair of earrings. “Hey boys.” 

“Hi mom.” Tyler says with a smile. 

“Hey Mama Jay.” 

She smiles sweetly at them. “I’m almost done. Just need to do my makeup.”

“We might not make it dinner tonight then, boys.” Chris teases, grinning up at his wife. 

She scoffs playfully as she turns to her son, “Wanna come keep me company, baby?”

Tyler pushes himself up and follows her upstairs. He sits on the edge of the bed while she takes her seat on a small white silk covered bench in front of her mirror. “Tell me about your trip.” 

Tyler leans back on the bed, “It was great. Everyone acted as if I had my memories. They didn’t treat me differently, at least, not that I know of. Patrick was a lot of fun. I spent more time with him than Pete.   
Pete was hilarious though. I love them both.”

“That’s nice. Patrick is real sweetheart. And Pete…Is hyper.” Tyler chuckles which makes her smile. “I adore them both. They care about my son, so how I could not I like them?”

Tyler’s eyes widen as he remembers what he’s been dying to tell his mother. “I wrote a song while we we were gone.” 

Kelly stops running a brush over her cheek and glances up at his reflecftion. “Really? Oh, Tyler, that’s wonderful! What is it about?”

The singer glances down at the flower pattern of the beadspread shyly. “I wrote it for Josh.”

“Did you show him?” She wonders aloud eagerly. 

He nods, “Yeah, I sang it for him while I played it on the piano.”

“What did he think? I know he loved it.” 

“He did.” Tyler grins thinking back to how emotional his husband got. 

Kelly goes back to applying blush to her pale cheeks. “I knew he would. If you screamed about how much you love Taco Bell and turned it into a song Josh would play it on repeat.” 

Tyler huffs out a laugh before biting his lip. He debates telling her about Mark. He tells his mother everything and maybe she will add some words of encouragement on top of his friend’s words. He watches his mother carefully apply lipstick. 

“I remembered something.”

Kelly’s hand jerked, making a trail of pale red from the corner of her lips to the middle of her cheek. “What?” She whips around to face him. 

“I remember Mark; times we’ve spent together, conversations we’ve had. I haven’t told Josh yet.” Before she can say anything he continues, “I was upset at first, and I still am a little, because I still don’t remember Josh. I’ve spent almost every minute of every day with him since I woke up. So,” He shrugs, “Shouldn’t I have remembered him first? I almost feel like I’ve let him down in a way. I went out with Mark this morning and he told me Josh will be happy no matter what. And I know he’s right.”

“Of course Josh will be happy you’re starting to remember. This just means you’re going to start remembering more things soon. Oh, Tyler, this is a blessing. Your father I have been praying you would remember soon. I’m so happy. You have to tell Josh soon.” 

“I will. I’ll tell him when we get home tonight.”

Kelly turns back in her seat. Grabbing a tissue she begins to dab the lipstick off her cheek. It smears, turning the skin red. She huffs before getting up and going into the restroom. Tyler hears water running before she comes out dabbing a small handtowel against her cheek, lipstick stain gone. 

“Well, let’s get going. I’ll put my lipstick on in the car. I’m sure your father has driven Josh crazy by now. He was hungry two hours ago.” She jokes. 

Chris suggests they take separate cars so the boys could go straight home after dinner. Josh was relieved because last time they went out Tyler suffered the entire time with a migraine. He wanted to be able to take Tyler home if need be. 

At the restaurant they were seated at a round, white tabled-clothed, table. Tyler sat at close to Josh as he could without it being weird. He probably appeared to be one of those clingy boyfriends, but couldn’t really bring himself to care. A waiter comes by and takes their drink orders. After he leaves Kelly, with her elbows on the table, laces her fingers together and rests her chin over them. “Tell us about your trip. How are Pete and Patrick doing?” 

“They’re great!” Josh begins, “They threw Tyler a party. That was fun.”

“Go on.” Chris urges. 

Josh chuckles as if thinking back about something, “Patrick said that he and Tyler were going to bake a lot of cookies for the party.” His smile widens, “And Pete and I were on the back porch just talking and well, Tyler had been carrying a bowl of brownie batter and slipped with it. Well, it went everywhere.” He chuckles again, “ And well, Tyler snuck up behind me and smeared batter all over my face.” 

“But then Josh went and wiped some on my face!” Laughs Tyler.

Josh looks to him and says, “But then you went and hugged me with your brownie batter covered body!” They get into a fit of giggles while Tyler’s parents watched amused. 

Josh goes onto speak about how Brendan and Dallon fell asleep on a pool floaty and how sunburned they were later on. As he talks Tyler hangs onto every word. He watches Josh’s facial expressions, every crease of his face and every chuckle that escapes his lips. Josh unintentionally hypnotizes the singer. 

Chris catches onto this and nudges his wife, who looks to him and gives him a knowing smile. He keeps nodding, letting Josh know he’s paying attention as his wife discretely gets her phone out. Hidden under the table she quickly opens her camera app. Josh isn’t looking at them as he keeps going on and Tyler is far too interested in the drummer. She takes the pictures in one swift motion and sets her phone back in her lap before either of her boys know it. By the time Josh finishes the waiter comes by with their drinks. 

He then takes their orders and leaves. Tyler and Josh tell the Josephs about their trip all through dinner and a little after everyone’s finished eating. Kelly lets out a small yawn and Chris rubs her back. “Well, boys,” He says, “I guess we should call it a night.” 

Josh nods pulling out his phone and unlocking it. “Yeah, it’s almost 10. We should get home.” He looks to Tyler who nods in agreement. Chris insists on paying for their meals. The boys knew better than to try and argue with him. They walk out together. Chris’ arm around his wife, Tyler’s and Josh’s hands clasped together. 

“Night baby,” Kelly says hugging her son tightly. Chris and Josh shake hands before the older of the two pulls him into a big hug. They switch. Kelly gets lipstick on Josh’s cheek and giggles as she licks her thumb and rubs at the red smudge. He winces, but allows her to do this. Chris hugs his son a bit too tightly. He whispers in Tyler’s ear, “Glad to have you two home.” 

“It’s good to be home.” Tyler tells him. 

They wave at each other before going to their vehicles. It’s quiet on the way home, as both men are worn out from the evening. At home, after they’ve both showered, they settle into bed.   
Josh is scrolling through Instagram when Tyler’s phone buzzes. He sees his mom sent him a text and he quickly opens it. It’s a picture from dinner. Tyler doesn’t remember when it was taken. He didn’t even know she had taken a picture of them. In the picture Josh has hands raised a bit above the table, his mouth open in a toothy smile as Tyler is looking at him like he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. 

Tyler can tell by the picture just how deep his love is for the drummer. It’s scary how a picure can tell so much. The bed shifts besides him and Josh is suddenly so much closer than he had been just seconds before. “I didn’t even know your mom took a picture of us. Can I see?” 

With his heart beating and a flush on his cheeks Tyler hands his phone over. He waits silently as Josh looks at the picture. 

Josh smiles as he looks at the Tyler in the picture. His chest tightens with happiness. He forwards the picure to himself so he could look at it any time he wanted. He hands the phone back over.   
“It’s a good picture.” He states, rolling over onto his side. Tyler settles down in bed and into the same position so they’re facing one another. 

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Josh asks as Tyler says, “I have something to tell you.” 

Josh, a bit taken aback asks, “What is it?” 

“I should have told you sooner. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t want you to be sad or angry.” 

“Oh my God, you’re having an affair with Pete, aren’t you?” Josh’s eyes are wide, but there is humor in them.

Tyler huffs out a laugh. “Definetly not. But Patrick and I on the other hand…”

It’s Josh’s turn to laugh. “I knew it! Okay, sorry. What is it?” 

Fear grips Tyler’s heart and he almost backs out. But instead he continues, “The other day when we were having dinner with your parents, when I was in the restroom, I remembered something.” 

Josh opens his mouth immediately to speak, eyes wide. But Tyler continues, “It was of Mark and me goofing around. And when he picked me up this morning I remembered more about him. I haven’t told you because I’ve been upset about it. I want to remember you so badly it hurts. I’ve spent about every day with since waking up, so I mean, shouldn’t I have remember you first? I’m sorry.”  
It’s silent for a long time. Tyler looks into Josh’s eyes trying to read the emotions there. He can’t. 

“What are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I didn’t remember you instead.”

Josh’s hand finds Tyler’s. Giving it a tight squeeze he says, “Ty, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. This is good. It’s only the beginning. You’ll remember more soon.” He brings Tyler’s hand to his mouth and presses a light kiss to the back of it, never breaking eye contact with the singer. He smiles widely, “This is great. I’m really happy.”

Tyler returns the smile. “Me too.” 

Josh leans over and presses a kiss to his husband’s cheek. His lips linger on Tyler’s skin and Tyler’s eyes flutter close. “Goodnight Tyler.” Tyler shivers as he feels Josh’s breath ghost over his skin. 

“Night Josh.”He whispers. He doesn't fall asleep as soon as he would have liked to. His heart is fluttering something fierce. He liked it when Josh held his hand, kissed it and then kissed his cheek. He can still feel Josh's lips on his flesh. It's almost burning. He wanted more intimate moments like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~This chapter is a couple hundred words shorter than usual. Sorry! I'll do my best to update sooner. And being completely honest, I do not have the next chapter planned. So, any suggestions? I have the ending planned out, but I don't want to rush through the story to get to the end, ya know?~


	24. Now, the night, is coming to an end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Okay, so I saw Twenty One pilots for a fourth time and I already tickets to see them next year!~

The next morning Tyler awoke earlier than Josh. He makes a pot of coffee, pours himself a mug and ventures into the other bedroom. Sitting on the floor he takes out a stack of notebooks, and flips them open. Scanning over lyrics and doodles he sips his coffee. He scanned over thousands of lyrics and notes. He would come across scratched out ones or ones with small notes off to the side like, _keep this,_ or _Find another word for…_

_Am I alive and well or am I dreaming dead?_

_Take me out and finish this waste of a life._

_Well I’m sorry Mr. Guillible, but lying’s all I’ve learned._

_We all are stranger creatures than when we all started out as kids._

There were doodles of skeleton stick figures, an occasional tree and symbols that looked liked his tattoos. Finally after going through a few notebooks he got to his feet and into the living room where they kept the boxes of pictures. Taking a stack out of the middle he rifles through them. There was on of Josh wearing a black sleeveless shirt, with Fall Out Boy crown logo on it. Josh seemed to have stuck white tape across the top and bottom. The top said Panic! At the Disco and the bottom; Houston. He was standing in the doorway, looking quite proud of himself, while Tyler was peaking in the doorway. 

The next few were of them sitting or standing next to one another, talking or laughing. There even a few of them kissing. 

He flipped through some others before he came to a stop. He had yet to see this one. He and Josh were outside. They were both dressed up in black tuxes. Tyler didn’t know he could smile so widely. Josh seemed to be walking towards him, as his right foot is in front of him. It took a second for Tyler to realize it was on their wedding day. In the picture Josh has a hand clasped over his mouth as if in shock. As if to say, “Wow, this is who I’m marrying today.” 

Tyler sets that to the side so he can look at it again later. He continued to flip through pictures before going to back to reading through his notebooks. He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting Indian style on the floor, but he knows it had to have been a while because his back side his beginning to feel numb. 

There’s the sound of a throat clearing. Tyler looks up to see the drummer leaning on the door frame, with a steaming up of coffee in his hand. He looks at the singer with tired eyes, telling Tyler he hadn’t been a wake long. 

“What are you doing?” Josh asks taking in all the pictures and notebooks scattered around his husband. 

Tyler rubs his tired eyes. Too much reading and taking in every detail of every picture. “Just looking through things. Maybe it’ll jog my memory now that I remember Mark.”

“Any luck?” Josh watches him closely as he takes a drink of his hot drink. Tyler shakes his head. “It’s okay,” Josh assures him. He dances around the notebooks and photos to stand in front of his husband. “You need a break. Let’s have some breakfast.” He holds his hands out and Tyler takes it without hesitation. Tyler doesn’t let go even after Josh pulls him to his feet or even when they walk out of the bedroom. 

Josh leans his back against the counter. Tyler watches as Josh’s lips attack the mug in his hand, watches the drummer’s throat. How his Adam's apple bob up and down ever so lightly. The fact that Josh is shirtless isn’t helping. Why is he _always_ shirtless? Josh is fit. _From drumming_ , concludes Tyler. Tyler was too entranced by the drummer that he hadn’t even realized Josh had been talking. 

“Uh, what?” 

Josh grins, setting his mug down on the counter. “I said, _what do you feel like having?_ ”

Tyler physically gulps and almost blurts out, _you_. He thinks he would die of embarrassment if he voiced his thoughts aloud.

“Uh,” He swallows again, “Whatever you want.” 

Shaking his head with a smirk on his lips he says, “Tyler, always indecisive.” 

“I am not!” Tyler says, eating into his husband’s game. 

“Are so!”

“Well, I want…Eggs!”

“Just eggs?” Josh asks clearly amused. 

“…And toast!” 

They look at each other for a good 10 seconds before bursting into laughter. 

“Okay,” Josh says after composing himself. “Fried or scrambled?” 

“You can decide since I chose what we’re having.” 

“Scrambled. That way we can put cheese on them!” Josh’s smile reminds Tyler of a child. It’s refreshing, he decides. 

Josh adds about a pound of cheese to the eggs as he moves them around in the pan. And then when he divides them up on the plates. Tyler makes the toast and puts the jam and peanut butter on the table. Tyler bets Josh will go for the peanut butter instead of the jam. When they sit down and Josh grabs the peanut butter up and unscrews the lid Tyler can’t help the smile that forms on his lips. Josh catches it. “What?”

“Nothing.” Tyler goes for the jam and doesn’t notice the grin on his husband’s face. 

After breakfast Tyler washes the dishes while Josh sits at the table to keep him company. As Tyler turns, drying his hands on a checkered white and blue dish towel, he says, “Will you look at pictures with me?” He liked Josh telling things about each picture. 

Josh looks up from his phone, “Of course.” 

 

“That was at Jordan’s 22 birthday party.” Josh points out as Tyler holds up a picture of them soaking wet and laughing. “We kissed and Zack and Jordan dumped the pitcher of my mom’s lemonade on us.”

“I bet Mama Dun was seething.” 

“She and Mama Jay were, but then they saw it as a great photo opportunity.” 

The next photo has Tyler’s smile faltering. “What’s this one?”

Josh looks and grins sadly. “Oh, Mark took that one. We had just had our first fight.” 

Tyler looked up in shock, “We’ve actually fought before?”

Josh chuckles, “We’re not perfect, even though we come close to it.”

“We don’t fight a lot, do we?” They couldn’t. From everything Josh has told them, from all the pictures he’s seen, he and Josh seem like the perfect couple. 

“Of course not. We don’t really have anything to fight about. That was just coming to the end of the tour and everyone was exhausted and ready to go home to their own beds.”

“What exactly happened?” Tyler wasn’t so sure he wanted to know. Josh made it seem like it was nothing. But Tyler, since waking up, seemed to think he and Josh were perfect. And he doesn’t want that shattered hearing about a stupid fight. But Josh began…

“We weren’t dating at the time. Just friends, band mates.”

_They had been crammed up in the small white van all day and doing a show later that night should have helped everyone feel better. But it didn’t. Tension was thick not only between Tyler and Josh, but between Mark, Michael, Dan and Ben as well._

_“I’ll come by your room after I shower,” Mark tells the boys after the show that night._

_Neither Tyler nor Josh acknowledge him, wanting to shower and fall in bed. Mark just turns and walks towards the room he was going to be sharing with Ben that night._

_Tyler digs in his pockets for the room key. Josh leans against the wall, watching his best friend, irritation rising with each passing second. “Can you, I don’t know, hurry up?”_

_Tyler sends the drummer a glare and says nothing as he continues his search._

_Josh pushes himself off the wall, “You just had the key. Where could you have possibly put it?”_

_"I don’t…”_

_“Hey guys. I have your key. Must have given it to me by mistake when you handed me tablet.”’ Mark says walking over to them. Tyler takes it from him and hurriedly opens the door to their room. They wordlessly go inside. When the door closes they hear Mark, “You’re welcome!"_

_“I call first shower!”’ Josh says to which Tyler throws back his head and sighs. “Fine, just hurry up. You always take too long.” None of them has gotten to take a good shower in days. The tour is coming to an end and months of being cooped up in a small white van with four other dudes, living off fast food and junk, and not being able to shower for days at a time has worn them all down._

_Tyler was so exhausted that he wanted to cry. In fact when he asked Josh not to take so long his eyes were stinging with tears._

_“'I' take too long” Josh says loudly, making Tyler wince._

_Tyler turns to look at him, “Yes, you take too long! And you then don’t dry off afterwards and you get the bed wet!”_

_Josh let’s out a humorless laugh, “Well, I’m not the one that’s always last to the van!”_

_“You always sleep with the lights on!”_

_“You’re a loud eater! Didn’t your mom ever tell you to eat with your mouth closed?”_

_“You’re always on your phone!”_

_“So are you!”_

_“You’re on it more than I am! I have to yell to get your attention!”_

_Just then the hotel phone begins to ring on the nightstand. Both boys look at each other. “I’m not getting it.” Tyler says. Josh crosses his arms over his chest, “Neither am I.”_

_It rings and rings until it doesn’t. They glare at each other in silence until there’s a knock at the door. “I’m not getting it.” Tyler says. “Neither am I.”_

_The knocking continues and then a voice on the other side says, “Excuse me. I’m the hotel manager.”_

_Josh finally breaks and walks over to answer it. A short, Hispanic man is on the other side. He’s young and Josh briefly wonders how he got to be the hotel manager. “Yes?”_

_“I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I got a complaint that there is some yelling going on in your room. Please keep it down or you’ll be asked to leave.”_

_Josh gives him a forced smile, “Yes sir. We’re sorry.”_

_The boys gives a nod and small smile before he leaves. Josh closes the door, leans on it and sighs heavily. Looking out into the room Tyler is nowhere to be seen. Anger flares in him when he hears the shower turn on. He marches over to the door and bangs on it, “Tyler!”_

_“You were taking to long!”_

_“I hate you!”_

_“Feeling's mutual Jish!”_

_Josh groans and plops down on the bed, arms crossed over his chest as he grumbles abut how infuriating his friend is. Tyler comes out a few minutes later, towel drying his hair. “Shower’s all yours. Hope I didn’t take too long.”_

_Josh gets up and shoves passed him. He slams the door shut and winces when he remembers they’re supposed to be quiet. He fumes all through his shower. He hurriedly washes his body and hair, not wanting to prove Tyler right about him taking too long. When he gets out Tyler is laying back on the bed and Mark sitting crisscross at his feet._

_“I’m sure Tyler filled you in about how much of a jerk I am, right?”_

_Mark looks puzzled and glances between his friends. “I don’t know what you’re talking…”_

_“We were talking about the show, Joshua.”_

_“Will you stop it calling me Joshua?”_

_“Okay," Mark says slowly, “What happened?”_

_“Josh is stupid.” Tyler says childishly._

_“I’m the stupid one?” Josh shouts._

_Tyler gets off the bed, “Yes! You are!”_

_“Guys, hey, stop it. You just need some sleep. It’s been a day, a long few days actually.”_

_“Why don’t go ahead and complain about me some more!” Tyler suggests. A horrible lump forming in his throat. He tries to push it down. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Josh when they’re fighting. He’s afraid Josh will call him out on it._

_“You’re the one who started it!”_

_“I was not!”_

_“Was too!”_

_“I’ve never hated anyone before, but you’re coming real close, Joshua!”_

_“I said stop calling me that!”_

_Mark is suddenly between them, holding up Tyler’s phone. “Look at you two!” On the phone is a picture of them. Tyler has his arms wrapped around himself tightly, as if shielding himself. Josh has his hands thrown up. Their eyes show a mixture of anger and hurt._

_“I can’t believe you two.” He sighs, “Get some sleep. You’re just tired. Just hang in there a few more days. The tour is almost over and then we can all go home. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”_

_They say nothing as Mark leaves. Tyler turns and gets into bed, Josh does the same. Tyler lays on his side facing Josh’s back. It’s completely silent for the next five minutes. Josh finally rolls over and faces his friend. Tyler chews on his lip harshly before he breaks the silence. “Hi.”_

_Josh huffs out a laugh, “Hey.”_

_Silence falls upon them once more. They take turns looking at the other and when the other looks up they look away._

_“I’m sorry I showered before you.” Tyler mumbles softly._

_“I’m sorry I called you out on you eating loud. I actually think it's cute.”_

_Tyler blushes and says, “I’m sorry I said you’re on your phone all the time when in reality I’m on mine just as much.”_

_“I like it when you call me Joshua.”_

_Tyler smiles at that. “I don’t hate you. I couldn’t ever hate you."_

_It’s Josh’s turn to smile. “Me neither. In fact, I kinda love you Tyler Joseph.”’ Josh admits and feels the color drain from his face. He does in fact love Tyler more than Tyler will ever know. He laughs softly to let Tyler know he loved him in a no-homo-kind-of-way. Tyler grins, “I kinda love you too Joshua.” Tyler’s heart hammers hard against his ribcage. His feelings for Josh can never be voiced to anyone, including Josh._

Both Tyler and Josh are smiling like idiots when Josh finishes the memory. 

“That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” Tyler admits, looking down at the picture. 

“I told you it was nothing.” Josh assures him.

“Have we fought since then?”

“Yeah, but over stupid stuff like, _Tyler you forgot to buy milk_ , or _Josh it’s your turn to do the dishes _.”__

__Tyler chuckles at that._ _

__They continue to look at pictures for a bit longer. They have lunch that consists of sandwiches and YooHoo. They watch a couple movies, taking a break from going through pictures. They takes turns showering and have dinner. More sandwiches. This time with water. They watch a couple episodes of Criminal Minds before heading off to bed._ _

__It’s 2:03 AM. And Tyler has yet to get any sleep. He and Josh had gone to bed hours ago. Since then he’s laid awake trying to envision Josh being angry at him and vice versa. He finally sighs and gets out of bed. He goes into the other bedroom. He doesn’t turn on the light, because then it would be too bright. So, instead he turns on the lamp on the desk across the room. The box of pictures of tucked safely back on the shelf in the living room, but the notebooks are still scattered all over the floor. He picks one up debating if he should go through some again. He’s too tired to read. He picks them up and stacks them on the desk. Looking around the room his eyes land on the keyboard. Walking over to it he sits down on the stool before it._ _

__His fingers are on autopilot as they run across the keys. Afterwards he sits there his fingers hovering above the keys. He plays it again, but this time he sings along to it._ _

__

__Josh rolls over, his arm reaching out to drape over his husband’s thin waist. Instead he comes in contact with the bed. Picking his head he lets his eyes adjust to the dark room. Tyler isn’t in bed with him. It leaves a sinking feeling in his chest. There’s music playing. He gets up and follows it._ _

__Standing in the doorway he looks into the dimply lit bedroom. His husband is sitting at his keyboard. A lump forms in his throat as he realizes what his husband is playing. Then he begins to sing along and Josh has to do everything in his power to keep his tears at bay._ _

__He stands there in complete silence, listening to his husband play. He hasn’t heard Tyler sing since he wrote Josh We Don’t Believe What’s on TV. That’s too long if you ask Josh. Tyler is always singing, even if it’s softly to himself. He sings in the shower, when he's cooking or getting dressed. He misses it._ _

__As Tyler comes to a close Josh wipes away any stray tears._ _

_____I, will fear, the night again,_  
_Ooooh_  
_I hope, I’m not, my only friend._  
_Ooooh_  
_Stay alive, stay alive, for me._  
_You will die, but now your life, is free,_  
_Take,_  
_Pride_  
_In what is sure,_  
_To,_  
_Die._

__Tyler sits there for a moment trying to recall where he’s heard that song before. He comes up empty. He turns around in his seat, ready to go to bed. He sees Josh and jumps.  
“Oh, God,” He says with a hand on his racing heart, as if it will calm it. “Josh, you scared me. How long have you been there?”_ _

__Josh is staring at him as if he sprouted blue antlers. “Uh, Josh?”_ _

__Josh slowly walks towards him and then he's on his knees in front of him. He rests his hands on Tyler’s thighs, feeling them, praying this isn’t a dream._ _

__“Josh?” There’s a hands in hair. No, it’s not a dream. He’s touching Tyler and Tyler is touching him. The touches feel real._ _

__“W-what were you just playing?” He asks softly, staring at his hands on his husband’s thighs._ _

__“I don’t know. It’s been in my head all day._ _

__“Tyler,” Josh looks up at him, “Babe, that was one of our songs.”_ _

__Josh can all about see the gears turning in Tyler’s head. “Really?” He asks dumbfounded._ _

__Josh nods slowly and gives him a watery chuckle, tears escaping his eyes. “It’s, um,” His voice shaky, “Truce, from our Vessel album.”_ _

__Josh rests in his head in Tyler’s lap, not being able to hold back any longer. He cries. He can’t help it. His husband is remembering. It has to be only a matter of time before he remembers Josh. Tyler, on the other hand, sits in shock, not knowing what to do or say._ _

__When Josh looks up at him again there’s a smile on his face and a tears in his eyes. It finally hits Tyler that he remembered something else. He has to remember Josh soon. It’s only a matter of time. He breaks out of his trance and throws his arms around the drummer, sending them backwards to the floor. Josh chuckles as Tyler buries his face in the crook of Josh’s neck. He inhales the scent that always makes him dizzy before sighing happily._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Dedicated to Sheepcatllama for giving me the idea of Tyler remembering some chords. IS there anything I'm missing or is there anything you want to see in future chapters?~


	25. You’ll think, “How’d I get here, sitting next to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Yay another chapter! I hate to say this, but I think this story will be coming to an end soon...But have no fear! I already have another Joshler story planned! This one will end in a few chapter...I think!~

“I’m really excited,” Tyler says, practically bouncing in his seat. Josh takes his eyes off the road for a split second to smile at his husband. “Me too. It’s going to be fun.” 

It’s the following weekend after Tyler remembered their song Truce. He hasn’t remembered anything else, but neither were complaining. Tyler has made progress and they were thankful for that. Their church is holding a carnival at the fair grounds. It’s a vacant lot for such occasions. The fair is for no reason, just to have fun. The money they would raise would be used for the church. Tyler and Josh and their families are running booths along with other volunteers from the church. 

Josh pulled up to the lot and parked. Before he evens gets out Tyler is there waiting for him. He grabs the drummer’s hand, “Come on!” Josh laughs at him as he is dragged towards the sea of rides and booths.

“Tyler! Josh!” They look up to see Kelly waving them over from a booth by the entrance. There’s a huge, neon colored sign that read, “Tickets” along with the prices underneath it. When they walk up she smiles brightly at them, “Hey boys.”

“Hey mom. Where’s dad?”

“He’s running the cotton candy booth.” She rolls her eyes with a small, playful smile on her lips. “He’s going to eat himself sick. On break I’ll have to drag him over to eat some real food.” 

Josh smiles widely, because it reminds him of something Tyler would do. She looks to Josh, “Your mother has the hotdog and burger booth, while your father the funnel cake.” Before they can comment she says, “You two are just like your fathers, always eating sweets and junk. Go see Zack, at the um, um,” She waves her hand around, trying to recall what the ride was. “That one, the tall one.” She points behind her at the tall, skinny one.

“The Drop Tower?” Josh asks. 

“Yes! That one! He’ll show you two what you’ll be doing. Fair opens in 20. So, hurry!” She ushers them inside. 

“Hey, Ty,” Tyler looks to him. “Yes?”

“Beat you to Zack!” He takes off running and Tyler looks after his retreating form in shock for a second before he takes off running. Josh beats him to the ride. Zack raises a brow at him, until Tyler coming and jumps on Josh, sending them to the grass. 

“Still beat you,” Josh breathes.

“Yeah, well, you cheated.” Tyler says getting to his feet and brushing off any loose grass. 

Josh chuckles at him and hold his hand out. Tyler turns his head, playful smile on his lips and walks over to his brother, ignoring his husband. Josh’s smile just grows and he pushes himself to his feet. 

“Hey bro,” Zack says as they hug. 

“What’s up?”

“You,” He looks over his clipboard, “Have the Carousel. And Josh you have the ball toss.”

“The what?”

“You throw a baseball and try to knock over the bottles.”

“Yeah, bro, I don’t know anything about Carousels.” Tyler admits, feeling silly. But, really, that’s not everyday information. 

“Just go over to the Carousel and there will be someone there to give you instructions.”

Tyler nodded, “You got it!”

They walk away from the younger Joseph. “I guess, I’ll see you later.” Tyler says. 

“Yeah, we’ll meet up for lunch.” Josh steps forward and presses a kiss to the singer’s cheek before they go off in separate directions. Tyler easily finds the Carousel. It’s made to look like an old circus. The lights are bright even in the day light and the music is loud, obnoxious, but feel-good carnival music. You can choose to sit on a lion, zebra, elephant, tiger, alligator, a horse, there was a bench to look like a swan that could easily fit three people. 

There’s older man behind the control panel. Walking over he says, “Uh, yeah, I was told to come here.” 

“Oh, okay,” The old man’s voice is raspy from years of smoking. “You turn this here key,” He instructs, “Pull this lever, and right here are the speeds. The speed should always be low, never medium or high. Do you need me to repeat the instructions.”

Tyler says yes. A sudden anxiety sweeping over his body at the thought of handling a machinery kids and parents would be riding on. The old man walks him through two more times. He finally laughs and pats Tyler on the back, “You’ll be fine, son.” Tyler hopes so, for the kids’ sakes. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. He hears a, “Tyler!” Opening is eyes he follows to where the sound comes from. He sees Josh waving to him from a booth just across the way. His ride and Josh’s booth were no more 10 feet from each other. 

Tyler huffs out a laugh. He knows Zack did that on purpose. Smiling, he waves. It’s not long before people are piling into the fair. Both men get busy attending to their jobs. 

After an hour Josh looks up and over to his husband, who is weaving in and around the moving carousel and making the kids giggle. He can’t help but to notice how easy it comes for Tyler to entertain people. He watches him jump off and stop the ride, making sure everyone got off okay before letting more people on. 

He’s brought out of his staring – or he would rather call it admiring – by the loud sound of a baseball crashing through the metal bottles. A young man smiles proudly as his girlfriend looks at him like he’s king of the world. 

“Since you knocked all the bottles down, you can choose one of the big ones.” 

The man looks to his girlfriend, “Which one, babe?” 

“That one,” She points to the bright pink gorilla. Josh takes it down and hands it to her. And they walk off. Maybe Josh should try to win something for his husband. He can never get enough of that face Tyler makes when he’s excited about something. 

 

Tyler is about to start up the ride again when he hears a familiar voice, “Room two more?”

He looks with a huge smile, “Jenna?” The said girl is standing there in white shorts and a yellow tank top. Half of her shoulder-length blonde hair was put up. She has a toddler on her hip. He moves out from behind the control panel and hugs her. 

“Whose this?” He bends down to the toddler’s level. 

“My niece, Mercy.” 

“Hey Mercy.” Mercy, what a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. She’s in a yellow, like Jenna. The yellow clothes rests nicely against her dark skin.

“Is there room for us on the ride?”

“Yeah, I don’t think there’s anyone on the swan. Let me check.” He goes and looks to see no one on the bench. He motions for them come over. She sits down and says, “Thanks Tyler,” before he ventures off. He starts up the ride before jumping on it. He weaves in between the kids and adults sitting on the hard plastic animals. He makes them laugh by telling cheesy jokes. 

“How do all the oceans say hello to each over?” He asks loudly. 

The kids beg for the answer.

“They wave!”

The kids giggle while the adults smile. 

“What do you call a bear with no teeth?” He gives them a moment of silence, building the suspense. “A gummy bear!” 

Another wave of laughter sounds and he can’t help but to grin. He had felt the need to sing to the kids, but decided against it. The only people who have heard him sing since waking up are Josh and Patrick. Looking at his phone he looks at the time before jumping off to stop the ride. 

“I’ll come back by later.” Jenna tells him as she exits the ride. 

“Please do. It’s good seeing you.” 

She grins and smiles before stepping over to hug him with her free arm. 

“You too, hun.”

“Bye Mercy.” Tyler says and she giggles, kicking her feet out. 

He waves after them. 

Josh watches from across the way. He doesn’t feel that horrible feeling of jealously in his chest like he did back at the party. He wasn’t so much as jealous, as he was scared Tyler would leave him for Jenna. But since then Tyler has assured Josh he would never leave him. Josh feels silly for ever thinking that. His grin widens when Tyler turns to look at him and waves enthusiastically. 

 

A good two or so hours later both men are relieved from their shift for lunch. 

“Hey honey, how was work?” Josh says wrapping an arm around the singer’s shoulders and pressing a kiss to Tyler’s temple. 

Tyler plays a long, “Good. I saw Jenna, you remember Jenna, don’t you, dear?” He brings his hand up to entwine their fingers together. 

“Of course I do, honey. How is she doing?”

“She’s fine. Such a sweetheart. She had her niece with her, dear.”

"That's nice. Are you hungry, honey?"

"Always, dear." 

They crack up, reminding each other of some 50’s sitcom couple. They each get a hotdog and share nachos along with a coke. They’re chowing down when Zack and Jordan join them. They all eat together and talk about their day. 

“Tyler!” Said man turns to see Jenna rushing towards their table. “I’m so glad I found you! Will you please watch Mercy for me? I have a situation.” She quickly hands the little girl to Tyler and it was then that he saw she was covered in a red substance. 

“I got a large icy and Mercy bumped it and it just went everywhere!” 

“Yeah, I got her. Go take care of that.”

She manages a small smile before she runs off. 

“Hey Mercy,” Zack says leaning across the table to let her grab his thumb. They go to the same church as Jenna and her family. 

“She’s so cute,” Josh comments playing with one of her pigtails. 

They play with her for a few minutes before Jenna comes back, her yellow shirt stained down the front from top to bottom. “Guess I’m gonna have to take Mercy home early. I’m getting stickier by the second.” 

“You want my shirt?” Tyler asks and she raises a brow at him. He has a black t-shirt with a gray short-sleeved button up over it. 

She contemplated it for a second, biting her bottom lip. “No, it’s fine. You’re always bailing me out and giving me shirts.”

“That was one time and it was my fault.”

“Okay, fine. I don’t like being sticky. I appreciate it. I’ll take your black one. Your mom always is telling me how you wear too much black.” She giggles at him. She could have easily just taken his outer one, but it's fun to mess with Tyler. 

Standing he hands Mercy to Josh and takes off his outer shirt before taking his second off. Jordan whistles. As he gives the black shirt to Jenna Zack teases, “It’s not like this is a church event or anything, bro.”

“It’s not like I’m taking dollars, Zack.” Tyler jokes. He finishes up. When he sits back down next to his husband he’s holding out a dollar. Tyler blushes and doesn’t need to look up to see Josh is smirking at him.

“I’m keeping it!” He says as he grabs it from him. 

“Oooo, one whole dollar,” Zack says sounding bored as he rests his chin on his fist, “Don’t spend it all in one place, big brother.” 

Jenna goes to change shirts and comes back a few minutes later. It’s a little big on her, but she still manages to pull it off. In fact, it looks better on her than it did on Tyler, Tyler decides. “Thank you so much, Tyler. You’re a saint.” 

Josh holds Mercy out to her. She gurgles and kicks her feet out when Jenna smiles at her. She takes her and sets the toddler back on her hip. “Thanks again, Tyler. You’re a life saver. We’ll come back by the carousel later. Mercy liked that.” 

“I think you enjoyed it more than she did.” Teases Tyler. 

With her free hand she shoves at his shoulder. “So what if I did?” Just after she shoves she starts feeling his shoulder and upper arm. “Uh, Jenna?”

“My God, you’re so thin! When I come by to drop off your shirt I’ll bring you some of my cooking.” 

The other three men chuckle as he waves Jenna’s hand off of him. “Everyone has been making me eat two of everything.” 

Her face lit up, “Oh, I’ll bring you some of my dessert I made. It’s at the dessert booth. My Nana is working it. I’ll be back.” She leaves before he can stop her.

Looking to Josh he says, “I’m not that thin, am I?”

“You’ve lost weight, but you’re gaining it back. Don’t worry.” 

Just a few minutes later Jenna comes back with a plate of brown and white slop on a paper plate. “Here,” She set it down in front of him and all four men try to mask their disgusted faces. 

“I want you to eat all of it.” 

“Jenna, I’m fine, really. I’m full.” 

“I’m not leaving or letting you leave until I see you take a bite.” She steps forward and hands Mercy to Josh again. She picks up a spoon full and holds it out to him. 

“What is it?” He winces. 

“I’m not sure. I found it on Pinterest. It said it was chocolate surprise. I decided to try something new.” 

“Just take a bite, man.” Zack says. “Jenna’s a great cook. I always look forward to her food at church get togethers.” 

Tyler scowls at him. He knows Jenna is great cook, but this looks like she dug it out of a ditch. He hesitantly opens his mouth and she shoves the spoon in. 

“Do you like it?” She asks, her voice full of hope. And even though he can’t bring himself to swallow the substance in his mouth, he can’t hurt her feelings, so instead, he just nods.

“Mhm.” 

She smiles brightly, “Oh good! Well, you eat all of it! I’ll see you guys around!” She takes Mercy from Josh once again. 

As soon as she’s out of hearing range Tyler brings his hand to hover over his mouth, “Napkin!” His word was muffled as he tries to say them around the _thing_ in his mouth. 

The three men laugh loudly. Zack beats on the table as Jordan throws his head back and clutches his aching stomach muscles. Josh scrambles to reach between their brothers and grab napkins. He winces, with a smile on his face as Tyler spits in the a wad of napkins. He throws them down in the tray his hotdog had been in and reaches for another. Tyler even wipes his tongue off. Josh hands him their shared Coke. Tyler takes it gratefully and guzzles it. 

“You okay?” Josh asks, smile still present on his lips. Tyler just shakes his head, _no_. Josh reaches over and rubs the spot between his husband’s shoulder blades. 

Zack finally catches his breath and wiping away a tear he says, “Okay, well, break’s over. I’ll see you guys later.” He stands, trash in hands. Swinging his legs over the picnic table bench, he throws his trash into a bin on the way over to his ride. 

“Yeah, I need to get back too. Those corndogs aren’t going to sell themselves.” Jordan comments as he gets up. With a wave he’s gone. 

Josh stands, popping his back. “Yeah, we should get back too.” Tyler nods and they walk to their stations together. 

They spend the rest of the day attending to their assigned jobs. They, every so often, would wave to one another as they worked. 

With the sun setting they’re relieved. They meet up in the middle of the walkway. 

“Ready to have some fun?” Josh asks to which Tyler replies, “I don’t know. Are you going to win me something?” He’s joking. But Josh makes it his mission to win his husband a prize of some sort. 

Dozens of attempts and forty dollars worth of tickets later Josh manages to win Tyler a small, very small, lion stuffed animal. It fit in Tyler’s hand. Josh looked at it, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassed. 

“I’ll go get more tickets –”

“No!” Tyler says immediately, “It’s okay, really. I wouldn’t to lug around one of those huge purple elephants anyway. I love this.” Tyler grabs hold of the drummer’s hand, “Come on,” He tugs him in the other direction. Josh, without question, follows. 

“Where are we going?”

“The Ferris Wheel.”

Tyler weaves them around the crowd until they’re standing in line for said ride. It’s huge, and bright, lights flashing. They get seated in a white and blue cabin. They sit in silence for a few minutes while everyone boards the ride. 

When it slowly begins to turn Tyler grips onto Josh’s hand in excitement. It goes around fully once. The second time round their cabin is just one from being at the top. Closing his eyes Tyler enjoys the slight breeze, the night chill, and Josh’s warmth on his left side. Josh takes in every inch of his husband’s face. He looked so at ease. 

“Tyler?” Josh whispers. 

“Hm?” Tyler replies, eyes still closed. 

“Will you sing to me?” 

This makes Tyler open his eyes. He looks to Josh, a blush already on his face. He wants to say, _no _, because he’s still so self conscience. But when he looks into Josh’s pleading eyes Tyler knows he can’t deny Josh anything. He nods, swallowing thickly. He begins the first song that comes to his mind. The original is upbeat and loud, but Tyler’s voice soft and angelic.__

____Oh yeah I tell you somethin’_  
 _I think you’ll understand_  
 _When I say that somethin’_  
 _I want to hold your hand_  
 _I want to hold your hand_  
 _I want hold your hand.”__

__Tyler’s not sure why he chose this song. He listens to a lot of older music like the Beatles. Along with Elvis and Dean Martin. But as he gets further into the song he feels like it fits how he feels._ _

_____“Oh please say to me_   
_You’ll let me be your man_   
_And please say to me_   
_You’ll let me hold your hand_   
_Now, let me hold your hand_   
_I want to hold your hand.”_

_____“And when I touch you_   
_I feel happy inside_   
_It’s such a feelin’ my love_   
_I can’t hide_   
_I can’t hide_   
_I can’t hide.”_

__Josh holds onto Tyler’s hand tightly. He watches his husband’s face closely. He watches his husband’s wind whipped cheeks, his lips moving ever so slightly; plump and red. Josh can’t love this man more than he already does at this moment._ _

_____“Yeah, you got that somethin’_   
_I think you’ll understand_   
_When I say that somethin’_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand.”  
 _“And when I touch you I feel happy_   
_Inside_  
 _It’s such a feeling that my love_   
_I can’t hide_  
 _I can’t hide_  
 _I can’t hide.”__

_______“Yeah, you’ve got that something_   
_I think you’ll understand_   
_When I’ll feel that something_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand.”_

___When he finishes Tyler grins, looking away. But Josh hooks his finger underneath his husband’s chin, making Tyler meet his gaze._ _ _

___“Here.” Tyler realizes then that Josh is holding out Tyler’s wedding ring._ _ _

___He’s already shaking his head, “Josh –”_ _ _

___“Tyler, please wear it. It’s yours.”_ _ _

___“Josh, no, I don’t deserve it.” Tyler doesn’t deserve to wear it. Josh gave that to him as a way of sealing their love for one another and letting everyone know it. Tyler cares for Josh, more than anything else in this world, but he doesn’t remember their life together. He told himself and Josh that he would ask for the ring back when he remembers. He hasn’t yet._ _ _

___Josh is cupping Tyler’s face in his hands. “Baby boy, you do deserve it. You deserve so much. I know you don’t remember me, I know that. But you love me, I know you do. And I love you, so much.”  
There’s so much raw emotion in the drummer’s voice. It makes Tyler feel so many things at once. Josh makes Tyler feel a lot of things. _ _ _

___A tear escapes down his cheek and Josh swipes it away softly with his thumb. “I love you.” Josh whispers, knowing if Tyler doesn’t say it back right now it’s okay. He’ll remember soon and say it then. He’s leaning in closer and Tyler does nothing to stop him._ _ _

___Tyler closes his eyes, waiting for Josh’s lips to brush against his own. Instead a loud CRACK sounds in the sky above them. They pull away from one another and look up. There is more cracking sounds, followed by popping._ _ _

___The fireworks are green. More sound off. Those are purple. They’re followed by reds, blues, and pinks._ _ _

___After watching a few they look to each other and smile. “I’ll wear it.” Tyler says and Josh’s smile grows. Josh opens his mouth to speak, but Tyler continues, “I don’t know remember loving you. But I know I do. I love you, Josh.”_ _ _

___It’s as though a firework erupted in Josh’s chest. He holds his hand out. Tyler rests his hand on his palm. Josh slides the black band on his husband’s ring finger. A lump forms in his throat at the sight of it. Back when Tyler was in the hospital he was afraid he would never see this ring on the singer’s finger again._ _ _

___The metal is cool against Tyler’s already cold skin. After a few moments of them both looking at the ring they entwine their fingers tightly. Tyler then moves over so that their sides are pressed together and he lays his head on Josh’s shoulder._ _ _

___For a while Tyler looks up at Josh as he watches the fireworks. There’s an excitement on his face that reminds Tyler of a kid in a candy store. But that might be because Tyler agreed to wear the ring. It brings a soft smile to his face._ _ _

___Glancing down he looks at the black band on his finger, glinting as the fireworks overhead sparkle. Tyler decides he should have agreed to wear it long ago when Josh first asked. He also decides he loves the look of it on his finger._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Well, I'm excited to start the new Joshler. It's an AU and I don't think it's been done before. I hope y'all like it! I'll probably post the first chapter some time after this one comes to an end.~


	26. I can feel your breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Oh goodness, guys. I'm back! My creative writing class has kept me so busy that by the time I'm finished doing the work for it I don't feel like writing. I've been steadily working on this chapter off and on for weeks now. I'm really sorry for the long wait. Forgive, my beauties!~

It’s been a couple of weeks since the carnival. And Tyler has yet to remember anything else. Tyler has tried not to let it get to him, but it does. Josh has been Tyler’s light, always shining with hope. When Josh asks if he remembers anything Tyler hates himself for having to tell his husband _no_. Josh would always pull him into his arms, kiss his forehead and say, _Its okay, baby boy. It’s just a matter of a time._

Tyler was getting really sick of hearing that. He woke up from his coma _months_ ago. And that’s all he’s heard since. Not to mention he still only remembers Mark and one of their songs. It frustrates Tyler so much he wants to cry. And he does sometimes when he’s alone. When he’s in the shower or laying in bed at 3 AM plagued with so much anxiety he can’t think straight. 

He’s looked through every notebook, read every page, and looked at every single photo millions of times. He’s even tried to read between the lines of his notebooks. He’s wearing himself out mentally and just when Tyler is about to break, Josh swoops in and rescues him. 

He’s sitting on the floor in the living room with a notebook out in front of him, mumbling to himself as he takes in the lyrics and doodles. He’s about to start ripping his hair out when Josh comes in from their room and kneels down in front of him.

Tyler looks up at him with bloodshot eyes. “Babe, take a break.”

“I can’t.” Tyler shakes his head as he looks back down at his notebook. Josh then closes the notebook and picks it up. 

“Josh!” Tyler whines resting his forehead on the carpeted floor. 

“Tyler, come on. You’ve been at this hours. You’re doing more damage than good. Take a break.”

Tyler scrambles up, sitting back on his knees, “I haven’t remembered anything else, Josh. There’s still so much I need to remember and…”

Josh brings a hand up, covering Tyler’s lips. “Hey,” He says softly, “It’s okay. It’ll be okay. It will all come back to you. Stop stressing yourself out. It’s not good.” 

Josh gets up and sets Tyler’s notebook on the shelf that holds their books and music. He then selects a CD and pops it into the player. He walks back over to his husband. He hold his hand out just as the music starts. Tyler takes hold of the outreached hand. Josh pulls him to his feet. Josh rests his hands on Tyler’s hip, his finger tips resting on the small of his back. Tyler reaches up and wraps his arms around Josh’s neck, entwining his fingers together on the nape of Josh’s neck. 

_Wise men say only fools rush in_  
_But I can’t help falling in love with you_  
_Shall I stay_  
_Would it be a sin_  
_If I can’t help falling in love with you._

Josh chose this song specifically. It’s _their_ song. It holds so much meaning to both of them. And he’s hoping it would jog something in Tyler’s mind, but in a less stressful way. He thinks it’s a better method than what his husband has been doing. 

These passed few months have been hard not only for Tyler, but for Josh as well. Especially these passed couple of weeks. Sure, he’s happy Tyler remembered Mark, and Josh about died of happiness when he awoke in the middle of the night to see his husband playing one of their songs. But at the end of the day, Tyler still doesn’t remember _him_. 

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
_Darling so it goes_  
_Some things are meant to be_  
_Take my hand, take my whole life too_  
_For I can’t help falling in love with you_

“You’ll remember soon. I know you will.”

“You keep saying that. Everyone keeps saying that.” Tyler can’t bring himself to look into Josh’s eyes.

“I know. But I know you will.”

“I feel like a failure.” Tyler admits out loud. 

“Tyler Robert Joseph, uh Dun!” Josh shouts appalled his husband would ever think such a think. Tyler winces, but it’s the truth. Tyler continues before Josh can. 

“I don’t mean to feel like this, Josh. It’s just that I’ve only remembered Mark and one song since waking up. I’m trying not to lose hope, but it’s hard.” 

“Just don’t you ever think that! We’re a successful band, because of you! You’ve overcome so much; depression, suicidal thoughts. I thank God everyday for giving me such a wonderful husband. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better. I love you and I know you’ll remember soon.” 

“I’m sorry.” Tyler finally looks at his husband and as if his eyes are windows to his soul Josh sees everything. He sees the stress, the hurt, the fear. 

Josh just pulls him closer, their bodies pressed together almost painfully. He tightens his arms around him as does Tyler. 

“Don’t ever be sorry.” He mumbles into Tyler’s hair. “It’s going to be okay.” He says, not only trying to reassure himself, but his husband as well. 

_Like a river flows_  
_Surely to the sea_  
_Darling, so it goes_  
_Some things are meant to be_  
_take my hand,_  
_Take my whole life, too_  
_For I can’t help falling in love with you_  
_For I can’t help falling in love with you._

They stay like that for a long time, not moving to the music, just embracing one another. After a while they begin to sway along with the music. Tyler notices the song is on repeat, which is fine by him.

Later that night when Josh is in the shower Tyler lays in their bed thinking back to earlier that day. He can’t help but to smile at the memory of him and Josh dancing. Josh can always cheer Tyler up, give him hope. Josh makes Tyler feels things he never thought he would. He is always there to pick Tyler up when he’s down, to assure him that things will be okay. Not to mention Josh is the sweetest person on the planet. At that moment he decides that Josh is the best husband in the world. 

Meanwhile Josh is letting the scalding water run over his shoulders. Tyler hasn’t the only one that’s been feeling like a failure. He tries to put on a strong face, tries to be all smiles and reassurances. It’s exhausting and he wishes he could be the perfect husband. He tries. But the truth is, all he wants to do is breakdown and cry. Which he did the other night when he showered. Taking in a shaky breath he turns, closing his eyes to let the water fall on his face. He says a silent prayer before shutting off the water and stepping out. 

He dresses and steps out into their room. When he sees Tyler laying in their bed, on his phone the sadness he’s been feeling goes away. A warmth spreads throughout his body, a smile finding its way to his lips. Tyler looks up from his phone and grins, “What?”

Josh silently walks over to the bed and plops down on the singer, making sure his entire body covered the other man’s. “Josh!” Tyler Shouts, “You’re wet!” Josh then brings his face closer to Tyler’s. Tyler stops and swallows thickly. Josh’s hair then begins dripping onto Tyler’s cheeks. “Josh!” Tyler laughs. 

Josh shakes his head, water droplets flying all over the place. Tyler, with all the strength he can muster, shoves Josh as hard as he can. Josh falls off the edge of the bed and onto the floor with a loud thud.  
Tyler rolls onto his side and peers over the edge of the bed. He begins laughing when Josh looks up from his spot on the floor. Josh quickly grabs Tyler’s arm and yank on it, making Tyler roll off the bed and right on top of the drummer. 

Tyler is grinning down at the drummer. Josh is looking at the singer as if he was the only person in the world. Tyler reaches up and brushes Josh’s wet hair away from his forehead. 

“I know that all of this is just as hard for you as it is for me.” Tyler begins. “And you’re doing your best to be strong for me and that makes me love you so much more.”

“It is hard,” Josh admits, rubbing a hand up and down Tyler’s side lovingly, “But we’ll get through it together. Don’t lose hope.”

“Just,” Tyler grins with a sad undertone, “don’t give up on me.” 

“Never.” Josh promises. 

 

Tyler lays awake that night. Another sleepless night. Even with all of Josh’s kind words and reassurances earlier the pressure to remember is still weighing him down. As if he were trapped in a room with no windows or doors and the walls are closing in on him. He sighs heavily into the dark. 

“Ty?” He hears besides him. “You awake?”

Tyler hums in confirmation. He feels the mattress move next to him and even thought it’s dark he knows Josh is facing him. Tyler rolls over onto his side, facing him. “Why are you awake?” He finds himself asking. 

“Just,” Josh says slowly, “Couldn’t sleep. You?”

“Me neither.” 

There’s a few moments where neither men spoke, the only sound was their breathing. 

“Make me go to sleep.” Josh says suddenly.

Tyler huffs out a laugh, “Okay, Joshua, how do you expect me to do that?” 

“I don’t knooow,” He whines playfully. “Think of something.”

Tyler laughs again. His husband is ridiculous. “Count sheep.”

It was Josh’s turn to laugh. “That never works!”

“Close your eyes and count backwards from a hundred.” 

“That doesn’t eitheerrr!” He whines again. 

“Well, then, I don’t know!” Tyler’s face begins to ache at how much he is smiling. 

“Sing to meee or like rub my hair.”

“Rub your hair?”

Even in the dark he can tell Josh nods his head in a child-like manner. “Yeah, like, run your fingers through my hair.”

“Did I,” Tyler swallows thickly, “Used to do that?”

“Yeah,” Josh says softly. 

“Okay,” Tyler sits up against the headboard. Josh sits up as well, but takes his pillows and offers them to his husband so he would be able to prop up more comfortably. Josh then lays his head in the singer’s lap. Tyler hesitantly raises a hand and keeps it in the air for a moment before raking his fingers through the dyed-red locks. He repeats the action again and again. Josh exhales, completely relaxed. And Tyler wishes he could see his husband’s face; his handsome features, now at ease. 

“Is this okay?” Tyler whispers. 

“Perfect,” Breathes the drummer. 

Tyler nods even though his husband can’t see him. He guesses it was more of a nod for himself. As if to say, _Yes, everything is fine. We’re not perfect, but we’re okay._

Tyler doesn’t know how long they stay in this position, but looking towards the window he can see strip of the outside world through the curtains. The sun isn’t coming up. Nowhere near coming up. But instead of the dark, black sky, it’s a bit lighter. A sign that the sun will come up in a few hours. 

His eyes ache, and his head feels heavy. Taking a deep breath his chest feels a bit tight, as do his muscles. He’s going to be stiff later, but he can’t bring himself to move in fear of waking the other man.  
Fumbling around lightly he finds Josh’s hand resting on his abdomen. He laces their fingers together. With that done, he leans back against Josh’s pillows and falls asleep.

It’s late morning when the drummer cracks his eyes open. Through the slits of his eyes he sees his husband sleeping above him. He opens his eyes completely. He realizes his head is still in Tyler’s lap. His husband is propped up on a few pillows, his head thrown back, mouth opened slightly. 

A streak of guilt goes through him, knowing Tyler’s neck is going to be stiff. He carefully sits up, and faces his husband on his knees. Sliding a hand under the singer’s back he props him up and slides the couple of pillows out from under him. He then drags Tyler's body down the bed a few inches and lays him back down on the bed. He notes that Tyler is really out, and smiles to himself. Getting off the bed he barely misses stepping on Spooky Jim who is looking up at him with big green eyes. Josh bends down and scoops him up in his arms. 

“You hungry, boy?” He coos as he rubs his cheek against the kitten’s head. “Let’s let Mama sleep a little.” He grins widely at his joke as he walks from the room. 

When he awakes Tyler’s throat and mouth are as dry as the Sahara Desert and it’s very difficult to open his eyes. He almost slips back into sleep, except the need to use the restroom was far too great. Opening his eyes he stares at the ceiling for a good while before looking to his right. Josh wasn’t there. And he knew he didn’t fall asleep in this position. Josh must have moved him to be more comfortable. 

Sitting up he winces and brings a hand up to massage his neck. It hurt something awful, not to mention the stiffness of it. Taking a deep breath he lets it out before swinging his feet up off the side of the bed. He stands and goes over to the bathroom.

After he finishes up in the bathroom he all but stumbles to the living room, still drunk with sleep. Josh is on the couch, watching the Walking Dead. He quickly pauses it and looks to his husband. He smiles as he takes in the sight. Tyler stands there in his blue and black plaid pajama pants loose and too long for him, his white t-shirt too large for his thin frame, his hair tousled and his eyes still heavy with sleep. 

“Morning Sleeping Beauty.”

“What time is it?” Tyler’s voice is raspy from lack of use. 

“Almost noon. What time did you go to sleep?”

Tyler walks further into the living room, he brings a hand up to the side of his neck and rubs his. “Um, I dunno. The sun wasn’t quite up yet. It was still pretty dark out.”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. You could have just rolled me off.”

“No, it’s okay.”

Josh watched as his husband rubbed his neck and rolled his head around in circular motions. “Neck bothering you?”

Tyler sighs, “Yeah. But it’ll be okay.” 

“Come here,” He pats the spot on the couch next to him. By the time Tyler makes it over to him Josh is standing. He gently pushes the singer into the couch. He then goes around to the back of the couch. He rests his hands on his husband’s shoulders and begins kneading the flesh and muscles there. Tyler gasps and winces, a mixture of pain and pleasure overwhelming him. Josh digs his fingers in deep, his thumbs going in circles over his shoulder blades. 

“I should have done this a long time ago, Ty. You’re full of knots.” 

“’M okay.” Tyler slurs. 

Josh lets out a light chuckle. He focuses on the task at hand, applying the right amount of pressure. Never spending too much time in one place before moving over to the next, then repeating.  
Tyler’s eyes fell closed long ago. Josh was right. He should have done this a long time ago. If Tyler is all knots then Josh must to be as well. Maybe he should offer to rub Josh’s shoulders. Josh would like that. 

Rubbing his husband’s shoulders reminds Josh of times after their shows. Tyler would usually rubs his shoulders or back since they would be sore from drumming. Tyler’s calves would kill him from running, jumping, and climbing. Josh would massage them as they lay down on the couch or their bed. Or if Tyler got a headache Josh would always rub his shoulders and neck. 

_It’ll be just a matter of time before we can have those times back._ Josh keeps telling himself. And he believes it. He stops his movement and leans down to plant a kiss on the back of the singer’s neck. His lips stay on the skin for a while. His eyes are closed as he inhales his husband’s scent. 

Tyler’s eyes are closed as well, his heart about to burst from his chest. The kiss was simple, but it felt so good. Tyler wants him to do it again. As if Josh read his mind he moves over and plants another kiss right next to one he did not even a minute before. 

Josh continued a kiss a trail up his husband’s neck. He finally got to the spot right behind Tyler’s ear. The singer sucked in his breath. This gives Josh more confidence and he nips the skin softly. Tyler chokes while Josh grins. This spot had always been Tyler’s _spot_. So many times Josh has kissed this very spot right before they…During…and after. 

Tyler turns his body and lays back on the couch, as if inviting Josh. Josh practically falls over the back of the couch and lands right on top of him. He resumes his position; his teeth playing with the skin behind Tyler’s ear. Tyler’s hands flew up and tangled themselves in the red locks. He pushes Josh’s faces further into his skin, wanting more. 

Josh bites down a little too hard. It made Tyler buck up against him. And it was Josh’s turn to choke. He’s a little hesitant, but he grinds down, their clothed erections rubbing together. 

“J-Josh!” Tyler shouts as his body is filled with electricity. 

Josh knows they should stop. They’re not ready for this yet. They haven’t kissed on the lips. But it feels so good. It’s been too long. Tyler’s panting harshly underneath him, and oh how Josh missed making his husband pant like that. He missed Tyler making him feel like this. Feeling alive and filled with so much love he could burst. 

There’s a knock at the door and Josh wants to cry. Whoever it is has to go away so he and Tyler can finish what they started. He lifts himself up on his arms, still hovering above the singer. Tyler’s trying to catch his breath, his cheeks pink, and pupils dilated. Josh almost says, “Screw it,” and presses his body back down. But there’s another knock followed by a, “Hey guys! Open up! I know you’ve been dying to see me!” 

Josh groans, “Mark,” and drops his head down to the crook of Tyler’s neck. 

“You know he won’t go away.” Tyler states. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Josh says clearly irritated as he stands and adjusts the front of his pajama bottoms. Tyler props himself up on elbows and watches his husband’s retreating form. He watches the muscles of the drummer’s back move as he opens the door. His face flushes when he remembers that Josh’s half naked body had been on top of his fully clothed one not even a minute ago. Nothing can possibly ruin how good Tyler feels at this moment. Not even stupid Mark. 

When Josh opens the door to see Mark’s idiotic grin he feels like he could punch him. And Josh hasn’t ever punched anyone and never plans to. And in reality he could never hurt Mark. But couldn’t he have waited a little longer to show up unexpectedly? 

He glances back at his husband still laying on the couch, who is peeking over the top. His face is still flushed. His husband’s skin is flushed because of him. A sense of pride blooms in his chest and he decides that not even Mark can take that away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Yes, this was mostly sweet fluff...because you're going to need it for what's a head! Is there ANTHING else you want to see in this story before it ends??????~


	27. So try to love me and I'll try to save you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Dadgum! It's been way too long! I have to write a story for my creative writing class. It's due Wednesday and I got nothing. Yikes! But thank God I finished this chapter lol!~

“Josh, I think we need to talk.” 

Josh looks up from his phone as his husband enters the living room. He’s looking everywhere but Josh and his arms are wrapped around his torso tightly. 

“What’s wrong?” He sets his phone down on the coffee table’ letting his husband know Tyler has his full attention. 

“I still haven’t remembered anything and…”

“But you will, baby boy.” 

“Don’t,” Tyler closes his eyes as he exhales heavily, “call me that, please.” 

Josh pretends he’s not hurt by this, but that’s Josh’s name for Tyler. He’s called Tyler that before they were married, before they even dated. 

Opening his eyes he continues, “I really don’t think I’m going to remember anything else, Josh.”

“I know you will…”

“It’s been five years, Josh! If I was going to remember, don’t you think I would have by now?”

Josh has nothing to say to this. His husband is hurting and all he knows is that he needs to comfort him. He stands and walks over to the singer. Tyler steps back though, shaking his head. Josh is determined. So, he reaches his arms out, wanting to wrap his husband in a tight hug. But Tyler shakes his head, “Please, don’t.”

Josh obeys. “Tyler, what…”

“I think it we should get divorced.”

The world around him shattered. Tyler’s mouth is moving but Josh doesn’t hear a sound. In fact the only thing he hears his heart pounding loudly in his ears. It’s just like in a movie where the edges of the camera begin the blur. Tyler steps forwards, still talking. Josh can just read his lips. Tyler’s saying Josh’s name. 

Suddenly Tyler’s hands are on him, leading him backwards to the couch. Tyler makes him sit. He then disappears from Josh’s vision and returns a moment later with a glass of water. He cups the back of the drummer’s head and gently eases the glass between Josh’s lips. When the cool water slides passed his lips and down his throat everything begins to clear. He can hear Tyler, “Josh, hey Josh! Are you okay? Of course you’re not okay. I just asked for a divorce. Do you need to go to the hospital? Josh!”

Josh blinks rapidly before it registers in his mind. His husband; the only person he wanted to grow old with, wants to leave him. Tyler doesn’t want to be married to him. Does Tyler not love him anymore?  
He knocks the glass away as he stands up quickly. It hits the wooden floors with a loud thud, water spilling across the floor. He spins around to look at the singer. 

“You want a divorce?”

Tyler looks down as he rubs his thighs nervously, “Yeah.”

Josh is shaking his head as his husband speaks, “And exactly how long have you been thinking about this?”

“A while.”

“How long is a while?” 

Tyler shakes his head, not wanting to answer. 

“How long?” Josh’s voice is dangerously low, which surprises him. He should be on his knees, crying and begging for Tyler to change his mind. 

“Six months,” Tyler says so quietly Josh barely heard him. 

“You lead me to believe everything was fine between us for six months!?”

Tyler stands up, finally looking at Josh. “Everything hasn’t been fine between us since I woke up five years ago! I’m not the same person you fell in love with; that you married! We aren’t even a band anymore because of me!”

Tears of frustration well up in Tyler’s eyes as he continues, “I took that from you! I took away everything! We don’t tour, play shows, make love, nothing! We’re basically just room mates! You’re 32 years old. You should be in a happy marriage and have kids! You should be doing what you love; drumming! But you can’t because of me!”

“I don’t want any of that unless I can have it with you!” 

“You _can’t_ have any of that with me! I’m broken Josh! Why can’t you see that?”

“We’re all broken, Tyler. You’ve always said that.” Josh sighs heavily, “We don’t need to get a divorce just because you still don’t remember. We can get through this together.”

Tyler is already shaking his head. “No, I’m done. I’m done holding you back.”

“You aren’t holding me back!” 

“Yes, I am! Why can’t you see that?”

“I don’t care what we’re doing or not doing as long as we’re together! You,” He says almost tiredly, “are my life, Tyler.”

Tyler’s holding himself tighter than before, wishing if he holds tight enough he would disappear. “I want a divorce.” He says once more. “Maybe me not remembering is God’s way of telling us we shouldn’t be together anymore.” 

Josh’s eyes jerk open as he lets out a loud gasp. He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. He’s in bed, and the clock on his nightstand reads; 3:45 A.M. Glancing to his left he sees his husband. His beautiful, sleeping husband. He’s facing Josh, his mouth slightly open, his hair standing in every direction. Josh can’t help but to smile. 

He gently wraps an arm around the singer, bringing him close. Tyler stirs, but doesn’t wake. Instead, snuggles into the drummer. Josh holds him tightly as he let’s out a shaky sob. It was just a stupid dream. It shouldn’t effect him like this. He has Tyler in his arms and just a few hours before they settled into bed Tyler had said, “I love you.” In which Josh said it back, of course. 

Tyler hums in sleep before saying, “Josh?”

Josh shushes him. “Go back to sleep.” But his voice fails him. It cracks halfway through the sentence. Tyler awakens just a bit more. Picking his head up he cracks his eyes open, “What’s wrong?” He licks his thick pink lips and Josh watches every second of it. 

“Just had a bad dream. Go back to sleep.” 

“Wan’ talk ‘bout et?” Tyler’s voice is thick with sleep as the dream world calls him back. 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be okay.” Josh ushers Tyler to put his head back down, which doesn’t take much effort. With Tyler’s resting on his chest, half his body draped over Josh’s, he goes back to sleep within seconds. 

Josh holds him, rubbing up and down Tyler’s side, playing with the grooves of his ribs. He manages to doze back to sleep around 6. 

It’s been two weeks since Josh’s dream. He never told Tyler about it; not wanting to say the dreaded _Divorce_ word, even though Tyler all but begged him to. Things just started to slowly go south since then. 

The dream affected Josh so badly, because from the time they found out about Tyler’s amnesia everyone assured them time and time again that Tyler will remember; that they would get through this together. This is the first time his biggest fear seemed like a possibility. There was a chance that Tyler may never remember. If that happens what if Tyler does leave him whether it be out of guilt or falling out of love with Josh. 

He knew he was acting differently, and he knew Tyler noticed. He tried to act like the dream had no affect on him whatsoever, but it did. From that night on he pushed harder for Tyler to remember; undoing all the hard work he did to stop Tyler from stressing out about remembering. 

Elvis’ Can’t Help Falling in Love was a constant noise that played throughout their apartment. Josh kept the song on repeat if they were cooking, or talking in the living room and sometimes when they went to bed. 

There was less touches between them, their conversations short. When they did speak for longer than five minutes Josh told him of the memories he’s already told Tyler. Just in the passed couple of days Tyler has heard the story how he and Josh met three times. And about their first kiss twice. 

Tyler’s hardly slept; only a few hours each night. He lays awake every night for hours on end wracking his brain around, hoping to remember _something_. He always ends up the same way; with nothing and even more depressed. 

When Tyler hugs the drummer as tightly as he can, wanting comfort, Josh only half-heartedly returns it. Tyler wishes Josh would hold him when they lay in bed. He wants Josh to hold him and tell him he’ll remember and that Josh will always be there for him like he’s done from day one. 

Tyler doesn’t want to blame Josh for this, but his husband is slowly killing him. 

 

One morning, a three weeks after Josh's dream, Tyler wakes up with a horrible feeling in his chest. Today is not going to be a good day, he thinks as he rolls over to face Josh’s side of the bed. Josh is there, sitting up against the headboard, staring down at him with sad eyes. 

“Morning.” Tyler says quietly. 

“Hey.” Josh replies, just as quietly. 

Josh has been up for hours; since 5 A.M. He knows he’s been withdrawn lately. He can’t help it. He’s been living inside his head; inside his own memories of how things used to be. He’s been shoving memories down Tyler’s throat since he had that dream and you would think he would be sick of Can’t Help Falling in Love. But he’s not. As far as anyone’s concerned it’s his favorite song. Tyler’s too.

He doesn't really know what he's doing. He's been trying make Tyler remember, but keeping his distance. Everything is all messed up, including Josh. 

Tyler pushes himself up from the bed and goes into the restroom. Josh listens as the light switch clicks before Tyler shuts the door. When he awoke this morning he knew this was it. This was his breaking point. He’s passed crying. 

Tyler comes from the bathroom a moment later, already stripping himself from his pajama pants. He grabs a pair black skinny jeans from the dresser and slides into them quickly. He can feel Josh’s eyes on him. When he turns around Josh is in the same position. Tyler goes around to his side of the bed and sits next to him. 

“This is about your dream. Isn’t it? That’s when you started acting like this.” 

“Like what?” Josh asks, knowing exactly how he’s been acting. 

“Like an empty vessel.” 

“I’m just tired.”

“I know you haven’t been sleeping well. Why don’t you lay down? I’ll lay with y…”

“Not that kind of tired, Tyler!”

Josh’s outburst causes Tyler to shrink into himself; wrapping his arms around his middle and putting some distance between him and his husband. 

“I’m tired of not being able to kiss you, and make love to you, and us talk about the past _together_. We don’t do anything like that anymore."

“I know,” Tyler whispers so softly Josh barely heard it. “I’m sorry. But, no matter how much I wish I did, I have no control over this.”

“I just want things to be like they were. It’s been _months_ since...” He trails off, not having the energy to continue. 

“I’ve remembered a few things.” Tyler tries, but it sounds lame even to him. 

“Yeah, one song out of almost 40!” Josh shouts, irritation tearing through his body like a disease. 

Tyler squeezes his eyes shut tightly. He wishes his mom was here or his Grandpa or Patrick, _anyone_ to comfort him. Even though he and Josh are no more than a few inches away from each, Tyler has never felt as far away from Josh he does at this moment. 

“Oh,” Tyler hears the sarcasm in Josh’s voice, “And Mark. Thank God you remembered Mark! Since you two had such a wonderful life together!"

This is too much. It shouldn’t be like this between them. Josh turns away from Tyler, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. With his head is in hands he says, “Maybe, I don’t know, this is God’s way of telling us we shouldn’t be together.” Josh repeats what Tyler said to him in his dream. 

Josh knows that isn’t the truth. God put Tyler in Josh’s life because they are perfect for each other. But he’s hurt and angry and stressed and he’s bound to say things he doesn’t mean. Why is he agreeing with his biggest fear? 

Maybe an evil part of him wanted Tyler to be as hurt as he is. No, Josh _never_ wants that. He’s afraid he opens his mouth right now then he will say something else he will regret. It feels like Josh drove a spike through Tyler’s heart. Tyler closes his eyes, and exhales through his nose slowly. He pretends he isn’t here right now, that he didn’t just hear Josh say those words. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t.” He says quietly.

As he leaves the room he looks back to the drummer once more, silently pleading Josh to look at him. To get up and wrap his arms around Tyler and tell him everything is going to be okay even though it seems it won’t be. 

Josh stays in the same position and a little more of Tyler dies. He walks into the living room and over to the door. He grabs up his maroon Vans and the hoodie Josh gave him to wear _so_ many months ago off the hook and opens the door. He closes it as quietly as he can. 

Outside on the stairs leading into their apartment complex, Tylers slips into his shoes and pulls the hoodie over his head. The morning air is chilly and he shivers as he slips his hands into the front pockets of the hoodie, trying to find warmth. 

He begins walking down the street with no destination in mind. Wanting to be alone with his thoughts, he knows he can’t go to his parents. He figures to keep walking would be the best thing. He’ll end up somewhere. 

 

It’s a good 30 minutes later when Josh picks his head up, wiping any tears or snot away before he stands. He had a moment of weakness. But he hurt his husband in the process. So, he feels even worse now. “Tyler?” He calls. Nothing. He can picture his husband curled up on the couch, a complete mess of tears and emotions. It pains him. As he walks into the living room he calls for the singer again. Nothing. Tyler isn’t in the living room. He checks Tyler’s old room. He isn’t there either. 

With a racing heart he looks to the door. Tyler’s shoes are gone. Josh knows Tyler is utterly destroyed by what Josh said. Josh can’t even believe he spoke those words to the one person he cared about most in the world. Tyler shouldn’t be alone feeling like he is. 

Racing back into the bedroom he grabs his phone off the nightstand and scrolls until he finds his husband; _Baby Boy_. It rings and rings. 

“Hey this Tyler. Leave a message and I might get back to you. I probably won’t though, because I don't like talking on the phone and I'm awkward.” It’s followed by a soft giggle. 

The corners of Josh’s lips lift upwards at his husband’s silly voicemail. His smile falters within a second, because it’s his husband voicemail. His husband didn’t answer. “Tyler, hey, baby boy,” He speaks quickly, panicking, “Please come home. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said. Let’s talk. Please. I’m sorry.” 

He hangs up, biting his lip harshly, wishing his husband would call back this very instant. He sits down on the edge of the bed, his right leg shaking nervously as he waits for his husband to respond or to come home. 

What if Tyler, in his upset mind…No. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Josh shakes the thoughts away before they began to bloom. Josh has always been his rock, his life line. Making sure Tyler stays grounded. But Josh basically said they shouldn’t be together. And without Josh, Tyler would surely crumble. 

He waits another 30 minutes before he calls the Josephs. 

“Yes?” Kelly says, her tone soothing and sweet. 

“Is,” His voice his shaky and he swallows deeply to calm it, “Is Tyler there?”

“Josh? Are you okay? No, he isn’t here. Why? What’s going on, Sweetie?”

A horrible aching finds its way to his throat just as tears prick his eyes painfully. He chokes out, “I messed up Mama.” 

 

Tyler’s been walking around mindlessly for a good while. He finds himself at the park. Josh told him they had their first kiss here and this is where Josh proposed to him. Usually it would bring a great happiness for him to be here, even though he can’t remember those things, but now it causes him such pain he can’t breathe. 

The park is nearly empty, minus the old woman feeding the birds and a little boy on the swings as his mother pushes him. He wishes he was little again. That he didn't have amnesia, that he wasn't scared of his own head, that he wasn't married or in a band. He just wants to be a kid again with no worries. He walks down the path and enters the wooded area of the park. He walks and walks, the woods getting darker with each step. 

He didn’t realize he was crying until he hears himself out a loud sob. It sounds pained and pitiful. His legs finally give out and he falls to his knees. Because of his amnesia he’s lost the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Sure, he doesn’t remember Josh, but Tyler loves him so much he can’t stand the thought of living a life without the drummer in it. 

How come it’s so hard to remember? They’re locked away in his mind behind a wall. And it seems no matter how much he claws he can’t get to them. Tyler doesn’t want to lose Josh. He can’t. Without Josh he’s nothing. 

But Tyler understands. Josh is young and attractive, talented and smart. Josh can have anyone he wants. He can’t wait around on him forever. He has a right to live his life any way he wants. And who would want to live their life in limbo, waiting around on someone who won’t ever remember them?

Looking up at the wooded ceiling he shouts, “Give me something, please!” He’s talking to God, he has to be; pleading and praying. In a much quieter voice he says, “Just one little memory. I’ll take anything.” 

A few minutes later he’s sitting against a tree with his knees pressed tightly to his chest. His face is buried in his knees, his hood drawn up over his head. He soaked the knees of his pants long ago. No matter how much he tries he can’t the stop tears from flowing. 

He’s tried to think of stuff that would make him happy. He thinks of his mother’s cooking and playing basketball with Zack, Josh’s smile. Josh has the best smile. He hadn’t meant for his thoughts to drift off to the drummer. But it’s so natural for him to think of Josh. 

Josh holding him and rubbing his hand up and down Tyler’s side. Building forts in their living room or the fair a few weeks ago. Everything just reminds him how Josh doesn’t want him anymore. Still, he keeps going. Josh’s laugh, his love for peanut butter, how excited he was when Tyler brought home Spooky Jim. He thought back to his notebooks; his lyrics and songs. He thought back to their music videos when he watched them on the couch with Josh all those months ago. 

Car Radio, House of Gold, Migraine, Guns for Hands, Ode to Sleep, Holding onto You. 

Holding onto You. The noose. The noose was the worst of it all. 

A blur of voices ring loudly in his ears as images flicker through his mind almost painfully. 

_Tyler sits up, barely keeping it together. His hands are shaking and his breathing is uneven. A stagehand had kneeled down next to him, a comforting hand on his shoulder, asking if he wanted some water. He shakes his head and she leaves._

_“You okay?” The director of the video, Jordan Bahat, asks._

_Tyler huffs out a laugh, doing his best to brush it off, “Yeah, man. M’ alright. That is, like, the weirdest, like hardest you could ever do. Keeping your neck from falling backwards.” He smiles. And Jordon does the same before sipping his coffee out of a white Styrofoam cup._

_“That’ll teach ya to write the word noose in a song.” They laugh and Tyler adds, “Done using that word. I’ve learned my lesson.”_

_Jordon goes on to joke about changing the words to marshmallow instead of noose. Tyler laughs, but is still visibly shaking. He inhales deeply before letting it out. Nothing is helping. He’s trying to brush this off his shoulder, but failing miserably. He's thankful for their director being so kind. But it's not enough. He needs Josh. Josh can always calm him down. Josh makes him feel things he never has before._

_“It’s just really hard.” He huffs out another laugh that turns into a sob._

_“Hey, what can I do?” Jordon asks, bending down closer to the singer._

_Tyler closes his eyes, letting tears escape his eyes as he rubs his closed fists against his thighs. “Sorry,” He whispers._

_“It’s okay, Tyler. Take your time. It’s okay. Do you want me to get Josh?"” He rubs Tyler’s back as Tyler nods jerkily. Jordon looks up, looking around the studio until his eyes land on Josh having just finished his drumming scene. He’s just standing up when he makes eye contact with Jordon. Jordon motions for him to come over._

_Josh runs over to them and Jordon whispers, “Just finished the noose bit.” Josh nods, understanding. Jordon leaves them and Josh sits next to the singer._

_“Hey,” He says softly, wrapping his arm around the singer’s shoulders, “its okay.”_

_“I know.” Tyler chokes out. “It’s just…"_

_“It’s just what?”_

_“The – the noose.” He’s quiet for a moment before adding, “It was just hard.” He continues to rub his thighs. Josh doesn’t know if it’s for comfort or something else. But he lays a hand on top of one. Tyler turns his hand over, entwining their fingers together almost painfully._

_“M’sorry.” Tyler cries._

_“Don’t ever be sorry, baby boy. It’s okay. It’s over and you don’t ever have to wear the noose again. Okay?”_

_Tyler nods._

_Josh knows of Tyler’s passed struggles, some of which he is still going through. And he hates that Tyler of all people, beautiful and caring Tyler, has gone through so much pain. He never wants Tyler to suffer. If he could lock Tyler away from the horrors of the world he would. But it was impossible to lock Tyler away from himself._

_He plants a soft kiss to Tyler’s temple, letting his lips linger against the skin. He closes his eyes, breathing in the singer’s scent. They stay like that for a long time._

Tyler smiles, eyes closed, as the images fade. They hadn’t even been dating then but it wasn’t too long after that they started. He gasps, eyes opening. He remembered that. 

He remembered Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Okay, so that new amazing Joshler story I had....Is being put off. BUT, I have come up with another idea! So, don't worry! I'll start on that soon!~


	28. I need to know if I'll fail you'll still be here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Alright everyone, I'm back! I haven't updated in so long because I have been helping my father overcome an illness. He is fine now! Also, there will be one more chapter after this!~

Kelly opens the door to a red-eyed and panicked Josh. He steps inside and is instantly met with the Josephs. 

“Hey, Sweetie.” Kelly says, wrapping her thin arms around him. He doesn’t return the hug, his mind is far too busy racing with thoughts of his missing husband. 

“Could he be back home already?” Madison asks immediately. 

“Madison, why don’t you go stay there and let us know if he comes home.” Kelly suggests. Madison nods and her father gives her the spare key to his son’s apartment. Chris urges everyone to come close before he prays. Josh grips Zack and Kelly's hands almost painfully. He prays silently along with Chris.

After Madison leaves Chris asks, “Where do you think he could be?”

“Uh, I don’t know. When he gets upset he wants to either be alone or with me.”

“So, he wouldn’t be with Mark or any of his friends?”

Josh shakes his head. 

“Well, I’ll call anyway. Just in case.” Kelly says as she walks into the kitchen, giving the men time to think. 

“I can start driving around. Maybe he’s just walking around somewhere.” Jay says already pulling his car keys out of his pocket. 

Zack follows him to the door, “You drive uptown, and I’ll take downtown.” Jay nods and they leave the house. 

Chris steps forward, gently taking Josh by the arm. He guides him into the living room and makes him sit down on the couch. Josh doesn’t resist him. Chris then takes a seat next to him.

“What happened, Josh?”

Josh is staring ahead. “I just lost it. I haven’t been the same since...” He trails off, debating if he should mention his nightmare.

“Since what?” Chris urges. 

“Since I had this nightmare a few weeks ago. It really affected me.”

“Tyler will remember, Josh. His doctor said these kinds of things are delicate and take time to heal.” 

“I said some,” He shakes his head, tears falling down his cheeks, “horrible things to him, today.”

Chris rests a hand on his son-in-law’s knee and gives it a squeeze. “He will forgive you.” Josh hoped he was right. 

 

Tyler is running as fast as his legs will carry him. He has to get home. He has to get to Josh. He has to tell Josh what he remembered. As he runs passed restaurants and shops he’s hit with more memories. He remembers playing their first show in front of only 12 people, and how they only made it through one song before the cops showed and broke it up. He remembers how silly they are in interviews and how too many times the interviewer has to bite their tongue in irritation. 

He remembers that they are _that_ couple. The couple that is so sickeningly sweet that it makes their friends gag. But truthfully people envy them, strive to be more like them. He remembers their wedding. The best day of Tyler’s life. The day he stood up in front of everyone he’s ever cared about and declared his love for the man he loved more than life itself while said man did the same. 

A mixture of emotions come over him like a tidal wave. He’s so happy he’s crying, and he’s excited to get home, but nervous as well since he and Josh aren’t on exactly good terms at the moment.   
When he gets home he panting heavily and he tries to ignore the shooting pain in his side. He’s digging in his pockets for his key when he faintly hears a soft voice from the other side of the door. Stepping closer he listens, “No, he hasn’t come back yet. I’m getting really worried, mama.”

It’s Madison. 

Josh must be at his parent’s. He turns around runs down the stairs, not wanting to wait on the elevator. It takes a little over twenty minutes to get to his parent’s house. This time he takes a few minutes to compose himself; to get his breathing back to normal before entering. 

Zack is sitting on the couch with their mother. “He’ll come back, mama. You know how Ty…”

They look up as he enters the room. They stand quickly and he’s wrapped in his mother’s arms immediately. She’s crying. He returns the hug, loosely. He’s in a daze, all he wants is Josh. Zack rests a hand on his brother’s back. “Where have you been, big brother?”

“Around. Just thinking. Is Josh here?” He says quickly. 

“He’s out back with your father.” Tyler rips himself away from his mother and brother and goes to the back of the house. The sliding door is open a little and he opens it as quietly as possible.   
Josh is standing in the middle of the yard, his fingers clasped behind his head as he looked up to the evening sky, his back to them. His father is standing a few feet from him. 

“I shouldn’t have gotten upset.” His voice is thick and watery. 

“Everyone gets upset Josh,” Chris says, trying to ease his son-in-law’s pain. He thought some fresh air would help him calm down. It didn’t. He looks back towards the house, wishing his wife would come out. She always know what to say. He sees Tyler and his eyes widen. He opens his mouth to speak, but Tyler shakes his head, bringing a finger up to his lips. Tyler tilts his head towards the house, indicating for his father to go inside. His fathers nods and silently walks over to him. Passing him he squeezes his son’s shoulder tightly before stepping into the house. 

“I wish I would take everything I said back. I just want Tyler here. I want to,” He let’s out a choked sob, “I want to hold him and tell him how sorry I am. I’ll do anything for him to forgive me. I’ll get on my knees and beg if that's what it takes.”

Tyler’s heart shatters hearing this. “I think that's a little too much.” He says making Josh spin around quickly. 

“Tyler?” He asks in disbelief. He let’s out sob of relief, never breaking eye contact.

Now that Tyler remembers, he’s seeing Josh differently. It’s hard to explain. It’s just different. Tyler never doubted for a second he loves Josh. Even when he first woke up he knew. But now, Tyler is so overcome with love, adoration, and passion, it makes him dizzy. 

Josh is too scared to move or say anything in fear Tyler will leave again. He watches his husband with watery eyes and he gasps for breath as he tries to stop crying. His throat aches something fierce. What if Tyler only came back to tell Josh he wants a divorce? Like in his dream. What if Josh messed things up so badly they can’t be mended? It would absolutely destroy Josh. His family would have to admit him to an asylum. He would live out the rest of his days in a padded room, in a straight jacket, talking to a Tyler that isn’t really there. 

Tyler has to touch Josh. He can’t explain it. He feels as if he doesn’t Josh touch the drummer this second he’ll die. He walks over to him quickly. Josh stands still, terrified. As soon as he’s within reach he reaches out and cups the back of Josh’s head and pulls him down. He crashes their lips together hard.

Tyler wanted it to be romantic, but it’s a hard, teeth-clashing kiss. Josh’s eyes are wide and he’s stiff. The dam broke and flooded them both with such strong emotions they felt weak to their knees. To keep from falling Tyler leans on the drummer heavily. Josh welcomes it. He wraps his arms around the singer tightly, making their bodies press together almost painfully. It’s been a painful long five months without the feel of each other’s lips against their own. 

When the burning in their lungs gets to be too much they break away, panting. 

Swallowing down the lump in his throat Josh asks in shock, “Tyler? What -”

“I remember,” Tyler says quickly.

“What?” He whispers in disbelief. Did Josh hear him correctly? 

“I remember,” Smiles Tyler, “I remember you. I remember everything.”

Josh’s knees buckle and he falls to the grass. “Josh!” Tyler follows him, kneeling in front of him. Josh collapses on the younger man. Burying his face in the singer's lap. He turns his head, cheek pressed up against Tyler's thigh. He cries loudly, shoulders shaking. Tyler leans over him, resting his cheek against his heaving back. Josh is holding onto him for dear life, afraid if he let's up even a little Tyler will disappear. Tyler is holding him just as tight. He rakes his fingers through his faded red hair comfortingly. Tyler’s crying too. He’s having trouble breathing around his sobs.

They stay this way for a few minutes until Tyler manages to cup Josh's face and bring it up to look at him. He is still crying as is Tyler. Tyler leans so close their lips are brushing lightly against one another, “I love you.” His words ghost against Josh's lips. 

“I love you too.” Josh chokes. Josh keeps thanking the good Lord above. 

“You okay?” 

Josh nods. “Kiss me again.”

Tyler let’s out a watery chuckle as he leans in to press his lips to Josh’s softly. The kiss is wet and salty, but they wouldn’t have it any other way. 

After much praise and hugs and kisses from the Joseph’s Tyler is not only mentally, but physically exhausted and ready to go home. Josh notices this and announces it’s time for them to leave. And Josh can’t wait to be alone with his husband. He only got a few minutes with him alone in the yard before everyone piled out, including Madison and Jay, who Chris called. 

It’s silent on the way home. Josh drives with one hand on the wheel while the other is in Tyler’s lap, clasping the singer’s hand tightly. Josh tried to stay within the speed limit, but he was far too anxious to get home. 

Entering their apartment building they walk side by side to the elevator, their hands brushing against one another occasionally until Josh took hold of the singer’s hand once again. His hold on his husband’s hand almost painfully tight. 

Tyler tugs on his hand, making look at him. “You okay?”

Josh huffs out a laugh, “Yeah,” He says quietly with a grin on his face. Tyler gives him a smile. Josh takes it in; his husband’s thick, pink lips, his adorably crooked teeth, the way his eyes crinkle with his smile. His husband is simply beautiful and Josh has to touch him. With his other hand Josh cups the back of his head, bringing their lips together. 

Tyler steps forward and presses their bodies together. They vaguely hear the door of the elevator open. Tyler breaks always and pulls Josh from the elevator. He pats his pockets until he finds his key. His hands are twitching with such anticipation he can hardly get the key in. 

Josh goes inside first. Tyler barely has the door closed and locked before he’s being pushed against it; Josh’s body pressed into his. Josh kisses him hard. He pulls away quickly, just to attach his lips to his husband’s neck. He trails up until he finds the spot that reduces the singer into a mess. He nips the skin, Tyler’s hands instantly fists his husband's shirt. Josh continues to suck at Tyler’s neck, enjoying the small gasps and moans he is receiving.

When Josh bites down particularly hard Tyler moans out a broken, “Josh!” And he instinctively thrust his pelvis into the drummer’s. Breathing heavily Josh almost whines desperately in Tyler’s ear, “It’s been too long. I need you.” 

“Have me then,” Whispers Tyler. 

 

It’s a insane battle to be as close as humanly possible. Tyler is shoving his husband’s jacket off roughly as Josh kisses and licks and sucks the skin of his neck. Josh fumbles with the button of Tyler’s jeans. They’re desperate, like a couple of horny teens. 

Between desperate, open-mouthed kisses they manage to strip down to their underwear as they stumble towards the bedroom. Josh guides the singer to the bed and pushes back on it before he’s on top of him. Their lips find one another again, this time it's slow, sensual. Josh slowly breaks away to look at the beautiful man underneath him. 

“Is this really happening?” He asks, breathlessly. “I mean, I’m not dreaming again, am I?”

Tyler smiles as he reaches for the drummer. His arms wind around Josh’s neck and pulls him down on top of him. “No,” Tyler says amused by his husband uncertainty. “This is real. You and me. We’re real.” 

Josh can’t fight the genuine smile that appears on his face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

They share another kiss before Josh leans back on his haunches. He runs his hands up Tyler’s thighs slowly. Tyler’s breath hitches in his throat. They stop when they get to the elastic waistband of the younger man’s boxer-briefs. Josh glances up at Tyler, whose eyes are wide in anticipation. 

He slides them down Tyler’s smooth thighs. He takes in his husband’s naked form. _Beautiful_ , he thinks before standing up and pulling his own underwear down. He climbs back on top of Tyler and presses their bodies together. Tyler gasps at the contact. The drummer presses their lips together, swallowing Tyler's gasps as he caresses Tyler's side.

Giggles erupt from Tyler’s throat. Josh swallowed them before breaking their kiss. “Why are you laughing? We’re about to make love. This is no laughing matter.” He chuckles as he looks into Tyler’s eyes. 

“You’re tickling me.” Tyler laughs.

Josh stops his hand on the other’s side for a moment before running his fingers more lightly across Tyler’s side. It brings on a new spout of giggles. “Josh!” He whines. “I thought we…were going to…stop!” Tyler says in between giggles. Josh stalls his hand and brings it up to cup his husband’s cheek. He lightly runs his thumb over Tyler’s cheek. 

“God,” He says breathlessly, “You’re so beautiful.” This causes the other to blush madly. 

Tyler brings a hand up to cup the back of Josh’s head. He tangles his fingers in the faded red curls. “Kiss me.” He demands lightly. Josh doesn’t waste a second as he dips down, brushing their lips together. 

Tyler spreads his legs, Josh falling down between them. “Come on, Josh. Please?” Moans Tyler. And who is Josh to deny his husband anything? He reaches over to the bedside table on Tyler’s side. He pulls out a small bottle of clear gel. He opens the it with a snap and then pours the right amount on his fingers, rolling his fingers with his thumb, making sure to coat them well. He brings them down to his husband’s opening and gently slides the first in. Tyler gasps in discomfort. Once his finger is completely sheathed he moves it around.

“I’m good. Another one.”

“Are you sure?” Josh searches every inch of the singer’s face for uncertainty. Tyler huffs out a laugh, “I’m not a virgin, Josh.” 

Josh grins. “I know that, but it’s been five months. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m good. I promise.” Tyler reassures him and Josh adds another finger. He moves them around for a bit before Tyler begins to squirm. “I’m ready.” 

Josh opens his mouth but Tyler continues, “And don’t you dare ask if I’m sure.” Josh chuckles softly. “Okay, baby boy.” He retracts his fingers and reaches for the bottle of lube once more. He pours enough to cover his cock before tossing the bottle to the side. Lining it up with Tyler’s entrance he slides in, slowly. He goes in inch by inch, giving his husband time to adjust before going deeper. Tyler nods after a couple of moments, giving Josh to okay to continue. Josh pulls almost all of the way out before thrusting back in. 

The tight heat around Josh is enough to make him dizzy. “Oh God,” He moans as he thrusts faster, burying his face in the nape of Tyler’s neck, inhaling his scent. Tyler moans shamelessly, his hands flying up to the nape of Josh’s neck. He tangles his fingers in the curls and tugs at them with each thrust.

“Jooosh,” Tyler moans, making Josh pick his head up. He looks at his husband, takes in Tyler’s messy hair, and swollen red lips. Josh has never loved Tyler more than this moment in time. This is everything Josh has dreamt of for the passed five months and it felt unreal having Tyler gasping and begging for more underneath him. He surges forward into a bruising kiss, completely devouring Tyler’s lips. He runs his tongue along the bottom of the singer’s lips, asking for entry, which he is instantly granted.

Tyler’s skin is on fire, has been since he kissed Josh in his parent’s backyard hours ago. He’s wanted this for far too long, this _closeness_ with Josh. 

“I’m close,” He pants. 

“Me too.” Groans Josh. 

Tyler comes first, releasing between them. Seeing his husband come undone underneath him because of him is too much. He releases inside the singer, marking his insides. Their heavy breathing is the only thing that can be heard. Josh collapses on top of his husband, his limbs feeling like jelly. He wraps his arms up under Tyler's back and rests his head on his chest. And he listens to Tyler's heartbeat, which is better than any music he's ever heard. Tyler lazily rakes his fingers through Josh's red locks. After a few moments Josh props himself up on his elbows, peering down at Tyler. He brushes some hair off of Tyler’s forehead. “I love you.” Tyler says softly. Tyler has said that to Josh millions of times, but it makes Josh's heart beat just as hard as if hearing it for the first time. 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Sorry for the love scene. I'm not good at writing them! One more chapter to go!~


	29. Some things were meant to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Hello everyone! This will be the last chapter! It's so very sad, but exciting! And never fear, I am working on another Joshler story right now! Keep a look out for me! A reason I haven't updated in a while is because I've been struggling with my anxiety. I just want you all to know that I am here for you! I just know what it's like to go through everyday struggling with anxiety and sometimes you just really want to talk to someone without judgment. I will never judge you. If you would like to talk about your problems, or fanfiction, movies, books, music, anything at all you can message me tumblr. My name username is rachelann1016.~

They’re in bed, laying on their sides, facing one another. They had showered together, their lips hardly leaving each other, desperate and hungry. 

“Say it again.” 

Tyler chuckles as he plays with Josh’s fingers, “I don’t know if I want to say it again.” He teases. 

“You wound me. You have to say it.” Tyler can hear the amusement in his husband’s voice. 

“I don’t have to do anything.” 

“You’re mean.”

Tyler huffs out a laugh, “Fine,” He watches their splayed fingers, hands still together, before clasping them together again. “I love you.” 

“Was that so hard?” 

“Complete torture. And you didn’t even say it back!” Tyler playfully hits the drummer’s chest, making Josh laugh and grab hold of the singer’s hand on his chest. He holds it there. 

“I love you too! There!” 

Josh takes in his husband’s face, his smile that shows his slightly crooked teeth, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners, his big, full lips. To Josh, Tyler is the most beautiful person in the world and Josh still can’t believe Tyler is his. 

Tracing up Tyler’s side Josh softly asks, “Tell me about our wedding?”

“You know all about our wedding. You were there.” Tyler replies with a matter of fact tone, but teasing nonetheless. 

Josh’s grin widens. “I know, but I want to hear it from you.” 

“Okay,” Tyler says quietly, “I can do that.” 

 

_“You look good, big brother.” Zack says, running his fingers through his brother’s hair, trying to tame it. Jay nods in agreement and adds, “Josh will cry when he sees you.”_

_“I’ll most likely cry too.” Tyler chuckles nervously._

_“I know I will,” Giggles Madison._

_“I think it’s safe to say we all will,” Kelly says coming up to them to straighten her oldest’s jacket._

_There’s a knock at the door. “Come in!” Chris says._

_Jordan pops his head in, smile on his face, “Hey, Josh wants to see Tyler.”_

_“He can’t!” Madison cries. “They’re not supposed to see each other before the wedding!”_

_He shrugs nonchalantly, “He’s blindfolded. Just do the same to Ty.”_

_Within half a minute Tyler is standing with a tie wrapped around his head. “We’ll be out outside. Just knock on the door when you’re done.” Jordan instructs them. When the door closes Tyler asks, “Josh?”_

_“Over here. Keep talking. I'll find you, eventually. Jordan could have at least lead me to you.”_

_There’s a loud bump followed by Josh grunting. Tyler chuckles softly, “You okay?”_

_“Yeah, but if I have a limp during our first dance it’s because I ran into a table. At least, I think it was a table.”_

_Tyler chuckles again, and encourages, “You got this. Come on, Joshua.”_

_Suddenly Josh’s body collides into his and Tyler stumbles back. Josh immediately puts his arms around his soon-to-be-husband’s waist, bringing their bodies together._

_“Found you,” Laughs Josh softly._

_“You found me.” Tyler agrees. “So, what did you want to talk to me about that couldn’t wait?”_

_“Just wanted to be around you, honestly.”_

_“We’re about to get married Josh,” Tyler says, amusement in his voice._

_“I know,” Josh sighs, “But I’m nervous and you keep me calm.”_

_Tyler looks up to the other man, even know though he can’t see him. Not knowing how to reply to that Tyler brings a hand up to gently caress his cheek. Angling his head he more than anything in that moment he wishes he could brush his lips against his soon-to-be-husband’s. “I would kiss you, but I think we should save it. And besides, if I tried to kiss you I would probably end up kissing your nose.”_

_Josh huffs out a laugh. “Right.” There’s a soft knock at the door, the sound bringing them apart, then Jordan’s voice, “Okay you two, let’s get this show on the road.”_

_Josh groans._

_“What are you whining for? You’re about to get married for God’s sakes.” Zack says. Josh feels his brother wrap his hand around his upper arm and pull him away from Tyler._

_“Just a few more dreaded moments apart, my love!” Tyler shouts, voice airy and full of teasing._

_He hears Josh laugh and the door closes. It opens just a second later and Zack is pulling off the blindfold. Tyler takes a moments to let his eyes adjust to the light._

_“Ready, big brother?” He asks, excitement lacing his voice._

_A nervous grin breaks out on is face as he let’s out a shaky, “Uh, yeah. I think so.”_

_Zack’s hands rest on his brother’s biceps. He gives them a comforting squeeze. “It’s going to be okay.” He smiles, “You and Josh are that couple that will act like newly weds until the end.”_

_Tyler smiles this time because he knows it’s true._

_Zack looks into Tyler’s eyes, “Ready?”_

_Tyler can only nod, a lump forming in his throat. Zack understands and takes his hand. He leads him over to the door. He opens the door and turns back to his brother, he straightens Tyler’s tie once more before saying, “I’m going to go take my place. When the music starts, start walking down the hall. You look great, Ty.” He says quickly before hurrying down the hall, taking a right and disappearing from sight._

_Tyler wishes he would come back. It would help ease his nerves._

_The music starts and Tyler feels faint. Taking a few deeps breaths he begins his journey down the hall. The hall seems to grow in length. When he rounded the corner he looked up to see Josh at the other end of the hall. He couldn’t wait to take his boyfriend’s hand and walk down the aisle together._

_Josh was looking at him with wide eyes, his hand over his mouth as if in awe. Josh looks handsome in his suit and blue hair. And Tyler has never felt such a great urge to kiss and hold the other man as he did right then. This man is about to be Tyler's husband and he thinks his chest might explode with excitement and anxiety._

_They met in the middle. Tyler has to touch him, everything feels so overwhelming. Josh will keep him grounded. Before Tyler can reach out to take Josh’s hand, Josh has his Tyler’s face cupped in his hands._

_“You look so beautiful,” He whispers and Tyler feels weak to the knees._

_“You do too,” He says breathily._

_“You okay?”_

_“Uh, yeah,” He exhales shakily._

_“Still wanna marry me?” Josh teases._

_Tyler rolls his eyes, “Actually, I’ve changed my mind. I just came to let you know.”_

_Josh is smiling at him like he’s the sun and Tyler can’t help but wish he could fast-forward through everything, the wedding, the reception, so he and Josh can be alone. He couldn’t wait for this day, but it’s done a number on his nerves and he just wants to fall in bed with Josh and just_ love. _He wants Josh to caress his face and kiss him and whisper sweet things to him._

_“There’s still time to elope.” Josh says as if reading Tyler’s mind._

_He’s kidding of course, but Tyler almost wishes he could take him up on that offer. “That’s a horrible idea. Our moms would hunt us down and drag us back by our hair.”_

_Josh chuckles softly. His thumb caresses over the singer’s cheek. “I love you.”_

_“I love you too.” And to lighten the mood further he adds, “Now, let’s get married.”_

_Tyler steps back, Josh’s hands falling from his face. He misses the warmth immediately. He takes Josh’s hand, in which Josh gives his hand a light squeeze. Glancing at each other one last time they send a smile to one another. The doors open, revealing the aisle that lead to the alter. Everyone turned to look at them, every pew full._

_Anxiety swept through Tyler like a hurricane. He performs in front of audiences bigger than this, but he’s_ performing _He’s about to stand in front of his family and friends, everyone he’s ever cared about, and proclaim his love for the man of his dreams._

_Josh squeezes his hand, making Tyler glance over at him. Josh mouths,_ I love you. _Tyler says it back, a shy, nervous smile on his lips._

_They’re signaled to start walking down the aisle. The nervousness spikes deep within the singer. What if he trips? What if he can’t get the words out right? As if reading his mind Josh whispers so quietly Tyler can barely hear him. “If you fall, I’ll catch you. You’re doing so good.” Tyler almost laughs. How can Josh possibly knows what’s going on in his head? That’s just soul mates he guesses._

_“You too.” Tyler whispers back. They’re passing so many familiar faces but all Tyler can think of is_ JoshJoshJosh. _After today it will be official. In the eyes of the state, the government, the whole world, they will be married. Josh will be his husband and Tyler will be his._

_Upon arriving at the alter they’re instructed to stand across from one another. Tyler looks at Josh’s groomsmen. Pete, Dallon, Michael, Ben, and then Jordan as his best man. Tyler looks at his, Patrick, Brendon, Chris, Thomas, Jay, and then Zack as his best man._

_He and Josh had_ fought _over who would get Mark. And Mark, to avoid any trouble, wasn’t either of their groomsmen. He instead stood in various places around the room, taking pictures. He also said when they started their vows he would record them._

_The Pastor began the ceremony and before they knew it he instructed Josh to say his vows._

_Looking into the singer’s eyes, he begins, “Tyler, uh, wow, it’s really hot in here.” There are a few soft chuckles from the crowd. Tyler squeezes his hands to let him know to take all the time he needs._

_Josh nods. Swallowing thickly he says, “I was working at that old record shop in the middle of town when Chris came up to me and told me to listen to his band’s demos. It’s not something I normally do, but I did. And I wracked my brain around for weeks on how I could be a part of it. It was unique, it was special. And then Chris invited me to his party and I usually don’t go to those kinds of things, but I went and I thank God I did. Because you were there.”_

_He swallows again, “You know, I can’t tell you when I fell in love with you. I think I always have been. But I can tell you I’ll never stop loving you. With each day I love you more and more. When we first met Chris’ party I remember thinking how I ‘had’ to get to know you. There’s not a single moment since I met you I regret. I cherish every moment spent with you. You’re so beautiful and kind and I can’t believe I get to call you mine. I love you more than words can describe.”_

_They were both in tears by the time Josh finished._

_“Tyler, now you.” The pastor instructed, a kind smile on his face._

_Tyler tries to swallow around the lump in his throat. “I didn’t want to go Chris’ party, like, at all. I hate those things. I almost didn’t go. But Chris insisted I be there since the party was celebrating us getting our first gig. I remember Zack having to drag me out of my room and I actually pouted the whole way there.” Tyler smiles at the memory, making Josh grin. “I wanted to leave as soon I got there. I lost Zack almost immediately and I wandered around for a while before I bumped into you. Literally.” Josh chuckles softly at that._

_“I was…” Tyler searches for the right word. “fascinated by you. I don’t think it was love at first sight. But it was close. When we left the house to talk on the front porch, when we talked all night, is when I fell for you. Sometimes I still can’t believe you want me. You could have anyone in the whole world and you chose me.” Tyler shook his head in almost disbelief, “You’re an amazing person, Josh. You’re the only person who can put a smile on my face when the world gets to be too much. I love you.” Josh’s bottom lip was trembling as he tried not to cry at the singer’s words.  
The pastor says a few more things before announcing, “You may now kiss.”_

_Josh surged forward, cupping Tyler’s face in his hands. Tyler wraps a hand around the base of the drummer’s neck and they kiss as if they would die if they didn’t. They didn’t hear their families and friends clapping or their groomsman cat calling. To each other they were the only two in the room._

_They had been separated since the evening before, their sisters’ orders. It had been almost 24 hours since they last kissed. Their kiss was long and maybe even a little desperate, both thinking they would never go this long without one another again._

"Happy now?" Tyler asks, grin on his lips. Josh leans over and places a soft kiss to his husband's lips. "More than you'll ever know, baby boy." He kisses the singer again, making Tyler grin into the kiss. When they part, Josh hovers over his husband, faces just inches apart. Tyler has a hand on the nape of Josh's neck, playing with the soft red hair there. He says softly, "I think I do know." 

Josh smiles, "I love you." He leans down for another kiss. Tyler breaks the kiss this time for just a second to reply, "I love you too", before bringing Josh down for another kiss.

 

6 months Later:

Tyler is hot and sticky and the urge to shower is strong, but the crowd is roaring. Almost too loud, but Tyler loves it. At times like this, bringing people together, singing about his demons and helping the fans with theirs, Tyler feels alive. The show is almost over and he has to give it his best. 

He is on top of a latter in the middle of the crowd, security making a barrier between him and his fans. Bringing the microphone up to his lips he begins speaking. The crowd goes silent. “I wanted to climb,” He looks up and points to a very high ledge, “Up there.” Looking back down at his lap his hand rubs his black tights, over where his husband’s name is permanently written, “But Josh wouldn’t let me.” 

There’s a short drum beat from the stage, making Tyler looks over at his husband and smile widely. “Do you think he’s being over protective? Should he let me climb again?”

The crowd cries, “NO!”

Tyler chuckles, love swelling in his chest, before replying, “I guess you’re right. You’re right, Josh!” Another drum beat. He runs his hand over Josh’s name once more before looking to the stage.  
On the stage Josh is looking at Tyler’s name right above his knee with a smile. Josh looks up when Tyler speaks again, “Okay Joshua, let’s finish this.” 

Josh nods, even though Tyler is too far to see him. He brushes his fingers over Tyler’s name once more before gripping his drum sticks and raising them behind his head. He uses them to stretch his tired muscles. 

From his seat on the latter Tyler rubs over his jeans, wishing he could see Josh’s name. He raises the mic to his lips, picking back up where he left off. “I ponder on something great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~I hope this was everything you were expecting. I honestly wish this last chapter could have been better for you all. I'm sorry! My new Joshler story will be a multi-chaptered high AU. I'll do my best not to be too cliché about it lol. The first chapter is in the early stages, so it might take a while to post it. Just be on the look out! Until next time, my beauties!~

**Author's Note:**

> ~Tell me how horrible this is. I'm ready.~


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